


Dear Demora (and other Epitaphs from Enterprise)

by Misscar



Series: The Dear Spock Universe [3]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Adopted Children, Angst and Humor, BAMF Women, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, F/M, Family Drama, Family Feels, Five Year Mission, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Is the story cannon compliant for Star Trek beyond?, It takes a starship to raise a kid, James T. Kirk Has Issues, Kid Fic, Letters, Long-Distance Relationship, Love Letters, M/M, No Comment, Protective Kirk, Protective Spock, References to Depression, Semi-Canonical Character, Slice of Life, Spock is Captain, Takes material from all three KTL movies and manipulates it around, Team as Family, Therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-01-10 04:59:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 60
Words: 93,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12291771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misscar/pseuds/Misscar
Summary: How exactly do you stay grounded when even the gravity around you is artificial and you’re light years away from home? By keeping connected to those you love by what ever written means necessary. Or, Jim is trying to figure out how to be Spock’s first officer and husband, Sulu is trying to figure out how to be a dad light years away from his daughter, and Leonard and Nyota are trying to figure out how to raise a preteen in space. A collection of letters, emails and other written correspondence from Enterprise’s five-year mission.This is the third story in the Dear Spock universe.





	1. Day 0: Now Returning to Enterprise

**Author's Note:**

> Title: Dear Demora (and other Epitaphs from Enterprise)
> 
> Summary: How exactly do you stay grounded when even the gravity around you is artificial and you’re light years away from home? By keeping connected to those you love by what ever written means necessary. A collection of letters, emails and other written correspondence from Enterprise’s five-year mission. 
> 
> This is the third story in the Dear Spock universe.
> 
> Continuity: This story follows Dear Spock and Dear James, which was a re-contextualizing of Star Trek Into Darkness. We are about 90% cannon compliant up to the end of Star Trek Into darkness. The biggest differences are that the Vengeance Incident occurred in June instead of February 2259, Jim and Spock are married, and Leonard and Nyota are raising his daughter together onboard Enterprise. She also legally changed her name to Josephine Jamie Uhura-McCoy. Finally, Spock is now captain of Enterprise, and Jim is his first officer/assistant Captain. 
> 
> How canon compliant will we be for Star Trek Beyond, you’re just going to have to read and see. Although Sulu’s daughter is already here, along with his boyfriend’s daughter from a previous relationship. See things are different already. Maybe enough things have changed so that some of the events of Star Trek Beyond will not happen or maybe some things are inevitable. I know the answer to that question, but I’m not ready to share yet.
> 
> Rating: T for grown-up situations and language.  
> Relationships: The Kirk family now with 100% more Spock, Sulu family (Sulu, Demora, Demora’s mother’s Susan, as well as Ben and his daughter), and the Uhura-McCoy family. So I guess I should say upfront, this is going to be more family oriented, instead of couple oriented. Jim and Spock do not have kids, yet, but Jim still has Kevin. (Reminder in the Dear Spock universe Kevin Riley was adopted by Winona and will hence be referred to as Kevin Kirk)
> 
> Entries for this story will be organized by the day into the Enterprise journey that they were written on (not the day on which the messages arrive because when our babies are in deep space, it may take a day or six to get there). We are beginning on day zero of the 5 year mission, which in this universe is February 17, 2260 or 2260.48. (It’s been eight years, but I finally figured out how to do start dates in the KTL but for the sake of consistency with the previous stories we well keep things as they were) 
> 
> Also, you won’t see all the letters from Enterprise because there would probably be thousands. There’s a good chance that the prologue may be one of the few places where we have pros and it’s probably going to be our longest chapter by a lot. I’m planning for the vast majority of the story to be Letters, emails and text messages. I’m also planning for short chapters after this, which means frequent updates, by my standards anyway.  
> Now on to the story.

Hikaru has left his family for missions for extended periods of time before, more than once, but he doesn’t remember it ever being this hard before. He felt like his heart was breaking and he was on the verge of crying the entire time. He never really said his goodbyes in the shuttle hangers before either, but he wanted to spend as much time with Ben, Demora and Ben’s daughter Kiko before leaving on the five-year mission. 

Susan was also there, which might be the only reason why Ben and the kids got this far. Nobody was going to tell Commander Susan Ling-Chen (daughter of the head of Starfleet) that she couldn’t bring her daughter with her to see off her father. He knew that the entire ship was gossiping about his surprise fatherhood. He might as well give them something interesting to talk about.

It wasn’t until the last possible moment that Hikaru kissed Ben goodbye on the mouth (for a good two minutes) after handing over Demora to her mom. He then kissed all three women on the cheek before making his way to the shuttle and that’s when Demora started screaming. He wanted to go back and cuddle her again to let her know that he wasn’t going anywhere and that he loved her so much. He would have to if Dr. McCoy didn’t grab his arm and pulled him into the shuttle.

“It’s always hard to leave your little girl behind for the first time.” He wanted to make some snide remark about the fact that his daughter, the recently rechristened Josephine Uhura-McCoy was already waiting on the shuttle with her recently adopted mother. However, he said nothing.

“Honestly, I was a wreck my first shift back at the clinic after bringing her home from the hospital. I think I cried for a week when the ex took Josephine away the first time. It was just as bad when I moved to San Francisco. That might’ve been the real reason why I was drinking so much when I met Jim. If I was sober at the time, we probably never would have become friends,” the Doctor remarked.

"Are you going to tell me it gets better?” Hikaru asked.

“Only when there are phone calls and at least your relationship with your daughter’s mother is significantly better than my relationship with Josephine’s birthmother.” Who was an alcoholic and who died by driving her vintage car into a tree. But nobody talks about that. Nobody dares mention it, especially in front of the young girl who has had her entire life changed around in the last eight months. “If it wasn’t for her aunt, I wouldn’t have the last time we were in space.”

“You’re right in that respect. Sue has already pulled some strings and she, Ben, and the kids will be there on our first planned shore leave in June.” Only four long months away. At least he will get to spend her first birthday with his daughter.

“Keep looking forward to that and maybe you’ll get through the next five years.” Leonard said as they took their seats on the shuttle. At least he couldn’t hear Demora’s cries anymore, but that didn’t mean he was not concerned. By the time he made it to his brand-new private quarters, he was in full parental panic mold. That wouldn’t go away until he checked up on his little girl. Thankfully, he could use a Starfleet instant messaging service with Sue. Hopefully she had her work communicator with her.

Me: Please tell me she stopped crying.

Ling-ChenSX: About 10 minutes after you were safely on the shuttle. Ben is a miracle worker. You have much better taste in men than I do. He is so good with her.

Me: I will take that as a compliment

Ling-ChenSX: You really should. He made me brownies to help ease me back into single parenthood.

Me: His brownies really are good. He sent me up here with the whole tray.

Ling-ChenSX: Look, it’s going to take a little while for her to adjust to you not being here all the time, but it will happen. She’ll be okay. I was with both my parents in Starfleet. So, don’t worry yourself sick over it.

Me: I’m still going to worry. Your mom says that’s what parents do.

Ling-ChenSX: Very true. On the bright side, I will be teaching at the Academy until June and then the Hamilton will pick me up from where ever Enterprise is doing shore leave. So at least she will have me for a few more months.

Me: So, I really should be happy that your mom punished you for not telling her exactly how baby D came to be?

Ling-ChenSX: Yes, which I don’t get. You were there too. And you get a promotion and your own quarters. I get to spend a semester teaching first-year cadets. I prefer our eight-month-old. 

Me: Babysitting actual babies is so much easier than dealing with freshman. I don’t have it that easy. I’m babysitting my Captain and my other Captain because they’re a married command team of the same rank and deep down inside we’re a little afraid that this will end in tears and body bags.

Ling-ChenSX: I just hope it’s not your body bags that will come back to us.

Me: I get what happened. No one wants to tell their mom that they got pregnant due to a shore leave three way because your idiot, now former boyfriend accidentally picked up fertility drugs. I just wish I found out you were pregnant before Liz showed me baby pictures of Demora when we were planning Jim’s wedding.

Ling-ChenSX: I realize I should’ve said something earlier, but after my boyfriend abandoned me, I was a little bit hesitant to have the conversation with you. 

Me: Thankfully, I’m not him. 

Ling-ChenSX: The rational part of my brain knew that, but pregnancy brain will mess with you.

Me: Although I’m not exactly sad that he ran away. It is better for Demora this way even if I am light years away. My parents are around to spoil her rotten.

Ling-ChenSX: That is true. I’m aware you’re glad that he bailed because of the gigantic gift basket that you sent all the way to Delta Vega for his birthday.

Me: Because his bi curiosity and incompetency gave us the best gift of all. 

Me: At the same time, it was all a lot easier to be part of a five-year mission when I didn’t have a daughter waiting at home. It is going to be a long mission being away from everyone. Demora is going to be starting kindergarten when I get back. I think that is just starting to hit me.

Ling-ChenSX: Oh, but we will try to see each other whenever possible, and you can send letters. And we will reply with video files. I would say call, but I know what type of mission you’ll be on and just getting an email may take a week or two.

Me: To you and Ben?

Ling-ChenSX: Or Demora and her twin by another mother/surrogate. We did set up her baby PADD to read to her in your voice.

Me: And when you’re back on the Hamilton, your mom? 

Ling-ChenSX: No. Liz or Ben. No writing to mommy. There are some things I don’t want her to know.

Me: Ben will be at the top of my list. If we’re still together at that point. 

Ling-ChenSX: You will be. I haven’t seen a guy look at his significant other like that since the last time I saw mom and dad together before he was killed.

Me: Thank you for reminding me of that morbid possibility. 

Ling-ChenSX: We are Starfleet. This happens sometimes. I mean, I honestly hope Liz doesn’t get custody of baby D anytime soon, but you can’t just ignore the possibility of it.

Me: I know although I was thinking more along the lines of a breakup. He’s a widow whose first husband died during the battle of Vulcan. Maybe this will be too much for him.

Ling-ChenSX: Or maybe you’ll be perfect for him. At least I have a partner for playgroup. I was not looking forward to being there without you, but I think Ben will make a suitable replacement.

Me: I told him he could see other people because I don’t expect him to be celibate for five years.

Ling-ChenSX: And are you planning to take advantage of the local alien populations as you galivant throughout the galaxy?

Me: Outside of sex pollen exposure, no. I don’t know how it happened with everything going on, but I really do love him.

Ling-ChenSX: I’m aware that you love him and I think he loves you too. 

Ling-ChenSX: Everybody knows sex pollen doesn’t count. It’s right there in the Starfleet handbook. It’s not consensual.

Me: Has anybody had a sex pollen incident?

Ling-ChenSX: Not one that has been officially acknowledged at least. The closest thing to that has been that weird virus that made everyone lose their inhibitions. But hey, you have five years. Go forth and explore and send me back all the interesting details.

Me: I’ll try. I’m just going to be a little sad without you guys here.

Ling-ChenSX: We will send you pictures too. We’ll get through this. 

xxxx  
Jim always thought that the Enterprise was a beautiful lady. He was glad to have her. He pretty much died for her and everyone aboard her. After almost dying and only surviving most likely due to a Vulcan mind meld and magical augment blood antibodies, he was ready to pass the keys to his Spock. Although, if they were married, maybe that meant Enterprise was their baby. He’s sure Admiral Pike would agree with him if he pressed her on it.

Technically, he’s still a Captain, Spock’s co-captain. Technically, he still lives in the Captain’s quarters. Although, there was now a very plush queen size bed in there which was nicer than what they had before. By the time the volcano fiasco happened, they were already living together, but this space was truly designed for the couple. 

Their new quarters included a meditation space for Spock and digital frames filled with images of friends and family, including those that were no longer with them. Sam, George, Chris and Amanda featured prominently. The thermostat was set at the tolerable 23°C with plenty of thermal comforters to keep Spock nice and cozy. Of course, this means that Jim will be sleeping naked on top of the covers, but that’s not exactly a hardship. Marriage really was all about compromise.

Now the biggest difference was that the closet was now 90% command gold with a few shore leave outfits in there for flavor. The only way you can tell the difference was the size. Jim was a little bit bigger up top in his spouse. And no, he wasn’t getting the stomach, no matter what Bones argued, genetic predisposition be damned. It was all good because honey bear looked good in gold. Okay his honey bear would look good in a burlap sack if they still made burlap sacks.

As Jim took one of the many gold shirts out to get ready for the afternoon, he noticed a gift box on the top shelf of the closet. At first, he wondered if it was from Spock. Maybe it was some sort of belated Valentines present or maybe it was a ‘thank God we’re back on our ship’ gift. By this point in their relationship, Spock knew he wasn’t good with surprises so he probably knew full well that Jim would open the box as soon as he found it, at least the card was attached, anyway. That’s when he found the card with a rather long note inside not from Spock, but rather Admiral Nhi Pike.

Congratulations on joining our ranks as a first officer. You’re doing it a little backwards, but as someone who went from first officer to Admiral directly, sometimes it’s necessary. Granted, you’ve been doing first officer duties since July, but that was all the prelaunch paperwork. This is the real job now.

‘Which was bad enough.’ Jim mumbled to himself as he paused in his reading.

Once you are in space, you will have all sorts of different crises to deal with. A good portion of it involves crewmembers acting like toddlers. I could probably fill out the front of this card and back with all sorts of tips that you probably will forget or ignore, but instead I thought I would get you a copy of a book that will serve you well.

That’s when Jim looked inside to find a rare hard copy of The Idiot’s Guide to Being a First Officer.

“Very funny.” He said out loud, already thinking of the email he would send her the first time he had a chance.

“I’m not certain it is meant to be humorous, but rather helpful. I also received a copy of the book from her when I took over her duties as first officer for Christopher Pike.” Spock said walking up behind him. He turned around to give him a quick peck on the lips, which turned into a not so quick kiss, that would’ve gone farther if not for the fact that Spock had to give a welcome speech in the next 22 minutes.

"You look good in command yellow. I wish we had time for me to strip that shirt off you." Jim remarked.

"Although not as good as you." Spock replied.

"Are you still nervous? Because honey you’re going to do much better than my first day." Jim said fixing his collar. It may have got a little messed up during the kissing.

"Which first day are we counting as the first day of your captaincy? When you had to relieve me of command due to my emotional incapacitation or your actual first day?" Spock asked being extra Vulcan. Yep, he was nervous.

"When we started randomly fighting on the bridge." Jim clarified as he rubbed soothing circles on Spock’s back. 

"We never had a physical altercation on the bridge."

“After the first time.” Jim quipped. “You are just being extra Vulcan today. Maybe I should use the term sniping."

"I believe that will not be an issue, this time due to the sexual tension being significantly less than previously, or at least that is Nyota’s opinion of us."

"I’ve learned she’s always right. Are you ready to head to the bridge, Captain Spock–Kirk?" Spock responded by kissing him again.

“I am now.”

Xxxx

"Are you sure you’re going to be okay settling in on your own?" Mommy Nyota asked as she showed Josephine to her brand-new room aboard Enterprise. 

This would be her third new room since July. At this point, Josephine was an expert at setting up her room. The little house in Georgia was nice and she was close enough to be able to hang out with her friends. However, she didn’t like the apartment in San Francisco. She hated not having a backyard. Of course, being on a starship meant no backyard or friends to play in said nonexistent backyard with. 

There were a couple of other teenagers that would be on the ship, but when she met them last week at the ice cream social for the new minor dependents of Enterprise (allegedly Uncle Jim’s idea), she had a feeling she wouldn’t be close to any of them. That meant the person closest to her age that would talk to her was Pavel who was teaching her Russian in his spare time. She wished he was still teaching her math like before, but she was going to have to go to class with the other Enterprise children, even though she was three years younger than all of them. 

Since leaving Georgia, Liz and Kevin had functioned as her primary tutors for the last couple of months and she adored them. They understood her better than others because they both lost their parents when they were around her age. Different circumstances, but they got it. She doubted any of her brand-new classmates would. They probably had two happy parents who were both on board the ship and never had to deal with it.

"I’ll be fine. Nyota I’m not a baby. I can do this."

"I know, but I worry.” The ‘because you didn’t leave your room for about a month after your mom died’ was left unsaid. “According to your schedule, you can have until the 21st to explore the ship before really starting to get into your class schedule. Your Uncle Jim is supposed to give me at least one or two afternoons off so we can work on your Vulcan-based languages, in addition to the normal curriculum."

"I thought that’s what Uncle Spock was doing?" During the last month and a half, her Uncle Spock would come over at least one afternoon a week to hang out and help her on her Vulcan language skills. He also cooked which was good because mom Nyota was best known for her pizza ordering skills. But he also understood. He lost his mom as well less than two years ago. It was a short enough time that things were still raw for him and he didn’t expect her to be okay. That was good.

"Yes, but Uncle Spock is now captain and busy. So, I think I’m going to be taking over for at least a little while." Nyota tells her.

"I understand."

"It won’t always be like this. We just need to get settled and so do you. I suggest unpacking and maybe decorating. You can start by remaking your bed." That’s when Nyota pointed to the purple bedcovers on the side. She was so sure she packed those for storage because she was told that everything had to be regulation Starfleet. She was currently dressed in a tiny blue dependent uniform. At least she got to keep her purple sparkly pajama and similar sleepwear. That meant she was surprised to see her bed spread from before.

"Uncle Spock made an exemption for you and all the other minor dependents. He wants you to think of this place as home." Nyota tells her.

It’s not home. Josephine thinks to herself, although she is not sure what home is anymore. She doesn’t think she really had one since her parents divorced when she was a baby, maybe she never had one. Maybe it’s where her dad and adopted mother are. Or maybe they were in the process of creating it. She’s still trying to figure out the meaning of that word. It’s a work in progress.

"Also, Liz sent you a survival starter pack." Nyota said pointing to the giant box. Josephine quickly ran over to open that. She found a ridiculous amount of chocolate covered popcorn, containers of cookies, and a ridiculous amount of candy. There were also some board games and the bottom.

“Please do not eat all of the junk food she sent you in one day because we don’t have a shore leave schedule until the first week of June and the ship store usually runs out of candy around week three. Earth candy anyway."

“Since dad always says, ‘Do not eat strange alien food’ that means no candy for me."

"Not until your dad does the scan anyway and that covers candy from the commissary too. Also, don’t drink anything that comes from engineering.” Her mom said in all seriousness.

“I think Mister Scott would know better than to give alcohol to a minor."

“I hope so anyway, at least not until we make it to year 4.” Nyota jokes. “I’ll be back in a couple of hours to check on you. After the initial welcome to Enterprise remarks, I just need to greet the department and give everybody their assignments. I don’t have a real bridge assignment until tomorrow anyway."

"I’ll be fine, mom.” She tried to reassure her.

"I worry. I mean I always wanted to live in space like my parents, but it wasn’t an option. But we are taking you away from Georgia, your aunt, as well as all your friends and bringing you into this weird place to go boldly into the black and…”

"I want to be here with you and dad." She really does. She just needs some part of her life to keep being normal, even if normal involves being on a starship with 1000 people.

“I know, but I’m still going to worry. I’ve been informed that parenthood is at least 90% worrying yourself sick." Nyota said with a kiss to her head, before walking out the door, leaving Josephine to her own devices.

Her dad and mom Nyota would be happy to know that she did make her bed before opening the popcorn. Of course, underneath the popcorn was a letter from Liz written on real paper.

Greetings to the youngest member of the Starfleet crew. I bet Pavel is sad to be losing that title. But at least he’s losing it to you and not to any of the other kids that are going to be on the ship.

So, I never actually lived on a ship when mom was a captain unless you count the three-month journey back from Tarsus hell and technically she wasn’t my mom yet, but that was when she decided to adopt me. That wasn’t exactly fun times for anyone. I slept with ration bars under my bed the entire time. 

But before it all fell apart on Tarsus, I did live with my parents on their privately funded research vessel. So, I’m well versed in ship life as well as little classes with other bratty ship kids. Good luck. 

To help you survive five years in space, I have packed you a care package with lots of junk food and old-fashioned board games, some of which came from the Kirk family collection that Jim did not want to take with them. There are also a bunch of data chips that you can load to your PADD with other things too occupy your time.

I also packed a therapy journal in there because you’re still adapting to living with your dad because of what happened to your mom. I know Uncle Jim taught you how to do the letter technique. It might become useful at some point.

Remember if it all becomes too much, reach out to those around you. Mom always said, my birth mom, that it is easy to get lost in space, but it’s the people that you love and that love you that keep you tethered to the world. Remember that over the next five years.

Since I’m trying to do my internship on Enterprise next semester, I hope to see you again sooner rather than later. Actually, I may see you before that, because I know my sister is going to bring me along on her family trip just to babysit. I’m moving in with her. That’s what little sisters do. 

PS: I also included 101 codes for replicators. You should be able to re-program it to do Snickers, but ask Uncle Jim to do that. Not Mister Scott because mom can’t deal with an engineer accidentally blowing up a ship right now.

To be continued.


	2. Day 2: Settling In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the first chapter. You are all lovely. So now we began our micro format. For those of you that remember the original Dear Spock, most of this story is going to be like the first 10 letters, except the conversations will not be one-sided. Some may be, but not all of them. Also, we will have more than one email/written message per section, usually. There will be a few prose sections mixed in, but nowhere near as many as Dear James. We are going to be looking at familial relationships outside the ship, more than in previous stories. 
> 
> There will also be Jim and Spock snarking back and forth to each other in written format because it’s pretty much a requirement for the Dear Spock universe. We’re going to start with some of the other characters first for world building purposes, but for those of you reading this on KS archives we will get there.
> 
> On the bright side with the micro format, more updates. It is extremely easy for me to do 1000 word mini chapters. So think weekly updates instead of monthly.

Day 2: Settling In.

From: SuluHG

To: Ling-ChenSX

Subject: Daddy misses you. (This was your mom’s idea)

Time sent: 2/19/2260 05:30:26

 

Dear Demora (and Susan because I know you’re reading this because I sent it to your account),

 

I miss you. I think I watched the video file of my first play date with you at least six times. But it doesn’t make the process of being light years away from you hurt less. It’s been 48 hours and I’m already aware it’s going to be a long 5 years. I think I told your mom that a couple of times the day I left you for Uncle Spock’s big ship.

 

My heart broke to hear you crying. You’re my little girl. I hate hearing you cry. I’m already counting down to the shore leave on your birthday in a little under four months. It really pays to have a Nanna who is an Admiral.

 

I have your pictures up all over my room. I may have even snuck one onto my console, hard copy of course. I even have Josephine’s picture that she drew of you. It’s on the bathroom door. I’m sharing with Uncle Jim and Uncle Spock because I’m in the old first officer’s quarters. We can also blame that one on Nanna because I’m captain sitting.

 

Tell Nana that so far, they’ve been well behaved, other than kissing Vulcan style on the bridge and apparently haven’t mastered the art of door locking. They’re not even arguing like they did the first time around. It probably helps that they have acknowledged that they really really like each other which is why they are now married. It’s almost cute and it makes me miss Ben a lot.

 

I hope you’re still able to see him and Kiko. He was so lonely after his husband died and I don’t want him to go back to that place. Kiko is really the only thing that kept him going. I’m writing to him after this. Maybe if this goes well, I’ll write to her next time too. You need as much play time with non-Starfleet kids as you can. Her being six months older than you may seem like a big gap now, but you’ll still end up in the same grade in school. Your aunt has told me horror stories which she refers to as Starfleet high school. I want you to turn out mostly normal and maybe consider things outside the Academy as a career choice.

 

I just kind of feel bad that I’m not going to be part of your everyday life for long stretches at a time. Being with Starfleet is important, but so are you. It’s hard being here without you. I bet it’s hard for you too. You’re probably as used to story times as I am and I’m not there anymore and that has to be weird for you. Who is taking over story time?

 

Then unfortunately once you get used to me not being there, your mom will be leaving to be the first officer of the Hamilton. Both of your parents will be light years away and you will be moving in with Nana and possibly Liz. Nana is one cool lady, but she’s not us. What did you do to get stuck with two Starfleet parents? It feels a little unfair to you.

 

Anyway, miss you. Love you, hugs and kisses.

 

PS: Yes Sue, this did help a little bit. You better take video of PADD me reading this to her.

Xxxxxx

From: SuluHG

To: Benjamin_2254

 

Subject: Space is lonely without you.

Time sent: 2/19/2260 05:45:26

 

Dear Ben:

I miss you. I love being here and I love being in space, but I miss you. I’m just starting to realize that in a few short months you have become such an integral part of my life that it feels odd without you here. It’s hard not to wake up beside you. You were sleeping over most nights before I left.

 

There’s not much to write about yet. We’re still traveling to our mission. The real mission, not the supply drop-offs along the way. I’m not sure yet if it will be a surveying mission or a diplomatic mission, but I prefer anything that will involve plants. I’m hoping for new samples for the botany lab. That’s really my favorite part of the job. I love to be in there for hours. It’s calming.

 

Although, honestly, even if I knew the details of the next mission, I couldn’t really tell you that much. Sorry baby, you’re a civilian. Although if it makes you feel better, I can’t tell Sue either and she has a higher rank than me. You were with me when we went to the trial of the person who screwed with Nyota’s birth control so you understand why we must be careful. Also, in one of our early missions last time, someone used Jim’s food allergies against Jim on a mission to derail negotiations. It almost killed him. I hope not to have a repeat of that. You do not want to have to deal with the Spock that’s worried about his Jim. It’s dangerous.

 

So far, the most interesting thing I must deal with is the constant complaints from Pavel about having to break in a new roommate. Every single lunch, it’s the same thing. I’m not sorry. I’m just happy that I’m not going to have to deal with finding somewhere else to sleep because he has company over. For someone who’s barely legal, he gets around a lot. Although maybe because he was under age during his entire time at the Academy, he’s just doing what all of us did during at least first year. Okay, I was never that bad, but I had a boyfriend and may have been talked into a few things with Sue. You’ll be amazed at what she can talk you into doing.

 

Two days into the five-year mission and I have also already walked in on my Captain and his husband “fooling around” in the shower and I’m not to say more in case he accidentally on purpose reads this email. I’m not telling anyone else about that. If we are going to be sharing a bathroom for five years, we are going to have to work something out. There’s some things I don’t want to see.

 

How is Kiko doing? Has she successfully mastered toilet training? Or rather, has she successfully mastered telling you when she needs to go to the bathroom. At least she did not break into hysterical crying at the hangar. Although I heard you kept things from getting worse. It must be why you’re one of the best pediatricians in San Francisco.

 

Did I mention I miss you? Because I absolutely do and not just because I also woke up to the sex sounds of my next-door neighbors. I am so checking in with engineering about more soundproofing. God, they are loud.

 

Write back when you can or send video files. Once things get busy, my replies will be hit or miss. But know that I will always be thinking about you.

 

Okay, once we get far enough out there, it might be weeks before you get these emails. During the last mission, it once took Captain Spock’s father over a week to get a letter from him and the Vulcan is an ambassador. If it does become weeks, always check with Sue. She will know if the long delay in communication is normal mission stuff or abnormal mission stuff. I’m hoping we have a lot of normal before we get to the abnormal. But this is Starfleet, abnormal mission stuff is quite normal.

 

Okay, what I’m really hoping for is nobody trying to kill my Captain again, either one. I think my new job means I must fill out the paperwork for that. I do not want to do that paperwork.

 

Anyway, love you.

 

Xxxxx

From: Uhura-McCoyJJ

To: Simmons-ChanEX

Subject: Thank you for the survival kit.

Time sent: 2/19/2260 13:30:26

 

Liz, thank you for the snacks and games. I did get to eat most of the popcorn before Nyota put it up somewhere for special occasions. I’m not sure if I’ll ever see it again. Dad loves that stuff.

 

We also played Monopoly as a family last night. It’s different playing the board game version. Also, everything is so much cheaper. Dad really doesn’t like being the banker and Nyota is competitive. She did not let me win.

 

I have one more day of freedom because the next day I start classes again. I’m not looking forward to being in a classroom where everybody is at least three years older than me. I’m going to be completely behind everyone else. I don’t know why I can’t have my own tutor. I don’t think they’re going to like me. Okay I know they’re not going to like me. No one talked to me when we had the ice cream social pre-launch. I spent the entire time eating ice cream in the corner alone.

 

Uncle Jim is too busy with first officer stuff to help with the replicator project right now and Uncle Spock is too busy overseeing all the Captain ship stuff. Although Uncle Jim says once everything is moving smoothly to make sure the personal replicator in our quarters makes Snickers bars. He said he’ll do it for his room for grown-up fun play time with Spock. I don’t think I want to know what that means yet.

 

To be continued


	3. Day 3: Herding cats aboard the USS Enterprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last chapter. You’re all wonderful. I’m going to be extremely busy this weekend, so you are this update today.   
> Now we are finally getting a letter from Jim’s perspective.

From: Jim_Spock-Kirk

To: Number_one_Pike

Time sent: 2/20/2260 00:04:01

Subject: Being the first officer is like herding cats.

 

Hello to my favorite Admiral. I like you more than Rodriguez who is sending us to negotiate a peace treaty for our first real mission. God, I hope I don’t go into anaphylaxis again this time. Technically, Spock would probably be the lead negotiator, but I should go down as the Captain’s spouse. That’s going to be so much fun. (Insert sarcasm here.) Maybe I’ll wish for anaphylaxis.

 

I got the present and your card. Thank you for that. I’m a little sad that you got me and Spock the exact same present. Although he swears that it was useful. I’m 99% positive he’s referring to the how not to kill your Captain section. But it was a thoughtful gift, so thank you.

 

Hey, how are you? Do you miss us? I’m sure you are because I heard that they’re grooming you to take over for Barnett. I personally think you would make a great head of Starfleet Academy, mostly because you would give Kevin hell.

 

So, the reason why I’m writing you after midnight is this job is ridiculously time-consuming. I’m starting to learn that the first officer does all the real work and I don’t even get to see my husband as much as I thought I would. I’ve spent the last two days working through about 50 requests to change roommates, half of which are from Pavel. Like it’s my fault his BFF knocked up an Admiral’s daughter and got a private room.

 

Seriously, some of the newbies think they’re still in college. That’s on top of all the normal work I’m supposed to be doing and we haven’t even started doing the real mission yet. I wonder if Spock is expecting me to write annotated versions of his pre-mission briefs. He was so good at that.

 

Seriously, how did Spock balance first officer work, senior science officer work, and having to do half of my captain work because I didn’t know what I was doing for the first six months? I think it may be the fact he barely sleeps. He is in the lab right now. He was supposed to check on one of Carol’s special projects after dinner. That was three hours ago.

 

Fuck!

 

I need go because it looks like one of our minor dependents just tried to sneak into engineering because you know Scotty did you know what in the you know where and now I should deal with it. Do they not realize that we have sensors and cameras all over the ship and it’s even worse now after the attempted murder of myself and drugging my chief communication officer with fertility drugs? It was so much easier when it was a Spock problem.

I’ll talk to you later.

 

From: Ling-ChenSX

To: SuluHG

 

Subject: Re: Daddy misses you. (This was your mom’s idea)

Time sent: 2/20/2260 04:31:26

 

 

Play dates have been scheduled for later today and baby D misses you too. Okay, I miss you, because it was so much easier to do this parenting thing when we could tag team. I mean Liz is here and giving the baby an early breakfast while I write this. Of course, she is here because that means she doesn’t have to live in the dorms and therefore her boyfriend can sleep over without mom knowing the truth. Okay. She’s mostly here because they are being assholes to her in the dorms.

 

So, in the last three days you’ve missed three major crying fits and multiple attempts at scooting across the carpet. I attached a video file or six. I think our baby girl is going to be a crawler any day now. I swear I’m going to make Kevin baby proof the apartment. He’s here so much that he might as well earn his keep. Also, maybe if I make them spend enough time with Demora, I won’t become an aunt until they’re both out of the Academy. They’re both on the contraceptive hypo, but well, if that was 100% fool proof, she wouldn’t be here.

 

Xxxx

From: SuluHG

To: Ling-ChenSX

 

Subject: Re: Daddy misses you. (This was your mom’s idea)

Time sent: 2/20/2260 20:30:26

 

And if nothing else, your ex was a fool.

Yes, make your sister and her boyfriend spend as much time playing and taking care of Demora as possible. Your mom will kill us all if Kevin Kirk gets your sister pregnant. I kind of like my command team and if she kills Jim, you know Spock will just go off the deep end and it will be ugly for all involved. Jim agrees with me. I told him about his brother’s cohabitation at lunch.

 

Make sure you get video of the crawling for me. I’ve watched the scooting videos like six times. Has she said anything that sounded like an actual word yet? Before leaving, she was making a su sound. She’s either trying for my last name or your first name. I’m not sure which I prefer.

 

Tell the babies that I miss them and I hope things go well for you and Ben. I think I’ve mentioned this before, but he really needs more friends. After his first husband died, a lot of his old friends either left him behind or were also killed. He was sad when we first met. I just don’t want him to go back to that. You lost a lot of friends, especially during the Vulcan incident as well. You could use another friend, especially one with kids.

xxxxxx

From: Simmons-ChanEX

To: Uhura-McCoyJJ

Subject: Re: Thank you for the survival kit.

Time sent: 2/20/2260 21:30:26

No, you don’t want to know what grown-up fun time is. At least not for five more years, at a minimum.

 

New schools are always scary. But you are sweet and kind and mostly outgoing, so I think it will be okay. I know sometimes you get sad, but it’s okay. Nobody is 100% on all the time. I think a lot of your new classmates will like you. Some may not. But that’s their problem, not yours.

 

Okay, some of them could be spoiled Starfleet brats, but I think the probability is low because your classes won’t be filled with all the children of the Admiralty. Mommy Chen just became a baby Admiral when I started high school, which meant lots of fun. I think it will be better for you.

Anyway, have a good day at school tomorrow. Learn new things. Have fun. Write me again when you have a chance.

 

To be continued.


	4. Day 4: Email your brother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all great.  
> So you’re getting this today because my parents are arriving tomorrow (I still have more cleaning to do). If things go well I may update again next Wednesday otherwise it will be November 4.

**Day 4: Email your brother**

From: Simmons-ChanEX

To: Jim_Kirk-Spock

Subject: You should probably consider better soundproofing for your quarters

time arrived: 2/21/2260 00:00:01

So, somehow it got to my sister that your new next-door neighbor can hear you screwing your husband. Thankfully this bit of information was not shared with my boyfriend because that would just be traumatizing for him.

 

By the way, you probably should write your brother so he knows that you’re alive. He’s been jittery the last few days. This is the first time you’ve been back on the job in space since you died. I don’t think he can deal with watching his family die again. That sort of stuff really fucks with you long term.

 

xxxxxxx

From: Number_one_Pike

To: Jim_Spock-Kirk

Time sent: 2/21/2260 00:00:01

Subject: Re: Being the first officer is like herding cats.

 

Herding cats is a specialty of all first officers. It is probably worse because you have actual teenagers on board. Okay, you had teenagers last time, but I have a feeling that your navigator was better behaved. You think they could at least, wait a week to break into the distillery on board the ship.

 

Yes, I know what your engineering department is doing. Good luck trying to get them not to do it. Seriously, can’t they just grow cannabis in the greenhouse like all the other ships? We did the best brownies. Also, the ship is less likely to blow up, you know, if nobody tries to smoke it.

 

At this point I should probably ask you if your ship still has teenagers or if Josephine Uhura-McCoy is the only one left? I hope the pilot program is successful because I think that it would be good for families to be on ships again, but I’ll be honest, they gave you a tough group. But truthfully, I think you may be the only one who can handle these teenagers because you’re a lot more like these kids than you realize.

 

Despite the challenges, I’m kind of glad that you’re going back and getting to do the first officer experience because the next time you are a Captain, I think you’ll be better for it. It’s a different job, but you’ll get the hang of it eventually and I’m here if you have questions. I also think you’re right about Spock not sleeping. It is your responsibility as first officer to make sure that your Captain doesn’t drop dead of exhaustion. We frowned upon that in the first officer club.

xxxxxxxx

From: Jim_Spock-Kirk

To: Number one Pike

Time sent: 2/21/2260 12:21:01

Subject: Re: Being the first officer is like herding cats.

 

I’m trying, but I make no promises. I’m starting to realize how much of a workaholic I’m married to. I think Carol may kill him because Spock re-did half of her report. I’m trying to mitigate with the help of her wife, but this may not go well.

 

Also, I am so glad I decided to email that to your private accounts and now I know to make sure all traces of this disappear off the Enterprise email server. See by going straight to being a Captain, I totally missed cannabis brownie time. When Spock gets home, I’m so asking him if he participated in cannabis brownie parties.

 

We still have teenagers, for the moment at least. Three of the five are going to be scrubbing decks with literal toothbrushes for the next two weeks, but they’re still here. Should I be concerned that I am the only one on the ship that has been arrested more?

 

 Maybe things will get better now that classes have started. I hope so at least. Then again, I had to remind my navigator this morning that just because he is only two years older than one of our new dependent minors does not mean it’s okay for her to flirt with him. He needs to shut that down now.

 

I kind of want to worship at Spock’s feet for having to deal with this all last year. It’s a different job yet just as stressful as the last one. I am surrounded by whiny children and not all of them are actual minors. I kid you not, a fight broke out this morning in the cafeteria for reasons unknown, and I’m still trying to figure out what the hell happened. I hate writing disciplinary forms and its just day 4.

 

Also, somehow, I think the gossip may be worse on a ship then it was in the Academy, at least this year anyway. I mean, Enterprise always had a decent/vicious rumor mill, but I don’t remember it being this bad last year, at least not until after I died. Maybe most people know better than to say stuff like that in front of their captain, but forget to not say those things in listening distance of his husband. And maybe I didn’t care because I’m kind of used to people talking about me at this point. Of course, they’re bringing Spock into it now, and that just pisses me off. Seriously, do not talk shit about my husband.

 

Although that’s kind of nice compared to what they’re saying about Demora and Jo Jo. They’re being so nasty. The baby’s too young and thankfully light years away, but I’m sure Jo Jo heard half of it and I know her therapist heard a lot of it. Sometimes I hate people.

 

Okay, I should cut this venting session short because I probably ought to eat something before lunch is over. I should probably tell my husband these things, but I want to give him some time to adjust to the new job before I burden him with too much emotional bullshit.

xxxxx

From: Jim_Kirk-Spock

To: Simmons-ChanEX

Subject: Re: You should probably consider better soundproofing for your quarters

Time sent: 2/21/2260 12:54:26

Okay, I convince Scotty to upgrade the Captain suite to include sound dampening capabilities. Also, apparently there’s now a no shower sex rule.

 

I promise I will email Kevin soon. Maybe right after I send this email. Jo Jo is calling. Apparently, they locked the instructor in turbolift six during lunch. This is like punishment for all the ridiculous and somewhat illegal things I did before my 22 birthday.

 

To be continued.


	5. Day 5: Greetings from Earth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read or reviewed the last chapter. You are all wonderful. I had a good visit with my family. Although that has put me behind with posting.

From: Benjamin_2254

To: SuluHG

 

Subject: Miss you much.

Time arrived: 2/22/2260 00:00:01

 

I miss you too. Although having your daughter’s mother, Sue, around has helped. Having other grown-ups to talk to is always nice. We had a play date today. I attached pictures. They are adorable together. Kiko is trying to teach your daughter how to crawl. She’s trying to be the perfect big sister. I think Demora may be an expert in it by next week with her sort of big sister showing her the way. I spent all night baby proofing or rather re-baby proofing my apartment.

 

Potty training is a complete disaster, and I think I’m going to wait a few more months before trying again. I was only doing that because my former in-laws and main babysitters wanted to push the issue, but Sue managed to get Kiko into the same daycare program as Demora. Apparently as a Starfleet widow, I am entitled to Starfleet daycare. So at least I don’t have to worry about my daughter’s inability to potty train at 14 months offending the sensibilities of my former in-laws. It’s not like they ever liked to me.

 

You know I was a little worried about you having such a great relationship with your daughter’s mom, but I really do like her. And it is great for Kiko to have a strong female figure in her life. And Sue is strong. I’m enjoying our post play group coffee even if it’s usually wine.

 

During our last chat, I also discovered that because I’m not Starfleet, it is going to take at least an extra day before I get any of your messages from your official Starfleet account. At least that’s what we gathered from the fact that you sent your messages to us on the same day and she got her letter first. Sue believes they are screened to make sure you tell me nothing inappropriate or classified.

 

So, if you don’t get a reply from me for a few days, don’t think that I’m taking you up on your offer to see other people because it’s not something I want. I’d rather have letters for you. There’s toys for everything else. I should probably get a fingerprint lock for that door before Kiko masters the art of running and opening drawers before I can catch up with her. She’s getting there.

Love you

xxxxx

From: Jim_Spock-Kirk

To: KirkKR

Time sent: 2/22/2260 5:21:01

Subject: Greetings from Enterprise.

 

Hi Kevin:

See, I did write you in less than a week this time. It’s only day four of the five-year mission. And no, I did not do it just because your girlfriend emailed me yesterday See, I’m getting better.

 

Okay, Spock bear said I had to stop sending non-work-related text messages to his PADD while working. It’s so unfair. It’s the only thing keeping me sane while dealing with toddlers and actual teenagers, a.k.a the 2Js and the Ashleys. If you include Jo Jo, it’s 3Js and the Ashleys but Jo Jo did not participate in the pranking of their instructor. Her mom may have made Winona look well-adjusted, but at least she taught her daughter manners.

 

All I really want to do is make out with my husband during lunch, but now I have to deal with their stupid teenager antics. Thank God Jo Jo was in there, otherwise we would’ve never found Ensign Hastings. I bet she’s wishing she stayed a high school English teacher instead of coming back to Starfleet post Vulcan.

 

I’m pretty sure when I was captain, I got to see Spock more than I do now. He was always up there with me on the bridge. Although now I’m realizing that was because he was also chief science officer, and I am chief paper pusher and bureaucrat. I spend most of my day in our office doing paperwork. I think it’s because he was just better at paperwork then me. Okay, Spock is just better at everything, but he was a paperwork ninja where I am drowning with at least 6 dozen requests for different rooms or rather different roommates.

 

I think half are from Chekov and his roommate who really does not appreciate having to find somewhere else to sleep when he is hooking up with random people. It’s day five. It is way too early to start having random one-night stands. Not that I would know because I’m happily married (and I would rather spend time with my husband in dealing with their complaints).

 

Is it too early to ask you how your classes are going? I know I haven’t been gone for a full week yet, but I worry mostly because I’m sure a few of your professors might be out to get me. I think your future mommy in law arrested most of them, but you never know.

 

So, speaking of future mother-in-law, Admiral Chen, a little birdie told me that you are practically living with your girlfriend at her sister’s house. Having fun babysitting little Demora Sulu? Have you mastered the art of diaper changing? Remember that if you don’t take your contraceptive hypo like you’re supposed to, you may need that experience. Please for the love of every omnipotent being in the galaxy, do not get Admiral Chen’s daughter pregnant. It’s a small miracle that Sulu’s only punishment is babysitting me and Spock.

 

How is mom? Okay the real question I want to ask, is mom still sober? With me going back into space for the 1st time since almost dying, I’m just worried about her being triggered. At least that’s what kind of came out when talking to Dr. Margarita. Yes, I’m seeing my therapist.

 

We have a long journey ahead of us. I can’t say where exactly we’re going, but I’m going to have at least 3 or 4 weeks where I’m going to have time for correspondence, but not actually have anything interesting to write. The most interesting thing I’m doing right now is reprogramming the replicator to make Snickers. Think your girlfriend for that. It is Jo Jo’s reward for telling me what happened to the tutor recently.

 

So, how bad is the Academy rumor mill? Apparently Enterprises filled with gossips. Most of the ship knows or thinks they know about how your niece was conceived. And unfortunately it is a little more accurate than we would like, because apparently the asshole ex-boyfriend has a big mouth and is trying to paint himself in the best possible light. Asshole. Baby Demora is so lucky that Sulu won the baby battle.

 

Also, you should know by this point that anything they’re saying about me or your brother-in-law is probably 99.9% untrue. So, the current rumor floating around the ship is Starfleet wanted me out completely, and the only reason why I’m still here is because I married Spock. Also, apparently I blackmailed him into marrying me? I mean I’m aware that I married up. But that’s just because Spock is that good and loves me despite the fact I do so many crazy things. How did I get so many people on the ship without basic reasoning skills? They are totally ignoring the fact that I got to keep the rank of Captain.

 

Anyway, right back when you have a chance. I want to hear all about your crazy adventures this semester.

xxxxxx

From: SuluHG

To: Benjamin_2254

 

Subject: Re: Miss you much.

Time sent: 2/22/2260 6:30:26

 

Okay, considering the fact these letters are totally being read through because I didn’t get this until the day after you wrote it. I say I would love to know what you do with those toys, but don’t send me details. We’ll just have to make up for it in June. I hope you’re coming. Also, I suggest using this email address.

 

Also, it’s probably best that you get a fingerprint lock for that drawer. No child should ever find their parents sex toys, even if they are too young to remember.

 

Thank you for the pictures. I’ve added them to the digital frame. The crawling lessons were adorable. I do miss all of you and honestly June can’t get here soon enough. It’s just dawning on me, how many firsts I’m going to miss in my daughter’s life. First, there’s going to be crawling, then walking. I’m also going to miss first words and the first day of preschool. If the five-year mission lasts the full five years, I will miss kindergarten too. That’s a lot. It’s just the longer I am away, the more I realize that.

 

I won’t be able to help you with your second attempt at potty training. Look, maybe I’m a little happy about missing that one. I’m glad the girls are now in the same day care. Maybe it’s good that you guys have created your own support system.

 

Love You

Will write again soon.

To be continued.

 


	6. Day 6:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read or reviewed the last chapter. I now introduce you to therapy journal entries that will be peppered throughout the story, mostly when they are somewhere in deep space and outside communication is not an option. Most of these entries will be coming from Josephine/Jo Jo, Jim, and Spock.
> 
> Of course, Jim and Spock’s will come in letter format. The majority of the time, Josephine will be doing more traditional journal entries. She is still trying to process her mother's death, so it’s going to be a process.

Excerpts from the therapy Journal of Josephine Uhura-McCoy

February 23, 2260

 

Dear Diary:

 

Dr. Margarita is making me write in this thing because she says it will make me feel better and Mom Nyota is making me go to my sessions. Mom, my biological mom, always said to be wary of doctors that go by their first name. But I like her anyways so I’m going to try to do what she asked.

 

I tried writing out what I was thinking after mom died and it helped a little bit, but I was never really good at it, despite Uncle Jim showing me how. Uncle Spock and Uncle Jim helped, but they’re too busy now. Captains have to do a lot of stuff and technically they’re both captains, no matter what Jeremy and Jason says. I hate them both.

 

I think Uncle Jim only worked with me on the replicator project because I told him what Jeremy did to Ensign Hastings on the first day of classes. Locking her in an elevator was mean. If you don’t want to learn why even be here? Jeremy is an asshole. I know I’m not supposed to use words like that, but this is my diary. If I can’t say what I really want here, then what’s the point of writing in this silly thing. He reminds me of mom when she was drinking, my real mom.

 

I hated her when she was drinking. I know I’m not supposed to talk ill of the dead, but she was horrible and mean and I still wish she wasn’t dead. Uncle Jim says it’s okay to feel this way and Miss Margarita agrees. I’m not sure I believe him.

 

I don’t think I’m going to make any friends on ship, at least not among the other kids who are stationed here. None of the Ashleys talked to me, even before our teacher got locked in an elevator. Telling Uncle Jim what they did to our teacher obviously did not make the situation any better. Which is fine, I don’t need to be friends with people like that or at least that’s what Uncle Jim said. He is the only one who knows what’s going on.

 

I don’t care that they all hate me for being a snitch or whatever. Besides Ensign Hastings is nice to me and that is more than I can say about a lot of my classmates.

 

Okay maybe this helped a little bit. Better than the art therapy class last fall.

To be continued


	7. Day 7: I think there’s something wrong with the email server

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last chapter. You’re all wonderful.
> 
> A couple of weeks ago I got a review that made me realize that a lot of the characters have multiple names in this story and that might get kind of confusing, especially in this chapter, where I’ve changed everybody’s email address for plot reasons that you will see.  
> Our title character is Demora Sulu, who was born about a decade earlier in the KTL. Susan is her mother, which I’m taking from prime universe apocrypha. All emails addressed to Demora will be going to her mom’s account for now. 
> 
> Demora’s aunt by adoption is Elizabeth Chen, who goes by the name Liz and is dating Kevin, Jim’s adoptive brother in this universe. Their mom is head of Starfleet right now. Three stories in, it’s hard to remember all the OCs and obscure prime universe characters that I’ve brought in. However, feel free to ask questions.

 

From: Ambassador_Sarek

To: SpockX-Kirk

Time arrived: 2/24/2260 00:00:01

Subject: Are you well?

Dear Spock:

I hope that at this point you have settled into your new duties on board Enterprise and have an opportunity to converse with me. I hope you still have time for such correspondence, despite your increase in duties and responsibilities. I’m certain you are performing your duties admirably. Please inform me of the status of your health and the well-being of your spouse at your earliest convenience.

Cordially, your father.

xxxxxxx

From: Mommy_Susan

To: SuluHG

Time arrived: 2/24/2260 00:00:01

Subject: Use this account instead

 

Have you heard from Ben yet? During our play date, he told me he got your letter two days after I got mine from you and I’m sure you wrote us at the same time. That’s just ridiculous. Anyway, you should probably use this email address created by my sister’s boyfriend’s brother.

Anyway, the kids had a great play date. Also, your boyfriend reads all the same books I do and knows how to sneak a good wine into play group. Those women are unbearable without something. He also brought brownies. Seriously, marry that man.

xxxxx

From: Elizabeth_Chen

To: Uhura-McCoyJJ

Time arrived: 2/24/2260 00:00:01

 

Subject: Okay what did your classmates due to your tutor?

So, I was going to ask you how your first day of school went, but then Kevin told me what Jim told him in an email. Apparently, you’re getting the replicator Snickers for helping Jim rescue a poor teacher. Although at the same time I’m not surprised. They did something like that twice my first year. You would be amazed at the crazy things that happened at Starfleet high school or rather the high school in San Francisco that most Starfleet brats went to. There may be a reason why I graduated a year early.

 

So, I think I’m supposed to tell you to hang in there and that it will get better, but my honest advice is get out as fast as you can. It does get better once you get out of high school and unfortunately, your kind of going in a little early since all your classmates will be high schoolers and you’re breezing through the junior high curriculum. You’re smart and I think you can get through the curriculum in half time. That way you can be well on your way to becoming either a doctor or a Jedi. I personally would go with Jedi. I’m trying to convince mom to do a Jedi division.

 

PS: Ask Uncle Jim to make you a cake with chocolate sprinkles as another help me survive these idiots treat. Tell him I said that. He makes the best cakes.

xxxxxx

From: Kevin RK

To: Jim_Kirk_Spock

Time Arrived: 2/24/2260 00:00:01

Subject: So, you probably want to send all emails to my private account

 

Hey big brother I’m glad you had time to write, when you’re not screwing your husband in the shower. Sue has a big mouth. She and Ben are becoming best friends and your next-door neighbor obviously tells his boyfriend and his baby’s mama too much. Also, I’m glad that you wrote me with your private email account. Considering the things I found, you should probably send all future correspondence to this account. I hope you write me more than the last time you were in space. I understood because you were a baby Captain and scared and in a complicated place with your future husband. Do better this time.

 

I promise to listen to you talk about your husband and not be jealous of your relationship with him. I just don’t want to know about your sex life. See, the therapy is working.

 

Mom is still not drinking yet and still seeing her doctors three times a week. Thank God. Although, the anniversary of Sam dying is coming up soon. That’s going to be a rough day. It’s a rough day for me which is part of the reason why we’re doing sleepovers right now. Yes, big brother, I am taking my contraceptive hypo regularly. Baby D is cute, but I’d don’t want to have to change diapers on a regular basis anytime soon. Also, we are not planning to elope anytime soon or at all. I know about the bet because Sue read Sulu’s letter to Desi. Do you not have better things to do like take care of a starship?

 

Okay the other reason why we’re not at the dorms is the rumor mill is god-awful here as well and they keep asking inappropriate questions about how Liz became an aunt. Did you know that the Bastard’s sister lives in our dorm? Also, she has a big mouth. And just because your mom is Admiral does not mean that you can just punch out people that refer to your sister as a slut. For the sake of keeping Liz from ending up in judiciary for punching people out, we would rather spend quality time with an eight-month-old.

 

I don’t think Liz is as used to people talking shit about her sister as I am about people saying terrible things about you. Let’s be honest, Jim, the whole town of Riverside talked shit about you for the entire time I lived there, at least until you saved all their lives. I’m 99% sure that was happening before Winona adopted me. I knew more about Frank than I ever wanted to and I never met the Bastard. Although, I want to kill him.

 

You always told me to hold my head up high when people are talking about me behind my back, mostly about me having a locker filled with protein bars. You told me not to listen to idiots with big mouths and no brains. You told me to tell them to get fucked, but I’m in the protocol classes this semester so I’m learning not to phrase things that way.

 

I have also passed your sage advice on to Liz multiple times during the last week and I now say the same to you. They’re just not worth dealing with. It is impossible for me to care less about these people, literally impossible. I have other things to worry about like the pop quiz in Introduction to Diplomacy. You know, Spock adores you, so don’t worry about their opinions of your marriage. You have better things to do, and for the love of the universe don’t tell me that your husband.

 

PS: Liz told me to tell you chocolate sprinkles. What the hell does that mean?

To be continued

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think ‘chocolate sprinkles’ means?


	8. Day 9: Diary of James Tiberius Kirk, husband of Spock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last chapter. You’re all absolutely wonderful. Of course, at some point we would have therapy letters/journal entries from Jim and Spock. What would the dear Spock universe be without these two spilling all their secrets to each other. For right now, this will be the only story element, where our on ship characters will talk to each other, but that could change over time.
> 
> I had planned to post this yesterday but I accidentally left it on my work computer. Then when I tried to post it at lunch today, the Internet was evil and wouldn’t let me. Thankfully I could email it to myself. Sorry.

February 26, 2260

Dear Spock:

 

So I managed to make it to day 9 (technically) of our five-year mission without waking up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night after having a dying in the warp core flashback/nightmare. But hey, at least there was no screaming involved. This time. Tonight, it was me dying there and not you. Or rather other you dying there. So at least there’s that. Emotional transference sucks and I hope you’re not sharing dreams with me right now. That would just make things worse.

 

Honestly, I was expecting this the first night on the ship. Being back at the scene of the crime for the first time since dying would, of course, trigger nightmares. But it didn’t happen. I like to think you completely wearing me out from the first night did the trick, but you’re currently banning all type of activities like that until the soundproofing situation is fixed.

 

I am sorry again for not locking the other door. Okay, I am sorry for not locking the doors at all. I completely forgot that now that we’re married, they put someone else next-door. On the bright side, the soundproofing **will** be added tomorrow and at least Hikaru only gossips to his boyfriend and his baby’s mama who happens to be the sister of my brother’s girlfriend. We know the real story on how his daughter came into the world, so it’s not like he will lose respect for us.

 

Now for the rest the ship, there isn’t much hope left. Everybody keeps talking about my demotion. Everybody! Because of course they see it as a demotion and not me stepping aside because I want my husband to get to do the same things I do because he deserves it and not just for publicity reasons.

 

I don’t want to hold you back. We are equals in this. I never want to hold you back because somehow you decided that I was worth your time. Because baby, let’s be honest, you are so out of my league. Why did you fall in love with me? Sometimes I don’t get it. Especially when I have to listen to such bullshit all the time. You know my self-worth is all out of whack.

 

Seriously, why did I die for these people? I mean if I’m going to wake up every couple of weeks to nightmares about actually dying, and I mean real nightmares where I feel the pain of dying all over again, I would like for them to be a little bit nicer about it. Okay, let’s be honest, I did it for you. I always do it for you.

 

I’m never going to regret you being alive or any of the crew members that we actually like. Especially those that are my friends. JoJo is just starting to be okay-ish. I don’t know what would happen if she lost her mom and dad within a month. Of course if Bones died in a horrible crash, maybe JoJo would still have her mom or maybe she would’ve been in the car when the accident happened. You never know.

 

Why did I have flashbacks to dying tonight? I’ve been in engineering multiple times in the last week and a half, mostly to deal with the teenagers and the illegal distillery, but still no flashbacks. Okay, so I take the long way to avoid where I actually died, but I have been down there so that is not the trigger.

 

Also, it’s another three weeks before the anniversary of Sam’s death. That’s more of a trigger for mom and Kevin than me. The actual date of his death doesn’t mean the same as it means to them because I didn’t even find out about it for three more months. Now that’s the day that I just get nauseous thinking about. I’m planning to take the day off like last year. It is easier to do stuff like that when you’re not Captain. So hey, there’s one advantage to switching jobs.

 

Okay, maybe the fact that somebody is spying on us again is leading to unpleasant dreams. And you thought it was silly for me setting up a code system. I mean, the last time it happened, it was all part of the conspiracy that led to me dying in the warp core. After all the trials and hearings over the last eight months, I kind of hoped we were done with all of that and we could just put it behind us, but apparently, it’s happening again.

 

So who do you think is reading our outgoing correspondence? I could totally see Admiral Chan doing it because, well, my brother is dating her daughter and Sulu knocked up her other daughter during a shore leave three-way with the bi curious loser who ran away after the condom broke. Okay, I wanted it to be Chan because she would be the most benign person to be spying on us.

 

At the same time, I don’t think it’s her because Admiral Chan seems like the type of person who would tell you that she’s reading your personal correspondence. She also hates most of Starfleet’s hierarchal bullshit. So, if somebody was ordering her to do it she probably would just tell them the fuck off. You have no idea how many members of the Admiralty she told to get fucked when she violated direct orders to save everyone on Tarsus.

 

Also, Liz warned us so maybe not her. I don’t know. I will send the message once I encrypt everything and set up something non-Starfleet that they can’t spy on. Give me a couple of days, maybe more if I have to keep dealing with teenagers. JoJo is perfect, but some of the others not so much. We are never having kids. Kevin is like it.

 

Although, considering we are being spied on, I think this time around I’m going to do all my letters to you in hard copy. Maybe I should be happy that Margarita gave me an entire stack of diaries or maybe she just realizes I’m that screwed up and may need an entire stack of therapy diaries. Who knows with her. My therapist is strange.

xxxxx

Dear James:

 

Although I do believe that you will successfully create a secure channel to communicate with friends and family outside of Starfleet that will not be monitored, I do agree that we should do any personal correspondence of a private nature via hardcopy therapy journal. I will not use this opportunity to convince you that procreation will be necessary in the future because I do not take your previous comments regarding not having children seriously.

 

I did not wake up, because I shared your dream. I did wake up because you laid on top of me when you retrieved a therapy journal to write to me. I grabbed it to respond to you as soon as your breathing evened out indicating that you have successfully fallen back to sleep without the need of a sedative hypo. I’m grateful for that.

 

Statistically speaking, there is a probability of 37.3% of the Admiralty ordering that our personal correspondence be monitored. However, I do believe most members who survived the purge would not use that information in an attempt to kill you again.

 

I’m not entirely certain what could have led to the return of your recurring nightmare. It could be a number of things including the fact that we will be resuming normal missions very soon. You will be leading the delegation to negotiate a treaty with the Federation in 5.2 days’ time. Maybe this assignment is causing you apprehension? You did almost die of anaphylaxis the first time you participated in treaty negotiations. I do not believe that will be an issue. This time because we will be providing all food per the agreement. Dr. McCoy will also be scanning all food prior to the diplomatic reception.

 

I too believe that Dr. Margarita Cruz is well-suited and a better psychologist than her predecessor. If the nightmares persist, I do want you to talk to her about this issue.

 

If gossip persists, please provide me with the names of these individuals so I can refer them to HR to take the appropriate training class.

 

Xxxxx

Dear Spock:

Okay, so I’m writing you a quick response while you’re in the shower. Thanks to the schedule you created after the neighbor walking in on us during the bathroom sex incident, I know I have 15 minutes to reply.

 

Love you for threatening to send everybody who is talking smack about me to HR, but that wouldn’t be right. However, I will email you a list of the people who are talking bad about my goddaughter and baby Demora. I was thinking about doing it myself, but it’s more powerful when you do it. It’s one of the perks of being a Captain Spock bear. Enjoy it.

 

I so should’ve known that you were actually going to follow that rule about captains not doing most away missions. That makes total sense. You love your rules. They make you happy and actually doing something other than paperwork makes me happy even if it is a negotiation. Also away missions were my favorite part of being a Captain which is why I did more than I probably should have. So, I’m glad that I’m still doing that part of the job.

 

I’m confident that the Admiralty will not try to kill me again during a negotiation with something from the strawberry family, despite the code “chocolate sprinkles” we are dealing with. No one would be stupid enough to try that again. Okay, at least I hope that all the admirals that survived the purge would not be that stupid again. Moments like these make me miss Chris. It also makes me sad we have Rodriguez instead of Mrs. Admiral Pike. Of course, Chen had to avoid the appearances of favoritism.

 

If the dream happens again, I promise I will bring it up in therapy. Yes, I’ve been making my sessions. They usually line up with your extra lab time. Maybe you can spend a little more time after hours with me instead of barging into Carol’s lab because she might kill you. I would just like to say I love you too much to be a widow.

 

To be continued


	9. Excerpts from the diary of Josephine Jamie Uhura-McCoy 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and commenting. You’re all lovely. We have another diaries section because Jim is still working on making sure Starfleet or various unknown entities cannot intercept his email. So if you haven’t realized it yet chocolate sprinkles means they’re being spied on by somebody probably Starfleet.
> 
> This is short. If I start getting chapters from the next batch back from proofreading, I might upload another chapter in under a week. However, I really don’t want gaps longer than a week if I can help it. I spent Thanksgiving weekend doing the next batch of chapters.

Excerpts from the diary of Josephine Jamie Uhura-McCoy

February 28, 2060

Dear Diary:

I think Pavel and Liz may be my only friends. Maybe Kevin too, but he hasn’t written me yet. Although I haven’t written him either. Maybe I should write him or at least write Liz back, but that’s not possible because Uncle Jim is trying to fix the email system. Part of me is happy for that because I’m not entirely sure what to say beyond I hate all the other kids here so much.

I had to work on the project alone today again. Not because I’m working on something at a lower level than my classmates, but because nobody wanted to work with the ship’s baby. I’m doing the same math as half of the other students there and they call me a baby. Actually, they called me Captain’s baby. I’m also Captain’s pet. They’re really mad about me having access to a replicator that does Snickers bars. If they didn’t try to block the teacher in the turbolift, they would have access to the snicker bar replicator.

I hate them all. Like I can’t hear what they’re saying about me when I’m at the next table.

I haven’t heard from any of my friends in Georgia either and I can’t blame that on the email system being down because I haven’t heard from anybody since Christmas and that was mostly a hasty thank you for the presents that I sent. Okay mom Nyota sent the presents, but I picked most of them out and I did extra chores for a week.

Maybe it’s better that the friendships end now. It’s not going to be easy to stay friends. When we’re light years apart and can only communicate through emails that may eventually take weeks to get to Earth. Besides, what do we talk about? I’m living in space with my dad and my sort of step mom. They are back in the Atlanta suburbs with their perfect families and lawns. I used to have that and then my alcoholic mom drove into a tree.

The only good thing that happened this week was Saturday making brownies with dad. He managed to get the kitchen just for us. Turns out you can make brownies without eggs. Which is good because we probably will not see actual eggs for at least four months. Also using substitutes from other planets can be dangerous or deadly. Dad has been giving me that lecture a lot. 

It has been nice to be with him here. I hated it when he was away before. It was even worse because mom wouldn’t let me talk to him. I blamed her for him being so far away. I would never say it out loud because I was afraid of what she would do, but I always thought it. Is that why she drank? I don’t know.

Uncle Jim says that it’s not my fault. That it was a problem she had and that there was nothing I could do to change that. Everyone says that, but I believe him at least a little bit because his mommy has a drinking problem as well, so I almost believe him.

To be continued


	10. Day 13: Now Resuming Semi-Normal Communications

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last section. You are all wonderful.

 

 

Xxxxx

Therapy Journal excerpts from Jim Kirk, husband of Spock

March 2, 2260

Dear Spock:

So, good news. I didn’t wake up tonight due to a warp core flashback. I did wake up because of a dream about Kevin finding Winona’s body on the anniversary of Sam’s death. March 20 is a bad day for our family. You have no idea how many times I had to… I don’t even know how to finish or explain to you what those days were like before she tried to get clean. I was always expecting to come home one day and find her dead. Then she got clean and I thought I wouldn’t have to worry about her dying of alcohol poisoning anytime soon.

 

After her relapse last June, the fear is back and we are light years away. I don’t want to put this on Kevin. One of the reasons why we switched was if Winona goes off the rails again, I can leave to deal with it and you get Sulu as your temp first officer. And yet Kevin is going to have to deal with the initial fallout on his own.

 

Also, I’m worried that the Admiralty is out to get us again. Okay maybe not get us. But somebody is obviously sabotaging the dependent minors on board program because they sent us hellions. They’re like me, but worse because I never locked an 11-year-old in a Jeffries tube. I never partook in bullying. I was the one getting bullied. I just fought back.

 

I think they’re pissed off because she’s doing freshman math and having private Russian lessons. Okay, I think the last part may be why the girls were involved. Our navigator is very popular with the three Ashleys. Seriously how did we get three girls named Ashley, ages 15 to 17 on the same ship? Somebody in the Admiralty hates us.

 

Hey, can you teach an 11-year-old how to do a nerve pinch? Seriously, I would feel better if Jo Jo could defend herself and apparently her pre-ship self-defense class was mostly about running away. Apparently, they are faster than her. And she won’t tell Bones and Nyota what’s going on. She won’t even tell me what’s going on, but I raised Kevin, so I know that they are responsible for what happened. I can’t prove it enough to punish the brats, but I am watching. If something like this happens again they will be off my ship. I mean our ship.

 

Maybe I should ask Kevin for some ideas or maybe ask him to talk to Jo Jo. Apparently, us adults just don’t understand anything. She may tell him what they did.

xxxxxxx

Dear James:

You are aware it is possible for humans to learn how to do this, but I believe Josephine is too young to be instructed in such a matter. I will talk to Mister Sulu about providing Josephine with fencing lessons to supplement any other training that she has had. She appeared to be intrigued when she attended one of his exhibition matches in January. Not only will this provide her with necessary combat skills, but will provide her with another person to interact with.

 

I agree that you should write your brother about this. You should also write to your mother. However, I will force you to do neither.

Dear Spock:

God, I love you.

I’m already dictating a response to Kevin now that I think I have the system working correctly. I tried to dictate one to mom as well, but well, feel free to look through my recycling bin. There’s like 18 attempts in there and none of them are usable.

PS: Write your father.

Xxxx

 

From: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

To: Kevin KR

Time sent: 3/2/2260 11:13:17

Subject: Tell your girlfriend and Sue thank you.

 

Chocolate sprinkles means that the ship is being spied on by Starfleet. Chocolate sprinkles mean that just the bridge crew is being spied on. Rainbow sprinkles means that whole ship was being spied on. Thankfully, that was not the case. Otherwise you would not be getting this email for at least a month as I fix things. This disruption they’re not even going to notice because everyone else is still sending and receiving emails.

 

I’ll try to email mom, especially before March 20 a.k.a. the anniversary of Sam’s death, but I make no promises. Usually letters to mom result in a full recycling basket or broken PADDs. The quartermaster is kind of a little pissed at me for breaking so many during my sabbatical. It’s not my fault Spock can be a little rough in bed and the work ones are so cheap. You’d think they would make them unbreakable by now.

 

Hey, I am betting against you two running off and getting married without telling the admiral because I don’t want to go back to Delta Vega. If you piss her off, it will be bad for all of us. Everybody knows what she did to Susan’s ex-boyfriend, which is probably why he and his sister are being so petty and vindictive right now. The guy totally deserved it. But I don’t want to end up there because of you.

 

I’ll write you again after my first mission in a couple of days. I’m leading the negotiating team because my husband realizes that’s my favorite part of my day job. Hopefully this negotiation will go better than some of the previous ones.

 

On the bright side, it will keep me from spending quality time with teenagers. I really think somebody in Starfleet is trying to sabotage the minors on ship program. Probably not your future mother-in-law because hey, she at least tipped us off to the spying, but it could be someone else, who knows. They’re being extra nasty to Josephine so if you wouldn’t mind being a great little brother and sending her an email that would be great. Her new non-Starfleet email address is kitten_loverJJMU.

 

Just like you in Junior high, she won’t tell me who is treating her like crap. But you know I have my ways. Unfortunately, I think she’s using a hardcopy therapy journal so hacking won’t work like last time, and Spock frowns upon breaking and entering..

 

I’m getting used to my new job. Although things are not too different. I spent most of yesterday reprimanding Scotty for trying to turn engineering into a distillery again. This is not my idea of fun. I had to reprimand him because somehow Rodriguez found out. I’m trying to decide if Pike told her or if Rodriguez is the one spying on us. I was kind of hoping this time our admiral wasn’t out to kill us all. Of course, maybe she just wants to not have kids living on starships. One can hope.

 

It’s probably best that Liz is not on campus. Judiciaries are not fun and well, if people were saying nasty things about my sister and my niece, there wouldn’t be enough people to hold me back. People have no right to be talking about an innocent little baby like that. Also, if Sue wants to have a three-way, it’s none of their damn business. Although I can totally understand why Liz would not want people knowing about the details of her sister’s sex life.

Xxxxxx

From: SuluHG2260

To: Mommy_Susan

Time sent: 3/2/2260 19:03:06

Subject: Sorry I haven’t written you lately

 

Dear Demora:

I’m sorry I didn’t email you earlier. Uncle Jim had to take the system off-line for a few days to do some repairs and reconfiguring. But it’s all fixed right now so I can talk to you again. I’ve missed you and your mommy.

 

So, what have you been up to? Have you started crawling yet? Learned any unfamiliar words lately? I’ve been doing a lot of flying. I can’t wait until we get there in a couple of days. I love exploring new planets. Okay, I like finding new plants. One of the favorite parts of my job.

In other exciting news, Uncle Spock asked me to teach Jo Jo how to fence. He won’t explain why he asked me to do this, but Josephine was excited when I suggested it. Honestly, I think I was asked to spend extra time with her because the Ashleys are stuck up teenage girls. Promise me you won’t end up like that. Always treat everybody with respect and dignity.

Anyway, love you.

xxxxxxxxx

From: SuluHG2260

To: Benjamin_2254

Subject: Sorry I haven’t written lately.

Time sent: 3/2/2260 19:23:01

Sorry I haven’t written you recently. We were having email issues. I assume that’s probably why I haven’t received a reply from my last message. I’m not worried that you met a new hot guy at playgroup that is 100 times better than me mostly because he’s there. Although just to be on the safe side, I am getting your birthday present next month from the red-light district. Hide that from the kids.

 

Anyway, miss you. Having next door neighbors that make out constantly is making it a little bit worse. They’re trying to be discreet, but I know a Vulcan make out session when I see one. At least Jim stopped licking chocolate off Spock’s fingers in the mess hall, which is good because we have children present. I will use children because Josephine’s the most mature one and she is still a preteen. The Ashleys scare me and I grew up with a house full of sisters. Sisters who like to test their makeup skills on me. I’m personally surprise they haven’t emailed you pictures of that yet.

 

Anyway, love you.

To be continued


	11. Day 14: Now resuming incoming messages

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all wonderful. I hope to start posting chapters sooner than once a week, but that probably won’t happen until after the holidays. We shall see.
> 
> Please note that the incoming message from Ben was written before Sulu sent his message. We are reading all the emails from the perspective of the Enterprise email server, which means that we’re seeing them when they arrived at the ship, not when they are originally written. That’s why the timestamp reads time arrived instead of time sent.

From: Benjamin_2254

To: SuluHG

Subject: Miss you so much

Time arrived: 3/3/2260 00:00:01

 

Yes, I baby proofed that door. I also told Sue to baby proof her version of her drawer. Just in time because Demora has started scooting. That means crawling is only a couple of weeks away. We will get video of it. Don’t worry.

 

Kiko bear is starting to pick up a few more words, one of which sounds almost like your last name. It’s kind of cute. They’re both doing so well and are hitting all their milestones. They both miss you though. I think having the PADD or the daddy bear reading bedtime stories in your voice has helped. Hearing your voice even if it’s not really your voice helps me sleep so I’m sure it does wonders for the kids. Would it be completely inappropriate to have the app on the PADD read me something a little more sensual then the best of Dr. Seuss?

Xxxx

From: SpockX-Kirk

To: Ambassador_Sarek

Time arrived: 3/2/2260 05:12:01

Subject: Re: Are you well?

 

I apologize father for not replying to you sooner. We had some issues with our off-ship communication system. However, James has resolved these issues, which means that same day personal correspondence is possible until the completion of our next mission. After this, all outgoing ship correspondence not marked as essential will be transmitted every 24 to 48 hours depending on our current position relative to key Federation communications outposts. As we get farther from key communications outposts, the lag in nonessential non-Starfleet communication will increase. All non-Starfleet instant messaging applications have been deactivated due to recent misuse.

 

I hope you are well. I am adapting to my new position as captain of Enterprise. However, I too miss certain aspects of my previous position. I would feel more comfortable sending James on his upcoming mission to negotiate a memo of understanding with the inhabitants of #%# if I was the one preparing his briefing materials or at least reading over them beforehand. Apparently, they are not ready for a completely binding agreement with the Federation (and are still somewhat Federation hostile), but they need our expertise to help prevent a possible food crisis in five years’ time.

 

This may explain why I spend so much time going over the reports of the science department. James has complained about this multiple times. I do not doubt the competency of my replacement, but I do miss actively participating in scientific discovery. Yet, during the early part of this five-year assignment, I must focus on keeping the ship running. There will be time for scientific discovery, I hope.

 

James is also well. I do believe he is in a state of being overworked and under stimulated. Part of this is because our intended assistant chose not to join Enterprise 3.4 days before ship launch and we were unable to procure a replacement. James is being forced to do things that he normally would not which is causing him to be somewhat restless. I think it will pass once we are in the active stage of our current mission. It has improved slightly due to his work on the outgoing email system.

 

Of course, historically James is always uneasy as we are traveling to the next mission. He is adapting to his new role admirably. I am upset that other people are insinuating that this was a demotion instead of a choice decided upon by Jim for his own emotional well-being and family needs.

 

You are aware that Winona Kirk is unwell, but most in Starfleet are not. If Winona has a mental health emergency that requires James to return to Earth, he will be able to do so in his current position, but not his previous position as captain. Not unless the situation was dire.

 

In addition, although I do not doubt James’ abilities to be captain of Enterprise after his near-death experience, I don’t think James is emotionally healthy enough to take on all the responsibilities associated with said duties. He still has nightmares and flashbacks to the incident. He is unable to walk near the warp core despite his two sessions a week with Dr. Margarita Cruz. Is it not the role of a husband to share all burdens with his spouse? I need to help carry these burdens whenever possible.

 

Yet some outside our relationship do not understand this. I dislike the murmuring among certain members of the crew. Not all members of the crew, especially those that are aware of the advanced capabilities of Vulcan hearing. But I do worry that such murmuring will be detrimental to James’ emotional healing. I’m always concerned about him. He is my husband.

 

Please write again at your earliest convenience. In the future, also use this email address instead of my Starfleet one for personal correspondence. However, if you must contact me in your role as ambassador, please use the Starfleet account, but do not include anything of a personal nature in such messages.

 

xxxxx

Dear James:

 

I have emailed my father.

Therefore, you should send either draft 6, 12 or 15 or any combination of the drafts to your mother. In exchange for doing this, I’m willing to try out fantasy 672 in my ready room, if you can secure my ready room.

xxxx

From: SuluHG2260

To: Benjamin_2254

Subject: I think our emails crossed in the night.

Time arrived: 3/03/2260 06:15:21

 

I think our emails crossed in the night. Yours arrived one minute after midnight. Maybe they’re holding everything to the dead of night to transmit and we are only getting them every few days. It makes sense, sort of. Even though Jim got the email system working again yesterday, we didn’t get any of the incoming emails until today. Just like yours, they all arrived at midnight.

 

Sorry for my last insecure message. Please ignore. Sweetie, you should start sending things to this email account. I would like to tell myself that the delay in correspondence is because Sue’s mom is trying to decide your fitness as a future stepdad to her grandchild, but that would be too easy and things on Enterprise are rarely easy.

 

No, it would not be inappropriate to have your PADD read that in my voice. I would send you something, but again, I really think the messages are being intercepted, possibly by my daughter’s grandmother. Although, during my misspent youth, I may have written some erotic Ironman/Captain America fanfiction. Tony/Steve, the OG versions. Asked Sue for my pen name. I’m not putting it in this email because I can totally see my benevolent boss blackmailing me with the existence of such writing in exchange for being able to have shower sex with his husband again. Don’t hold anything I wrote at 17 against me.

Xxxxxx

From: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

To: W_Kirk_wellness_Hills

Bcc: Jim’s_cuddlebear

Subject: I’m still alive and kicking mom

Time arrived: 3/03/2260 22:15:21

 

Hi mom:

 

I’m happy to report that nothing crazy has happened yet. Although that may be because we’re still a few days out from our first mission which is now just going to be trying to negotiate a memo of understanding. Apparently, I’m just not good enough for a full treaty. I have no idea.

 

 Okay, it’s not that boring. Four of the five teenagers are systematically trying to make my work life a living hell which I’m not surprised by. Jeremy and the Ashleys are also making JoJo’s life a living hell and I’m not allowed to tell Bones. She barely told me anything. And that’s mostly because I rescued her from a Jeffries tube after the Jays locked her in for three hours, assholes. Thank God, the other J told me what was going on because his conscience started to get to him. Therefore, Spock and I set up fencing lessons for her.

 

I probably shouldn’t have agreed to keeping quiet until things get dangerous. I mean, I made that sort of promise to Kevin, but as an actual grown-up, I realize maybe that wasn’t the best course. Although I will be telling her mom and dad, eventually just not right now. I just hope they don’t do something stupid enough to force me to move up the timetable.

 

So, how’s community life? Are you still doing the art classes? Spock really liked that painting you made for him at Christmas.

 

Okay so I know I should write more, but I’m not that good at writing to you. Okay I’m bad at it, but hey at least this is better than me just sending you a music file. A for effort right?

Xxxxx

 

Dear Spock:

 

As you can see (I hope), I did write my mom. Unfortunately, I can’t completely lock your ready room so that fantasy is going in the vault, but I’m sure we’ll think of something fun to do. I got chocolate syrup. Okay, I figured out how to replicate chocolate syrup. How do you feel about doing the Vulcan equivalent to body shots?

 

To be continued

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In a world where Jim/Spock did not give birth to slash fanfiction, I had to decide which group of fictional characters would be responsible and I chose Tony and Steve. I mean there’s a canon universe where an always a girl Tony (Natasha Stark) marries Steve. That’s just asking for the birth of slash right there.


	12. Day 16: Kevin Kirk has No Patience

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You’re all absolutely fabulous. We’re skipping a day because as we get farther and farther from Earth and major communications have these messages are going to take longer and longer to be received. Also, it means that I’m not going to have to write well over 1000 chapters. Although I bet some of you want me to do a 1000 chapter plus story. If you do please review.

From: Kevin KR

To: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

Time arrived: 3/5/2260 00:00:01

Subject: Re: Tell your girlfriend and Sue thank you.

 

Okay, either we are still at code chocolate sprinkles or you’re getting farther away and they’re holding the emails for a little while and delivering everything to Earth at the same time as evidenced by the fact that Liz’s sister got her email at the exact same time I got mine. I want to go with the latter, because poking around didn’t yield anything new. Okay, it yielded some things that I am not at liberty to say, in case this communication is still being monitored. Let’s just say that the dorm gossip problem has calmed down due to the wrath of Barnett.

 

Sue’s mom didn’t tell her anything. Ben told Sue that it took him two days to hear from his boyfriend, even though Sue knows that her baby’s daddy sent the letters at the same time. At that point she was 99% sure somebody with screening the letters. That’s when she had one of her friends take a look and they found something. That’s apparently why I was told to tell you about chocolate sprinkles. We neglected to tell her about my computer skills, which is why she got outside help.

 

I’m not sure who was listening in, but my gut says your Admiral Rodriguez. She used to be friends with Nyota’s mom, but they had a falling out. I don’t know what happened, but apparently it’s gotten worse in recent weeks. Sue has all the good gossip and she’s not sharing.

 

Okay, it’s also could be Nyota’s mom. Apparently, she writes her mom even less often then you write mom if such a thing was possible.

 

I know it’s hard for you to write to mom, but do try. I think it will go better this time around, if you talk to her every once in a while. You know she’s scared about you dying like your dad. The fact that you almost died last year is not doing you any favors. It has been eight months. Liz’s niece has only been alive slightly longer than your death.

 

So, I think it would put mom’s mind at ease if you wrote to her.

 

Yes, I will write to Josephine. Liz wrote her last week, but we haven’t received a reply. Of course, this is probably because the email system is severely screwed up. I’m just going to assume that is what happened.

 

Is she okay with you still calling her Jo Jo? I know she really wants people to use her new name. I think she’s trying to, I don’t know, forget about what happened to her in the new name as part of that process. Losing a parent is hard. But at least I had somebody to blame.

 

Talk to you later, big brother. It’s too early to be this emotional and retrospective.

Xxxxx

From: Kevin KR

To: kitten_loverJJMU

Time arrived: 3/5/2260 00:00:01

Subject: How are you?

 

Hey Josephine, how are you doing?

Liz wrote you last week, but we haven’t heard back. She assumes classes are just that awful and you don’t want to talk about it. I assume that your response probably got lost in the email. Who knows. It’s weird. It’s never a good sign when emails are showing up in my inbox at least a whole day after they’ve been written.

 

So what’s been going on with you? Done anything cool yet? Feel free to torture my brother by whatever means necessary. I’m not there so you must do it in my stead. You know, make sure he does something other than work and make out with his husband. It’s healthier that way.

Xxxx

From: Kevin KR

To: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

Time arrived: 3/5/2260 00:00:01

Subject: Re: Tell your girlfriend and Sue thank you.

 

Okay, the email system is wonky on your ship.

 

Mom just called to tell me that you actually wrote her. Which is nice. She’s really excited. And happy, especially because you just didn’t send her song lyrics that time. I mean really you thought you were gonna die and you just send her song lyrics. Good song lyrics, but still just song lyrics. That may not have been the best thing. Now she’s trying to figure out what to say to you, which is always problematic. She’s coming over for dinner tomorrow. Just because the gossip is calming down, doesn’t mean it’s gone. Actually I don’t think Liz is ever moving back because Sue needs all the help she can get now that she is firmly a single parent.

 

Xxxxxx

From: Mommy_Susan

To: SuluHG2260

Time arrived: 3/5/2260 00:00:01

Subject: Sorry I haven’t written you lately

 

Hey sweetie, joint email from me and your boyfriend. We are drinking coffee together as we ignore the other mom’s in playgroup. They’re stuck up little bitches with their perfect husbands’ and their disdain for military service. Like it was our fault that Marcus was secretly building his ship for war because he was off his rocker. Sorry. The guy was a bastard. And so was the other guy and well, if it wasn’t for me going into labor early, we would all be so fucked right now. I’m laughing uncontrollably over your moment of total insecurity. Seriously Ben loves you so much. There’s one other gay dad in our group who keeps trying to ask your boyfriend for coffee and he doesn’t even look at him. It’s adorable.

 

I gave Ben your old username. Good thing you got better at having sex than writing about it. He totally finds it adorable. Total keeper that one. Like seriously, I’m so mad he’s gay and not a little flexible like you. We could have had the best poly relationship ever.

 

I would ask your oldest sister for footage of their makeup tutorials, but I don’t think she likes me (and the youngest said she had nothing). Every time I send her baby pictures or video. She just replies with a curt thank you and doesn’t say anything else. It’s weird.

 

That reminds me, Attached is a video file of our little darling, wiggling her butt around the blocks. Almost kind of crawling. She’s trying. Yes, I will send this to your parents and your sisters, including the one that really doesn’t like me.

 

Okay and now the other moms are talking smack about our kids. Yes, I’m going to have to go.

Xxxxxx

 

From: SuluHG2260

To: Mommy_Susan

Time sent: 3/5/2260 19:03:06

Subject: Re: Sorry I haven’t written you lately

 

I think we might already have a poly relationship, kind of sort of. Our family is special. I kind of like that you guys are close. Although seriously, maybe it’s time to find a better playgroup. Maybe one with people you actually like. Isn’t there a Starfleet mommies group or something? There has to be.

 

My big sister being uncomfortable around you has nothing to do with you. It’s more the fact that I managed to accidentally have a kid, even though I am at least 80% gay while she and the husband have been trying for years to get pregnant and all they’ve had has been miscarriages and stillbirths. I think there’s a lot of anger there and jealousy that she didn’t even know was there until the situation happened. I was the last one in the family who anyone would think would have a kid. You know, unless me and you came to an arrangement a decade from now because we are single and don’t want to end up childless.

 

Big sis is going to be jealous because our baby is cute and here, and most importantly alive. I just want to cuddle all of you. Although maybe doing fencing lessons with Josephine will take the edge off of not being an active daddy. I really miss you guys so much.

 

Just try carefully with my sister.

xxxxx

From: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

To: Kevin KR

Time sent: 3/5/2260 21:45:54

Subject: Re: Tell your girlfriend and Sue thank you.

 

I’ve checked three times, so I don’t think we’re being spied on now. It probably is. We are getting farther out of range which wasn’t supposed to happen until after we left our next mission, but I am neither shocked nor surprised. I have a feeling that you may have did something to trigger the wrath of Barnett. I’m not going to ask because I want plausible deniability. Bonus points for not going to your future mother-in-law. I think Liz is like that. She likes to solve her own problems, I think.

 

Thank you for writing Jo Jo. I think she really needs a friend. It’s becoming more and more obvious that maybe we should look at different teenagers to participate in this pilot program, only Jo Jo and Jay 2 (prefers Jay to his actual name, or so I’ve been told) are not totally awful. Yes, I can still call her Jo Jo. I just can’t call her JoAnn or Joanna or anything too close to her old name. Sometimes I’m shocked she chose Josephine as her new first name instead of going with something totally different. But it’s not exactly like she has shared with us why she wanted the name change so badly.

 

I think she’s trying to distance herself from who she was pre-crash. Maybe it’s less painful that way. I don’t know if it’s because of her mother’s sudden death or because the situation before was so bad. I don’t know if I should be telling you this, but Bones’ ex-wife was abusive and his former father-in-law was worse which is why they managed to get full custody, despite the fact both of her guardians now live on Enterprise. So, congratulations Jo Jo has more baggage than both of us which considering my daddy died when I was four minutes old and what happened to your family on the planet of the damned, in addition to our Winona issues, That’s saying a lot.

 

Okay I’m glad mom is venturing out to family dinners. I’m glad you’re doing family dinners. Spock has kinda made them mandatory for us. Maybe we should invite Jo Jo sometimes to give her a break from the parents and maybe some of the other kids. Never know. Anyway miss you. Talk to you later. Eventually, chances are I probably won't hear a reply from you first, which I’m sort of excited for because the cabin fever is setting in.

To be continued


	13. Day 17: More excerpts from the diary of a couple totally in love with each other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all absolutely fabulous. I’m sorry, I meant to post this yesterday but I got very busy. Now, more fun with Jim and Spock. Aren’t they just the cutest?
> 
>  
> 
> Also, I’m wondering right now if I need to raise the rating of the story for Jim’s possibly dirty diary entries at some point. Jim is smart enough not to write Spock an erotic/explicit email that Starfleet may come across, but he would totally write Spock a long and extremely explicit list of sex positions that he would like to try out in their shared diary. We shall see.

May 7, 2260

 

Dear Spock:

 

So it is 2:42 AM ship time and I am still not asleep despite your stellar performance last night. Five stars, will fuck again even though you refused to re-institute shower sex. I don’t know why. Sulu was doing his first fencing lesson with Jo Jo. He was gone for three hours. It would’ve been like the perfect opportunity.

 

Why am I still up when you are currently curled around me like I’m your teddy bear? Probably nervousness. If you were up and not sleeping your minimum four hours for optimal function, you would probably tell me that nervousness is illogical. You know, despite the fact that you’ve been kind of nervous since we arrived on ship last month. You’re such a hypocrite. I love you anyway.

 

So why am I nervous? I’m going with the fact that it is our first real mission since dying, well my first mission since dying. I mean during the interim we did whatever Starfleet made us do which was mostly a lot of paperwork and recruitment so that totally doesn’t count. We barely left the planet outside of our wedding which they hijacked and turned into a recruitment session on the new colony. Okay, our second wedding on the new Vulcan colony, although beautiful, was your dad’s show and you know it.

 

I mean I don’t think we’re going to be ambushed by Klingons tomorrow, I hope. I also don’t think any of the Admiralty would be stupid enough to add stuff from the strawberry family to the menu tomorrow. I mean it’s supposed to be a simple mission get the representative of the planets to sign a memo of understanding with the Federation regarding agriculture assistance, I think. I have to re-read the pre-mission brief again. It was so much easier when you annotated the hell out of them for me. Now I kind of need to use your study methods myself. Or am I supposed to prepare the annotative background papers for you? This is me trying to figure out our new roles. How do I support you?

 

As you are aware, being a first officer is different. I like getting to spend more time with the actual crew, not the ones that are assholes. I spent so much time before dealing with the assholes on the Admiralty that I didn’t know or see what was going on with our crew. Really wish I saw the disgruntled employee that was dousing Nyota with fertility drugs in some twisted attempt to get her boyfriend.

 

And despite the vast quantities of it, I am starting to make a dent in the mountain of administrative chaos. Which makes me happy. That means I will actually get bridge time with you. Well more bridge time. I think we might need like an extra assistant or two, or at least one at all actually. I distinctly remember paneling somebody for the position, but it fell through for reasons unknown.

 

Okay, even the teenagers have given me two days of peace. Which is good because I was really starting to hate that aspect of the job. I expected this tenuous peace to fall apart any moment, but I’m going to treasure it for however long it lasts. I expect everything to come undone when I get shot at tomorrow or something similar. Again, something’s going to go wrong. OK I am yawning and the pages are getting blurry so maybe I should try sleeping again.

 

Love you.

 

PS: Can I get a good morning blowjob? Or should I give you one? Your ears are cute when you sleep. You’re hot. Well cold, but really hot anyway.

Xxxxx

 

Dear James:

 

I do not see you as an Earth teddy bear, despite the fact that I sleep 42.3% better when I am within close physical proximity to you. Although I mostly sleep better because I am warmer when I am holding you. Since you cannot sleep even when completely naked with the thermostat at my preferred temperature, this is the best position for optimal sleep.

 

James, are you aware that when you write to me when you’re trying to fall asleep, you’re somewhat incoherent? You also tend to follow a stream of consciousness style, to some degree. Maybe it was less noticeable when you dictate as opposed to writing the letter by hand.

 

I’m glad you are starting to feel more comfortable in your new role. I agree we could use an assistant, one for each of us instead of the one we were initially scheduled to share. I do not believe Starfleet gave us an explanation for your Ensign West’s last-minute decision to not join Enterprise. After the final negotiations and signing of the MOU, I suggest looking for suitable replacements. The main issue to be discussed is food security which is connected to agriculture so you were partially correct.

 

There’s no need for you to be anxious or concerned.

 

PS: We are not having shower sex again until shore leave.

 

Xxxxxxx

 

Dear Spock:

 

That is still months away. I know you. You may claim to hate water because of your desert dwelling heritage, but you and I both know better. You will be craving it well before our June shore leave. Or maybe I’ll make you crave it. You love my mouth going over every inch of you as the water cascades down on you. See, aren’t you glad I’m doing this in hard copy.

 

I will look at the prospective assistant candidates when we get back. Although it was slim pickings the first time. Maybe we’ll get lucky and some additional people have freed up since I made my initial list. If things go well today, maybe I can start on it tomorrow. The signing is the important part for me. Then our scientists need to get to work. Although maybe the team should go down first and not wait for us to chat. I feel like there’s some stuff missing from the report that might be important.

 

I’ve been told to remind you that the science department is now Carol’s domain. Despite the fact we both know that you really, really would want to find out why their crops are producing just 30% of what they did five years ago. That is your scientific wet dream stuff coming through. After rereading the report while you were meditating this morning, it appears that the situation is not Tarsus bad, not yet. But I think it could get there, which is why they’re willing to ask the Federation for scientific help despite years of really complicated history.

 

Also, if you think what I wrote last night or rather this morning was ridiculously incoherent, I should let you read some of my rough drafts for term papers. Life advice 142: never write a paper hung over. It just goes badly for all parties involved. Also, never write one sleep deprived. That was kind of my natural setting back then, so I’m still surprised I didn’t flunk anything.

 

Yes, it is possible to get through the Academy in three years. No, I don’t recommend it, although, I successfully talked Liz out of doing that. Maybe that’s because she wants to spend as much time as possible with her boyfriend.

 

 

To be continued


	14. Day 18: More Excerpts from the diary of Josephine Jamie Uhura-McCoy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all absolutely fabulous. Congratulations, we all survive 2017. Now we begin with my first post of the New Year. It is time for more frustrated ramblings of a preteen. Please note that you’re only getting selected inserts from Josephine’s therapy Journal. If I included all her therapy Journal entries, this story would be nothing but excerpts from a preteen diary.

 

March 8, 2260

 

Dear Diary:

 

Living on a starship is not awful. At least now I have access to the botany lab, but still I hate my classmates. It hasn’t even been quite three weeks yet and I hate everything except maybe Jay. He is slightly less of a prick and he warned me not to eat the cookie bar from Ashley 2.

 

Our tutor did eat it and she spent most of the class in the bathroom, which was probably the point. She asked Uncle Jim to reassign her come June. That’s sad because I liked her. She gives me fun projects to do. I hope the replacement will be nice. I hope we get a replacement and they don’t send us back to Earth because everyone else is being so bad.

 

 Do you think I can convince mommy Nyota to let me just do independent study for the next five years? I really think I could learn more by myself. Also, I would like to spend as little time with the Ashleys as humanly possible. All they do is talk about clothes and shoes and how they can convince Pavel to sleep with one of them, but that’s not the words they use.

 

I wonder if any of the teenagers have any real problems. I think Jay might, but he doesn’t talk about it. That’s okay. I don’t want to talk about it either. Except to Dr. Margarita because she doesn’t let me stay quiet.

 

Okay, I’m not completely isolated. Aside from Jay smiling at me when none of the others are around, Kevin emailed me, so I think that means I have actual friends or maybe Uncle Jim made his brother email me. I’m not sure. I’m not sure if I want to know. I really don’t feel like replying, which is why I haven’t yet. If I get a second email, maybe I will. Maybe.

 

Fencing class is fun and Demora’s daddy is really nice. I’m sure I’m going to be learning the basics for weeks to come, but I like it better than the regular self-defense class. Pavel was also there to help. I think it’s because Mr. Sulu doesn’t want to accidentally hurt a child. He’s such a dad. Baby D is so lucky that she has two biological parents that love her.

 

At least I have daddy and Nyota. That’s better than what some have. Jay only has his mom now and she’s always working. But that’s what starship life is like. I wish Dad and Nyota would have more time to spend with me. Now that we’re in an active mission, I haven’t seen mom Nyota since yesterday. She’s part of the negotiations team.

 

Scratch that. She just got back and she is not happy. I can tell because she’s cursing in Swahili. It is never a good sign when mommy Nyota is cursing in Swahili. I managed to make out the words corrupt, selfish, and the cultural equivalent to bastard, I think. Also something about starving and blood. Dad is also fussing over her and asking her to go to Sickbay so he can look her over. That’s not good. I wonder what happened. They’re probably not going to tell me. Apparently, I’m too little to know sensitive mission details.

 

This is not anything new. They tried to hide the fact that my mom died because she had a drinking problem. Like I didn’t know the truth. I’m not a baby. I knew full well what her special punch was. I had to do the recycling. It’s hard to not notice the six large liquor bottles a week that ended up in the glass container. We were not having that many parties. Actually only her boyfriend came over and yes, I knew that he was her boyfriend. I’m not stupid.

 

I cannot wait till I’m an adult. Do you think that they’ll actually tell me the truth then or will they keep trying to protect me? I don’t need it. I just want the truth.

 

To be continued

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So New Year and a cliffhanger. Yes, I know.


	15. Day 20: Greetings from the Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last set of conversations. You are all fabulous. Much longer this time and hopefully it will answer a few of your questions.

 

From: W_Kirk_wellness_Hills

To: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

Subject: Re: I’m still alive and kicking, mom

Time arrived: 3/10/2260 00:00:01

 

I’m glad you’re still alive and kicking. I’m also glad you’re writing me. I wish you wrote me sooner, but I’ll take anything over song lyrics or music files. You’re trying and my therapist says I should appreciate that.

 

Jim, I’m fine. Still not drinking. I know you’re worried about that. I’m worried about that especially as we get closer to May 20. And yes, this is hard on me and Kevin, but we’ll get through it. There is supposed to be a survivor’s events this year. It’s Liz’s idea to commemorate the rescue. Considering who is now in charge of Starfleet, maybe they’ll stop covering up the fact that Chen’s decision to completely ignore orders is the only reason why we survived. I think I told you that part of the story. I know you know everything else now because you look at me differently and what use is your security clearance if you don’t use it occasionally.

 

So how are things? Do you prefer being a Captain or first officer? Have you had any major missions yet?

 

Kevin came over this weekend with Liz along with her niece. She’s cute as a button. She reminds me a lot of you at that age. You were so adorable. At least from what I remember from when I was breast-feeding and trying to stay sober. I’m sorry I wasn’t… I’m sorry I was not the mom you needed me to be back then. I really wish I got help earlier.

 

Xxxxx

From: Ambassador_Sarek

To: SpockX-Kirk

Time arrived: 3/10/2260 00:00:01

Subject: Re: Are you well?

I am still in good health. I am glad to hear from you, despite the time involved. I understand the decision to de-activate the instant message option because an encrypted version was used to plan the conspiracy to have you and your spouse killed for the sake of war. Although I do miss being able to speak to you in near real time, I understand the need to prevent such a conspiracy from occurring again.

 

I am not completely certain your spouse solved all your email issues considering the amount of time it took me to receive your message. I believe that outside ship communications are no longer working optimally before the completion of your current mission. Or has it been so long that you have already completed said mission? If so, how did it progress.

 

I am not offended by the long gaps between correspondence being an ambassador who has been stationed throughout the galaxy and have experienced such lacks in communications before. It once took three months for me to receive correspondence. I do not take such absences as a sign that you wish not to communicate with me, but rather part of the reality of our occupations.

 

Regarding your transition, I realize that it might be difficult to turn over key parts of your former duties to other individuals, but it is necessary. They may not do things the same way you do, but their way may still be nearly as efficient. Trust your staff. If you do so, you will become an effective leader. They will not let you down if you give them the space to grow and learn.

 

Remember, James is there to help you in all things. You must lean on each other, not only in the professional, but also the personal. The thing I miss the most about your mother no longer being with me is that I no longer have someone to speak about my concerns with. Your mother always had the perfect thing to say to me when I became frustrated. It was one of her many skills. Despite being a diplomat, I never had the way with words that she did.

 

Also, still make time to do the things you enjoy. Science brings you enjoyment, so you should schedule time for that. Is it not within your right to schedule yourself time in the lab to work on special projects, thus allowing your spouse to be on the bridge in your place. I trust you and your spouse will figure this out just like your mother and I did many years ago.

 

From: Number_one_Pike

To: Jim_Spock-Kirk

Time arrived: 3/20/2260 00:00:01

Subject: So, what really happened on your last mission?

 

OK so how is your first real mission of your five-year mission going? I read the initial readout in this morning’s report and saw that the MOU was signed. But I feel like something was missing, especially because Chen has been in meetings with the Federation AID all day and apparently, we’re sending a relief ship of rations and a team that specializes in food distribution and cultivation. Why do I feel like I got the clean version?

 

How are you doing otherwise? Are the teenagers still giving you problems? Have you realized yet that they gave you those teenagers because they thought you might be the only one who could possibly handle them, being a repeat genius level juvenile defender?

 

PS: I was joking about the cannabis brownies. Mostly.

 

Xxxxx

From: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

To: Number_one_Pike

Time sent: 3/10/2260 01:23:01

Subject: You really don’t want to know what really happened

So, I changed my email address again. Use this one from now on.

 

I’m not sure if I believe that it is a joke. Honey pie confirmed the pot brownies, but never partook because he’s too smart to mix his drugs.

 

Only the Ashleys and J 1 are awful, so I guess that’s an improvement. J 2 is learning to behave. They managed to put laxatives in their instructor’s food. I mean it’s better than fertility drugs, but it still causes some emotional distress for others. Especially because I know they tried to drug Jo Jo as well. Of course, she doesn’t know that I know because Jay told me in confidence. He’s also looking out for Jo Jo because she reminds him of his little sister. The one that was killed last year. Okay, now I understand why we got some of these kids. I also understand why we got Dr. Margarita since she is certified to work with children and adults. And let’s be honest, some of the people on the ship are children and I’m not talking about the miners.

 

Yes, the mission was not what we expected. We were called in without the King’s knowledge, which was a good thing because he was starting to take a page out of the Tarsus playbook. Oh wait, I’m not supposed to know what happened there. I’m just glad somebody had more sense and we were called in to keep things from getting Tarsus bad.

 

At least there were not that many dead bodies. The King is dead because his wife killed him. He was an abusive bastard and responsible for the current food insecurity issue.  

 

The Queen was the one who called for Federation help. So, if we can keep the people from starving, we might get access to some of their very precious minerals which I know is what the Federation really cares about. I’m being extra cynical right now. Sorry, I need more sleep. I think we can count this as a win, right? Maybe?

 

Yet I should probably go back to sleep or try sleeping for the first time.

 

I probably should write Winona too, but maybe when I’m not this sleep deprived. Spock says I’m incoherent when I’m sleepy.

 

Xxxx

From: SpockX-Kirk

To: Ambassador_Sarek

Time sent: 3/10/2260 05:12:01

Subject: Re: Are you well?

 

I am glad you are in good physical health. I assumed that you would understand more than most about the delay in correspondence. James and I are currently discussing ways on how to free up our schedule to have more time to do things we enjoy as well as spend more time together. James will work on procuring two new assistants as soon as the current mission wraps up.

 

Due to some political matters, we are staying until a humanitarian vessel with food aid arrives. Since our next mission was to be star mapping, there is no real urgency.

 

I will try to write to you when time allows. Please continue to do the same.

X

 

From: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

To: W_Kirk_wellness_Hills

Subject: Re: I’m still alive and kicking, mom

Time sent: 3/10/2260 23:21:01

 

Baby D is so adorable. She is the cutest baby in the quadrant. I’m glad they could come over.

I think it’s a clever idea that they’re doing a memorial or something. Hopefully it will be less showy than all the stuff they did for the Kelvin.

You can’t change the past. Well you can change the past, but it’s already been fucked up enough as it is so let’s try not to do any more damage because then we’ll end up with a third...

 

I don’t see you differently. I just understand more about why you were the way you were when you got home. Maybe I was too hard on you before. Maybe I didn’t understand what you really went through and the trauma, but well dying kind of gives you a new outlook on a lot of things. I think I blame that for more of the change in my perception than anything else. I don’t know, but I’m trying. 

 

 Even then I still worry maybe more than before. I think it’s worse because I’m not there. Plus, you’ve almost ended up burying another kid last June due to Starfleet malfeasance for Carol’s crazy daddy. Of course, we don’t talk about Carol’s crazy daddy because she’s a scientist on the ledge. Seriously I wonder why she even came back. It must be for the wife. I don’t even think she likes working with weapons. You know if we lived in a world where everything wasn’t fucked up by five Romulans from the future, I bet she probably would’ve became a biologist. Not that I know that for sure because it’s total speculation.

 

Spock is good. The constant gossiping has slowed down because the Vulcan death glare has come out. Spock is scary as hell when he wants to be. The minions are now sufficiently chastened. It’s a beautiful thing.

 

To be continued

 


	16. Day 21: We really need to talk more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all absolutely lovely.

From: Mommy_Susan

To: SuluHG2260

Time arrived: 3/11/2260 00:00:01

Subject: I really wish you had told me about your sister?

 

Why didn’t you tell me your sister had a history of fertility issues? We are co-parents now. We are supposed to tell each other these things about our families, so the other one doesn’t completely embarrass themselves or gets excommunicated from the other one’s family.

 

Knowing that your sister may have had a trigger in that regard would’ve been good to know. I mean, you know that my baby sister watched her entire family get murdered when she was a little kid. That reminds me I must get her an ‘I’m sorry your family died during the Tarsus genocide’ gift. You also know about the emergency snack kit she keeps under her bed still.

 

Now I feel like a total bitch for the way I've been acting around her. I wasn’t really bragging about my child, no more than any other new parent, but she’s totally going to see it that way. Every baby photo was probably a jab in the heart. She probably thinks I’m rubbing it in her face that I have a happy and healthy baby, when she doesn’t. She’s probably thinking, “how dare that uppity bitch get pregnant without even trying”.

 

I have been super careful around your friend, Nyota, for that reason. Of course in that case, everybody knows because there was a trial. Seriously, we need to share more. I want your sisters to like me.

 

Your little sister, AKA the one who probably doesn’t think I’m a horrible person invited us (me, your boyfriend and our children) to the annual Sulu family spring barbecue. I’m not sure if I should even go because your older sister probably hates me. Also, your grandmother hates me because I gave birth to your kid out of wedlock and that I did not successfully turn you entirely straight. Seriously, she must hate your dad’s parents.

 

Of course, if I don’t go, it will probably be worse. Your mom really wants to see her baby girl and they are coming all the way from which ever colony they retired to, so I should be there with her granddaughter. This would be so much less awkward if you were actually with me. You’re supposed to be with me for the meet the parent situations. Okay, I met them at Christmas, but that was awkward enough to last an entire lifetime.

 

I’m looking for a new playgroup. Not the Starfleet one because my ex-boyfriend has poisoned the well there and my mom is their boss. That will just lead to badness. Maybe I should talk to Admiral Barnett’s wife, Jane. She knows everything.

 

Xxxxx

 

From: SuluHG2260

To: Benjamin_2254

Subject: Re: I think our emails crossed in the night.

Time arrived: 3/11/2260 00:00:01

 

Even though Sue wrote you a few days ago, I feel like I should write you too. I kind of liked reading your old stories from when you were a teenager. It’s like I’m seeing another part of who you were back then. I want to know all the things you were into as a teenager.

 

I should let you know that, apparently I’ve been invited to your family reunion by your baby sister. Is it weird that I’m going to your family reunion without you or that they even invited me? I only met them once at Christmas.

 

So how are things in space? How is your first mission going? Discovered any cool plants?

Anyway miss you.

 

Write me when you get a chance.

 

xxxxxxx

From: SuluHG2260

To: Mommy_Susan

Time arrived: 3/11/2260 06:08:31

Subject: I really wish you had told me about your sister?

 

Sorry, yes, you do have to go to the Sulu family picnic because it’s really the Sulu family reunion. I haven’t had to go for a few years because I’ve always been in space, but now that you are the mother of the grandkid, you are expected to be there. I will get angry emails for months if the baby is not there to be promptly spoiled.

 

Although I do find it odd that they invited Ben, but he was the hit of Christmas. And when I mean hit of Christmas, I mean that I got grandfather’s engagement ring.

 

My mom's mother is just a homophobic bigot. She is very conservative. Allegedly, she cried for a week when she found out her Japanese daughter was marrying a man of Filipino, Korean, and Japanese ancestry with two fathers. Okay and she probably isn’t that happy that the mother of my child is Chinese-American and she doesn’t even know about your British sister yet. Sometimes, I think she should have been born 300 years ago. But hey, she’s not going to be there so you probably won’t have to worry about her until next Christmas, if she lives that long.

 

The grandfathers love you though. And hey, I have three grandfathers, so you’ll do good in that regard. Okay grandma doesn’t get along with the other grandpas which explains the divorce. She’s still bitter about that. Okay, maybe I should give you a guide on how to survive my family. Right now just have Demora in your arms at all times and I think you will be okay.

 

I doubt my big sister is going to see you giving her baby pictures as you rubbing our baby in her face. I don’t think so at least. I do think she’s a little sad though, but she wants quality time with her baby niece as well. You do not want to know the email I got from her for keeping the baby from her for the first few weeks. Even though I didn’t know. So that’s another reason for you to go to a very Sulu family reunion.

 

Good luck on finding a playgroup. There is an LGTBPQ Starfleet parent playgroup that one of the new doctors told me about. Maybe that would be slightly less pretentious. Your daughter has a gay parent, so I think that counts. And you will have Ben with you.

 

Anyway miss you. Send me lots of pictures from the family reunion.

 

Xxxxxx

From: SuluHG2260

To: Benjamin_2254

Subject: Re: I think our emails crossed in the night.

Time arrived: 3/11/2260 06:24:21

 

Thank you for writing. I mean, I’m okay with joint replies from the two of you because obviously you’re becoming the best of friends. I’m happy about that because when I first found out about my daughter, I was afraid you would leave me because you couldn’t get along with the mother of my child. I’m glad that I don’t have to worry about that.

 

Now, I’m terrified about how close you two are. You two will get in so much trouble together. Make sure Suzanne doesn’t punch any of the other mommies out before you find another playgroup. There’s an LGTBQ Starfleet one that may be a good fit. Sue got in a lot of bar fights during the Academy so I can totally see her getting in a playgroup fight, especially because you two keep smuggling in booze. If you have to drink to tolerate the playgroup you are in, you are in the wrong playgroup.

 

Work has been busy and this mission wasn’t quite what we were expecting due to the coup d’état by the Queen, but it was a necessary coup d’état. We’re still trying to figure out why the crops failed so spectacularly here. It looks like somebody tried to genetically modify the plants to increase production, but the opposite happened. I’m still trying to figure it out. I love a good puzzle.

 

Fencing practice has been going good. We’ve had two sessions so far, but I think she really has potential. Also one of the other unaccompanied minors keeps watching our sessions. Maybe if he joins us, he will stay out of trouble. One can hope.

 

Finally, unlike with Sue where it’s mandatory she shows up because she’s the mother of a Sulu, you don’t have to go to my family reunion. I would like you to go for Sue’s sake, but I don’t want you to really have to go through the meet the extended family thing without me. You met a lot of the family at Christmas, but those were mostly the family members I like to speak to on a regular basis, except for the racist grandma. The extended family is worse, so much worse. However, the Japanese Filipino Korean fusion menu is fabulous and worth putting up with the crazy family alone. Kobe beef Korean barbecue.

 

Anyway I’ll write when I can. I think we’ve got to the point where communications will be really sporadic. So just remember I care and really miss you, even if it may be like another month before you get another email from me. God, I hope it won’t be that long.

 

Love you, always.

To be continued

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would just like to point out that not all of Sulu’s email to his boyfriend will make it through because he accidentally said too much. See if you can guess which lines will end up being redacted.


	17. Day 23: Complicated conversations with mother figures

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all fabulous. So, more family drama ahead.

 

From: Number_one_Pike

To: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

Time arrived: 3/13/2260 00:00:01

Subject: Congratulations on your coup that was not a coup.

 

I had lunch with Chen today, so I now know the whole story of what happened on your first mission. She’s pissed. It’s never good when the Mandarin curse words come out. Not at you, but the situation and maybe a little bit at whoever prepared your intelligence packet.

 

She would also like to know why you had your communications officer send her the real version of the report in pre-warp Mandarin? I’m assuming code chocolate sprinkles or is it rainbow sprinkles is in effect? You really should’ve left me with a copy of your codes.

 

Also I was told to pass on to you that if Liz or your brother are having problems in Academy housing and are too afraid to tell her then you should. Or at the very least convince them to tell her what’s going on and not hide at her sister’s apartment or send anonymous video files to Admiral Burnett. I feel like there’s a story there. But Chen did not elaborate. Also, you need to remind a certain neighbor of yours what they can and cannot tell their boyfriend via personal correspondence. They’re not planning to release a sanitized for consumption press release regarding what happened for at least another week.

 

So obviously you now realize that every child chosen for the program has lost at least one parent to tragedy or has always been a member of a single parent household. That would be Jeremy. He is the one with the arrest record to rival you. His dad just left before he was even born.

 

All the Ashleys lost one of their parents during the battle of Vulcan. Mr. Martinez lost his little sister last year to one of the few forms childhood cancer that we haven’t cured yet. Then his father committed suicide the month after. So the fact that he’s starting to come around and help you is a good sign. That kid needs all the help he can get. I think you’re the one who can provide that help. If anybody understands what those kids need, it’s you. I believe you can do it.

 

Xxxxxx

From: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

To: Number_one_Pike

Time sent: 3/13/2260 06:02:01

Subject: Why didn’t you tell me that earlier?

 

It’s great that one of us believes I can do this because I don't. They are all so fucked up. Jo Jo is like the well-adjusted one and her mom wrapped herself around a tree last year. Therapy, they’re all getting mandatory therapy. Even one of the Ashleys has her own Frank.

 

So obviously I finally read through everybody’s dossier beyond the arrest record section. I mean, I should’ve realized it was this bad because why else would their parents qualify for the trial program. Yes, I realize I’m a dumb genius sometimes. So I guess this means I have to try harder to keep them in check or to help. I’ll talk to Sulu about inviting Jay to do fencing lessons as well. He really misses his daughter and I think helping Jo Jo has lessened the pain. Actually, self-defense classes might be good for the Ashleys. Especially the Ashley who got raped by her uncle Frank.

 

Maybe helping another kid will help. I may have to write Dr. Suarez. I can ask her how she helped me, especially through all the Frank stuff.

 

Were doing good things on the planet. It was only a tiny coup d’état. Only the king died and he was starving his people so I’m not that upset about it. Now that he’s gone, the food distribution is happening appropriately. We also think the lab has found what was causing the crops to produce less. Pollinator killing chemical being released into the atmosphere by the king, no less. Even alien plants need pollinators. Thankfully, things did not get to irreversible levels before we got here. The situation is stable for the moment and it will hopefully stay that way with additional Federation Aid oversight for recovery and relief distribution. I really would like to avoid Tarsus part 2, especially because we’re getting close to the anniversaries.

 

Speaking of Tarsus, I should really write Kevin soon. Maybe send a gift. That probably would be best.   

 

Anyway, I will try to write you again later.

 

 

From: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

 

To: mental_health_help_desk_Suarez

Subject: How is colony life?

 

Time sent: 3/13/2260 06:15:54

Hey, it’s Jim. Your favorite former adolescent patient. I hope at least anyway. This is my new email address. It was time for a change.

 

So how is your second tour of duty on the new Vulcan colony? Is it going better than the first time around? Things are going good with Margarita. She is actually picking up on my sarcasm and she did not start giggling when I went on a 15 minute tangent about Spock not wanting to have shower sex or any fun activities with chocolate syrup. I mean it’s not like we haven’t done ice cream play before, but he kind of doesn’t want to be chocolate tipsy and something on the ship go wrong so I can’t blame him. Let’s be honest, the universe will go to hell the moment we try to do something like that.

 

Okay, I do want to know how things are going with you, but I also need your help. So, you know that Enterprise was chosen for the trial run of the new minors on starships program and well somehow, they chose preteens and young adults that are somewhat more screwed up than me at that age. I think Jo Jo might be the well-adjusted one and she is being bullied and I think she cries a lot. Her eyes are always puffy. She won’t talk about it. She won’t talk about anything. And again she’s the good one.

 

One of the Ashleys even has her own Uncle Frank. That is causing all sorts of bad memories to come back up. No one should have to deal with an Uncle Frank. I shouldn’t have had to deal with an Uncle Frank. But at least Ashley 2’s mom kicked the evil boyfriend to the curb after she stabbed him with a barbecue fork. Starfleet didn’t count that against her. Well, Chen didn’t count that against her. Actually, I think Chen gave her a promotion.

 

So what do I do? They’re all acting out, mostly on Jo Jo. I’ve already lost our tutor. Finding a replacement is going to be awful. I need help. You handled me and I was a lost cause. Help!

To be continued


	18. Day 24: The Trouble with Moms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You’re all fabulous.

 

From: MomOU

To: NyotaUM

Time arrived: 3/14/2260 00:00:01

Subject: How is the five year mission for you?

 

How are you Nyota? I haven’t heard from you since your mission began and I just wanted to see how things were. I know how the ship is doing. Pike is a friend. If anything was really going wrong she would tell me, even if Rodriguez isn’t speaking to me anymore. I know your first officer or is it other captain managed to get the MOU signed. That’s a good step forward since we’ve had such a hostile relationship previously. I guess not starving to death is good enough motivation to take the first tenuous steps toward normalizing relations.

 

So what have you been doing? How is your stepdaughter adjusting to life on the ship? How are you adjusting to full-time parenthood and a small space where you can’t run away?

 

Please write me back when you have a chance. I know we haven’t always had the best relationship, but I’m hoping things can get better.

xxxxxx

From: NyotaU

To: Leonard M

Time sent: 3/14/2260 12:02:13

Subject: My mom just emailed me.

 

Please see message below from my mom. I’m not even sure how to respond or if I should respond. I mean, she was great at Christmas, but I’m still angry. I might even be angrier now that Josephine is here with us. I mean, there was a coup d’état on the planet we’re orbiting, and we managed to keep our baby safe. Why couldn’t they do that? Why couldn’t they have fought harder for that?

Xxxx

From: LeonardUM

To: NyotaUM

Time sent: 3/14/2260 12:49:13

Subject: Re: My mom just emailed me.

 

Sorry, Nyota, you have to respond. And not just because she's an admiral that could make our work life very difficult if she wanted to. Although, that’s a big part of it. If my child was in deep space, I would want to know how she was doing. She’s trying. That’s all you can ask for. Now that you’re a parent, you should realize that parents are not perfect and make a ton of mistakes. We are people too. Some of us are more screwed up than others. That doesn’t mean you have to forgive her, but an email would help. Besides, some of it may have been out of her control. You know I would’ve done anything before to be with Jo Jo, but her mother made sure that was not a possibility.

 

Also, sorry I couldn’t have lunch with you. Half of engineering has the Romulan flu. I don’t even want to know how they contracted that.

Xxxx

From: NyotaUM

To: LeonardUM

Time sent: 3/14/2260 14:02:13

Subject: Re: My mom just emailed me.

 

It's okay. I don't even want to know how so many in engineering ended up with that strain of flu. Did they all skip their vaccinations? I hope you make it to dinner at least.

 

She did ask about Josephine which is good. She referred to her as my stepdaughter, but baby steps. Although maybe I didn’t tell her about the adoption. I’ll try to draft something tonight and let you look over it so you can delete all the curse words.

 

Also, you know you can’t blame yourself for the previous bad custody arrangement. Josephine knows that you would’ve been there if you could.

Xxxxx

From: LeonardUM

To: NyotaUM

Time arrived: 3/14/2260 16:45:01

Subject: How is the five year mission for you?

 

Thank you for at least trying to meet her halfway.

 

Dr. Culber has the second shift tonight. Since I find him competent enough to deal with everything in his own, I’ll be there for dinner. Sometimes I wonder how he ended up on this ship.

Xxxx

From: NyotaUM

To: LeonardUM

Time sent: 3/14/2260 18:02:13

Subject: Draft response: Thank You for your email

Please read below and let me know if this is safe to send to my mom. I think I kept the anger to a bare minimum on this. Let me know what you think.

 

xxx

I am good, wonderful. It helps that Leonard is actually an involved parent. We make a good team. We have no idea why Josephine would rather sit with me at lunch then her classmates, but we’ll figure it out eventually. Josephine’s OK or as OK as you can be six months after losing your mom and being shipped off to a strange starship filled with weird strangers, some of whom were assholes.

 

BTW it probably helps that we’re actually with her instead of sending her off to boarding school to deal with grief alone. Thank God I had Marc. I don’t think Josephine has that. None of her Georgia friends have emailed her at all, only Admiral Chen’s daughter and Captain Spock’s brother-in-law. They have bonded over mutual loss, but I don’t think that will happen with the Ashleys. They seem way too superficial or at least are trying to deal with their grief through superficiality. I have hope for Jay, sort of.

 

Leonard is good. He is currently dealing with a flu epidemic, but he is getting through it. He likes the new nurses and doctors on his team. Thankfully none are crazy and trying to sleep with my husband. I like Dr. Culber, more importantly Leonard likes the doctor. He actually trusts the man to take care of his medical bay while he’s having dinner with us tonight.

 

 Leonard might even have a new friend. You have no idea how hard it is for him to make friends or me for that matter which is probably why we’re together. I think we’re going to try to do a dinner sometime. Dr.

 Margarita says I need more adult friends. Yes, I am still in therapy. I’m probably going to be there a while.

xxxxxxx

From: LeonardUM

To: NyotaUM

Time sent: 3/14/2260 18:32:13

Subject: Draft response: Thank You for your email

I think you can send that as soon as you replace husband with boyfriend. You don’t want her to think that we eloped sometime during the mission.

To be continued.

 


	19. Day 26: Dear baby girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all fabulous.

 

From: SuluHG2260

To: Mommy_Susan

Time arrived : 3/16/2260 00 :00 :01

Subject: Re: I really wish you had told me about your sister?

 

Fine, we are going to a very Sulu family reunion. Ben is bringing cake because I burn water. Again, I implore you to marry that man. He has like 80 cake recipes on file. He’s planning to do something with chocolate ganache and salted caramel buttercream. Seriously, why couldn’t he be bi or at least be hetero curious like you?

 

Now I’m having fun hearing from you because I need as much grown-up time as possible. But most of your emails, I can’t read to Desi so maybe you can send something to her. You need practice for when you’re going to be sending these letters to Liz instead of me. That reminds me, I must start getting the custody papers together soon. I had lunch with my lawyer Sean, AKA your ex yesterday to deal with all the legal stuff.

 

I’m thinking about having Liz and Kevin be Desi’s guardian when I’m in space. I know they’re young, but they’re so good with her. Plus, they’re here all the time, so her routine won’t be that out of whack. Also, this way she won’t have to live in a strange place for months at a time. I don’t know. It’s just something for us to discuss at some point. Shawn thinks it’s legally sound at least.

 

BTW, Desi has become the master of scooting and I think she’s going to start crawling soon. Fingers crossed. I attached a video. You’re going to love it. She’s adorable.

Xxxx

 

From: SuluHG2260

To: Mommy_Susan

Time arrived : 3/16/2260 00 :00 :01

Subject: I really wish you had told me about your sister?

 

Dear baby D:

 

Hey baby girl, how are you? Have you picked up any new skills since the last time I wrote you? I heard that you are mastering scooting. Have you got to crawling yet? I may have sent you a doll to help you pick up that skill. My mom used something similar with me because I sort of walked first.

 

 Have you tried any new things? I know mom is starting to work you through solid foods before I left. Have you developed a favorite yet? You’re going to love strawberries. You know, unless you end up allergic to them like Uncle Jim. Oh, I hope you don’t have any food allergies. That man scares me when he has reactions.

 

Have you made any new friends? Mommy tells me you’re trying to find a new playgroup. How’s that going? Also, I heard you’re going to a very Sulu family reunion. You don’t have any first cousins yet, but you have lots of second and third cousins. I think a few might be around your age. Apparently, my siblings and I are the late bloomer side of the family. I want more pictures. I got a few, but I want more.

 

So, quick question in a couple of months when mommy starts working on a starship, again, do you want to live with grandma, aunt Liz, or your auntie K? I like Liz. She’s a mature 20 because life has not been kind to her, but she’s still in the Academy. And that would mean daycare. Of course, grandma’s working full time as an admiral, so you would end up spending quality time in daycare regardless.

 

Now Auntie K would not have that problem. Wedding planners have more flexible hours. There are also my parents who are now in Florida not some far-off colony. I don’t know where your mom got that from.

 

From: MomOU

To: NyotaUM

Time arrived: 3/16/2260 00:00:01

Subject: Re: Thank you for writing

 

OK you’re obviously still angry about boarding school, but at least you returned my message in under a week, so I’ll take that as a win. I am still sorry about boarding school. I should’ve came back, but… There are no excuses I really should have come back. I’m sorry.

I’m glad you’re making friends.

 

I’m trying to make amends here and I’m not sure how. I think the most helpful thing I’ve done is make sure that your boyfriend’s medical staff won’t try to drug you again. I know you’re still upset about the consequences of the fertility drugs and rightfully so. However, I’m thankful she didn’t give you something that could have killed you.

 

If you need me, I’m here. Just let me know how I can help. The only thing I can probably do is get a second tutor sent to Enterprise just for Jo Jo. She’s younger and could probably use more attention, but that’s all I can really do now. Anything more could get the whole program jeopardized and I want you to be able to keep your stepdaughter with you.

xxx

From: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

To: Kevin KR

Time sent: 3/16/2260 06:45:54

Subject: So how are you doing? How are you really doing?

 

Okay so looking at the calendar, I realized that yesterday was your Tarsus sucks anniversary day. I ordered you a giant cookie basket. Although considering emails and anything similar are functioning in crazy ways at best, I’m not sure if you got the delivery same day. On your Tarsus sucks anniversary day, you need junk food. I’m making Spock brownies on the first anniversary of Amanda’s death. I’m probably going to do it again this year. That’s kind of soon. It’s like one bad anniversary, after another. June is going to be an awful month this year.

 

So, I guess you should be happy to know that we prevented something similar from happening on my last mission. No, I can’t give you details. Ask your future sister-in-law. She knows all the good juicy gossip. Because we have things stabilize, I think we’ll be leaving in about two or three days. Really, I'm just glad history is not repeating itself.

 

Have you heard from Jo Jo? She’s still not really talking about what’s going on. I’m getting more Intel from Jay secretly of course because he doesn’t want the Ashleys or Jeremy knowing that he’s a double agent in the war on authority. Or maybe the kid just wants friends. His face lit up so much when I suggested he do fencing training with Sulu.

 

Poor baby can compete with us for most screwed-up family which is remarkable. I mean my dad died the moment I was born due to time traveling Romulans and well, there’s a reason why yesterday sucks for you. But we got through it and are kind of functioning members of society. So, there’s hope for the next generation that they too shall overcome their own personal tragedy. Oh God, I think I'm going to have to get Margarita like six boxes of chocolate this shore leave. Do you think I can talk Spock into another therapist? I think the ship needs at least two, possibly three. We’re all a little screwed up.

 

Mom told me you guys did dinner. Kudos on bringing baby D as a buffer. Nothing awful happens when you have small children there. Especially when she’s adorable.

 

Seriously, what did you do to take care of the gossip problem? I got a cryptic message via Pike that Chen was extra irritated and would like for you to tell her when there are problems instead of fixing them by yourself or going to Barnett. She even mentioned going to Spock first. Seriously, what did you do and how illegal? She suggested Spock as an alternative. Do I need to call the lawyers?

To be continued


	20. Day 28. The cookies were lovely

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and reviewing. You’re all fabulous.

 

From: Kevin KR

To: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

Time arrived: 3/18/2260 00:00:01

Subject: Thank You for the cookies

No lawyers needed. Also my girlfriend’s mom terrifies me.

 

I got the chocolate and the cookies. Desi tried to eat one, but she was given mashed pears instead. Most of which got in my hair. Pictures attached. You can thank Liz for that. She’s taking a ridiculous amount of pictures of everything her niece does. It’s kind of cute.

 

I’m okay. Okay, I cried on Liz like twice during sex, but I’m okay. Mostly.

 

I miss my parents. I loved my parents, but if Tarsus didn’t happen, I wouldn’t be here, and I love you and mom and Liz. I have a good life right now. If things were different, none of you would be here with me. Sometimes that makes me feel guilty. Survivor’s guilt is a very fucked up thing or at least that’s what my therapist on campus says. I think that’s mostly what I’m feeling right now.

 

I wonder if Josephine is going through something similar. If she wasn’t at Disneyland of Georgia, she could very well have been in that car. Maybe she’s thinking if she was there, the tree thing wouldn’t have happened. The mind of a preteen is a very scary place, especially when the guilt is bad enough.

 

I haven’t heard from her. Liz hasn’t either. That concerns us both. We’re both going to write her today. We will use the screwed up communication system as cover.

 

Things with mom are still stable. I’m terrified that things are going to get unstable because we’re just days from the anniversary of Sam’s death. And I don’t know if she can take the anniversary in her current state. I was really afraid we were going to have a relapse on your real birthday.

 

Everything that happened related to Sam’s murder was bad. Everything that happened on Tarsus was bad, but what they did to your brother was just barbaric. I saw it happen and I just don’t want to remember. He was so good to us little kids. Keeping us safe. Without him, or your mom, I don’t think I would still be alive. Okay I know wouldn’t be alive. So these are the bad days.

 

Then I kissed Liz and I play the bunny game with Desi and it’s okay. I don’t feel like I’m going to start crying at any moment. So I guess that’s a plus. Midterm absolutely suck and I hate that they fall during this high stress time for me, but I’ll get through it. It’s definitely easier to get through it this year than last, because I have Liz.

 

Also, knowing that you’re up there trying to keep a repeat from happening makes it a little easier. You keep doing what you need to do to keep Starfleet being what it needs to be.

 

I’m kind of a mess right now but I’m okay. Be good and come back to me. I love you, big brother.

 

From: Kevin KR

To: kitten_loverJJMU

Time arrived: 3/18/2260 00:00:01

 

Subject: So how are things going for you?

 

Hey, I thought I would check in with you to see how things were going. Did you get my last email? I was worried that maybe you did not get it because Jim said there were some technical problems with incoming non-Starfleet messages. Apparently you’re getting farther and farther out into space so it could be like a week before you actually get this email if you get this email. So I hope they’re actually coming through.

 

Anyway I thought I would write you as a distraction. Yesterday was the anniversary of when my parents died. No drunk driving accident, but I saw it happening so this whole time of year is kind of an emotional stress for me. I mean it’s better this year because I have Liz and Winona is having a good couple of weeks at least.

 

That said, this is still a painful time of the year. I miss my parents. I love my adopted family. They are great, even though Jim can be an idiot sometimes, but that doesn’t mean I don’t miss my birth parents because I do. Having the new thing doesn’t replace what you lost. It’s just a new thing to ground you.

 

Other than Liz and now you, I don’t have that many people I can talk about that type of loss with. I mean Jim knows what it’s like to lose a parent, but he was a baby. Also I don’t think he feels the survivor’s guilt. He doesn’t ask himself why he’s still here and they are not. At least not with his dad. Maybe he asked himself those questions about Sam or even Chris. I don’t know. And maybe I’m afraid to ask. The anniversary of Sam’s murder is coming up soon and Jim and I have a really tough time talking about our feelings. Ask Uncle Jim about the hissy fit I threw before his human wedding last summer. It took the intervention of one of Spock’s grandparents to get me to stop being an idiot.

 

We’re trying to work on their interpersonal communications. It’s 50-50.

 

Also on top of all the emotional stuff, I have midterms. Midterms! God, I hate the Academy sometimes. Only two more years after this semester and that’s only because I’m not taking a suicide course load. Jim was a masochist.

 

Since this is such a high stress time of the year for me, I could use a distraction. Please provide me with a distraction. What crazy antics are my brother and his husband doing that you can tell me? I think a lot of the stuff that he’s doing is a little on the mature side and I hope you don’t know yet. You should enjoy being a kid. I didn’t quite get that because of things that will probably be redacted from your history class. Maybe that’s a good thing.

 

Anyway write back when you can.

 

Xxx

From: Elizabeth_Chen

To: kitten_loverJJMU

Time arrived: 3/18/2260 00:00:01

 

Subject: Isn’t my niece adorable.

 

Hey, I thought I would send you the latest pictures of Demora being cute. We can all use more cute baby pictures. Yes, she covered my boyfriend in what I think is supposed to be applesauce or some other fruit-based product, but she was so cute doing it. Doesn’t she just make you smile? I’m sure you could use it.

 

So are all your classmates still assholes? I’ve heard things from Jim, but nothing from you. Did you even get my last email? I’ve been told you guys have been having outside communications issues which is sad because you need some outside contact. Have you been in touch with any of your old friends from Georgia?

 

Anyway, write back when you have a chance. I’m sure classes are getting busy. I’m in the middle of midterm madness and my niece keeps drooling on my class PADD. Thankfully, the thing is baby drool proof.

 

Xxxx

 

From: kitten_loverJJMU

To: Elizabeth_Chen; Kevin KR

Time Sent: 3/18/2260 16:21:51

 

Subject: I’m okay-ish

 

I’m hoping it’s okay if I email both of you at the same time. Thank you for the pictures. They were adorable.

I got your email and the one before. I just didn’t feel like responding. I like being on the ship. I just don’t like the other teenagers. I don’t know why I couldn’t be here alone. One person is enough for a trial program, right? I’m eating lunch with mom and dad whenever possible. At least this way I don’t have to worry about classmates putting laxatives in my food. Jay is the only one of my classmates that talks to me at all and not in class or in front of his other friends which is annoying.

 

Also I don’t have any friends in Georgia anymore because they couldn’t be bothered to write me even though I sent them all really nice Christmas presents. I’m not going to try to write someone who doesn’t want to stay in touch.

 

Kevin, so even though it’s been more than a decade you still miss your mom and dad? Is it the same for you, Liz? Does it get easier with time or does it still feel like something is missing. Do you forget sometimes that they are dead? Sometimes I wish I could just tell Mom what’s happening here, but if she was alive I wouldn’t even be here so it’s just silly to have that desire, yet I do. I guess this is probably something I should write about in my therapy Journal.

 

From: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

To: Kevin KR

Time arrived: 3/18/2260 22:39:01

Subject: Re: Thank You for the cookies

 

Not one second of Tarsus was your fault. Nothing that happened was your fault. You shouldn’t feel guilty that you survived and that you’re living your life now. I think that’s what your parents would’ve wanted. I think that’s what Sam would have wanted for me too, to be happy. We are happy. We are with people who love us, baggage and all.

 

I know it’s hard for us to talk about it, but you know I’m here. Don’t be afraid to tell me what’s really going on.

 

Love you too.

 

To be continued

 

 


	21. Day 30: You Can Do This, By Yourself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or review the last Set of messages you’re all absolutely wonderful.

 

From: mental_health_help_desk_Suarez

To: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

Subject: Re: How is colony life?

 

Time sent: 3/20/2260 00:00:01

 

 

Hi Jim. I’m glad you found time to write in your busy schedule. Maybe that’s one of the advantages to being first officer. You know I don’t have favorites, but the fact that I’m not reprimanding you for giving me way too many details about your sex life probably gives you some indication about how I feel about you. It also makes me glad that’s Margarita’s problem. I’m happy that part of your relationship is healthy, I just don't want to know the details. I’m just kind of glad I don’t have to mediate anymore.

 

New Vulcan life is New Vulcan life. A few nonessentials like restaurants are starting to pop up, so that’s nice. It feels like I’m making a difference here so that’s good. However, the two-year anniversary of the battle of Vulcan is just weeks away. I know I’m going to get an uptake in patients in the next couple weeks, but that’s what happens with anniversaries. I hope you’re doing okay with the anniversary of Sam’s death. I know it’s soon.

 

I’m not surprised that you were assigned teenagers with special needs because you were a teenager with special needs and who knows them better than you. I think you might be the role model that they need. You’re scared, but I don’t think you really need my help that much. See below for recommendations of a few books for you to read. Mostly from the Idiots Guide to Life series. There is no one way to work with a traumatized teenager because everybody is different.

 

The most important thing you have to remember is to be there. Especially for Jo Jo because she is your goddaughter and you’re aware of how much her life has changed over the last nine months. That’s a lot for a kid to handle. And if she’s the well-adjusted one, I think I need to send you chocolate.

 

Of course, I’m telling you these things as your mother figure and not as a professional because I’m not there to assess in person. Really, you need to work with Margarita to come up with a plan on how to handle the situation. Mandatory counselor time may not be a bad thing but use a light touch if you decide to go this route, due to what some of your charges have gone through.

 

As for the tutor problem issue, I suggest getting a contractor. I think you need a teacher more than you need a Starfleet officer and outside contracts are allowed in some situations. Actually that’s how I ended up on your ship before. I’m not really Starfleet again, I just happen to have an excellent security clearance. I’m a contractor. It’s kind of why I ended up on new Vulcan.

 

So what’s going on with you beyond teenager shenanigans? How are you adjusting to your new position? What things do you like and what things do you not like about your new job? How is your relationship with Winona and Kevin now that you’re off planet?

Write me back when you have a chance.

xxxxxxxxx

From: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

 

To: mental_health_help_desk_Suarez

Subject: Re: How is colony life?

 

Time sent: 3/20/2260 19:07:31

 

I’m glad you had a chance to write back. I should’ve known you were going to say that. And yes, I’m meeting with Margarita to come up with a treatment strategy in a couple of days after she observes everyone in their natural habitat. We kind of have no choice but to intervene directly due to the fact that they drugged a teacher. Thankfully it was just laxatives and not something worse. Of course, that might be because we’re tracking drug usage on the ship, due to what was done to Nyota last year.

 

Things are good on ship and in life. You know, other than the husband who is afraid not to be on all the time because he is worried about the ship. Mom has yet to relapse, so that’s good, especially because as you know, we are approaching the anniversary. Kevin and I are emailing each other regularly. I’m planning to send mom a giant cookie basket for the Tarsus Memorial gathering that they’re having in a couple of days. Apparently Liz thought it would be interesting to get all the survivors together.

 

Even though it’s been a little under a month, I really do think I made the right decision to step back and do the things I missed by going straight to captain. There is a lot of things I didn’t see when I was too busy in the Captain’s chair. I missed the conspiracy to hurt Nyota as well as the conspiracy to make me a martyr so we would go to war with the Klingons. People died because I was too busy focusing on the important things to notice the trivial things like the new ship therapist was a traitor to the cause. Now I get to step back and do that. And I think that’s good.

 

Hey, at least this time I caught on to the fact that my people were getting drugged. Yes, it was laxatives this time instead of fertility drugs, but it is still kind of creepy. OK it’s creepy that they got caught and did it again. What the hell is wrong with these kids?

 

Was I this awful? I could have never been that awful even though I was acting out because my step father molested me. See I’m getting better. I can actually say it or rather type it. Aren’t you proud?

 

I realize that I must be a grown-up and can’t depend on you for everything, but I still would like to bounce ideas off you occasionally. Margarita’s a great doctor, but she doesn’t know me like you do. She’s not familiar with all of my baggage. She’s starting to get there. I’m opening a little, but I’m in a good place. So I’m not going into 50 minute rants about wicked step dad and trying to keep Winona’s drinking from Kevin. I’m worried that it’s all going to fall apart at some point, but I’m okay.

 

Carol just texted me and told me to go get my husband because he is interfering with her experiments. Has a Captain ever worn two hats before, such as functioning as their own science officer? That’s probably a question for Pike even if she is not technically my Admiral. Rodrigues is okay, but Pike is better.

 

Anyway, most of the science team are betting on how long Carol will last. Okay there is also betting on whether Spock will fire her, or she will resign. Should I be happy that I now know about the ship gambling and the fact that they’re not betting on my sex life? A few of our friends made a small fortune when Spock and I got together.

 

Anyway, I’m glad things are going well on New Vulcan. Maybe the second year anniversary will be better than the first. You know new babies being born in life going on.

 

I’ll take a look at the list you sent. I’ll look into the possibility of going with a contractor, if we can’t find someone suitable. Chris arranged you for me last time so I have to read up on how that works. Anyway, I hope to hear from you again soon.

 

To be continued


	22. Day 32: Making it okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You’re all fabulous. 
> 
> Sorry, I did not post the chapter last week. Due to inclement weather proofreading is a little behind, so I wanted to split the difference a little more evenly. Hopefully I’ll be able to upload the next chapter in about two weeks. Then we can go back on our normal once a week schedule.

 

 

From: legal Queen of Atlanta

To: kitten_loverJJMU

Subject: How is everything going?

 

Since it’s been almost a month since I saw you off, I thought I would write. Thankfully, your stepmom sent me everybody’s new email address including yours. Your dad hit the jackpot there. I love my sister – loved my sister, but she wasn’t perfect. You have no idea how much I wish I would have stood up to her and got you out of there earlier. Or convinced her to go to rehab. I’m sorry that I let you down.

 

It doesn’t matter now. You can’t change the past. You’re somewhere better now and that’s what matters. What’s it like living on a starship? Did you make any new friends? I remember Nyota mentioning something about other kids being on the ship. Is there anyone close to your age? Anyway, I hope all is well. Write me when you get a chance.

 

Love, the good aunt.

xxxxx

From: Kevin KR

To: kitten_loverJJMU

CC: Elizabeth_Chen

Time arrived: 3/22/2260 00:00:01

 

Subject: Re: So how are things going for you?

 

It’s OK to email us at the same time if you email us occasionally. Besides, now that we’re dating, we don’t keep a lot of secrets from each other. It’s just kind of the way it is. We also do everything together. She’s dragging me with her to a very Sulu family reunion because she doesn’t want to protect her sister and niece from the crazy family members alone. Being a Kirk, I’m well suited for that.

 

You’re doing the right thing eating with the adults. Stay away from your classmates except for the one that is not being a jerk. You can try being friends with him. I think he may need one. Please read newspaper hyperlink attached. You two have a lot more in common than you think.

 

I won’t tell your parents or my brother what’s going on with the mean girls or the jerk. I think you should tell your parents or my brother what’s going on. Jim already suspects an issue of some sort because he’s already looking for a new instructor since the old one already put in her notice. My girlfriend told me who heard it from her mom who heard it from Rodriguez that Enterprise is looking for someone to take over the teaching position on ship. Liz knows all the good gossips.

  

Both of us are here if you need someone to talk to. We both know a lot about bullies. Riverside was not exactly the best place if you were gifted and unlike Jim, I was in public school for a lot of it. High school was kind of god awful. Especially because Jim was on the other side of the country and couldn’t threaten to punch people out who were nasty to me like he did when I was in junior high. They made fun of my deceased parents and of the fact I was a foster kid. A few assholes said some nasty things about me not deserving the last name Kirk.

 

They were all kind of pricks, but I got through it. Of course, I got through it because I had Liz and she was the best friend ever. Despite the fact we weren’t even in the same state level on the same school. So, don’t limit your friendships to those who are physically with you. Liz and I are your friends and will always be just an email away. You may not always get a fast response from us, but we are always here if you need. We will be there for you.   

 

Don’t worry about the friends from Georgia. If they can’t bother to write to you then they’re not worth worrying about. Sometimes friendships only exist due to physical proximity. That’s not your fault. Besides, you are making new friends. And word of advice, friends don’t have to be the same ages as you. They can be older or they can be younger. Just make sure there are people that you can trust and won’t hurt you. I had way too many fake friends in high school. Liz will tell you we’re still putting up with that at the Academy because her mommy is the head of Starfleet and my brother saves the world a lot.

 

Your old classmates not wanting to be your friend anymore is not a Josephine problem that you have to deal with. The same with the other teenagers on the ship. It’s a problem they are having, and you shouldn’t feel bad because of it. Don’t let them hurt you.

    

The fencing is cool. I’ve always wanted to learn, but I grew up in a small town in the middle of Iowa that’s only genuine business was building Starfleet ships. Self-defense classes weren’t exactly an option outside of karate. Not even Brazilian jujitsu. Also, I was always more into computers then anything that required actual physical activity. Maybe that’s why I want to do the diplomatic track not that we really have a diplomatic track, but you know what I mean. OK this email is getting long, and I have exams to study for. I hate midterms, but it’s almost over. Anyway, write us back when you can.

 

PS: Send us a list of any snacks that you want. Liz is planning to send you another care package filled with snack contraband. She also wants to know if you want her to pick out a Mother’s Day present for Nyota. It’s early but depending on where you are, it may take that long to get something to you.

 

Xxxxxx

From: Kevin KR

To: SpockX-Kirk

Time arrived: 3/21/2260 00:00:01

Subject: Your ship has a bullying problem

So, unless Josephine has decided to come clean after reading my last letter (I doubt it), I’m the one who will have to confirm that the other members of the pilot program are being awful to her. I wish Josephine would come talk to her parents or Jim, but I doubt one letter from me is going to change that. She also made me promise not to tell her parents or Jim that four out of the five teenagers on board are treating her like absolute shit.

 

However, I did not promise to keep this from her ship’s captain. You know humans, we firmly believe in loophole abuse. Also, you share a brain with my brother, literally due to Vulcan marriage.

 

Since I know you were bullied by various stuck up Vulcan assholes, I think you have a pretty good idea about what’s going on and can sympathize with her in a way that others can. She told me specifically that they put laxatives in her food more than once which is why she’s not eating around them. There must be more than that going on that she’s not saying. Just keep an eye on the situation. I know you’re busy being a captain, but a captain’s first responsibility is to make sure everybody on their ship is OK and Josephine is on your ship.  

 

I also suggested that she keep being friends with the one not being a jerk, mostly because Liz told me who he really is. As well as to avoid everyone else.  How did you end up with a ship full of Ashleys? Who did you piss off to get that?

 

XXXX

“I just love the fact that you invited me to breakfast to let me know that my daughter is more comfortable talking to Jim’s baby brother then to me.” Nyota said as she passed the PADD back to Spock. They were currently eating breakfast in the captain’s private quarters, so they could have this conversation.

 

“It’s nothing personal. Teenagers tell their parents nothing and apparently, it’s been like that since the dawn of time. Don’t expect your child to be any different than you.” Jim explained as he passed a bagel to Nyota.

 

“I believe we were only like that because we had such crappy parents.” Nyota responded, after grabbing the bagel.

 

“I’m 99% positive that Cuddle Vulcan didn’t say anything about his bullying either and his family was perfectly normal. It’s the way of the teenager or preteen in this case. Why do you think I asked Kevin to help? It was either this or break into her room and read her therapy journals.”

 

“Leonard threatened to withhold sex if I did something like that.” Nyota complained.

 

“So that’s what it takes to get you to respect other people’s privacy?” Jim remarked.

 

“Your banter will not provide an adequate solution to the problem at hand.”

 

“But it makes me feel better.” Nyota smiled at her friends, sadly. “I’m just worried. We had two students at my boarding school kill themselves because of bullying. I’m just concerned, especially after Marc. I thought he was dealing with everything until I found his body.”

 

“I know. I’m also worried about the other five kids. Things are messed up.”

 

“I think I should talk to Josephine while James deals with the five other minors on board.”

 

“I’m all for dividing and conquering, but shouldn’t we include Nyota to appease her? The odds are better that way.”

 

“As you stated earlier, adolescents are not inclined to share their thoughts and feelings with their parental units. Therefore, Nyota is unable to participate at this venture.” Nyota responded with a glare.

 

“Point, but we can still do three each. You do the Jays and I do the Ashleys. Although maybe Nyota can be with me when I talked to Ashley 2 because all men are assholes.”

 

“I’m not sure if I can be there. I may be tempted to punch her.”

 

“And that’s why we can’t have you help. I’ll get Margarita.”

 

“Maybe you should bring someone with you that’s not a therapist.” Nyota suggested.

 

“I will ask Rebecca to help. She understands because she had her own uncle Frank. We could do a support group.” Spock is certain Jim was only half joking.

 

“I would be willing to work with Jay, although I think his experiences are closer to yours, and you would be more well-suited.” Spock suggested.

 

“And like all three Ashleys, you lost a parent during the battle of Vulcan.”

 

“Which I’m still trying to process, especially with the anniversary forthcoming.” Spock answered.

 

“Okay, what about Jeremy?” Nyota asked before Spock could.

 

“I may be tempted to utilize a nerve pinch which would be unbecoming of a captain.” Spock responded.

 

“Fine, you have Jo Jo, I have the kids and all of them will be scrubbing the deck with toothbrushes. Does this work?”

 

“Yes.” The other two said in unison.

 

“Good, you can email my brother and remind him again not to get Liz pregnant. Otherwise we will end up with a ship full of Ashleys. I can’t deal with that many fake plastic people. I just can’t.” James told him as Nyota snickered in the background.

 

“I will this evening,” Spock answers his husband before placing a gentle kiss on his lips. He tasted like strawberry jam.

Xxxx

From: SpockX-Kirk

To: kitten_loverJJMU

Time arrived: 3/21/2260 21:54:01

Subject: Re: Your ship has a bullying problem

 

I personally did not piss off anyone that I’m aware of. However, James is convinced that he is being punished for you engaging in a sexual relationship with Admiral Chen’s daughter. He would like me to take this moment to remind you of the importance of using contraceptives whenever engaging in sexual congress with Cadet Chen. Although James loves small children, young Miss Sulu is enough presently.

 

The fact that we have three minor members with the same first name of Ashley is purely coincidental. It was the number one baby name on Earth from 2240 until 2245. All three young women lost a parent during the battle of Vulcan and bonded over their mutual loss. Since we are approaching the two-year anniversary of the incident, I hypothesize they may be acting out in response or this is their normal level of behavior and it will only increase as we get closer to the anniversary. I do not favor either option.

 

James and I have discussed the matter and we have decided on appropriate disciplinary actions. Scrubbing the decks of engineering with a toothbrush is the current punishment of choice.

 

I am also planning to talk with Josephine directly. Either James or myself will notify you if there is any progress.

 

To be continued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this series is ridiculously long, I just want to remind everybody that Marc was Nyota’s childhood friend who committed suicide when they were at the Academy together. Also, a reminder that Rebecca is Carol’s wife in this continuity.


	23. Day 34: Human Preteens Are Illogical

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read or reviewed the last conversation. You’re all wonderful. I’m sorry for the lag between updates, but weekly updates will resume, now that I have several chapters back from proofreading. 
> 
> Warning: Discussion of a past suicide attempt.

Dear James:

 

Yesterday after Alpha shift I attempted to converse with Josephine per our breakfast discussion with Nyota, but I was unsuccessful. She refused to disclose any information related to her treatment by the other minors on board Enterprise. She said that she was not encountering any difficulties with her classmates despite only making eye contact with her dinner tray. Obviously, this is an untruth due to the fact she ran an allergy detecting tricorder over her tray before eating.

 

 n addition, her PADD was missing again. Ensign Margolis found it on level six inside of a recycling bin. This is the third time that has happened in the last 19 days.

 

I am uncertain how I can convince her that I am a trustworthy source to confide in and that I will take her issues seriously. She has confided in both of us in the past regarding her mother’s death. And yet now when it is obvious that someone is hurting her, she refuses to speak. I find this situation troubling, especially because the inappropriate conduct is happening on ship and scrubbing decks six and seven with a toothbrush is apparently not enough of a deterrent to stop such inappropriate conduct.

 

xxxxx

Dear Spock:

 

That’s because apparently Jeremy is a masochist. I think maybe one or two of the Ashleys are smart enough to realize that we are not going to put up with their bullshit.

 

It’s nothing personal, Spock, it’s just preteen behavior. Did you ever tell your dad that your school days were miserable because you were constantly criticized and ridiculed for being multi species? Did you mention to him about your classmates referring to your mom as a whore, slut, prostitute, bitch or any other slur for a woman who’s powerful, but scares the crap out of them?

 

What about that time they locked you in your learning pod and you missed lunch. Oh, wait they did that every day for what three months? You started bringing protein bars with you, so you wouldn’t miss out on crucial nutrition. You’re lucky that Vulcans only need to pee like once every eight hours. You, my lovely husband, never said a word about what was going on and you know it. So, don’t expect Jo Jo to be different. Your parents had no clue until you broke someone’s nose.

 

Why was that? Was it because you were afraid that they wouldn’t be able to do anything? Were you afraid of being disappointed in their inability to fix things? Were you afraid that they would be so apathetic that they wouldn’t care? Or did you think that your father felt the same way they did?

 

The teenage mind is a scary place and the preteen mind is worse. You know all these types of thoughts are going through her head right now. Look, you’re out of the shower, talk more later.

 

Love you, sweetie bear.

Xxxxx

 

Dear James:

Yes, I was afraid of my father‘s reaction because I assumed it would be on par with that of my peers. I was not even sure of his love of my mother until after her passing. I felt like my entire existence was a side product of political diplomacy. I am aware now that is not the case, but at the time that is what I believed.

 

I did not share what was happening at school with my parents because I did not believe that they needed to know. I did not want to burden them with these issues when I believed I could handle it without adult assistance. As an adult, I realize that my logic was faulty, but I do not know how to convey that to Josephine. I am open to suggestions.

 

Xxx

Dear Spock Bear:

 

Oh, your logic was very faulty. I’m so glad to know you were a stupid teenager like the rest of us. I think we had this conversation over breakfast a couple of days ago when we showed Nyota the email from Kevin. Your teenage mind convinces you that your parents can’t help so you don’t say anything, but because you don’t say anything they can’t help you.

 

It’s dumb, but that’s what we believe at the time. Remember I kept quiet for years about… about what Frank did to me. The bastard convinced me that no one would believe me. And even if they did they couldn’t do anything to stop him. I tried to kill myself before I told somebody the truth.

 

So how do we avoid the kids getting to this breaking point? I think it’s letting them know that there is someone there. Margarita suggested that I write the kids an email not as the first officer of their ship, but as a survivor of the Starfleet orphans’ club. I am considering it because if Jo Jo’s PADD went missing again then as you stated this morning obviously scrubbing the decks isn’t working as effectively as it should. Maybe you could write Jo Jo not as the captain of the ship that she’s living on, but as a friend of her mom, as somebody who has survived bullies and has successfully come out on the other side of it.

 

From what you told me and from what I’ve observed of certain assholes at our diplomatic wedding, they were awful to you. I mean people were nasty to me because I was smart, but I was at smart kids’ school until I had to pick up the slack with Kevin. I mean, I helped with Kevin's bullies, but I feel that I was seeing the situation from the eyes of a parent. Raising Kevin kind of adjusted my view of the world. And let’s be honest, I really did raise Kevin.

 

Oh God, I think that’s another reason why they gave us these kids. I have parental experience with emotionally damaged children.

Xxxxx

 

Dear James:

 

Kevin is a productive member of society and a top cadet at the Academy, so obviously, you know what you’re doing. I think your idea has merit and I’m willing to try something similar along the lines. I think you should do the same with the minors.  However, I reserve the right to review the document before it is sent out.

Xxxx

 

Dear Cuddle Husband:

Totally agree. But I get to read yours first because that’s what first officer’s do. You know when I’m not trying to find us a new assistant. Would it be totally confusing if I hire a Kevin?

Xxx

 

Dear James:

You cannot discriminate against any capable candidate simply because they share a name with your brother, either brother. However, I do acquiesce to your request to proofread my correspondence to Josephine.

Xxxxx

 

Dear Spock Bear:

Fine, other Kevin will make it to the next round of possible candidates along with his wife.

 

Dammit, I should have offered you a blowjob.           

                      To be continued


	24. Day 35: You should probably proofread this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read or reviewed the last set of diary entries. All of you are great.
> 
> We are spending more time with Jim and Spock. Jim and Spock are just the cutest. They’re also in transit to a star mapping assignment so more diary time.

Hey, my Sunshine Vulcan:

Please check out my first draft. I did it in hard copy because well, I’m paranoid and thanks to something Pike said, I know that Admiral Chen is reading some of our private correspondence. It could just be the emails of the guy who got her daughter pregnant, but again I’m paranoid. Read below and tell me what you think.  
\------

Dear teenagers of Enterprise:

It’s time for us to have a conversation about your behavior on board this vessel. Really? Stealing liquor from engineering again? That’s so cliché, especially because you keep getting caught. More importantly, it’s time for us to talk about why you’re behaving this way. I don’t think it’s because you’re all spoiled brats. And let me tell you kiddies, alcohol doesn’t dull the pain that much. It’s a temporary Band-Aid at best.

I’m not writing you as your ship’s first officer, the guy who will have to sign off on the performance review of many of your parents, or even the guy married to your parents’ big boss. I am writing to you as a survivor of the Starfleet orphans club. I know at least four of you are members of that club with me. I would get us T-shirts, but that don’t really help.

I’m sure you’re all aware that my dad died about three minutes after I was born. What you’re not aware of is that my Starfleet mom went right back in the space and I got left behind with the evil step dad. If you want to know how evil, search “child molester found hanging in his prison cell with his genitals cut off in Iowa”. So don’t assume I’m just another adult that doesn’t know what you’re going through because I went through a lot and here I am on the other side as your co-captain.

This also means that I understand why a lot of you are being brats right now. You don’t want to be here. You’re angry that life is the way it is and maybe you’re upset that your mom or dad chose Starfleet over a normal life and dragged you here. Maybe you blame the fleet for some of the bad things that have happened in your life. I know that growing up I did and somehow, I still managed to find my way to the command gold. Despite that, or maybe because of it.

So, if you think that being a brat will get you back to your planet of origin with the perfect family life that you used to have, let me tell you from experience that that’s not going to happen. The life that you had before, you’re never going to have that back because it doesn’t exist anymore. There’s no going back after what you’ve been through. There’s an Earth saying, “you can’t stop the wave, but you can learn to surf.” Kids, it’s time to get out your paddle boards.

Throwing a tantrum isn’t going to bring your old life back. I should know, I drove my father’s vintage convertible into a ravine. Lots of bad life choices made all around on that one. I got smart kid boarding school. My other friend got regular boarding school and our parents went right back into the sky without us.

So sorry, the fleet is trying this new thing where teenagers like yourself get to go with their parents into space. If things go well, this might become a normal thing. Things right now are not exactly going well. Again, I know what’s going on. Why do you think you’re spending so much quality time scrubbing the decks with toothbrushes? I’m not an idiot. Contrary to what you’ve heard, I didn’t get through the Academy in three years on my back, unless you count all those times I got knocked back onto it during combat training.

So this is the deal, you guys will try to act like semi behaved young adults and I will treat you that way. Otherwise you’re going to be scrubbing the decks with toothbrushes for at least the next year, along with whatever crazy punishment I can come up with. At the same time my door is open to all of you. I’m not a parent or our ship counselor, Margarita, but I am someone who understands a lot more of what you’re going through then many others on the ship. It probably helps that I still remember my teenage years and again a lot of bad decisions made all around. Just don’t think that no one cares about you because that's a lie. It might not seem that way at first, but we’re here for all of you. You just need to reach out.

PS: Seriously, stop raiding the liquor in engineering. If you’re going to indulge in underage drinking, please avoid liquor that may cause blindness or kill you due to the potency.

Xxxxx

Dear James:  
I am uncertain if you should encourage the teenagers to research any parts of your history, especially one that you’re just starting to come to terms with and willing to discuss publicly. But overall, I find your letter acceptable. I have attempted to draft an email to Josephine and yet, have been unsuccessful. I would like your guidance on the matter.   
xxxxx  
Dear Cuddle Vulcan:

I know. I saw the pile of rejects in the recycling bin. It’s understandable you’re having trouble. How do you really start that conversation? The other kids don’t know me so I could be my normal abrasive self. For you, it’s different with her. You’re her other mom’s best friend and you did tutor her in Vulcan for most of our Earth time.

Hey, I just had a brilliant idea, why don’t you offer to take back over the Vulcan lessons. She’ll like that and hey it would at least keep her under adult supervision another hour a week. I mean you don’t have to do it all the time, but I could totally sacrifice some of my sexy husband make out time if it cuts down on my dealing with teenagers that I want to strangle time. I mean, the more they behave, the less likely we’ll be called out during the night for things like sneaking into engineering to get booze. The last time that happened, my pants were unzipped and the lube was already out.  
Xxxx  
Dear James:

That incident was just last night. I agree your suggestion has merit. I do have time in my schedule for at least an hour of lessons, especially if it would create less work for you in other areas. However, may I suggest that you offer some other activities to keep the other four teenagers from engaging and distractive behavior. I could consider it part of your duty hours.   
Xxxxx

Dear Spock Muffin:

OK, good idea. Great idea, because eventually we’re going to run out of decks for them to scrub with toothbrushes and I’m still mad that they cut into our sex time. I’ve had such a tough time convincing you that the soundproofing is completely functional, and our next-door neighbor can no longer hear me blowing your brains out.

I assume that it’s a hard no on teaching them computer programming? What about combat? I feel like instances of bratty behavior would go down if they actually got to hit something. Maybe if they could get their anger out physically, they will stop focusing it on Jo Jo and trying to get a hold of the Everclear that they’re trying to brew in engineering.

I’m this close to letting botany grow pot. Besides, I’m sure you could use fresh headache medication if they keep up this stupidity. You can’t do brownies, but maybe cheese crackers or cannabis tea. I’ll download a copy of the cannabis cookbook.

Xxxx   
Dear James:  
I was thinking 21st century movie night or maybe a chess club. I would prefer that you not pass on any skill that may be considered a felony or that can be used to commit a felony.

You are correct. I could benefit from a fresh supply of headache medication. Therefore, I will authorize the cultivation of several strands of cannabis that are traditionally used in Vulcan medicine and meditation teas.   
Xxx  
Dear Sugar Vulcan:

There’s so many skills I possess that could be utilized in the commission of a felony, such as horticulture apparently. But no Enterprise Junior hackers club or gardening club for that matter. Earth movie night it is because I’m still not quite a chess expert and I could never get away with doing a checkers club. They would find that so lame. Also we want to offer something that they might actually do as opposed to being juvenile delinquents

We can probably go through the whole MCU series. The first run. Just the movies, not the TV shows. Otherwise we’ll be busy for all five years. Actually that may be a good idea. You’re so right, under-stimulated smart kids are dangerous. I should’ve remembered that from my boarding school days. I think I told you about the time the elevator ended up filled with glass. I’ll send the email out soon.   
XXXXX

From: SpockX-Kirk  
To: kitten_loverJJMU  
BCC: Spock’s_cuddlebunny  
Time sent: 3/25/2260 17:53:11

Subject: Would you like to continue your Vulcan lessons?  
Because James is planning to start a new movie club to increase crew morale, I have additional time in my schedule. Would you be interested in me continuing your Vulcan lessons? I am well aware that your mother is quite skilled in the language, but there are certain nuances that you can only pick up from a native speaker.  
I also found our time together last fall simulating and wish to continue.   
Xxx

From: kitten_loverJJMU   
To: SpockX-Kirk  
Time sent: 3/25/2260 18:33:11  
Subject: Re: Would you like to continue your Vulcan lessons?

I saw that Uncle Jim is starting a movie club as a reward for the other teenagers not acting awful.

I really would like to start the Vulcan lessons again but we’re going to have to schedule around my fencing lessons. I am really liking those. I think I may be able to outrun Jeremy by May.

To be continued


	25. Day 37:  Sulu Family Values

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last chapter. You’re all beautiful. Your comments keep me writing.

From: Mommy_Susan  
To: SuluHG2260  
Time arrived: 3/27/2260 00:00:01  
Subject: I’m pretty sure your family now hates me

What did I do to deserve quality time with your crazy family? Did I mention it was raining so I couldn’t go hide in the gardens when it all became too much? If I hadn’t brought Liz, it would’ve been awful. Okay, it was still awful, but it would’ve been categorically awful instead of just unpleasantly awful. Liz is good at running interference. Ben is fabulous, but just doesn’t have Liz's skills in that area.

Everybody was talking about how we conceived our daughter, everyone including your mom and the grandpas. I don’t even know how they know, but they all knew. The real story. Not the cute story that we’re planning to tell our daughter about us deciding to co-parent together because we decided that we wanted to have a family and we were sure we would never find anybody. But rather the embarrassingly true version about the kinky three-way on Risa complete with boyfriend who couldn’t tell the difference between contraceptive lube and fertility lube. Why did I ever sleep with him? I mean was the ship that devoid of good people? (I kind of think I really invited you there to teach him how to get someone off). I am never making that mistake again. I’m getting a pleasure seeker 9000 from the red-light district and letting it go.

Oh, by the way I am supposed to tell you not to include classified-ish information in your emails to your boyfriend. The disaster that was your last mission regarding the coup d’état has just been made public now that you’re on your way to your next mission which is probably something innocuous like star mapping. Oh, and it’s the really sanitized for public consumption clean version so I know something bad went down even though you told me nothing but told your boyfriend way too much. Thankfully you have a boyfriend that knows not to say things that are classified. Doctors are great at keeping things confidential, so excellent choice in boyfriends.

Oh, your aunts loved your boyfriend. They just simply adore him and think he is the greatest man on Earth if not the entire Federation. Unfortunately, they see me as a whore who apparently sleeps with gay man because she thinks she can turn them straight. They said that right in front of me unaware that I understand pre-warp Japanese. Seriously, what is wrong with them? Do they not realize that bisexuals are a thing or whatever you frame your sexual orientation as? I know I can’t be the only female you’ve ever had sex with. I’ve been there having to be someone else right? You’re more skilled than my ex.

OK I have attached pictures of your baby being cute and adorable and causing all sorts of trouble. I had to change her outfit three times. You should write her a letter about your day or has it been so boring that you just have nothing to write about. I guess that’s better than you asking her about who she wants to live with. Although, if was that boring you probably should write more. I don’t think you’re in the letters show up like once a month section of the galaxy yet.

Although I’m sure it’s coming. It’s going to be worse when I go back. The teaching has been fun. Well it’s been useful, and I don’t how my friend Gina can take being a junior high teacher. Freshman cadets are awful enough. I couldn’t handle preteens and teenagers. Well, teenager teenagers, not almost adult teenagers. Why do we let 17-year-olds join Starfleet?

Anyway, write me back.

Xxxx  
From: Benjamin_2254  
To: SuluHG2260  
Subject: Next time I go to the family reunion you’re coming with me

Time arrived: 3/15/2260 00:00:01  
I did decide to go to your family reunion because I like Sue and I couldn’t leave her alone. Her sister and her boyfriend could only do so much to defuse the situation. It seemed only fair especially because she went with me to brunch the day before to tell my husband’s family that I am going to use Starfleet daycare instead from now on and they won’t get to see their granddaughter every day. There is a lot of Mandarin cursing involved that Sue had to translate for me since I only know a little Cantonese.   
I shouldn’t be surprised by the reaction. They despise Starfleet. They get angry when you even say the word because they blame the organization for what happened to their only child. Obviously, that went worse than your family reunion, but only marginally because nobody started crying. OK nobody started crying over the age of two. The kids managed to throw a tantrum, a joint tantrum at that.

In addition, I got asked multiple times by your mom about our poly relationship with Sue. I choked on my beer when she asked that. Your aunt also asked the same thing. And one of your sisters as well. The one that’s already planning our wedding. Although in her case, I think she only asked for wedding planning purposes. Your family is weird. Thankfully, the food was good. Ridiculously good and your dad sent me home with leftovers.

Which is another thing that made it better than the encounter with my in-laws – former in-laws. I don’t know what to call them sometimes. The person who originally tied us together is gone, but I’m raising their granddaughter and they’re still in my life. I can’t believe it’s going to be two years in a couple weeks.  
Sometimes it feels like it’s still just happened. You know I didn’t even take my wedding ring off until the week I met you? He still my husband in my heart. I love you. You know I do. I so would not have put up with a very Sulu family reunion without you even being there if I did not love you, but Zack took a little bit of my heart when he died. You’re helping me get through it.  
Anyway, be safe out there.

Love you

Xxx  
From: SuluHG2260   
To: Mommy_Susan  
Time arrived: 3/27/2260 6:35:01  
Subject Re: I’m pretty sure your family now hates me

I don’t think my family hates you because I have yet to receive an email from the family, but usually they show their disdain by not sending me care packages.  
Also, if your mom read my letter to my boyfriend than I’m really worried about her reading this letter mostly because she may kill me for some of the things you wrote. It just kind of slipped. I’ll be more careful I really should know better. Good to know it was redacted.

Of course, because she’s probably reading this. There’s no way in hell I’m going to tell you if I had sex with anyone else of your gender. You’ll just have to wait until June to find out the answer. Your mom scares me.

Things are good aboard Enterprise. We are starting on our next assignment which is star mapping. So, lots of flying around for me and very little botany time for me outside of working on Jim’s “Vulcan homeopathic medicine” project. Which is sad because the rest of the team is still trying to figure out why things got so bad on that planet that there was a coup d’état without me. I was really looking forward to that. But my skills are needed elsewhere right now. Maybe we’ll get to explore some of the planets.

In other news, I am teaching a teenage fencing class or at least it seems that way. I now have three that I’m instructing; J, Josephine and Ashley 2. I think Ashley 2 and Josephine might hurt each other but it’s only been one session with all three of them, so we’ll have to see how things are in May or June. I may have to ask you to send up some of my equipment because the replicated stuff just isn’t the same. You have the hook up.

Tell Desi that I love her and she’s just the cutest little cuddle baby. I can’t believe she dove headfirst into a pie at the reunion. Let’s be glad that my family gathering happens during early spring and is indoors, otherwise she would’ve been covered in mud. (Sorry it was raining so you couldn’t hide outside in the garden.) Imagine how much trouble she would have got into outside and she’s not even walking yet. Has she graduated to crawling?

I’m sorry I should’ve warned you that one of my second cousins is at Starfleet Academy and I’m pretty sure she lives in the same building as your sister. I’m not sure because I can kind of tune out everything that cousin says to me. She’s always bragging about her wonderful children (that she had when she was barely 18) and making snide comments about how I was probably going to die without children due to the gay thing (despite the gay grandparents). I bet she didn’t see Demora coming.

I’m kind of sad I wasn’t there because I would have love to see all their shocked faces over that. I really wanted to be smug about that in person. Oh well it is what it is. Be safe and don’t strangle the freshman. Maybe you can ask your friend for some teaching tips. Ask her for some ideas for me since I’ll be teaching emotionally stunted teenagers how to fence.

Miss you both. Give baby girl a giant hug for me.  
Xxxxx  
From: SuluHG2260  
To: Benjamin_2254  
Subject Re: Next time I go to the family reunion you’re coming with me

Time arrived: 3/15/2260 07:07:41

I am sorry you had to put up with my family. I guess they were on their best behavior at Christmas because I was there. Thank you for being there for Sue since things got so crazy. I forgot that one of my cousins lives in the same building as Liz and knows all the Starfleet gossip. I really did not need that many family members to know about anything that happens on shore leave.

I’m sorry that Zack ‘s family was kind of awful. You probably shouldn’t mention who you’re now dating. Most people know me as the idiot who didn’t think to split the charges among the three of us, so we could’ve blown the drill up instead of… What happened. I can’t believe it’s almost been two years either. Time just goes by quickly now that I have a 9-month-old.

I must apologize for my family again. With my sister, it probably was for wedding planning which is why I always promised myself I would elope if I ever found somebody I want to spend the rest of my life with. Although that was before I saw what she could do with an elopement. She really can do a 24-hour wedding and it was amazing. My mom and my aunts were just being my mom and my aunt’s. They just love gossiping. Hey, but at least you don’t have to put up with grandma and the grandpas are respectful, usually. The cousins not so much. But at least the food was good, which makes me sad because I’ve eaten all my snacks and now it’s just rec go cater food till June.

Starfleet life is good. I received another reminder to be careful how much I tell you. It’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s that I am afraid of my daughter‘s grandmother. Like terrified. Sue’s ex-boyfriend is on Delta Vega; Delta Vega, land of ice in darkness and scary creatures that will eat you in a heartbeat. I don’t want to go to Delta Vega.

I’m glad I’m helping you with your Zack related issues. I know you must have a lot losing him the way that you did. And I know part of you will always love him and that’s okay. You can love more than one person. Especially you because your heart is just that big.

Anyway, love you. I will write again soon. And again, sorry about my family. I’m pretty sure you can avoid everybody until probably Thanksgiving now. Possibly Christmas, if you’re lucky.  
To be continued.

 

 

 

 


	26. Day 39: Maybe It Does Get Better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all absolutely great. More diary entries from Josephine. I ended up going back and adding this conversation after writing a few of the days that took place afterwards because I felt like something was missing. It’s shorter than what I’ve been posting lately, but important.

 

 

Dear Diary:

Ashley 2 talked to me today. Not yelled at me or said nasty things to me to make herself look better in front of her fake friends (it’s obvious they are fake), but an actual conversation. Granted she asked me about Uncle Jim and if she could trust him, but I still count that as a conversation. I assured her that most of the rumors about Uncle Jim were not true and yes, she can trust him. He and Uncle Spock are good uncles who actually care about me. They are definitely better than my actual aunt who waited a month to write to me. I’m in the middle of nowhere, she should make the first move. Then again, it wasn’t like she really checked in before.

I’ve discovered that members of the crew are almost as bad as the Ashleys when it comes to gossip, which is why there are so many rumors floating around about my own goals. Apparently, I’m invisible because they have no trouble talking about my family when I’m in earshot, which is why I know all the ridiculous stuff they’re saying. I really didn’t want to know that my dad got my mommy Nyota pregnant because she was drugged with fertility medication against her will.

Of course most of the mean things they are saying are about Uncle Jim and I know none of it’s true. Allegedly, he lost his captaincy, because he’s a closet alcoholic. I know closet alcoholics, I was raised by one. Uncle Jim is not a closet alcoholic. I haven’t seen him drink anything since I started living with dad. They didn’t even do spiked eggnog at Christmas, which Mister Scott complained about. Come to think of it, dad doesn’t drink anymore either.

Also Uncle Jim is not the ship slut, and neither is my mom. Mommy Nyota loves dad and I think the only reason why they’re not married is because I think she’s afraid she doesn’t want to say that out loud. Of course this isn’t the first time I have heard mom Nyota referred to as a slut. Other mom told her that word a lot before she crashed into a tree because she loves alcohol more than me.

Also, no way uncle Jim had a three way with the “Kitty cat twins” when he was already kind of married to Uncle Spock by that point. They definitely love each other, so I don’t think uncle Jim would be with someone else.

Mister Sulu backed me up on that since he overheard Ashley 2 tell me about that rumor. He told us both that it was rude to repeat rumors that were probably untrue. Of course after that Ashley 2 said something to him in Japanese that I didn’t understand. That’s when he started blushing a lot and then told her that whatever he does in his personal life is his business as long as everybody consents to what’s going on. Of course after that conversation, Ashley kind of accidentally broke a practice dummy. I feel like there’s a story there.

In addition to spending time with Mister Sulu, I’m getting to spend time with Uncle Spock because we are doing Vulcan lessons again. I like spending time with him. Especially because it’s one-on-one. Unlike the fencing lessons which have become a small class. Although Jay is not ignoring me, even though Ashley 2 is in our class, so I guess that’s progress.

Kevin wrote back a couple of days ago which is nice. Margarita says I need to write back at the very least, to be polite, but I want to wait a couple of days to see if he told mom and Jim what I told him. I don’t think he did, even if I’m sure Spock knows.

Spock is the Captain, of course he’s going to figure it out. Kevin and Spock really don’t like each other that much or at least mom thinks that Kevin doesn’t like Spock very much. Apparently something happened at the wedding. It wouldn’t surprise me if Uncle Spock knew, though, because Vulcan kids are really cruel, so he probably knows all the signs.

The other reason why I want to wait a little while before I talk to Kevin again is maybe I’m hoping that things will get better and I want to be able to report some good news. I mean my PADD hasn’t turned up missing since the announcement of movie night so I’m hopeful. Of course I’m used to being disappointed. So why should now be any different.

Speaking of disappointments, I mentioned before that my aunt finally wrote to check in after a month of nothing. I’m not surprised. That’s what she always does. Now she feels guilty about not doing anything before when other mom was alive and drinking. What good is guilt now? She knew and didn’t do anything. She knew and she didn’t try to stop her sister from drinking herself into a tree? She knew how I was being treated and she didn’t get me out of the house. She knew and didn’t tell dad or his lawyers. So why should she act like she cares now? Because it’s obvious she doesn’t.

Dr. Margarita keeps telling me that I’m a kid and it wasn’t my responsibility to stop my mom’s drinking. She was an adult. She could have done something. If not, about the drinking than about how I was being treated. In therapy, I’m learning that what was happening back then wasn’t okay. She said she didn’t know it was that bad. Really? You didn’t know? Did you not see the same fridge full of special punch that I did? Did you not see the recycling bin full of bottles? Did you not know that I was only allowed to talk to my dad once a year under court supervision before he got better lawyers?

I don’t want to talk to her right now or at all. I’m sure I will eventually, but not yet.

To be continued.


	27. Day 41: Thank you for the cookies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  Thank you to everyone who read or review the last conversation. You are all wonderful.
> 
>  
> 
>  

 

From: Legal Queen of Atlanta

To: LeonardUM

Subject: How is life in space going?

Time arrived: 3/31/2260 00:00:01

Dear former brother-in-law:

 

How are you doing in the darkness of space? There’s been a couple of news reports about Enterprise activities that have made the interplanetary news, but nothing scary at least from my perspective. I mean, what can be exciting about getting another planet to sign a resource sharing agreement. Those type of contract negotiations are never exciting. I doubt that being in a different solar system would change that

 

How is Baby Jo? I wrote her about a week ago and I haven’t heard anything back yet. Of course, maybe you guys are so far out at this point that it takes weeks for mail to show up. That would not surprise me. I’m not sure where you guys are right now because, it’s not like they tell the civilians anything exciting. Is there actually anything you can tell me about what you’re doing? What’s it like being a doctor in space? Is it different from being on earth?

 

How is Jocelyn? Sorry, Josephine. I’m still not entirely used to the name change. I get why she did it. One less reminder of her mom, but it’s still weird.

 

 Anyway, take loving care of my baby niece and write me when you have a chance.

 

PS: Is there an easier way to send the care package then going through the Starfleet family liaison’s office? If I send something now through them, you may not get it until probably August. Let me know if you know somebody with a hook up.  

 

Xxxx

From: W_Kirk_wellness_Hills

 

To: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

 

Subject: thank you for your gift

 

Time arrived: 3/31/2260 00:00:01

Thank you for the cookie bouquet you sent. It was lovely. I think I ended up putting half of them in the freezer and the other half were enjoyed at the remembrance dinner. Did you know that there are 40 different Tarsus survivors in the San Francisco Metro? That was more than I thought there would be. Although we did lose Kathleen a couple months ago. Suicide. It happens a lot among the survivors.  

 

The whole thing was emotional, especially when we read the names and lit candles for our family members that didn’t make it off the planet. I cried a lot. Everyone did. I also got a lot of hugs from the kids.

 

Although most are out of high school now, so I guess I can’t really call them kids anymore. They call me their savior, but that’s not right. How can I be anybody’s savior when I didn’t save my baby?

 

You have no idea how badly I wanted a drink, but thankfully my future daughter-in-law decided this was going to be a dry party. So again, thanks for the cookies because they were my only option. If you can’t drink, stress eat. I think I must start using the treadmill otherwise I’m going to be humongous by the time you get back to Earth.

 

You better get back by the way. I’m not dealing with another cryptic I’m about to die email from you that only contains song lyrics. Please do not put me through that again.     

 

Anyway, love you.

 

Xxx

From: Kevin KR

To: kitten_loverJJMU

CC: Elizabeth_Chen

Time arrived: 3/31/2260 00:00:01

 

Subject: So, are the brats being less evil now?

 

I heard from my brother-in-law that the junior brats are getting really acquainted with ancient toothbrushes. That email showed up yesterday and considering it took like a week to get here, I assume that’s why I haven’t heard from you yet. Please tell me you somehow managed to get pictures. I need pictures.

 

I’m not surprised that my brother-in-law is doing this. I kind of think that Spock is getting revenge for all the assholes who treated him like crap growing up for being multi species or whatever they came up with to justify their hatred. Really can’t blame him for wanting to get a little revenge. My brother-in-law has issues, but he is head over feet in love with my brother, so I’m going to let it go.

 

So, how are you? Done anything fun yet? Please write me soon, but please come up with some revenge pranks? Because seriously, you deserve some revenge, especially if they’re still being awful to you. April Fools’ Day is coming up soon. (I know it possibly may have already passed by the time you get this letter because who knows where the ship is right now). I promise I won’t tell my brother.

 

So sorry I didn’t write earlier. Midterms are almost over, but then we had the Tarsus survivors club meeting. It was good to get back together with some of the kids. There are two others at Starfleet and one at UF Berkeley. Also, another one studying at the Culinary Institute of The Federation at San Francisco. Good to see that others are moving on and being productive with their lives. It makes me happy to see so many of us are doing well after the disaster that was Tarsus.

 

Everything public about what happened is just a part of what the place was really like. Not that I’m really allowed to tell you what happened because my brother-in-law’s security clearance isn’t even high enough for that. But you already know that I lost my biological family on that planet, so you have an idea of how bad it really could be. These couple weeks are always awful, but oddly enough it’s easier this year with a sober mom, Liz and baby D.

 

We may have brought her with us because babies are cuddly and we all could use a cuddle. I had to go to a very Sulu family reunion because my girlfriend couldn’t allow her sister to deal with that alone. Great food, much better than a very Tarsus gathering, but that family makes me glad that most of the extended Kirks stopped talking to Winona after George died and those that did not stopped after the Frank fiasco was made public. Let’s just put it this way, Liz and Sue preferred the Tarsus reunion to Sulu family chaos. That says terrible things.

 

OK this letter got really depressing so I leave you with pictures of my girlfriend’s niece trying to eat pie. She’s not supposed to, but she’s fast for someone just learning to crawl.

 

Xxxx

 

From: LeonardUM

To:  Legal Queen of Atlanta

Subject: Re: How is life in space going?

Time arrived: 3/31/2260 05:54:51

 

Sorry, we are getting far enough out that it may be days or even weeks between messages. We are going deeper into space than we were last time, probably because they didn’t want to take the leash off Jimmy. They’re a little more comfortable with Mr. and Mr. Spock-Kirk in charge. We really do have two captains. Thank God they share a brain. Otherwise we would be fucked.

 

Things are good other than the fact that too many idiots forgot to get their Starfleet flu vaccine before the start of the mission. Goddamn idiots, all of them. If it wasn’t for my girlfriend and my desire to keep Jimmy alive for as long as possible, I really would’ve taken a desk job. The kid would literally die without me around, literally. Jimmy has the self-preservation skills of a slug living in a salt factory. He once almost died due to ice cream. It is a small miracle he hasn’t turned up in Sickbay yet.

 

Other than that, both Nyota and I are doing well. At least our departments are filled with competent people. The hobgoblin did an excellent job last time, but I think Jim might just be a little bit better. I think Jo Jo is starting to settle in. I saw her talking to Ashley Alexis so I’m almost hopeful.      

 

I’ll try to remind Josephine to email you. She’s had a rough couple of weeks adjusting because somebody decided that Jimmy was the best candidate to babysit the worst of the worst of Starfleet brats. Thankfully they were right, and he knows what he’s doing. The new activities are keeping them docile and they’re no longer trying to steal drugs from lock up or alcohol from my secret stash, so that’s an improvement.

 

How are things in Georgia? Is your father still a dreadful, horrible man, bless his shriveled cold heart? On second thought, I don’t think he has a heart. If he did, he probably lost it during the last divorce. She really did take him to the cleaners, as he deserved.

 

Anyway, I’ll try to remember to write occasionally. I didn’t write anybody last time because Jo Jo was the only one I wanted to talk to and your sister, or rather your father found the judge who would not allowed that. By the time I had a good attorney, we were back on Earth. Anyway, it doesn’t matter now.

It’s time to let the past go, or at least that’s what Dr. Cruz says. At least she is better than the other Dr. Cruz who was here before. Now that traitorous bastard was a real quack. Thankfully, my medical staff is better than that.

 

PS: If you want to send the package and have it get here in less than six months, get in touch with Jim’s brother Kevin Kirk. He’s dating the daughter of the head of Starfleet, so he’s connected. I think his number is on the emergency contact list I gave you.


	28. Day 42: Happy April Fools’ Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who read or reviewed the last conversation. You were all great. Thank you for keeping me writing. 
> 
>  

 

 

 

From: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

 

To: W_Kirk_wellness_Hills

 

Subject: Re: Thank you for your gift

 

Time arrived: 4/1/2260 0:23:01

 

Sorry, I didn’t write back sooner. I think we’re getting in the zone where these letters are taking five or more days to get here. Then yesterday I had to spend quality time doing deep space interviews with possible replacements for our teacher who would rather resign from Starfleet entirely, then deal with the teenagers any longer, as well as an assistant for me and my captain. Not fun.

 

I think we may have found a husband and wife assistant team that might work so we can have one each and help prevent someone else from dealing with the two bodies problem. It’s always good to get back.

 

Unfortunately, the new teacher search is going not so well mostly because nobody wants to apply. I think tales of the brats of Enterprise have traveled far and wide on the Starfleet rumor mill. This should not surprise me at all. I am totally open for suggestions.

 

         

I’m glad that the cookie bouquet got to you before the dinner and you found it useful. I got something similar for Kevin earlier. I’m also glad I got the jumbo size so you could have leftovers. Sometimes you just need cookies.

 

Considering I get nauseous every time someone refers to me as the guy that saved Earth due to the fact I didn’t save my mother-in-law, I understand how you feel. However, that doesn’t take away the fact that you were a hero on that godforsaken planet. Maybe Sam didn’t come home, but Liz and Kevin did and so many other people because of what you did.

 

You know how people always say if you were not there, things would’ve been a lot worse? Turns out, that’s not exactly hyperbole. If you don’t believe me, talk to Spock’s grandfather or is it uncle? I can’t remember the cover identity right now.

 

I know that is little comfort with Sam still being gone, but that’s just the way life is. It’s never fair and very often cruel, but there are moments of hope. We just have to keep holding onto those moments of hope.

 

Liz is the best. There’s no question. I’m pretty sure she plans for everything.

 

Xxx

From: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

 

To: Kevin KR

 

Time arrived: 4/1/2260 00:38:21

 

Subject: thank you for helping with Jo Jo

 

Sorry, baby brother, that I didn’t write earlier, but I’ve been working on our teenager bully problem. Brilliant idea emailing the hubby. You kept your word, but did not necessarily keep the spirit of your word. I taught you so well baby. We decided to do a few more clubs and activities to provide them with something else to do.

 

Ashley 2 seems to be the most receptive. She is doing fencing and came to talk to me a couple of times, after Jo Jo reassured her that I am not a shady person.

 

Did you hear that I lost my captaincy because I’m an alcoholic? The rumor mill is working overtime and therefore is losing any shred of accuracy it ever had before. I guess everybody knows that mom’s an alcoholic and they assumed that I followed in her footsteps. I don’t even give a fuck. I have more important things to deal with like Ashley 2.

 

We have started our own mini support group for survivors of people who had “uncles” that touch the wrong body parts. Becky joined us. She’s the wife of Admiral Marcus’s daughter Carol. I think you guys met at one of the pre-launch mixers we had. I’m kind of surprised she’s OK around me and Sulu, but it might be because she considers us both gay. I’m not going to correct her assumption if it makes her feel more comfortable.

 

Although I do find it weird that she doesn’t know about your girlfriend’s niece. She even heard the kitty cat twins’ rumor. She thinks that they were male kitty cat twins, but she still knows about it, which means she should probably know about that. Everybody else on ship does. Personally, I’m surprised I haven’t had to write up Sulu for stabbing people with his foil yet.

 

That’s okay. Spock has made Josephine his special project which I’m OK with because I have four other teenagers to watch over. Also spending time with Josephine means spending more time with his BFF which makes him happy. The first couple of weeks they weren’t able to hang out like before because being a captain is exhausting. I only see my husband as often as I do you because we’re sleeping together.

 

You probably understand that because you’re living with your girlfriend. I’m personally surprised we’re not surveying ice planets right now because of that. How is the girlfriend? How are you holding up? Did you survive midterms successfully? I hate that they line up with the anniversary for you. Mom said the survivors’ reunion went well and she stayed sober because your girlfriend is that great. Did she actually stay sober?

 

Anyway I’ll keep you posted on progress. Okay, I’ll let you know if I survived April Fools’ Day tomorrow, or rather today since it’s after midnight, with minimal damage. You know somebody is going to do something that’s going to result in a felony. I already reinforced the firewalls on everything, especially the replicators. And all the drugs are on lockdown. I’m not dealing with this shit.

 Xxxxx

From: kitten_loverJJMU

 

To: Kevin KR

 

Time arrived: 4/1/2260 07:03:34

 

Subject: Really, I’m okay.

 

Thanks for writing again, even though I didn’t reply last time. I kind of wanted to wait a little while so I could give you good news. No one has stolen my PADD in the last week, so I guess that’s progress. Yes I have pictures of the other teenagers, rubbing the decks. Uncle Jim may have shown me how to get into the cameras, but I’m not supposed to tell anybody that. So don’t tell him that I told you that because Uncle Spock told him not to show us how to hack things. Although technically he told Uncle Jim not to teach the teenagers. I’m not a teenager yet so I don’t think I count.

 

I am OK. Jeremy is actually working with me in class and Ashley 2 talked to me during fencing training last night. The fencing training has been good.

 

I have a few ideas for pranks for today, but I think most of them are on uncle Jim’s do not do list. I’ll let you know if we do anything. I’m not sure yet.

 

The only bad side is I’m going to have to write my aunt and I really don’t want to. But if I want anything out of the snack door, I must. She regrets not getting me out of there earlier. That doesn’t mean anything because she still didn’t do anything. She also referred to mom Nyota as my stepmom.

 

Anyway, send more chocolate. I need more chocolate.

 

From: kitten_loverJJMU

To: Legal Queen of Atlanta

Time arrived: 4/1/2260 07:31:34

 

Subject: How is everything going?

 

I’m fine. Classes are getting better. I’m actually finding other activities like fencing to occupy my time. Mom Nyota is not my stepmom because one, she’s not married to my dad and two, she signed the adoption papers last December. She is my mom and she’s a lot better than the last one, and it’s only been a few months. At least I won't have to worry about her getting so drunk that she wraps her car around a tree.

 

Thank you for checking in now that I’m someplace nice and safe. Why didn’t you do that when I wasn’t in a good place?

To be continued


	29. Day 45: Never Mention April 1 Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all absolutely fabulous. Your comments keep the creative juices flowing.
> 
> A/N: I’ve read through some of the early chapters of Dear James recently and realize I made a slight continuity error regarding Dr. Suarez being a contractor. In Dear James, she tell Nyota an email that she did join Starfleet again. So I’m going to try to reconcile that.

Xxxxx

 

From: mental_health_help_desk_Suarez

To: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

Subject: I’m proud of your progress

Time arrived: 4/04/2260 00:00:01

You have no idea how proud I am that you can actually talk about what happened to you in an email. That is testament to how much progress you’ve made over the years and shows me that you have come to terms with a lot of the things that happen to you. I’m very happy that you’ve managed to get to that point. Because of that progress, I think you might be able to guide the young people under your care to a place of healing. The fact that you want to help them with that healing process is encouraging.

It’s not that hard to get a contractor. If you haven’t found somebody by now, ask your husband. I’m sure he did it a few times before because I wasn’t the only contractor last time. Due to the staffing shortages caused by the battle of Vulcan, contractors were used to fill any position that did not need to be performed by an officer like a ship’s counselor. (Although, because I am retired Starfleet I wasn’t a true contractor until recently. I was more like a WAE when I was on your ship which is why they could reassign me to new Vulcan. For a while, Marcus had me convinced I was back, but now I know better.) Spock would definitely know or you could just talk to HR. They’re supposed to help you with staffing issues. They should’ve already mentioned the possibility to you. 

Yes, really Nhi Pike does know everything. And she is wonderful. Even though she’s not your Admiral, you can go to her with this. I’m sure she would be able to help if you’re afraid to show weakness to your HR team because you’re afraid they’re going to gossip about you. Will gossip about you more than they already are. The rumor about you losing the captaincy of Enterprise due to a drinking problem has traveled far enough that even I’ve heard it and I’m on the New Vulcan colony right now. 

I don’t think a captain has ever functioned as their own science officer, but I wouldn’t be surprised if your husband tried. Have you considered scheduling him some lab hours? He can have science time and you can have some bridge time making you both happy boys. Happy co-captains are good co-captains.

You also need to focus on deescalating the tensions between Captain and Chief Science Officer before HR needs to get involved. Maybe you could schedule a dinner or some sort of team building exercise for your Captain and Chief Science Officer. I attach the top 10 list to this email. They need to work together and as first officer, it’s your job to make sure that they can. Margarita may have other ideas, but you should bring her in, or you can talk to HR. Do we need to discuss why you are afraid of HR?

So I’m fairly certain that emails from the colony are probably taking at least a week or more to get to you. Since it’s been that long, I would like to know if you’ve made any progress with the children since your last email? Did you talk to Margarita? She’s there to help. 

Anyway keep me posted. I really want to know how you’re handling everything. Just because I turned you over to Margarita, doesn’t mean I don’t care. I will always worry about you.

Xxxx

From: Spock’s_cuddlebunny 

To: mental_health_help_desk_Suarez

Subject: Re: I’m proud of your progress  
Time sent: 4/04/2260 06:03:01

I totally agree that these messages are probably taking way too long to get here, but I’m not sure how long it’s taking. The email system is evil. Instead of telling me when you emailed the message, the timestamp is for time arrived, which was one second after midnight today, April 4. That makes absolute total sense. 

I thought I was making some progress and then April Fools’ Day happened a few days ago. I guess I should be happy that I wasn’t specifically targeted, targeted by any of the good kids anyway. Jeremy took a few shots at me, but Jeremy is an idiot. Thankfully I know to use an allergy detecting tricorder on any so-called apology gift or anything else for that matter (thanks, ice cream diplomacy incident). Unfortunately, Bobbi from the science department does not. More on that nightmare that is forcing me to spend way too much time with HR in a moment. 

I’m not bitter about it because Jeremy currently has no eyebrows. Also, the entire ship was emailed the video file of him wandering around the halls in Hobgoblin underwear. Of course the guy identifies with the villains. And his skin is blue right now, Smurf blue. Or if we are keeping with the Marvel theme, Kree blue. 

Okay, I found the entire thing hilarious, but it took me like five minutes to find out who did it. I’m supposed to punish them, but I really don’t want to because again Jeremy’s an idiot. Also, it’s not like anything they did caused serious physical damage or hospitalization. That’s more than I can say for some of the adults.

Poor Lieutenant Morris. Her evil ex-boyfriend reprogrammed the replicator to add allergens to her breakfast that morning. Except he screwed up and added it to everybody’s breakfast. Five people ended up in Sickbay. Allergy detecting tricorders for everyone. 

She’s going to be OK because she always carries an allergy hypo with her. Although I hate doing the paperwork for an attempted murder. There’s going to be a court-martial. You know there’s going to be a court-martial. So really blue and eyebrows free Jeremy is like the least of my problems at the moment.

And yes, this means spending quality time in HR and no, I don’t like spending quality time in HR because everybody down there thinks that I was horribly underqualified to be appointed a captain in the first place. So yes, you were right. Actually several of them think that I was only appointed Chris’s acting first officer in the first place because I was fucking him. They actually thought I wouldn’t hear what they were saying, but I did. 

They been positively giddy over the demotion. Even though if they read the damn paperwork, they would know that I wasn’t actually demoted and I voluntarily chose to function as my husband’s first officer. I did what I did because I want Spock to have everything he deserves. Also, my family is a little screwed up and I need the flexibility to deal with things if they blow up, but things seem to be going okay. 

Still no new teacher and as mentioned above, I like to give HR as few reasons to believe their own false perceptions of me as possible. I’ve been looking for a while and there’s just not anybody really qualified. OK there are lots of qualified professionals because at some point in your Starfleet career, you will end up teaching at the Academy. However, anybody with any teaching experience whatsoever is not applying. 

Apparently, the rumor mill is aware of what Jeremy and the two evil Ashleys can do. I’m pretty sure the Ashleys were the ones who completely destroyed most of my clothes in Spock’s wardrobe. Like every shirt. The quartermaster thinks Spock did it all probably during sex. It is so embarrassing. So contractor here we come. Spock explained what I need to do (after he explained your strange employment status when they were on ship), but I’m still going to ask Nhi if she knows of any possible candidates.

Oh I guess I should mention the not evil Ashley is coming around. We’re kind of doing a mini support group with me, her, and Becky, Carol‘s wife. We are all survivors of sexual assault. Ashley 2 even knows what happened to me.

It’s been good for Ashley 2 and she starting to come out of her shell and even talking about her own trauma. OK she’s not torturing Josephine anymore. I guess that’s all I can really hope for. She told Josephine what the other Ashleys were planning which meant none of their pranks worked out and both Ashleys’ currently have purple hair. I have no idea how that happened and I’m so busy investigating the prank that landed multiple people in Sickbay that I don’t have time to find out who programmed the replicator to add purple die to their shampoo.

Next time we hang out, I’ll talk to Becky about maybe setting up a play date with our spouses. How the hell did I turn out to be the responsible one in my marriage? I did not expect that to happen.

I’ll write you again soon, probably even before I get a response back. We are getting close to the anniversary of Amanda’s death and when I found out about Sam. It feels like we’re just going from one anniversary to another from January until June. I am not looking forward to the first anniversary of Chris’s death or my death for that matter. That’s going to be hard to deal with.

I got mom and Kevin cookie bouquets which were a hit. However, I feel like doing something like that for Spock would be like getting him a bottle of Jack which is not something I probably should do. I am completely open to suggestions on how to deal with all of this. 

OK now I need to write Nhi about a contractor and Spock pie needs my full attention for breakfast. 

Apparently, a first officer‘s work is never done. 

X  
From: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

To: Number_one_Pike

Time sent: 04/04/2260 07:02:01

Subject: Do you have suggestions on how to staff the recently vacated teaching position aboard Enterprise? Also I hate my entire HR department.

So, I’m sure you already read the official reports regarding the April Fools’ Day replicator/attempted murder incident. It makes eyebrow free and blue Jeremy pale in comparison. How did we get so many morons on the ship?

The guy is in the brig and honestly, I can’t get him off my ship fast enough. Like seriously it’s going to be at least two weeks before we will be able to get to a Star base because we can’t leave star mapping now. Also HR is inefficient as hell.

I hate star mapping. Exploring new planets is fun, usually. As long as you don’t end up dead. Making a map where people can find new planets not as much fun. I just want to do something that isn’t paperwork and job interviews (and spending quality time with members of HR that think that I am an incompetent idiot because I don’t have all the normal qualifications and experience that someone in my position usually has). Filling out attempted murder and domestic violence incident paperwork is not a break from the monotony because it’s still paperwork. 

So before this incident, the reason why I’ve been spending so much quality time with HR is I need to find a new teacher for the children of Enterprise. The last one quit because Jeremy is evil and two of the three Ashleys are lonely and easily influenced. Thanks to the Enterprise rumor mill, nobody wants the job. Unfortunately, I need to find a new teacher otherwise, well we lose our trial program. So I need a contractor. Preferably a teacher working on getting counselor certification and would love for Starfleet to pay for it. That type of incentive might be the only way we’ll get somebody almost qualified.

My lovely benevolent husband showed me the process of applying for one, but he mentioned that things go better if I have a name. You wouldn’t happen to know anybody who would qualify? Or even a place where I could look. Spock made a few suggestions this morning over breakfast, but I would love to have your opinion on it.

Anyway overall things are good. I mean half the ship is convinced that I am no longer in charge because I am an alcoholic, but whatever. Oh yeah, and HR is just fueling the fires of the rumor mill. My God, they actually have access to the real personnel action, yet they believe the rumors. They think that Starfleet is covering up what happened out of respect for my father and my husband. God, I hate people.

Also, Spock and Carol are fighting mostly because I don’t think Spock likes anybody playing with his toys and apparently I was Carol’s toy in another timeline and well he doesn’t like that. I mean I shouldn’t be held accountable for things my other self did. Besides who knows, in another timeline those two may update it and like have a kid together. I would hopefully not hold that against him if I found out that that happened.

Suarez suggested I give my Spock bear some lab time, just to help him unwind. I feel like I should start interviewing new science officers because I’m not exactly sure how long Carol is going to make it. I think they may try to kill each other at some point. If or rather when Carol resigns, can Spock become his own chief science officer? That would just make my life so much easier. Even though there are some specific reasons for his Carol issues, I’m not sure we won’t run into this problem with the next person. My cuddle Spock is a little territorial. It’s hard for him to let go of his lab.

Anyway, write me back when you get a chance. Since we’re in the middle of nowhere mapping, I’m sure it will be like a week before you get this.

To be continued.


	30. Day 48: Co-Parenting Across the Universe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all lovely. Your comments keep me writing.

 

 

From: Mommy_Susan

To: SuluHG2260

Time arrived: 4/07/2260 00:00:01

Subject: Re: I'm pretty sure your family now hates me

I wish you would have warned me more about your extended family before I ended up spending quality time with them. And yet, considering how often I avoid my own family gatherings, I shouldn't be surprised. They're not exactly jumping for joy either. How dare I get pregnant out of wedlock in the 23rd century. Then again, mom has always been the black sheep of the family, joining Starfleet and adopting Liz. So of course, I follow in her footsteps.

Don't worry about care packages and getting fencing supplies for your kids. You're co-parenting with the daughter of the head of Starfleet. You will always get the good junk food. It's the only time I take advantage of my connections. Chocolate is necessary for life.

I did talk to your siblings, to feel them out to see if they would even want to be Desi's temporary guardian while I'm in space. Ben invited us for tea at his house to provide a safe space and be my emotional back up. It was kind of a mixed reaction. In emergencies and if there were no other options, of course they would step up. They're not going to throw our baby girl to the wolves of foster care. But it seems that they see themselves as the option of last resort. Your little sister even suggested Ben first since the girls have already bonded and they are like 99% sure he's going to be her stepdad soon. (I support this if it ever happens, no pressure.)

In contrast, my mom and sister would be jumping at the chance. Ben too for that matter, because he loves you and your baby girl. Of course, maybe this is because they're part of Damora's everyday life and having her with them full-time would not be that big of a change.

OK this probably means that I need to interact with your family more, especially outside of large family gatherings. I don't think I am planning to do a very Sulu anything until you're back here if I can help it. Of course, I'm going to be on the Hamilton over next Christmas, so at least that gets me out of that.

I want us to decide on this together. We are 100% co-parents. We must consult on all the big decisions and this is a big one. Are you somewhere where we can do a Starfleet Instant-ish messenger option? And let's be honest, nothing is instant when you're that far away.

Also, congratulations on not having to be at the second annual remembrance of the destruction of Vulcan. I heard you guys are going to be way too far away to participate in any event. Lucky Bastard. As the daughter of the head of Starfleet, I must be there. I'm sure the entire time Liz is going to be thanking the universe that the Tarsus fuck up was too classified for there to be public remembrances of what happened. I think I'm going to ask her to do something with the kids then as a distraction for Ben. There's no reason why we all must suffer. I'm sure the anniversary must be awful for him.

Speaking of your boyfriend, Ben says he loves you. He is over at the house right now for a play date. Okay, he's keeping the kids occupied while I write to you. The kids must be around each other at least every other day, otherwise they get cranky. Seriously, put a ring on it.

Liz would be able to make these play dates because she lives in San Francisco proper. However, one of your sisters is on the other side of the country most of the time. The other one is always working outside of the city or even state sometimes. That's what happens when you're one of the best wedding planners on the West Coast. So, another point for Liz.

So, I guess what I'm trying say is, I really would like to finalize plans soon. Two months may seem like a long time, but I'm going to be back on the Hamilton before you know it.

Anyway, good luck in space and be safe. Also, your baby loves you. Pictures attached, mostly of the girls playing together.

PS: We did join the playgroup that you suggested, and it is so much better than where we were before. It's nice to be in a play group that doesn't require spiking my ice tea with vodka. Thank your friends for me.

Xxxx

From: SuluHG2260

To: Mommy_Susan

Time sent: 4/07/2260 6:06:32

Subject: Re: I'm pretty sure your family now hates me

Thank you for the pictures of the kids being adorable. That cheered me up this morning. Also, happy to hear that the new playgroup is working out. I will let the doctor know he has good taste in playgroups.

I am neither shocked nor surprised by my sisters' feelings on the issue mostly because I received a video version of the family reunion along with a family update. They said something similar. They are also team Ben and I think they may have already started wedding preparations. You know, even though we haven't even been dating a year yet.

Also, my extended family was as bad as you said they were. The video was filled with variations of 'but I thought he was gay'. You think they would understand that it can be a little more fluid than that. Although you are the only woman I've ever had sex with and that's mostly been in a group setting, but they never need to know that ever.

After viewing the video, I completely support your decision to only interact with my immediate family and avoiding all large family gatherings at all cost. Maybe you can make sure you send them the cute videos and pictures you sent me. More emails, less in person interaction. Although whoever is baby D's guardian come Christmas time, they will have to bring her over to my sister's house for a very Sulu family Christmas. Maybe that should be part of the criteria to decide. I feel like your mom can deal with my family better than your sister, but only because she's a Starfleet newbie. (Ben, I love him, but he is not a viable option until one of us is wearing an engagement ring, not that that's going to happen anytime soon. Also, I can't have him deal with my family alone at Christmas. It would be cruel.)

I still don't know if I want a 20 something to oversee our daughter, even if she will have her boyfriend there to co-parent. In comparison, your mom would be all by herself. That is one point in her favor.

Also, I realize that your sister and her boyfriend are more mature than what their biological ages are, thanks to the trauma that is really classified. I realize that everything in the media about Tarsus is a complete lie. The only thing I really know for sure was that your mom rescued everybody despite orders and your sister was a survivor. Also, I think that may have been where the captain, Sorry co-captain's brother died, but I'm not 100% certain. Getting Jim Kirk to talk about his family is like pulling teeth the old-fashioned way. It's a rare occurrence and if you do get him to talk about the past, most of it is about Kevin. He loves talking about his brother.

I probably should talk to him regarding his opinion of his brother as a caretaker and Liz as well. I know that he's known Liz almost as long as he's known Kevin. Although considering what I know about the situation with his mom, Kevin may have more experience in that area than any of us realize. I'm going to have to think about all of this. Maybe write your sister and future brother-in-law. (You know they're going to get married. Eventually, you just know it.)

What does your mom think about this? Would she be upset if you chose somebody else? Also, would your sister be able to really balance the baby and her class schedule. The fourth year is always the hardest. Although I heard she's getting the better version of the Kobayashi Maru so that's a plus.

Give me a little time to think about it and maybe talk to your sister. I will give you an answer before the end of the month. Unfortunately, we are too far out to do a Starfleet messenger chat. However, thanks to the April Fools' Day replicator incident, we are going to have to visit a Star base soon. Then maybe we can try for a video chat.

By the way, I miss you and the baby. I also miss the boyfriend and his baby, but I'm going to write him after this, so you don't have to tell him that. Tell princess I love her and to be good. You could also ask her input on who should be her guardian. I have a feeling she would choose who ever would give her more toys which might be your mom.

Anyway, give them all hugs and kisses for me, the kids anyway. I will write again when I have a chance.

Xxxxx

From: SuluHG2260

To: Benjamin_2254

Subject: IOU so much chocolate and foot rubs right now

Time sent: 4/07/2260 06:23:41

Hey baby, miss you.

So, I heard group play time has been doing well since you guys joined the new playgroup. OK I heard that it doesn't require spiked ice tea to get through it. I hope that is still the case. Also, I apologize for everything my sisters did when you invited them over. I would ask if the tea was spiked then, but I'm afraid to know the answer. I'm neither shocked or surprised they're already planning a wedding.

OK as my boyfriend, I need your advice. What is your opinion on Lizzy and Kevin being the guardians of my baby girl while Sue is on the Hamilton? Since you were there during tea, I know you know that I suggested my sisters, but they have their own thing which is fine. We are not one of those families. Unless there's a crisis. But I guess I should be flattered that they trust you so much.

You know there's probably a little bitterness because of my accidental baby. OK and I didn't tell them about all the details. You know more. You know everything because I tell you everything because I love you and trust you and you never threw my favorite teddy bear in a garbage disposal. I have some deep-seated issues with my sisters. Very deep-seated. Maybe I should consider talking to Dr. Margarita.

So as my boyfriend and as a parent, would you hand your kid over to a 20-year-old? A mature 20-year-old and her 19-year-old boyfriend, but still 20. I mean if they didn't change the drinking age, she wouldn't be able to buy champagne for like another month.

Then there is the trouble of mixing parenthood and school life. The last year at the Academy is hard. And not just because you know what happened in the end. Just the school work and the exams and all of that and I didn't have to do a kid on top of that. Would having a child be too much?

So, I guess what I'm asking is what should I do? Should I tell Sue that no you can't leave our daughter with your sister and I think she would be better off with your mom? I'm not even sure of that.

I like Admiral Chan. She's a good Admiral, much better than Marcus mostly because she never tried to kill us. However, being the head of Starfleet is a full-time job. More than being a Starfleet cadet, even if school life is chaotic. Then she'll be by herself where Liz would at least have Kevin. You of all of us understand what full-time single parenthood is.

Jim adores Kevin and says all good things. And even Spock likes him and has asked his advice on our teenager issues. If the guy can deal with teenagers, a baby should be easy. Considering even Jim is betting on the two of them being married by 2271, I feel like he would be sticking around for this. Have you seen Liz and Kevin with Desi? How are they doing? Do you think they make a good team?

I guess I should give you an update on the kids I'm working with. Jay and JoJo are doing well. Ashley is as well. She keeps killing the replicated practice dummies by stabbing them in the genitals, but I feel like there's a reason for that. OK I think the only reason why she's comfortable around me is she thinks Sue was only my gestational carrier and doesn't believe any of the rumors, the wild orgy rumors anyway.

How are you doing? I know you are getting closer to the anniversary. And it's probably worse since you're fighting with Zach's parents. Are you still fighting with them or are they okay with you putting the baby into daycare? I hope you do something not necessarily fun, but not soul sucking. Don't wallow. I don't think Zach would have wanted you to be sad all the time. You deserve happiness.

Anyway, love you and miss you and totally counting down the days until I get to see you again. As much as I want to keep talking to you, I have work to do. Talk to you later.

To be continued.


	31. Day 49: So Do You Want to Raise a Small Child?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all absolutely fabulous. All encouragement keeps me in the writing zone.

From: SulxuHG2260

To: Elizabeth_Chen

Time sent: 4/08/2260 6:43:01

Subject: Do you really want to have your niece living with you for a year?

So I probably should start this email with I am so sorry you had to put up with my family and oh my God I can't believe they asked you those questions. My sister sent me the video of the family reunion and they were brutal. It was just brutal. I would tell you never to agree to go to one of my family events again, but depending on how the rest of this conversation goes that may not be an option. Whoever has custody of baby D in December will have to take her to Christmas at my sister's house and if your sister has her way, that might be you.

So I'm sure you know by now that your sister thinks that you would be the best guardian for Damora while we are both in space. Especially because unlike my sisters, you're willing to jump at the opportunity to do it, which I do appreciate. I mean my sisters would not let baby girl end up in foster care, but I feel like they have other responsibilities that they would put first. My little sister is in Starfleet even if she has a more earthbound assignment than me.

Big sis has her career and they're going through another round of in vitro. Also, I think she might be pissed off at me for having a kid by accident when she hasn't been able to carry a pregnancy to term. I mean her gay brother should not have a kid before her. OK there's a lot of emotional baggage tied up in this and I'm sorry you got dragged into it. But at the same time, Ben was totally willing to throw himself in as a candidate, despite the fact we haven't been together a year yet.

So, I guess the question I'm trying to ask is, do you really think you can handle being a mom to a one-year-old for 9 to 12 months at a time? You know the Hamilton assignment will last more than what is scheduled because nothing really goes as scheduled in Starfleet. Is Kevin up for the challenge of being a co-parent with you? What are you planning to do about childcare, daycare, play groups? Will she still be able to meet up with her favorite little playmate? Will you pass my letters to your baby niece which reminds me I should write one to her today. It's been a while. These are all things I want to know before I decide.

Why would you be a better option then your mother? I guess I'm just trying to understand that. It's not that I don't think you can do this, it's just this is my little girl and I have to know that she is going to be safe and protected when I'm not there. That's what parents do. We are crazy that way.

Jim sings your praises. He says that you're the smart one and a ridiculously hard worker. Despite your mom's position in Starfleet, you worked at a restaurant, so you could be your own person. He told me that you were offered a management position, but you turned it down so you could help your sister and Kevin with various responsibilities. That's definitely a point in your favor.

He also said that you are great with Winona and with helping Kevin keep it together during the worst of the situation. So again another point in your favor. You're going to have a lot of points in your favor the more I think about this.

Anyway, write me back when you get a chance. If I remember correctly, midterms are over and things are starting to get back to normal. I am glad I am long past the Academy. Midterms are always awful.

Xxxx

From: SuluHG2260

To: Kevin KR

Time sent: 4/07/2260 06:59:32

Subject: your brother is ridiculously proud of you.

So I probably should start this letter off with your brother is perfectly OK and has not done anything stupid or life threatening, recently anyway. Of course, he's leading the away team in a couple of weeks for surveying mission after the current starmapping assignment is done, so that could change.

First, I would like to offer my sincere apologies for the way my family behaved at a very Sulu family reunion. I saw the video and it was worse than even she said it was. I would say this wasn't normal, but I would be lying. Sorry.

So second, I assume that you know that Sue is considering leaving Damora with you and her sister instead of having her mom take care of her. I mean this would be good for you and Liz because it means no student housing. You would get to stay in officer housing away from gossiping toddlers and drunk sophomores.

But taking care of a small child isn't all fun and games.

I've been told that you would be aware of that, but this isn't babysitting. This is different. Do you think you're up for almost a year of full-time parenthood, especially with all the other things on your plate like school and your mom? I don't know all the details there, but I know that there's some issues with her that take a lot of energy. Jim wouldn't say much about it, and that in itself worries me. I don't want you to stretch yourself too thin. I guess I just want to make sure that you can do this without driving yourself to exhaustion.

Jim says you can. He believes you're the mature one of the two of you. Also taking care of people is apparently in your blood. I heard you spent several years as the best babysitter of Riverside. Although your brother will explain how that happened. Even your brother-in-law gave you a glowing recommendation.

Despite that, I thought I would talk to you directly. It's always good to come in with as much information as possible into these situations. It's also best not to assume things.

Anyway I would really appreciate your response whenever you get a chance to write back.

From: SuluHG2260

To: Mommy_Susan

Time sent: 4/08/2260 07:13:01

Subject: Star mapping is not fun yet necessary

Dear Damora:

Sorry I haven't written you in a while. I meant to, but then April Fools' Day happened and I'm really glad I'm not allergic to eggs. Let's just put it that way. Normally I wouldn't have to deal with that sort of thing, but being the number two to the co-captains means I get lots of paperwork to do when bad things happen.

Now that that excitement is over. We're mostly doing star mapping, which is not the most fun thing to do on a starship. At least not for me. Ms. Carol's department, which gets to analyze all the data we're collecting is having the time of their life right now. For me, it's not fun unless we get to explore planets which I hope will happen very soon. I would love a chance to put my botany skills to use. Not that I don't love flying because I do.

So, my sisters and your aunt's sent me a video of the pie eating. I really enjoyed that you put blueberry handprints all over a certain cousin that I really really don't like. Second cousin actually. She is the one who told the whole family how you really got here. Someday, I'll tell you the details probably when you're at least 16.

So I've been spending the morning before shift writing emails to your Aunt Liz and soon to be Uncle Kevin, to see if they really want to take care of you when mommy and daddy are off in space. My sisters don't want to take care of you, unless all other options are dead or deemed unfit by the Federation. Which is totally their loss. However, that means that grandma and Aunt Liz are most likely your future caregivers.

My sisters also volunteered Ben, but Uncle Jim told me the obviously edited version of the Uncle Frank story and that was enough to make me hesitant. I'm 99% sure Ben is not an Uncle Frank, but I'm sure Jim's mom thought the same thing. Otherwise, why would she have left him and his brother there? You should always be cautious about these things, which is why I'm vetting everybody carefully.

This all makes me feel bad about leaving you behind. I know that parents in the military have been doing this for centuries, but it still hurts.

Anyway, I heard you found a new playgroup. Tell mommy to send me video. Everyone on the ship loves seeing you. You make everything happy.

Anyway, hugs and kisses. Love you always baby girl.

To be continued


	32. Day 52: I Survived Midterms and all I’m Getting is Amusement Park Tickets

Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. All of you are wonderful and keep me and the happy writing zone. 

 

From: Kevin KR 

To: Spock’s_cuddlebunny   
Time arrived: 4/13/2260 00:00:01

Subject: Praise everyone midterms are over

I think we’re OK. All midterms are over, and I have at least six weeks before I must start thinking about finals. You’ll be happy to know that my perfect GPA is still intact. Although, I’m pretty sure Liz got a B + in a class because the guy hates her mom. 

Anyway, in celebration we are taking baby D to her very first amusement park. Probably Knottsberry Disney or maybe Disney’s Princess land. Or maybe Disney’s Pixar land. It doesn’t really matter almost every park on the West Coast is owned by Disney now, but we will have fun anyway. OK we’re planning to do the family getaways so baby D and Liz do not have to smile and nod next to her mom at the remembrance ceremony. The baby is too young for that and her therapist feels like it would totally be a trigger.

We also decided to take Ben with us. Okay, we decided to take baby K with us and it’s only polite to ask her dad to join us. It was Sue’s idea, but a good one. Liz lost classmates, but Ben lost his husband. I think he’s dealing with it better than Winona ever did, but it’s better for him to just be somewhere else. I know I can’t deal with anything else on top of my Tarsus baggage. I don’t want to think about how hard this day is for him. 

I think Mom might come with us. She likes my girlfriend’s niece, and this is probably as close as she is going to get to grandkids for at least a decade. Although I haven’t actually asked her yet but we have a couple of weeks to go before the anniversary anyway. I’m sure we can convince her to come.

I’m going to miss the Niblett when she is living full time with grandma next year, but we will grab her for fun activities whenever possible and probably play dates with Ben and his daughter. It’s necessary. They will be a blended family very soon. Please tell me somebody is running a betting pool on when they will get married? Liz made a small fortune with you guys.

Yes, mama is still sober. Yes, I’m shocked about that, but I’m hopeful. I know San Francisco has its own ghosts, but maybe there are fewer here than in Riverside. At least she has friends here. That’s better than Iowa. I don’t think mom ever felt comfortable there. Everybody was always so nasty to her. I think she only stayed there because that was the home that Winona and your dad made for you guys. But we’re all grown up now.

I’m glad your kids are getting better. Were there any April Fools’ Day shenanigans? I haven’t heard from Josephine yet, but maybe I shouldn’t be concerned. It took almost a week for me to get your last email. I feel like it may have been the perfect opportunity to get back at Jeremy. You know the asshole deserves anything done to him. I hate bullies so much. 

I’m glad you’re dealing with your own trauma. I mean I’m happy you’re helping the kids deal with their trauma, but I’m glad you’re really addressing what happened because it’s hard. I mean I still have food issues. I’m trying not to store protein bars under the bed at Sue’s house, but do you know it’s hard to break those habits. 

Anyway, keep me posted on your efforts with the teenagers. 

Xxx  
From: Kevin KR 

To: kitten_loverJJMU 

Time arrived: 4/12/2260 01:00:01

Subject: Re: Really, I’m okay.  
Okay the Starfleet email system is weird. I got Jim’s email an entire day before yours even though it looks like you sent them on the same day. Liz says not to be surprised. Her mom used to send her and Sue messages and sometimes they would arrive a week apart, even though they were sent one after the other. Liz says a day is good.

Okay I want to know if you eventually did take advantage of April Fools’ Day. I know something big happened because Liz’s mom has been cranky for at least the last week because she’s been dealing with the fallout. Apparently, some days her job is just god-awful.

Jim made it sound like things are getting better. Are they or is he looking at the situation from the lens of an adult? You really should let him know what’s going on. If the bullying is still at peak awfulness, Jim will help in any way he can even though he can’t punch out your bullies. He did that a lot with mine. He always tried to be the best big brother.  
Xxxx  
From: Spock’s_cuddlebunny 

To: Kevin KR

Time sent: 4/12/2260 00:23:21

Subject: Re: Praise everyone midterms are over

You know I don’t think you’re supposed to ask me questions about illegal gambling on my ship. It’s even less cool than before because first officers know what’s going on in the ship where captains are buried in bureaucracy. However, talk to JoJo’s mom. Nyota always has the hook up. 

Oh God April Fools’ Day was a disaster and it wasn’t even the kids. Someone tried to kill his ex-girlfriend by talking with the replicators and adding eggs to everything. It was awful. I’m still dealing with paperwork and I have no idea when we’re going to be able to drop them off at the nearest Star base for court-martial proceedings. 

I mean at least the kids followed the no list, to the exact letter, although not necessarily the spirit of the list. Jeremy still doesn’t have eyebrows. His are now baby blue, instead of Smurf blue like he was at first, but it’s still going to be a while before he is back to his actual skin tone. Sonic showers can only do so much. I have attached pictures. This may end up my screensaver. I know it’s cruel, but it’s cathartic. Unfortunately, Jeremy is being a brat despite this, but everyone else is starting to tone down a little bit.

The amusement park idea is brilliant. I’m trying to think of something to do for Spock and maybe for the Ashleys. Make your own Sunday bar. It will be cookies. I can’t get a cookie bouquet here, but I may have the ingredients to make fresh cookies. Well eggless cookies. If you stay in the fleet long enough, you’ll learn how to cook with just the shelf stable stuff. I learned to make the best egg free brownies during my semester in space.

I should ask when you are doing your semester in space. I know your girlfriend did hers when she was a freshman because she has the hook up and was already a sophomore. But what about you? Would that be a problem, if your girlfriend’s sister and Sulu decide that you and Liz should have custody of bubble baby? Would that affect you doing another internship this summer? Are you going to do another internship?

Or are you not doing it? Your letter made it sound like baby D would totally be living with grandma. Or maybe you think he’s not going to choose you guys?  
He is taking the possibility of you having the baby very seriously. I think you’re going to win out over grandma so don’t worry about missing the Niblett just yet.

I gave you a stellar recommendation. I said all good things. Although, I didn’t tell him about you pretty much taking care of mom for the last four years, but I may have implied it heavily. Of course, he had a normal childhood without parents with alcoholism so maybe he doesn’t quite get it.

I’m sad that Jojo hasn’t written you yet. She’s been quiet lately, but I get it. Still adjusting and everything. I am just concerned. At least her Vulcan lessons are going well, in the sense that her ability to speak Vulcan has increased dramatically. She has another lesson tonight. She’s not telling Spock anything at all, but an hour with Spock is an hour out of the grasp of Jeremy. He is being a total prick after he lost his eyebrows.

In other good news, the other two Ashleys are now starting to act almost well behaved after their penance for their April Fools’ Day joke on us. I totally should have specifically said not to screw with the Captain’s wardrobe, but I thought anybody with any common sense would figure that out on their own. The Ashleys not so much. The good news is we got a new wardrobe. Unfortunately, the quartermaster thinks that Spock is violent during private time, but whatever. Yeah you probably didn’t want to know that. But as your big brother, I’m supposed to embarrass you like crazy. It’s in the job description. 

Despite all these trivial things, overall things are good aboard Enterprise. It would be better if we didn’t have to smile for the cameras on the day of the anniversary, but I just have a feeling that that’s when we will finally be able to drop the guy who tried to kill his ex-girlfriend at a Star base. You know they’re going to make Spock their poster boy because his mom died during the battle. Last year was not fun. I think I may have Bones make up some rare Vulcan disease, so Spock doesn’t have to speak to a crowd on the day his mom died. Good spouses do stuff like that right?

Anyway, miss you baby brother. I support your foray into temporary parenthood. Please don’t make it permanent parenthood. Remember contraceptive hypos are your friend. Seriously, do not knock up my boss’s daughter. I’m tired of having bosses that want to kill me.

Xxx  
From: kitten_loverJJMU 

To: Kevin KR

Time arrived: 4/13/2260 21:04:01

Subject: Re: Really, I’m okay.

That’s okay, although that does explain why Uncle Jim told me to email you today when I was having dinner with him before class with Uncle Spock. He was happy to know that I did write to you earlier, but it just took a while for you to get the message Language classes are going well. Although he refuses to teach me Vulcan curse words. I want to be able to call Jeremy a dick without him realizing it. Mom would know. But mom wouldn’t care. Actually, I think she threatened to dismember him in Klingon just this morning. I’m not sure because she’s also refusing to teach me Klingon curse words.

By the way, I made Jeremy blue and it was glorious. Pictures attached. Your brother forgot to put a moratorium on adding dye to shampoo. It’s been two weeks and he’s still a light blue.

Also, Ashley one and three are no longer being openly hostile. This is a surprising occurrence. It started a couple of days ago after Jeremy said some not so pleasant things about my deceased mother. I mean, I can understand why Ashley two would react that way since her dad died during the battle of Vulcan. Her parents were already divorced like mine were by that point, but it still hurt. The others, I don’t understand why they would react that way.

I’m not surprised your brother acted that way. He is protective of everyone. Especially us kids, except for maybe Jeremy. Jeremy is a prick.

Anyway, I’ll try to write again soon.

 

To be continued


	33. Day 55: No Wonder Spock authorized botany to grow cannabis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all absolutely fabulous.
> 
> One thing I want to mention again is that you’re not seeing all the correspondence because that would make this story ridiculously large. You’re seeing mostly personal correspondence and no official reports. Mission readouts would probably be a little on the boring side even if the missions themselves were absolutely bonkers. Of course this is probably because Jim would be sending Starfleet the sanitized for their consumption version of anything weird that happens. Thankfully in this universe Spock knows that Jim will omit some things. That’s why they write all the reports together. They still do now that Spock is Captain because Jim is still the better one at subterfuge.

Xxx  
From: Number_one_Pike  
To: Spock’s_cuddlebunny  
time arrived: 4/16/2260 01:23:01  
Subject: I completely understand why botany is growing homeopathic Vulcan headache medicine.  
Spock’s going to need a lot of it, if the year keeps going like this. Yes, I read the reports about April Fool’s day. Do you think Margarita would be offended if we sent a second therapist to the ship? I feel like you guys need two.

I’m looking for a teacher with counseling certification for that reason. I think I may have found somebody. She knows the big boss personally, so this might work out. Let me handle the teacher issue and you concentrate on your husband. I’m thinking cannabis cheese crackers.

On the bright side, you will be happy to know that that I managed to convince Rodriguez that Enterprise should not participate in any of the activities commemorating the second anniversary of the battle of Vulcan. The Enterprise is going to be exploring the recently discovered planet XZ9 beta and therefore could not possibly get to a Star base on the day of the anniversary to film good soundbites. It’s going to take you at least a week and a half to get there at a reasonable warp.

Yes, this means you’re probably going to have your prisoner until at least mid-May, but for the sake of your husband and the Ashleys, I think it is for the best that they not have to deal with the fake pageantry of the Starfleet commemoration. I’m sure you remember the Kelvin Memorials too vividly. We’re doing a wreath laying here and reading off the names of all the Starfleet officers that died during the incident. That’s enough. 

We all lost people in the battle. Friends and lovers alike. I lost my host family. You know I lived on Vulcan for a few years growing up. Last year was hard, but I had Chris. I think this year might be worse because I don’t have him.

Chan said the first year after her husband’s death was the hardest year for her, and it might be that way for me as well. I think she’s right. So let’s just get through the anniversary and then you can tell me how the kids are doing. Maybe once the anniversary has passed, they’ll be acting out less. Although all reports I’m getting about Jo Jo have been glowing. Your second officer’s reports have been valuable. Keep me posted. I know your actual reports are just the clean version and I want to know what’s really going on.

No Captain has ever served as their own science officer yet. A few in the past have scheduled some time in their specialization so they wouldn’t become rusty post captaincy, but not that many. Although very few double track and therefore have a specialization outside of command. Usually that’s something more likely that the first officer would do. I served as first officer and science officer, just like your hubby. 

However, I think you might be just as restless. Have you considered maybe doing some hours in engineering? OK, yeah that’s not going to work because it’s engineering. Have you made peace with that part of the ship yet?

 

Xxxx  
From: Spock’s_cuddlebunny  
To: Number_one_Pike  
Time sent: 4/16/2260 05:23:01  
Subject: Re: I completely understand why botany is growing homeopathic Vulcan headache medicine.  
I think Margarita would be fine with an additional therapist. Actually, I’m surprised she hasn’t asked for backup yet. She’s always booked solid.

Thank you so much for taking over the search for a teacher. At least you can do in person interviews which may yield better results. The one qualified person I found may have been one of the nine people I slept with before I met my husband and will not take the job. Apparently, he really believes I lost my job due to the alcoholism rumor. That was not a fun conversation to have with Spock. So, my reputation has been shot to hell due to the show I used to put on at the Academy. 

Yes, I’ve made peace with engineering, mostly. The real children of Enterprise like to go down there for the alcohol that my, should already be adults but act like children Engineers, are brewing. I can’t wait for our traditional Vulcan medication to be ready. I think I need the cannabis cheese crackers more than Spock. Also, maybe I’ll have to worry about engineering accidentally blowing up the ship with their unauthorized distillery a little less.

However just because I’ve made peace doesn’t mean I want to spend quality time down in engineering because again they’re my problem children. And Spock would prefer I not accidentally get blown up by one of Scotty’s experiments. 

Since Spock said no to Enterprise’s junior hacking club, I’m giving Spock and myself some IT shifts with communications. Also, this way we can figure out why Chen discovered that my second officer accidentally let something slip to the boyfriend. He’s sorry about that by the way and he will be doing better with his messages to the boyfriend. Not that there’s anything exciting going on just yet. Although we did receive official orders yesterday so I’m looking forward to two weeks of planetary exploration. Fingers crossed that nobody ends up in Sickbay. I’m not looking forward to three weeks of traveling there and back. But at least the starmapping will be over tomorrow.

And yes, I’d rather explore an unknown planet then put Spock through the pomp and circumstance of anything close to the Kelvin memorial events from when I was a kid. That stuff was god awful. All those fake people giving me their equally fake condolences. They didn’t give a fuck about my father’s sacrifice. If they did, they would have approved the funding to find Nero decades before he blew up Vulcan and killed my mother-in-law before I even met her. 

I don’t want to play nice with Star base diplomats. I know Spock didn’t want to. I was considering giving him some disease that required him to stay in quarantine until after the event was over with. Thank you for me not having to do that now.

I’m planning something to actually cheer Spock up. He’s planning something for the Ashleys since they all lost a parent so I think it’s going to be a bonding moment. They’re starting to come around a little bit mostly because their punishment for April Fools’ Day was replicating our wardrobe. They have good taste and are great at replicator programming. 

I have to ask, could an element of this program be interning or job shadowing? I mean you can only spend so much time in the classroom. Maybe some on the job or real world experience will calm down the restlessness and everyone would be less bratty. I have no hope for Jeremy not being bratty and I’m secretly crossing my fingers that his mom will apply to another ship. But the rest are getting better. (Okay, not. All other ships are an option. I don’t want Jeremy on the Hamilton because I can’t put my second officer’s baby’s mom through that, but anywhere else. Anywhere, especially Delta Vega. God, I want that kid off my ship.)

OK glad that you find my second officer’s reports interesting and educational. Why do I have a feeling that they’re probably a little bit more interesting than what I sent in. OK we’re going to have to have a talk. Probably definitely. Anyway, I’ll write back soon, most likely after the surveying mission is over since we are going even deeper into space. I hope I’m not allergic to everything.

To be continued


	34. Day 58: Scar Tissue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read or review the last conversation. You are all fabulous and keep me happy and writing.
> 
>  
> 
> Several chapters ago, some of you were concerned with JoJo being forced to write to her aunt. Well, here’s the fallout. I have this feeling that this series is going to read better once it’s complete.
> 
> Also, there was a Freudian slip, that voice recognition software makes very easy, in the last chapter and no one caught it until it was posted. It was supposed to read no Captain has served as their own science officer. I’m in the process of fixing it everywhere as I post this.

 

 

 

 

From: Legal Queen of Atlanta

To: LeonardUM

Subject: Thank you for the update

Time arrived: 4/19/2260 00:00:01

Dear Leonard:

 

Thanks for writing. Yes, I would love updates on what’s going on especially because I feel like I’m probably going to hear more from you than from my actual niece and I feel like I deserve that. I’m aware of a lot of my bad choices when it came to my sister.

 

Dad is still an asshole. And although my now former step mom took him to the cleaners, he still has enough money to get me another step mom. I met Kimber last week. I’m pretty sure she’s half my age. Why he doesn’t just hire a home healthcare worker instead of marrying trophy wives barely out of adolescence? It would be cheaper in the long run and significantly less creepy. We’re only a couple years off from the girls being Jojo‘s age. That is all types of gross.

 

I also spoke to Kevin Kirk and he really does have the hook up. For somebody who’s not even 20 yet, he’s quite insightful and a better friend for Jo Jo then most of her, I assume, former friends. If somebody sends you a Christmas present, you at least say thank you, even if you don’t celebrate which wasn’t the case with these ungrateful kids.

 

Don’t tell me to say hi to my niece when you can write her yourselves like you should, but won’t because I’m not even sure why they’re uncomfortable talking to her. Maybe it’s the dead mom thing or the name change or any number of things preteen still deal with that us as an adult don’t remember how. We think now that life was easier back then, but we are probably wrong. At least now we are clearly responsible for our own choices. Before, a lot of it was out of our hands.

 

You know I’m not that surprised at teenagers living on a starship are breaking into your office for alcohol and pills. This seems like most of the stupid stuff I did in college. You know rebelling against the tight yoke my asshole father had on me. Big sister got pregnant by somebody without a trust fund and I got stoned a lot. Then I got it together and she fell off the wagon and I was so busy with my own life that I didn’t see it.

 

I didn’t see it not until the vintage car was wrapped around the tree. Not until my niece was so damaged that she doesn’t even want to bear the name she was born with.

 

And I’m sorry for that. I should have gone to court. I should have paid for your lawyer myself. I should’ve openly took your side during the first custody hearing and then maybe we wouldn’t be here. Maybe my sister wouldn’t be dead, and my niece wouldn’t hate me. I don’t know. I’m sorry for the choices I made and for the choices I didn’t make. That seems hollow now in hindsight. You can’t change the past. What is done is done and all you can do is move forward. So how do we do that?

 

I don’t know. I sent like two boxes of Oreos, the giant boxes, and enough chocolate to last the family until at least Christmas. I don’t think that’s going to make up for what I did or I rather what I didn’t do. I didn’t do anything, I just watched the spiral. There’s not enough cookies and chocolate in the quadrant to make up for what I didn’t do. And I am just so sorry.

 

Xxx

From: Legal Queen of Atlanta

To: kitten_loverJJMU

Subject: I’m sorry, I’m sending Oreos

Time arrived: 4/19/2260 00:00:01

 

I’m sorry. I don’t know what really to say besides that. I spoke to your friend Kevin a couple of days ago about sending you a care package and he kind of went off on me. I like that friend. He is very protective of you. He’s a little bit older than you, but considering he is hopelessly in love with his girlfriend I am not that concerned. OK a little concerned because I tend to fall head over feet for all the wrong people. I’m sure you remember the disaster that was Heather. So many bad choices. I’m good at making bad choices, not so much at making the right ones.  

 

I’m sitting here staring at my PADD trying to figure out what to write to you. I know you’re hurting and I feel like it’s my fault because I knew something was wrong and I didn’t do anything. I should have. I should’ve got a lawyer and I should have sued your mom for custody, but I was too afraid of daddy taking her side. I should have got you out of there. And I didn’t.

 

I watched you suffer for years. I watched you go through a repeat of my own childhood and I knew it was happening. Maybe not explicitly, maybe not enough to convince a judge, but in my heart, I knew something was wrong and I didn’t fix it. Now my sister is dead. And I hate her so much and I love her too and…

 

I am literally crying right now. I am just…

I love you. I know I screwed up. I don’t know how to fix it. I wish I could.

 

I’m sorry.

 

PS: I’m sending a care package, a big one. I know it’s not going to make up for my previous shortcomings as your aunt, but everyone must start somewhere.

Xxxx    

 

From: LeonardUM

To: Legal Queen of Atlanta

Subject: Re: Thank you for the update

Time arrived: 4/19/2260 19:15:41

 

I feel like I need to say that if you did change the past, chances are you could end up in a worse future, possibly one where an entire species has been decimated to one percent of their original inhabitants and most of them still have sticks up their asses. So, there’s really no point in wishing you could change the past because there’s no guarantee that you could do any better even if you know what you did wrong. Sorry, all our current missions fall under the star mapping/exploration category, which means I have time to contemplate the greater meaning of the universe.

 

Hindsight is a weird thing sometimes. It can make you regret your past decisions, but it can also help you make better choices in the future and maybe that’s what you must focus on. I know that’s what I’m trying to do with my second committed relationship. I think it’s going much better.

 

Although Nyota does want to look at the email that Jojo sent you to elicit such a response. I won’t let her. Of course, part of that is if she looks at someone else’s email on ship and doesn’t have an actual need to know, Jim is probably going to reassign the entire family to Delta Vega. Three strikes and you’re out freezing your ass off. Maybe finding out what your teenage daughter said to her aunt might meet the threshold of need to know, but I don’t want to find out. As much as I would like to be on an actual planet again, that icebox is not it.

 

I want to send you the name of a good therapist in Atlanta because maybe it would help if you talk to somebody. Dr. Margarita recommended a Doctor Alexis Banks. You know it’s OK to love and hate someone. It’s OK to miss your sister. It’s not your fault that she wrapped your car around a tree. It’s not your fault that she was abusive to Jo Jo. I know you enough to know that you probably didn’t have enough evidence to convince a judge. I know you. If you thought you had chance of winning against the crooked system created by your dad, you would have tried. She had the drinking well hidden. You were there when we cleaned the house. The 30-proof punch in refrigerator. The little bottles hidden in strange places. No one outside of probably Jo Jo knew the truth until it was wrapped around the tree.

 

The other thing to keep in mind is you can’t save someone that doesn’t want to be saved. You can’t change people that don’t want to be changed. Most importantly, you are not responsible for the stupidity of others. Unfortunately, you were the only halfway smart one born in a family of morons. That is not your fault

 

As for JoJo, just let her be a 12-year-old right now. Let her get the anger out of her system. She needs to let it out. I’m sure she’ll send you a thank you email when the candy gets here. The girl has a sweet tooth. Although Dr. Margarita says not to force it, again and let Jo Jo write you again when she’s ready. So, it may be a while.

 

To be continued.


	35. Day 60: Family Group Therapy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all absolutely fabulous. It's now time for a diary chapter.
> 
> Warning: This chapter was written several weeks ago before, before recent events. There's a brief section that touches on Nyota's lingering issues related to her friend Marc's death.

 

* * *

 

We had a family therapy session yesterday which is something we really haven't done since being on the ship. There hasn't been the need, not like those first few months after mom died. I feel like all I did was go to therapy, those first few weeks.

So why did we have to have a family session? My aunt is not okay. That was obvious from the letter she finally wrote me. Before I read that letter, I thought I would be happy if she was suffering, but I am not. I was scared for her to go like they did last time and I was worried enough that I told mommy Nyota and dad what she said, which led to emergency therapy. The day after. It would've been the same day, but Dr. Margarita was dealing with several people in crisis, probably some of the Ashleys. It is getting closer to the second anniversary of the Battle of Vulcan.

Although, because of mandatory family therapy, I'm kind of regretting telling them both about the letter. Mom and dad want to know what I wrote to her about before that was so bad it triggered that reaction, but I won't show them the letter and Dad and Dr. Margarita told mommy not to look. I'm glad they supported me on this.

Apparently mom is going to have to go to additional sessions due to past voyeurism issues and not respecting privacy like she should. Also, dad said that not everybody in the world is like Marc and she shouldn't use what happened to justify her behavior. I wanted to ask who Marc is, but I was afraid to especially because dad finished up their conversation with the phrase, "not everybody is suicidal".

Even though I am worried about my aunt, I'm still not ready to write to her directly or at all. Margarita says that I don't have to and told my parents not to force me again. I'm glad she's supporting me.

I'm starting to really like my therapist. She is there for me against the adults which is good because I've never really had that before. My aunt was supposed to be like that, but I think she was too afraid of mom and grandpa to really support me like she should have. Dr. Margarita is not afraid of anybody.

Also, I can trust her to keep what I tell her a secret like that crush I may or may not have on a certain 19-year-old. Also, she's not going to tell anybody why I am happy that that 19-year-old has time to start my Russian lessons again. It's a sexier language than most people think.

Hey, I'm a preteen, not a little kid so it's okay if I'm starting to get interested in boys or girls or whoever I want, according to Margarita. Although she does say I need to have realistic expectations. I think Dr. Margarita is just glad I'm interested in anything. I kind of wasn't right after my biological mom died. Besides, I'm aware nothing can happen until I reach the Federation age of consent at 18 and yes, I told Margarita which kind of made her happy. I think she thinks all this interest will disappear by then or I'll realize that the age gap is a little too much. Although considering my last step-grandmother was 45 years my granddad's junior and younger than even my aunt, what is six years?

Otherwise I feel like the doctor is wise. Dr. Margarita says I don't have to forgive my aunt for not getting me out of hell or keeping mom from wrapping her car around a tree. Although she does tell me repeatedly that the only person responsible for my mom wrapping her car around a tree was my mom. Margarita says I don't even have to talk to her until I'm ready and I'm not. Not right now. I'm not even sure how to start a conversation without screaming. There's a lot of anger that I need to work through.

Why didn't she get me out of there? Why didn't she at least try? And I'll get there or at least that's what the doctor promises, but I'm not sure. I guess I'll wait for the cookies. I hope there are the chocolate dipped Oreos. The good ones. I deserve dipped Oreos for everything. Okay, mom (Nyota) is calling me for breakfast, so I'll finish writing after class.

* * *

 

Okay, mommy Nyota did not ask me about the crush I may or may not have on Pavel, so I assume that dad was successful in not getting her to read my diary. I'm going to take that as a win and assume that anything I write in here will actually stay private. This is still better than with the last mom.

Classes were mostly okay today probably because the Ashleys are subdued and our teacher is leaving in June. I don't think she cares anymore and therefore Jeremy isn't even bothering to screw with her anymore. Apparently he doesn't like to torture us if we don't care about the torture. He's only doing it for the reaction.

I think the Ashleys are being less evil because we are getting closer to the anniversary of their parents' death which I get. My biological mom's birthday was hard, and I don't even want to think about Mother's Day, but hey at least I still have Nyota. Ashley three doesn't even have that. I'm also worried about how bad the anniversary is going to be for me and unlike the Ashleys, I don't have to deal with it being associated with a tragedy of unimaginable proportions.

It's also a difficult day for Uncle Spock. I can tell he's getting sadder even though Vulcans don't express emotions. That's obviously a lie.

I am concerned (about Spock and Ashley 2.), but not that concerned because at least they're not going to use my biological mom's favorite coping mechanism, consuming massive quantities of liquor. Well, Spock is not because Vulcans don't really drink and Ashley promised me that she wouldn't get wasted. The others I'm not sure because I really don't talk to them.

Although Mr. Scott says they're not breaking in to Engineering for the booze anymore, so I guess that's good. Yes, I know about the alcohol down in engineering because Uncle Scotty gives me good chocolate in exchange for not saying anything. I get bribed a lot on this ship.

To be continued.


	36. Day 62: Learning How to Mourn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or review the last conversation. You are all lovely.

  
From: mental_health_help_desk_Suarez  
To: Spock’s_cuddlebunny  
Subject: It is taking like a week for me to get these letters  
Time arrived: 4/23/2260 00:00:01

April Fools’ Day just happened right before you wrote so it is taking at least a week for this to get to me. Considering how long it would sometimes take my wife to get messages from me, I am not surprised. The joys of long distance relationships in Starfleet. Thankfully, you came up with a creative solution to the two bodies problem.

Progress can be slow. You may not even notice it at first, but as time goes on, you’ll realize that you have made a difference in the lives of the children that you’re working with. Even if you don’t notice progress, you must keep trying. You were a very prickly child for years, but Alayna kept trying and now you’re a well-adjusted and productive member of society. I think she would be proud of who you’ve become. Just keep trying. You may not get to where you think you will, but you will get somewhere great.

Regarding the anniversaries, try not to focus on what you lost, but try to remember the person that you love. Focus on who they were and how they made your life better. Don’t focus on the loss. Remember the good days, not just the bad ones.

And trust me, I’ve realized that’s hard to do. I’ve been a widow for several years now and I will tell you that anniversaries are hard. It’s been years for me and yet the day that she died is usually the worst day of the year for me. It’s a sharp pain to the heart. It’s a piece of me that is missing. But each year, the pain gets a little less sharp.

Remembering the silly things about her, like the board games that she loved to play with the kids or the paintings on the wall, puts a smile on my face. Do you remember all the crazy band posters she used to have? Those things were everywhere. Also, remember her obsession with post-its? Our refrigerator was covered in them. I don’t even know how she managed to keep finding paper post-it’s, but she used to put them all over the house. I still have her sweater. I take it with me everywhere. It’s in my office, even though I am now working in a place where the low temperature is 30° Celsius on a cool day. My tan is awesome right now by the way.

My suggestions for the anniversary of Amanda‘s death is to do something good for Spock that reminds him of his mom. A happy memory not a sad one. Maybe make a favorite recipe of hers that he absolutely adores. Do something nice. Make sure he has a good day.

I would also almost suggest sending a cookie bouquet to your father-in-law, but I’m not sure that you can get anything with chocolate delivered here. I’ve been trying to get truffles for months and it’s not happening. I seriously need some chocolate.

For the anniversary of Chris’s death in June, well, that one’s a little easier. Little Miss Sulu happens to have that day as her birthday, I think. You remember how much it sucked having your birthday coincide with a major event in Federation history. So, make sure she has better. The best thing to do is make sure the generation that comes after us has better than what we had. That’s the best you can do.

So, have you found a new instructor yet for the kids? Also, if hair dye and missing eyebrows are the worst they did, then I wouldn’t worry too much. Okay, I think I would get them chocolate because they deserve chocolate for that.

I would worry about the crew member who tried to kill his ex girlfriend. Domestic violence is something that our society has yet to deal with, despite all our other advancements. But we keep trying. I guess it’s part of our desire to try to make the next generation better than ours. Anyway, let me know how the anniversary goes.

I wish you peace and hope.

PS: I know you know that Father’s Day is an emotional landmine for you, but Mother’s Day is too for some. Since Vulcans don’t celebrate Mother’s Day, I’m sure you didn’t think about it, with Spock last year. But with JoJo, it might be a lot more complicated. Keep that in mind.   
Xxx  
From: Spock’s_cuddlebunny  
To: mental_health_help_desk_Suarez  
  
Subject: Re: It is taking like a week for me to get these letters  
Time sent: 4/23/2260 22:04:01

This letter showed up on April 23, so more than a week. Baby Sulu somehow lucked out and Sue didn’t technically deliver until the day after Chris died. So, yay for that. But even then, I would make sure she has a good day and doesn’t have to associate with the fact that if she didn’t come early, her grandmother probably would’ve been killed in the attack too.

Things with the teenagers have been getting better, mostly. They’re being less bratty after the April Fools’ Day punishments except for Jeremy because he’s Jeremy and that situation feels hopeless. I don’t know how to help somebody that doesn’t want to help themselves. All the other kids are self-aware. Jeremy is just angry and wants to blame everyone else.

Pike-- Nhi is working on the teacher thing. I haven’t heard from her for a while, so fingers crossed that she found somebody competent. We lose our current instructor in June when we have our shore leave at the brand-new Yorktown facility. It’s so new that we’re bringing supplies.

I decided that the hubby and the Ashleys are going to have a cooking day. Or at least that’s the plan. Although, we’ll be surveying a planet at the time so we shall see. Anyway, I received a bunch of Amanda’s recipes from my father-in-law, so we’re going to work on that. So, diplomats can get stuff here faster than you can. Who knew? Also, Amanda’s blondies were fabulous when she didn’t get distracted and burn them. Apparently, her cooking skills were mixed.

Sam’s anniversary is today, so kudos on your email arriving at just the right day. I am OK. I got a lot of cuddles and other more adult things from my husband, so it helped take the edge of. I miss my brother. It feels even worse knowing that in the other timeline, he got married and had children. Don’t get other Spock drunk on chocolate. He talks too much.

At the same time, if things were the same as in the other timeline, I wouldn’t have Kevin and I love my baby brother to pieces. He is being invaluable with dealing with the teenagers and with Jojo. Apparently, even Bones’s former sister-in-law respects him. She’s a little afraid of him, but she respects him.

I don’t think I want to experience a reality where Kevin is just another crew member. Maybe the universe really does bring balance to itself. I shouldn’t focus on what’s lost, but on what’s gained. I’m going to try anyway. I will let you know how things go.

PS: I think JoJo is going to try to focus on making Mother’s Day good for Nyota. Apparently, I’ve been enlisted to get a gift for her. That should be fun.  
To be continued


	37. Day 65: Sorry for Procrastinating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are absolutely fabulous.

 

From: Mommy_Susan

 

To: SuluHG2260

 

Time arrived: 4/26/2260 00:00:01

 

Subject: So I haven’t talked to my sister yet about being Desi’s guardian exactly

 

Actually maybe you could hold off on talking to Liz or Kevin about taking care of Desi long term for a little while. I wanted to wait until you gave me a hard yes before I directly approach both of them about the possibility. Although considering how long it took me to get your message, I bet you already sent them a letter. I haven’t been informed yet about anything arriving, so maybe I will be able to broach the subject with my sister before she reads it in your letter. Something tells me no.

 

I’m glad that you’re at least investigating the possibility and I promise that I will verify everybody carefully. I’ve heard secondhand Frank stories and trust me, I’m terrified of anything like that happening to Damora. Kevin doesn’t know everything that happened with the asshole, but he knows enough and well I am so never ever getting married. The only step daddy our baby is getting is Ben. Not all of us can find the love of our life at a support group. Sometimes we end up with Franks and Franks are assholes who are so bad they get murdered in prison.

 

Did I ever tell you that I was Cynthia Williams’ CO, Ashley 2’s mom, when she almost killed her boyfriend for raping her daughter? Actually that’s part of the reason why she wasn’t kicked out of Starfleet. I had mom pull some strings because apparently our code of conduct doesn’t cover angry mom reactions to bad life choices. But I would’ve done it too, if someone hurt my baby like that.

 

Although I haven’t broached it with my sister yet, I did talk to my mom about custody options. She is actually on board with the Kevin and Liz arrangement. She might even pull some strings so they’re in the same apartment building as her. That way she can keep an eye on them. She’s the head of Starfleet, if she wants her cadet daughter and her boyfriend in her building she will get what she wants. Her predecessors spent money on much, much worse. The Admiral could totally pull this off.

 

They could try to live in the same apartment, but that would just be bad for everyone involved and I think mom likes to pretend that Kevin and Liz are not having sex yet. She misses the old days when they were just dancing around each other and completely ignoring the fact that they’ve been in love with each other since Kevin shared his rations with her. Considering what they were going thru at the time, that was true love.

 

So this is another reminder to write your cuddle bug. Although she loves the daddy bear reading stories to her in your voice, I think she wants another letter. Of course, maybe you have written to her and due to the email system being the way it is, the letter will probably show up in another week. So, if that’s the case, sorry for this berating.

 

Other updates: It’s been three weeks with the new playgroup and I am still not drinking to survive the other parents. Actually I like these people, which is why there has been a little drinking outside of playgroup. Ben and I have been invited to multiple no kids’ happy hours at Purple Haze and Weston club and we said yes. I love the tops at Purple Haze and the margaritas are awesome, so you know I’m going to say yes. Especially because we have babysitters. Babysitters are awesome.

 

Kevin and Liz watched both kids and nothing bad happened. OK, baby K is walking and getting into everything, but that is to be expected and they handled it. See, even your boyfriend will let his kids stay with my sister and her boyfriend while we go clubbing. OK, not clubbing because I’m too old for that. Now it’s drinks and appetizers without the kids because single parenthood is too exhausting for clubbing and I still must tuck Desi in at night.

 

I’d never thought one small child would be more difficult than being a first officer, but I was wrong. At the same time, I’m just dreading going back to the Hamilton. I’m sure the missing her is going to get worse as the mission goes on. Right now I’m just trying to write my finals, mentally preparing myself for being mom’s arm candy at the Remembrance Day celebration, and packing. Maybe if I keep focusing on work, I will forget about how lonely it’s going to be when I go back to being in space full time.

Anyway, please write back whenever this arrives.

 

Xxxx

From: SuluHG2260

 

To: Mommy_Susan

 

Time sent: 4/26/2260 00:05:32

 

Subject: Okay. We are really starting to get far out here.

 

Even though Jim has only raised a Kevin, I think he would agree with you, but hey at least Kevin turned out okay. Personally I’m not so sure. Although I am just a second officer, my boss and his husband are driving me a little crazy and they haven’t even done any really stupid stuff yet.

 

Although, we’re in transit to our surveying mission and I just have a feeling that’s going to not be some simple planet surveying. Unfortunately, I’m not going to get to go down and play because we now have a fungus expert on ship to do the plant stuff and Pavel won the coin toss for the other spot. If things go well during the initial inspection, I might get to go with team three. I feel like we won’t get that far.

 

I don’t know why, but I just have this feeling that this could go badly like volcano exploding badly. Possibly, Jim violating the Prime Directive again, badly. There’s so much potential for it to go badly that personally I think I prefer our small child. But maybe that’s because Jim is childlike, sometimes.

 

Yes, it’s definitely taking a while for these messages to get to you. I sent a letter to Desi the next day, so I hope it has already arrived or at least arrives soon. I also sent a letter to your sister and future brother-in-law that day so, sorry. Although, since you didn’t get Desi’s letter, maybe that means that you still have time to talk to her before the letters show up. I haven’t heard back yet, but I did send your letter first.

 

After thinking about it for a couple of weeks, I am more open to the idea of Liz and Kevin taking care of the baby especially if your mom is going to be in the same complex, and therefore nearby to keep an eye on things. And it’s probably best that there is at least some distance. I don’t think all of them together in a Starfleet apartment would go well. Like I think security would have to be called multiple times. That would not be good.

 

The rumor mill is already being the rumor mill so she might as well be doing what she’s being accused of. There always going to be some who talk shit about people. I’m already hearing various rumors about my promotion. Although then again these are the same people that think Jim was captain last time because he sucked Pike’s dick. Assholes. All of them can get fucked.

 

Thanks to that little bit of colorful language, I will write another letter for baby girl. You can’t read this to her.

 

Also I want to talk about more grown-up things in this letter, like the Ashley situation. I mean, I knew something bad happened, but I knew she was mostly comfortable around me because I identify as gay. I didn’t realize it was that awful. Now I’m perfectly okay with her attacking all the practice dummies in the genital area. I really hope the fencing gear is already at Star base 36 waiting for us. It will be a couple more weeks before we can actually pick it up because we’re going to be here at least two weeks investigating the planet, once we actually get there, if nothing goes wrong. You know something will go wrong because it’s Starfleet.

 

I definitely want to know more about your adventures with the other parents. Glad you’re doing happy hour. Also a little sad that you get to go on more dates with my boyfriend then I do. At the same time I’m glad he’s going out. We’re getting closer to the anniversary of Zack‘s death and I don’t want him to get lost in that this year. I really wish I could be there with him so he doesn’t go into the dark place. I want him to know that he is loved and cared for. I am just worried and scared.   

 

I’m well aware I’m the second love of his life. I also know deep down that if things did not go so badly in this timeline, we probably would’ve never even met. He would’ve been living the rest of his life with Zach. But then I fucked up and here we are. So, I met this great guy who I love, and I feel guilty about because if I would’ve did my fucking job correctly, he wouldn’t have even been available. Guilt is a weird thing.

 

Anyway, hugs and kisses to all my girls. Show my boy an enjoyable time and if you get him to do body shots, I expect pictures.

 

Xxxx

From: SuluHG2260

 

To: Mommy_Susan

 

Time sent: 4/26/2260 6:08:01

 

Subject: Daddy Loves You

 

Hey baby girl, how’s everything in San Francisco. I wrote you a couple weeks ago, but apparently your mommy hasn’t got the email yet because email is evil when you’re this far out. Sorry baby.

 

I keep hearing that your new playgroup is good for mommy? Is it good for you? Have you made new friends or are you and baby K just the best BFFs ever. I’m assuming the latter.

 

 So what’s this I hear about Liz and Kevin babysitting you? So mommy has a life again. Apparently tapis were involved. Since I’ve mostly been eating replicator food for the last couple of months, I’m a little jealous. If you think most peas taste awful, replicated peas are so much worse. It’s just not right.

 

I really hope your mom included some chocolate with the fencing gear. I’ve already gone through my stash and I’m not sure if I will be able to purchase any more when we get to the Star base. Hopefully the gear will be waiting there as well. We should be going in a couple weeks because we had to drop off a prisoner because he did something you’re too young to know about. When you’re old enough to date, promise me you won’t date idiots. Promise your daddy that.

 

Jim mentioned something about Liz and Kevin taking you to an amusement park to keep you nice and innocent. Is that true? Something about Princess land or Knottsberry Disney. Somebody better send me pictures. I think Ben would be adorable surrounded by Disney princesses. Milan is the best. Remember that.

 

Anyway love you butterfly kisses. I hope this one shows up this time.

 

To be continued


	38. Day 67: Thank you for stepping up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read or reviewed the last conversation. You’re all wonderful.  
> Please note: It is my hope that by the 23rd century, the term widow is no longer a gendered word. In the story I’m using it to describe men and women who have lost a spouse.

From: Benjamin_2254

To: SuluHG2260

Subject: Re: IOU so much chocolate and foot rubs right now

Time arrived: 4/28/2260 00:00:01

Thanks for writing. I miss you, especially this time a year although Sue and her sister have been helping. It is a lot easier to deal with everything when you have friends that won’t let you wallow, especially new friends that don’t remind me of Zack so that’s good. Did Sue mention that the new play group is going great? Even though I’m just a Starfleet widower, they’ve really embraced me. There have been lunches and dinners without kids and copious amounts of alcohol not smuggled into ice tea. That’s a great improvement. 

I’ve been making friends. A few in the group actually knew Zach from before. Jackie shared a bathroom back at the Academy with Zach. Although, she was still going by Jack at the time. Apparently he never got the concept of not leaving towels on the floor. I like that her stories are not making me sad, but actually make me laugh. I think that’s progress.

Other than dates with you, I think this is really the first time I’ve really been getting out. It helps that Sue's sister doesn’t make snarky comments when I asked her to babysit. Zach’s parents were never that nice, which is why I hated asking them and appreciate finding out I still qualify for Starfleet day care, as a widow’s benefit.

So, the fact that I happily let Liz and Kevin watch my daughter pretty much tells you that yes, I endorse them for long term childcare duty. They are definitely better at taking care of her then her grandparents. I can totally understand why you’re stressed about this. It’s a big decision, but don’t worry, I will be around to keep an eye on Desi. Our kids can’t spend that much time away from each other. The other parents in the playgroup refer to them as sisters already. It’s kind of cute.

So Liz is kind of a sweetheart and understands a lot of what I’m going through. I’m kind of considering her a friend already despite the age difference. Are you aware that her family died a few years ago in some major catastrophe and that’s why she was adopted by Admiral Chen. I know her family along with Kevin were on the Tarsus colony when things went badly. I gather that whatever happened was worse than what the media knew. 

I think that’s why they’ve invited me to an amusement park on Remembrance Day. The worst thing I’m going to have to deal with is a moment of silence in remembrance of all the Vulcans and Starfleet personnel who lost their lives that day two years ago. I think I can handle that better at an amusement park then I can handle a Starfleet event with my former in-laws. They’re pissed at me for not going, but I really don’t care. I don’t want nor need to stand in front of the newly completed memorial to mourn my husband as the cameras roll on. I do that every day when I see my old wedding ring in the box. I do every day when I look at our daughter and he’s not here to see her grow up. 

And before you start writing your letter to me, please don’t blame yourself for what happened. First, Zach was probably dead before Enterprise got anywhere near Vulcan. It was a trap. I’m only pissed off at the one who set the trap. Yeah it’s not your fault. Sometimes bad things just happen. You can wallow or you can move on and I’m moving on.

Anyway, only about a month and a half until I get to see you again. I am counting down the days already and picking out luggage. It turns out my one and a half-year-old does need her own luggage. I have been approved for the time off from work. Even though I’m going to be gone for over three weeks due to the amount of time it’s going to take to travel to you, my leave was fully approved. Mostly because the last vacation I took involved attending my husband’s funeral. Thankfully, my supervisor believes I deserve some real time off.  
Anyway, love you.  
Xxxxx  
From: Elizabeth_Chen 

To: SulxuHG2260

Time arrived: 4/28/2260 00:00:01

Subject: Re: Do you really want to have your niece living with you for a year?

OK your letter beat my sister by like an hour, but I pretended that I didn’t know so I think you’re in the clear. I am sorry that your sisters did not want to be responsible for Desi because they have issues, or you know are self-centered. I mean I am a full-time student and I’m working part time, and still I’m completely willing to rearrange everything around because she is my little niece. Of course I’m going to make sure she is OK with my big sister millions of miles away on the Hamilton. That’s what aunts do. 

I mean I always assumed that I would be doing babysitting duty when mom had her. I was even considering moving back home to help out although I do like the idea of a separate apartment because I don’t think I can send Kevin back to the dorms by himself. If one more person says something stupid about Jim, I’m probably going to have to break out the bail money. Kevin is very protective of his big brother and I can understand. I mean Winona was technically his mom but I think Jim was the one who really raised him because, well, none of us were okay after what happened to us on that planet.

If you’re really OK with it, we will come up with a plan. Baby girl comes first. I don’t have to work. I do have a very large trust fund. The Federation gives you a lot of money to not talk about a certain fuck up. I mean at least 20% of it has gone to therapy, but I can afford not to work for a semester or two. I was mostly doing it for the experience and free appetizers. Starfleet cafeteria food is awful and I say that as somebody who has lived through a famine and ate tree bark. I was already considering it because of Winona duty. Kevin is going to do his semester on ship later, possibly next summer and Sue should be back by then. If not, I think Desi will be almost self-sufficient, at that point. Maybe she’ll already be potty trained and fighting me about wardrobe choices. 

Also, Kevin, unlike his brother, is taking the academy at a normal speed. Sometimes I think Jim is crazy to try to get out in three years, but then again, I kind of think that he was trying to get out before Kevin would arrive at the Academy because being at the same school as your big brother would be a little awkward. I on the other hand can actually ease up on my class load a little bit because I am a bit ahead, thanks to taking some Academy classes when I was still in high school.

Also other than Kevin being Admiral Pike’s intern this summer, we didn’t have that much planned. So we can do more playgroup and child focused activities. We could even take the baby to the farm in Iowa for a little while. I think Kevin and Winona are trying to figure out what to do with it. Apparently someone wants to buy it and turn it into a museum/B&B. They’re considering it because Winona is realizing that she’s healthier being in San Francisco than wallowing in Iowa

I do understand that this is a hard decision for you. I hated being left behind by my parents when they would go on missions which was why I was so happy they were letting me go with them to Tarsus and well, you know how that turned out. So maybe it’s better to keep your kids in the hands of someone you trust and I’m going to work very hard to be that person. 

Kevin is as well. I’m sure Kevin and I received excellent marks from Jim. Jim was Kevin‘s main parental figure growing up so I think he will be OK. Let me know your decision. I’ll be a team player no matter what’s decided. Kevin too.

Kevin also says please keep an eye on his brother and keep him from being an idiot. He knows that an away mission is coming. And so is naturally apprehensive because his big brother has a dying problem.

Xxx  
From: SuluHG2260

To: Benjamin_2254

Subject: RE: IOU so much chocolate and foot rubs right now

Time sent: 4/28/2260 06:23:41

I think it’s going to be hard for me not to blame myself especially as the anniversary approaches and I know that you’re hurting personally. Maybe over time it will get better, but the human heart is nowhere near as logical as it should be. I also hate seeing you in pain and I know your heart is heavy right now. Glad that memories of Zach are making you laugh again, instead of cry.

Although I am glad to hear that you trust Kevin and Liz with your daughter. Also I am happy that you’re giving them reasons to babysit. I’m glad that you made new friends. You deserve to be happy. After thinking about it for a few weeks, I have decided that I am going to let Liz and Kevin keep Damora while Sue is on the Hamilton. Apparently, the Admiral is going to arrange for them to be close to her, so she can keep an eye on them which makes me even less apprehensive about the prospect. There will definitely be nepotism charges and jokes levied around, but that was probably going to happen no matter what because there’s too many dicks at the Academy. Way too many.

And sorry about the in-laws. I would like to say that my family will be better, but I’m sure you know better by now, considering you were there when my sisters told Sue no about taking care of Desi. 

I know that the in-laws want you to be miserable with them or maybe they just want baby cuddles, but you have no obligation to be there and neither does the baby. Your emotional well-being is the most important thing. You can always bring the baby over to their house later. Again you have to protect yourself. Self-care is important. 

I am kind of sad we’re not doing the Star base remembrance ceremony because that would mean I could call you, but I think for the sake of my captain, it’s probably best we’re on our way to a deep space exploring mission and therefore could not be somewhere where he would have to participate. He is less inclined to mourn in public then you. Last year wasn’t good for him and this year I expect it to be worse, especially with the Ashleys. 

All three of them lost parents in the battle. One girl actually lost both parents during the battle. I think Jim wants to make Starfleet orphan club T-shirts. Sometimes my first officer has very poor taste. I’m hoping my captain puts his foot down, but you never know with those two.

Anyway, write me back whenever you get this. Love you, miss you always.

From: SulxuHG2260

To: Elizabeth_Chen

Time sent: 4/28/2260 6:43:01

Subject: Thank you for stepping up.

Thank you for being better than my sisters. I don’t want to talk about what’s going on with those two. That’s probably something best dealt with the next time I see them in person, which will probably be in about five years or longer. Maybe the Christmas after I come back, if I’m not already on another mission. Although I think I’m totally taking a teaching assignment for a few years after this. I want to spend some time planet side with my kid.

I’m glad that you’re willing to take care of my daughter. Not only willing, but willing to rearrange things so it will work out better. You have no idea how happy I am for that. I’m crying a little bit. So yes, tell your sister that she can send the forms up and I’ll sign. 

Also I want to say thank you for watching out for Ben. As we get closer to the anniversary of Zach’s death, I’m more concerned. Not because I think my boyfriend is still in love with his dead husband because I know he’s still in love with his dead husband, but that’s okay. The human heart doesn’t have a finite amount of love to give. You can love more than one person. I just don’t want Ben to be overwhelmed with grief. And I think your amusement park plan might do that this year so thank you for just being there for him when I can’t be. Long distance relationships are hard, but I think it’s worth it. Ben is worth it.  
Anyway, thank you again for taking care of my family when I’m on duty.  
To be continued

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note, that because I’m going on vacation there will probably not be any updates next week but I will post a chapter once I get back.


	39. Day 71: In memory of what we lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all wonderful.
> 
> So, today’s a distressing day for Spock because it is the second anniversary of his mother’s death, along with the destruction of his home planet. It’s an equally awful day for Ben and the Ashleys, because of everything they lost.
> 
>  
> 
> A/N: Memory Alpha does not list an exact date for the destruction of Vulcan. This is odd because pretty much every other major event in the KTL has an exact date, but the destruction of Vulcan only has a year listed. If the data is not on memory Alpha, then chances are it was never established in canon. Even those who write Star Trek trust that site. Therefore, for this story Amanda died on May 2.
> 
>  

 

 

 

Dear Spock Bear:

I know today is going to be a sad day for you. I had my difficult day last week, one of them anyway. But today is your bad, “oh God, I hate this” day. So, I am going to do everything in my power to make sure you’re not miserable today. Pretty much impossible. But you know I don’t believe in no-win scenarios.

 

Have I apologized yet this morning for my total dick move of saying that you didn’t love your mom, two years ago tomorrow. That was a completely dick move. Granted its sort of lead to us getting accidentally Vulcan married, but still a very dick move. I’m sorry, snuggle Vulcan.

 

I know you love your mom. I know that you love greatly because I have experienced that love firsthand and the entire ship told me about what happened last June. I know that these last two years have been hard for you especially those first few months. I’m glad that I’ve been able to help you not forget what happened, because you never really forget, but to keep moving forward.

 

As we move forward together, that doesn’t mean that we must completely let go of our pasts. Amanda will always be part of you. She is your compassion. She is your love. She is your humanity. She makes you the person I love and even though she is no longer with us, she lives in you. You are her legacy.

.

You know I cried on Sam’s day. You held my hand and give good head as I tried to muddle through. And I have a feeling that you’re probably going to do the same thing next month on Chris’ day. So today I pay that forward and it includes more than this morning’s bedroom activities. Although I’m sure you really enjoyed your wakeup call this morning. Thank God we are only doing scans of our current solar system because a red alert would have totally ruined everything.

 

So here is the deal, today you are off duty for the next 24 hours. Don’t argue, Rodriguez approved it weeks ago. Again, we are mostly doing scanning and creating a more detailed map of solar system XYZ four and three. I can’t wait until they come up with a better name. I can totally make sure that doesn’t go badly. I mean the worst thing that will happen is there will be a fight among the scientists to see who will be on team one even though I decided that months ago. Sorry, fungus expert beats weapons expert when I’m sure we will not run in to a situation that will require weapons. Although, watch me be wrong.

 

Also, now as your Acting captain and husband, I know that you can’t take being bored. Bones said you drove the hospital staff a little crazy last June. I’m not even surprised. So, I’m not even going to suggest you take the day completely off. That would just go badly for everyone. Also, on a day like today that will just leave your mind open to focus on things you are not ready to which we don’t want.

 

So, your mission for today if you choose to accept it is baking with the Ashleys in preparation for tonight’s Remembrance of that. Yes, we’re having one, but not the fake thing that Starfleet puts on. For one thing we’ll have more cookies. We’ll also share stories about those we lost. If we were able to go to that Star base before traveling to the middle of nowhere, we would have alcohol to go with the cookies as well as no one in our brig. However, we will just have to make do with the baked goods. I can’t wait until our cannabis is ready. I already have the cookbook ready.

 

I chose the three Ashleys as your assistants because one, they need to stay busy, and two, this is an exhausting day for them because this is also the anniversary of their parents’ deaths. Ashley 3 lost both parents that day. Dr. Sanchez is actually her mom‘s younger sister, so yeah this is going to be a sucky day for everyone. But you’re going to make it better with cookies and Blondies and any other type of sugary thing you guys can cook today. Sorry you’re going to have to use the no egg modifications to the recipes but considering all your mom‘s recipes were already modified for vegans and vegetarians, I think you’ll be OK.

 

Share stories, reminisce, or scream. I don’t recommend punching things. You can although not in the kitchen. We can totally do breath play tonight if you need to let off some steam. Hey, at least we do safe words now.

 

Anyway, love you

Xxx

 

“Why am I cooking with the Ashleys?” Spock asked as soon as James left the shower. Yes, he was still only wearing a towel and Spock appreciated the visual, especially after their early morning activities.

 

“Because as I mentioned in my note I don’t think you can take a staycation.” Jim said as he kissed Spock quickly before dropping his towel.

 

“What is a staycation?” Spock asked.

 

“That tells me right there, why you can’t have one. If I could get away with locking us both in here for 24 hours, it would be a sex marathon, but somebody must run the ship. So, I know you well enough to know that you would go nuts with nothing to do, but read or reorganize the closet.”

 

“I sincerely doubt that.”

 

“Okay, we also need to keep the Ashleys from causing total chaos. We all know, today is going to be a sad day for the Ashleys. Being a good acting Captain, I’m going to deal with all my problems at once, so you’re going to Ashleys sit. And they are going to cook.” James said as he moved over to their joint closet.

 

“I’m still questioning the logic of this.”

 

“Question away, but as I mentioned, we kind of need refreshments for our remembrance ceremony today, so why not make them.”

 

“I don’t remember authorizing a remembrance ceremony.” Spock tells his husband. “I dislike them immensely.”

 

“The fact that you just acknowledged that tells me that, but you did agree to it. A week ago.” James says as he grabbed his shirt. Spock was slightly disappointed as he put it on.

 

“We were engaging in coitus at the time?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I thought we agreed not to discuss important work-related things during sexual activities.”

 

“Sorry boo, we run a starship together. We must multitask. Otherwise we would never have time for sex.” Spock responded with a slight glare only partially because James is putting on his underwear.

 

“I know you dislike the Starfleet dog and pony show and that’s fine because I dislike the Starfleet dog and pony shows. I’m glad that our guardian angel at the Admiralty made sure we wouldn’t have to go this year. At the same time, I feel like we all need a real remembrance of our friends and family that we lost.”

 

“Which is a good idea although I wish you would have not asked me while we were engaging in sexual activities.”

 

“Duly noted.”

 

“Although, why are we baking?”

 

“Again, leaving the Ashleys unoccupied would be dangerous. Nothing can make an already awful situation worse than replicated cookies. So, you are going to take the Ashleys to the kitchens and supervise,” Jim tells his husband as he puts on his pants.

 

“And Amanda‘s recipes?” Spock asked.

 

“Are the best for baking in deep space.” Spock raises an eyebrow at has husband.

 

“I want you to focus on good memories about your mom like eating her cookies after an absolutely awful day of school where you barely avoided knocking various assholes unconscious. I know it’s impossible but try not to focus on those last few moments. Think of all the good moments that happened before hand. Cherish those good moments with the Ashleys. Let the girls share those moments with you.”

    

“Did Margarita recommend this?” Spock asked his husband.

 

“Suarez actually, and only indirectly. But Margarita approves although she probably would be mad about me asking you to do it during sex. But it was for a worthy cause.” James said as he sat on the bed beside Spock and grabbed his hand.

 

“Will it just be me and the three Ashleys today?”

 

“I think Margarita will come by at some point and possibly Nyota after shift. This isn’t the best day for her either. This is the anniversary of her losing her previous best friend, the second time that happened. I tried to give her the day off as well, but she is more stubborn than you are. Unfortunately, I can’t use sex as an incentive or distraction for her.” James said just before kissing Spock again.

 

“So, you were going to use sexual favors to convince me not to work today?” Spock asked pulling away from the kiss.

      

“Well it worked so well with getting you to agree to do the ceremony in the first place.” James smirked at him. “I did consider it, but I think that you’re aware that you’re emotionally compromised today so the best captain thing you can do is help your crew get through this difficult day even if it is by baking. I will keep the ship running. Again, it’s a lot of scanning and data collecting. The first landing party doesn’t go down until tomorrow. I can definitely run the ship today without you.” James tells him.

 

“I believe that is an accurate assessment.”

 

“Does that mean you agree to baking therapy with the Ashleys?” James asked.

 

“If I say no, I assume that breath play will be off the table?”

 

“Totally off the table.” James said with a smirk.

 

“Then I agree to what you refer to as baking therapy.” James responded by kissing him.

 

“Thank you and if I didn’t need to be on the bridge in 20 minutes, I would totally do more than that.”

 

“Oh, by the way, at 4 PM our time, you have a video call with your dad. Being an ambassador has its perks.”

 

“Therefore, whatever we bake first will contain chocolate.”

 

“Excellent idea, my cuddle Vulcan.” James said as he kissed Spock on the nose.

 

To be continued.


	40. Day 72: How We Move Forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read or reviewed the last set of messages. This was originally part of the last chapter but then I realized that Spock would be so busy with the remembrance ceremony and Jim that he probably wouldn’t write anything else that day. However, I totally see him writing these notes at around 4 AM because Spock does need less sleep than his husband, but he enjoys the cuddling. Spock is a secret cuddler.
> 
>  

 

* * *

 

Dear James:

 

Thank you James for knowing what I need when even I do not. Yesterday went much better than expected. The exercise was cathartic and yes, there was actual crying for everyone involved except myself, but only because I prefer not to cry in front of anybody but you. Ashley three started crying while placing the cookies for the reception.

 

I did share a few stories about Amanda. Most of them involving small fires and preparations for diplomatic visits. I still do not understand how my mother’s baked goods tasted so good but were burnt so often. I think it may have something to do with the oven’s temperature controls being written in Vulcan. My mom was a talented linguist and could speak multiple languages; however, written Vulcan was slightly more difficult to fully grasp.

 

It was good to focus on positive memories or more accurately not painful memories. The Ashleys also shared various anecdotes. Today I found out that Ashley 2’s father was one of my instructors at the Academy. He was the one who severely punished several of my classmates for the various racial/xenophobic slurs hurled at me when I first arrived at the Academy. Thanks to his actions during my first year, I believe I had a pleasanter experience at the Academy then I did during my Vulcan primary education.

 

He was also multi species, so he understood. Ashley 2 started to cry when I shared that story but Margarita and Nyota reassured me that they were happy tears. I am still trying to completely understand that concept.

 

Although I’m still displeased that you used sex to get me to agree to doing some sort of remembrance ceremony. I am not displeased with the actual results. I think it was for the betterment of the crew that we do take a moment to remember those that we lost. It’s better to embrace it, then try to lock it away and pretend that it does not hurt. I am trying to learn that balance with you.

 

Your speech was tasteful and appropriate. I observed that 47% of the crowd was crying at that point. I also regret that you never met Amanda. She would have found you endearing. Mostly I think she would have been happy that I found someone who loves me as deeply as you do.

 

Yes I did speak with my father. Thank you for authorizing the video call because I do not believe a letter was sufficient especially on this day. He is well but he does miss my mother.

Actually it is more than that. He feels guilty because he is among the living, and she is not. Despite the illogical nature of it, he still questions why he survived, and she did not. I am not certain that will ever cease.

 

Regardless, he is adjusting to his new life on the colony and a new position that will allow him to actually spend more time on the colony. Now that they do not need to procure aid from other Federation nations to rebuild, the government is shifting its focus back to the colony, which means my father is less needed as a diplomat and more as a local community leader.

 

Due to the fact he no longer needs to travel as much as he did during the first two years, he is considering becoming a foster parent again. There are still many young Vulcan children living in group homes on the colony. My parents were foster parents before, but thanks to post Kelvin prejudice, Michelle only lived with us for a brief time before being adopted by a family on Earth. He believes the endeavor will be more successful at this time. I am not completely sure why he is choosing this avenue instead of utilizing a gestational carrier as we discussed previously, but I am certain there is a reason for his decision to reverse course.

 

PS: Do we consider today an anniversary of ours?

Xxxxxx

Dear Amanda:

 

Yesterday was the second anniversary of your death, but in all honesty today is the anniversary of when I truly absorbed it. It took nearly killing my future husband for me to even acknowledge your loss. Two years later, I am still angry that you are not here with me. I spoke with father today at length. I feel that he misses you immensely, even though he does not verbalize such feelings. I could discern this in the way he reminisced and laments the fact that most images of you are lost. I am still surprised that he never asked for your necklace back now.

 

Obviously, the fact that I am calling father voluntarily is an apparent sign that our relationship has improved greatly in these last two years. I only wish it did not take losing you for us to get over our previous animosity. I wish that I could still call you. I would appreciate your advice on how to deal with the three young ladies on the ship named Ashley, who also lost parents the same day I lost you. I don’t think that longing to talk to you will ever go away. I do not wish it too.

 

I regret that you are not around to see what my life has become. I’m sure you would be proud of the fact that I’m now a Captain. You would probably be even more proud of the fact that I found a true friend and lover in James. He made me see the logic in love. He made sure that I would not be overwhelmed by emotions yesterday. I will not forget that.

 

In closing, I just want to say that I love you. I apologize for not vocalizing that nearly enough when you were alive, but I believe that you knew the true depth of my regard for you. You will be part of my heart.

 

* * *

 

Dear Spock:

You should not make me cry over my cereal but you did. You’re so illogically sentimental that it’s adorable. And a little heartbreaking as well.

I’m not surprised that your dad feels guilty. Survivor guilt absolutely sucks. I got it the worst when I found out that in the other timeline, Sam lived a lot longer because I was the one that went to Tarsus. Sam still had a tragic death, but there’s a difference between dying in your teens and dying in your 30s.

 

I don’t think the guilt goes away entirely, but that’s what the therapy is for. We should totally do a couple session when I get back. Or maybe once we’ve wrapped up this assignment. Wish me luck on the successful away mission this morning.

 

Love you.

PS: No I’m not counting this as another anniversary, because we already have a human wedding date and a Vulcan ceremony day. No need to add a third day to remember.

To be continued

 


	41. Day 75: My Captain Is Driving Me Crazy, Help!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are fabulous.

 

From: Mommy_Susan

To: SuluHG2260

Time arrived: 5/06/2260 00:00:01

Subject: So, I am going with my sister

 

Yes, your letter did get to my sister before I was able to talk to her, but she was nice enough to act like she didn’t already know. So, unlike your sibs, she is already rearranging things to be a stay at home pseudo-mom this summer. She even resigned from the restaurant. There are play groups and story hours already scheduled along with play dates as well as early education classes.

 

When my sister goes for something, she really goes all out. She is going to be one of those moms. That doesn’t surprise me because we had one of those moms. I wonder when the ballet and violin classes will start. Hopefully not until I get back.

 

Shawn has drawn up the papers and I have attached them here. You’ll need to sign electronically and get them back to us as soon as you can which will probably be two or three weeks because I heard you guys are in deep deep space, so you can avoid the May 2 festivities. Although by the time you read this the anniversary will probably be long past. How deep in space are you?

 

My kid is going to hang out in an amusement park with princesses and I get to deal with a Starfleet dog and pony show. It’s probably going to be worse now that my mom is the head of Starfleet and since dad has been gone since before Liz got here, I must play the role of the companion. I’m going to be missing her playing with princesses because I must smile for my mommy. I’m pissed.

 

At least she promised me food, tasty food like one of the best restaurants in San Francisco food because apparently, we must entertain dignitaries afterwards. This should be fun. Not at all. I thought that I wouldn’t have to do that sort of thing until I got back on the Hamilton. We do way too much diplomatic resource negotiation exercises.

 

I’ve read both your letters to the baby and they were adorable. Although her reaction was even better. She was all smiles and giggles. She is having a ball at playgroup, now that we’re in a group of people I don’t hate.

 

She is making new friends and sharing her toys. Ben says that’s good. I don’t know because I didn’t get a little sister until I was a teenager and then the first year was rough. Liz slept in my bed a lot, those first few months. However, considering the hell she was coming out of I don’t blame her. Also, don’t ever take anything off Liz’s plate. She kind of freaks out. Only the babies and Kevin can get away with it without triggering like a panic attack and it’s been years since Tarsus hell.

 

I kind of feel sad making all these new friends and then leaving in a month, but I have email addresses and they’re Starfleet, so they know the drill. Also, Sasha is going to be on the Hamilton starting in June. So at least I’ll have someone else on ship missing her kid as much as me. It will probably be worse for her since her partner Sarki will be staying on planet to take care of their twins. I am so happy that the fertility loop did not result in the eggs splitting or double ovulation.

 

In addition, everyone staying behind promised to watch after Ben which is good because he needs people. His in-laws are just being awful. I mean I know they’re always going to be in his life because of the baby, but they need to stop being so mean and judgmental. I’m sorry their son died, but that doesn’t mean that Ben should just stop living. He has a daughter and needs to make a life for both. After dad died mom didn’t stop, she kept going on. OK she violated direct orders and I got a sister out of it, but she kept moving forward.

 

So how are things going with you? How is this mission going that has sent you somewhere far far away? Are you finally going to do more interesting things other than mapping planets or is it more of the same just somewhere farther?

 

Write me back when you can and please sign those documents as soon as possible. I want to get everything settled with the courts before we hop on the shuttle to Yorktown.

Xxxx

From: SuluHG2260

To: Mommy_Susan

Time sent: 5/06/2260 21:12:41

Subject: Re: So, I am going with my sister

 

I think I’d rather go back to mapping planets or diplomatic missions that go badly. Even playing diplomatic taxi would be preferable than the current situation.

 

The mission started OK with the first couple of days of scanning and taking various readings of the planet’s atmosphere. Nothing unusual. Then team one went down, and transporters went off-line. Then we had a freak gravity storm happen and now team one has been stranded on planet for the last 78 hours.

 

Now I must deal with two stressed out and terrified husbands and a stressed out and terrified teenager. Also, my best friend is down there so I am terrified and stressed out as well, but I must be the adult. And did I mention that one of the stressed-out husbands is my captain and I think I am a good hour from having to get him declared mentally unfit, so I can be acting captain. Considering what had to happen last time to get him declared unfit, I really don’t want to have to deal with that. I don’t think I like getting choked as much as my captain does. I saw those bruise marks on his neck before going on this crazy mission. You know, whatever works for you if it’s safe, sane and consensual.

 

Right now, Spock is holding on mostly due to the Vulcan mental link he has with Jim. He knows that Jim is OK and safe for the moment. That is pretty much the only thing keeping us from a repeat of two years ago.

 

As soon as feasible, we will be sending a shuttle down to retrieve the Captain. Thankfully, we know where he is because his wedding ring is made of a rare radioactive Vulcan metal. Yeah, I’m not even going to unpack that at all. Nope, not going to.

 

I have signed the papers and Nyota is express shipping it, so it might beat this letter by days if not a week. Tell Liz and Kevin that I trust them, but if they hurt my baby I will find a way to get to Earth no matter where we are. I don’t think your mom took all of Mister Scott’s special equipment and even if she did, I’m pretty sure Scotty has reproduced it because Scotty is Scotty.

 

Don’t tell Kevin that his brother is kind of stranded on the planet right now. We’re are predicting that the gravity storm will end in the next 48 hours and then operation retrieve the captain‘s husband before he goes off the deep end will commence. If something happens, I will call. So, let us hope that I won’t have to call.

 

Thank you for taking care of my honey bunny for me when I can’t be there and making sure that he is well cared for after you go back to the Hamilton. See therefore you’re my other best friend.

 

Kiss the baby for me. Only a little more than a month now before I see you all again. I’m counting down the days and not just because my boss is unbearable. Did I mention he’s keeping me up at night? God, I hope the gravity storm ends soon. I am not sure how much more of this I can take.

 

To be continued.

 


	42. Day 78: Good news

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You were all wonderful. Now let’s see if Jim got off that crazy planet.

 

From: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

To: Number_one_Pike

Time arrived: 05/9/2260 00:00:01

Subject: Good news, I found you a teacher

 

So, thanks to the Federation education system still under paying teachers, I managed to get someone. Her name is Gina Reyes and she has four years of teaching experience and is currently training to be a counselor. She’s also the best friend of Commander Susan Ling Chen. Apparently, anything that she may have heard about the Enterprise kids has not scared her off. I am personally surprised. However, Starfleet is going to pay her triple her current salary, so she agreed to do it. Although maybe Sue held back the real details of what’s going on. I don’t know, but you’re getting a teacher. She will be meeting you at Yorktown in June. So, all is good.

 

I am leaving in half an hour for the official remembrance ceremony, so I expect that you probably will be reading this weeks after the fact. How did things go on ship? Did you do anything to commemorate? How is the husband doing?

 

The first anniversary of my parents’ death was hard. Freak accident. The second one wasn’t much better. Honestly it didn’t start really getting better until anniversary five and I think that’s because I had Chris at that point. This year was hard, but I still had good friends to help me get through it. Spock has you.

 

Anyway, Ms. Reyes’s CV is attached. Even if you hate her, she’s still coming on board because it’s May, and I doubt that I’m going to find anyone else more qualified. More importantly, I don’t think I’m going to find anyone else who is willing. I even talked to a few teachers who have spouses aboard Enterprise and they flat out told me hell no. Your teenagers have made quite an impression.

X

From: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

To: Number_one_Pike

Time sent: 05/09/2260 20:02:01

Subject: Re: Good news, I found you a teacher

 

I’m not even surprised. I am just happy to get some good news after the last week. Also, congratulations, it only took about eight days for this to get here. That’s fine because I just escaped sickbay and now have PADD privileges again. I don’t know why Bones made me spend so much time there because nothing’s wrong with me. I didn’t even get a scratch. Maybe he just wants to make sure I didn’t pick up any weird spores. It wouldn’t surprise me, after the last few days

 

So, our boring little far out exploratory mission to a random planet kind of went badly in grand Starfleet tradition. Good news, we only lost one member of operations. Lt Chambers will be missed.

 

Although, does it make me a bad person that I’m happy Spock is the one writing the condolence email and not me? That’s one part of being a captain that I do not miss. The ones I had to write after theVengeance Incident were awful. Spock bear did the initial ones, but once I was well and conscious, I did my own because the families deserve that much from me. I think that’s when I realized that I needed to take a step back from being a Captain for a while, for my own mental health.

 

So, we discovered the planet evil has an atmosphere that can totally fuck up transporter capabilities. None of our earlier scans showed that because it was already screwing up with our equipment. We learned none of this until we beamed down. That’s how we lost Chambers. Thankfully the rest of us in the party survived.

Even though I’m now back safely I’m probably going to have to give Spock bear a blowjob for this. Probably several of them.

 

Because of the transporter fuck up, we had to wait for a shuttle except the shuttle couldn’t pick us up for the next five days because gravity storms. Also, something that the initial scans did not detect because the atmosphere again screwed up the equipment. I can’t wait to write a report about that. Being stranded on the planet for five days was not how I wanted to explore the place.

 

Good news, they have an excellent cave system, and unlike Delta Vega no giant creatures that want to eat me. Sad news instead of being stuck in the cave waiting for rescue with my husband, I was stuck in the cave waiting for rescue with Sanchez, Chekov, and Stamets. Hey, at least we had a deck of cards and Spock bear made me bring an entire survival kit because my husband is paranoid, but the good type of paranoid. Although is it paranoia if this sort of thing does happen?

 

So, because my husband wasn’t there, the only two that had hot cave sex were Dr. Sanchez and Chekov. Her niece is going to be so pissed because she totally has a crush on him. And we are totally not going to think of the fact that her niece is only four years younger than the guy Sanchez had ‘we’re all going to die so we should totally fuck before we go’ sex.

 

I know that’s what they did because we heard them. They were loud. We pretended to play cards because Spock bear had the good sense to put a pack of playing cards in the survival kit, but you can only ignore loud sex sounds for so long.

 

Then again Ashley 3 has all sorts of other reasons to be upset. That kind of exploded when we arrived back after a successful extraction yesterday. I managed to get a thank God you’re not dead kiss on the bridge in front of everybody. Dr. Sanchez managed to get yelled at by her niece in front of everybody and cried on.

 

So maybe going missing for nearly 5 days after the anniversary of the death of both of her parents was not a good thing. I probably should’ve brought Dr. Cutler instead of Dr. Sanchez, but I was kind of expecting to get chased down by animals and not deal with gravity storms and getting trapped in a cave. Also, someone probably still would’ve been having inappropriate cave sex. But I can excuse the married couple.

 

Although good news, we have scans and soil samples. We did get some work done when other members of the team were having loud sex. Apparently, they have lots of goodies that I’m sure the Federation is going to want to procure for their selves, because of course.

 

In other good news, Ashley 3 finally acknowledged why she has been acting like a brat 90% of the time since we left Earth in February. She didn’t want her aunt to go back into Starfleet because she was afraid that she was going to lose the only family she had left, and her aunt being trapped on the planet for four days kind of brought up all her fears to the surface. I think I am going to have to look for a new doctor which is sad because I like Sanchez. I think I like her because she’s willing to do what Winona never did which was put us kids first.

 

I’m not going to fight you on Ms. Reyes. I read her CV and I’m impressed. I guess she will only have to deal with five kids unless we get a replacement for Ashley 3 or Sanchez decides to stick around a little bit longer. Margarita is dealing with them in family counseling. You know I think I’m going to need another doctor anyway. We need another therapist. Badly. It’s nice that Ms. Reyes is studying the field of psychology, but I wish she already had her certification. As you said though, no one wants to come here. Seriously, even those who already had spouses on board said no? That is not good.

 

So, the hubby is good now and he was good the day of the anniversary of Amanda’s death, but the time in between not so much. I’m surprised Sulu did not resign, considering Spock kept him up worrying so much over the last five days. I am pretty sure Nyota and Sulu were like 30 seconds from tranquilizing him and taking over. I’m pretty sure of it so I am kind of glad I didn’t bring either of them on the away mission.

 

Although I’ve already had thank God you’re not dead sex so it’s okay. Bones is mad at us because we kind of did that in his Sickbay, but he’ll get over it, maybe.

 

Anyway, look out for the official report. I should probably write that before I write Kevin. He does know I’m okay, right? I am so worried about the rumor mill already knowing about this even though we’re in deep space because the rumor mill knows and reads things. There are like no secrets in Starfleet, just lies and misrepresentations of the truth.

 


	43. Day 82: Ramblings of the Oblivious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all fabulous. Thank you for keeping me in the happy writing zone.
> 
> Please note, this letter was written before Jim wrote the last letter to his brother by at least a few days. Thanks to the Enterprise email system, he’s getting it several days after he wrote his last one. This should surprise no one. In deep space, nothing arrives timely. Jim likes this because he only gets yelled at if he does something extra stupid like violate the prime directive, again. He’s trying to avoid that level of stupidity.
> 
> Also, out of an abundance of laziness, I decided that the 2260 calendar would follow the current calendar for holidays, so it just happens to be Mother’s Day. This is going to be a loaded day for several people involved.

From: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

 

To: Kevin KR

 

Time arrived: 5/13/2260 00:00:01

 

So why do spring finals feel like they just come a few days after midterms. I just thought I would have a few weeks to relax but no, we’re already barely down the final stretch. It’s awful. And it’s kind of worse because we’re taking our finals early so we can hop on the shuttle for Yorktown.

 

So, amusement parks with the babies were great until baby K managed to run away, and it took us an hour to find her. That child can barely walk yet she is very sneaky and getting a tracking bracelet. Is this what the next 10 to 12 months are going to be like? I’m scared.

 

So, Sue has had her lawyers draw up paperwork to make it all legal. Now we are waiting for Sulu to sign the thing and send it back to finalize it all. Considering you guys are somewhere far far away to the point where you did not have to participate in any Starfleet sponsored spectacle for the second anniversary of the battle of Vulcan, I assume it’s probably going to take a while. It might show up by the time we meet up next month. Who knows? I hope nothing bad happens while you’re that far out.

 

So, I think we can take care of a small child. At least the summer will be good. I will be interning and taking a couple classes, so I can have a lighter load during the school year. Liz is going to do the full-time mommy substitute thing this summer. I think this is because her biological parents were always working and deep down she’s a little bitter about it. OK deep down she’s very bitter about it and blames what their work habits for her sister dying on the planet of the damned.

 

I mean, the Admiral was always in space to, but I think it was a little different as well as the fact Sue was always around. I think Sue raised Liz like you raised me except that the Admiral was never a full on alcoholic, so that was an advantage for Liz.

 

Mom is mom still sober. I am still shocked about that. I hope it lasts until you at least see her again in a couple of weeks. I think it will, but I’m still worried. Anything can be a trigger.

 

When we get back we’re going to have to go to Iowa to figure out what we’re going to do with the house. Would you be mad if it was turned into a bed-and-breakfast? I think mom should sell it. To Winona, it is a house filled with ghosts. At the same time maybe, you want to keep it. I mean this is the house where your father was born. I know I don’t have the connection to George Kirk that you do. I just have his last name and that’s because Winona wanted all her kids to have the same last name.

 

In other mom -related news, I have been invited to participate in a very Chen Mother’s Day. Because it’s going to be Sue’s first, it’s supposed to be extra special with brunch at one of the best places in San Francisco. Mom has also been invited which means no mimosas for anyone. And we are back to conversations about Winona’s alcoholism. I’m just going to end this letter before it gets way too depressing.

 

Write me back.

Xxxx

From: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

 

To: Kevin KR

 

Time sent: 5/13/2260 06:23:21

Father’s Day has always been more of a trigger for mom, so I think we’re good for another month. I’m trying to decide if being on a ship back to San Francisco on Father’s Day is going to be better or worse for Winona. I hope it doesn’t trigger any flashbacks. I probably should email mom today after I finish helping JoJo do breakfast in bed for Nyota. I hope there are no small fires today.

 

OK I assume that you sent this email to me before you got the last one because you’re not yelling at me for doing dumb stuff. However, last mission was totally not my fault. Don’t worry nothing like getting stranded on the planet for a few days will be happening anytime soon, I hope.

 

We are shuttling a couple of dignitaries between Star base. Then we’re going to pick up personnel and stop at a few planets to pick up supplies and people to populate the new Yorktown facility. I think there might also be a diplomatic mission or two somewhere along the way. We have a little under a month, but hey no more getting stranded on planets.

 

Yes, the spring semester always feels like midterms and finals are way too close to each other and it’s that way on purpose because they still like to line up midterms with the Easter holiday which makes very little sense since so much of the population doesn’t celebrate Easter. Although I guess the spring equinox is a thing for a lot of people, but different planets have their spring equinox at completely different times so yeah, I don’t get it. Maybe it’s just about chocolate.

 

I am glad that you’re doing the internship and doing a few classes. Yes, it probably would be easier on you if you get some stuff done during the summer especially if you’re going to have a one-year-old living with you. But hey at least you can get Sulu’s boyfriend to babysit so you can have private time with your girlfriend. Just remember to wrap it up because you don’t want children full-time just yet.

 

Bed-and-breakfast is fine with me. If you do, keep the original house and barn. That way when I’m feeling nostalgic I can always get a room there. Although I don’t think I will. That’s also the house of Frank. If it wasn’t for the fact dad was born there, I probably would’ve burned that sucker to the ground. You almost did your first Mother’s Day with us. Hope you’re better at cooking now.

 

 So yeah, I think it’s best Winona never goes back there. If she is staying sober in San Francisco, then she should stay in San Francisco. I assume she has a better support system. Not only does she have you, but friends as well.

 

Okay, a certain preteen just knocked on my door demanding that I supervise her attempts at non-replicated pancakes (except apparently, we are trying our hands at replicating raw eggs because she doesn’t want to do the vegetarian version). I’m probably going to regret this.

 

PS: Jo Jo says she would love to hear from you again soon, but understands that you have to put baby D first. She says that’s what good aunts and uncles do. I feel like that something we are going to need to unpack.             

 

Xxx

From: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

 

To: W_Kirk_wellness_Hills

 

Subject: Happy Mother’s Day

Time arrived: 5/13/2260 15:15:21

 

 

Happy Mother’s Day

 

So, chances are you will get this about a week and a half after Mother’s Day, but do I still get credit for sending it to you on Mother’s Day? Regardless, I still want to say sorry that a week ago I was stuck on a planet with no email access.

 

Away missions are nowhere near as much fun as the brochure makes it seem. I never seem to get stranded with Spock when I really want to be stranded with him somewhere. But it’s all good now. However, any presents I’m planning to send will be hand-delivered when we see each other in a couple of weeks. I’m glad that you’re able to come.

 

I got an email from Kevin today. Just so you know I’m not planning to retire in Iowa for like 40 years. I’m pretty sure Spock is planning for us to move to the new Vulcan colony and adopt a bunch of babies grown in gestational pots, even though I’ve already said I don’t want to be more than uncle Jim. So, if you’re given a good deal on the farmhouse, feel free to sell it. I think you like San Francisco better. Always do what’s best for you. I’m married with Starfleet children and Kevin is co-parenting with his girlfriend for at least the next year. We are both well-adjusted members of society which considering everything, means you’re kind of a miracle worker.

 

Xxxxx

Excerpts from the therapy Journal of Josephine Jamie McCoy

 

Dear Mom:

Margarita says that I should write you a letter today to help me process my first Mother’s Day without you. But I’m not really that upset about it because I have Nyota which has made me feel guilty. I also didn’t have to participate in a mother-daughter brunch where I would pretend to be happy and smile when I did not want to be there at all while I tried to be as perfect as you needed me to be. Again, I felt guilty about being happy I didn’t have to do that.

 

 I’m still sad and angry a lot of the time, but I have Nyota and dad, so I’m getting through it. Nyota was happy at my attempt at pancakes. (I didn’t tell her about the present that Uncle Scotty helped me with because maybe I want to wait until it’s done). The pancakes were slightly burnt, but she ate them anyway. She doesn’t yell or scream at me when I’m not perfect. She doesn’t make me feel like I’m worthless. I don’t feel like I must walk on eggshells all the time with her. This is the first time on this day that I’ve had a real mom because I don’t know what you were, but motherly wasn’t it.

 

I don’t know what else to write. I’m still trying to untangle all my feelings about you. Margarita says it’s a work in progress and Uncle Jim agrees. I’ll figure it out eventually. I hope so anyway.

To be continued


	44. Day 85: You know, your family is still an upgrade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all absolutely lovely.

From: Benjamin_2254

To: SuluHG2260

Subject: Congratulate me on surviving another May 2

Time arrived: 5/16/2260 00:00:01

 

So I heard that your BFF actually slept with a 36-year-old while everyone else could hear him during what turned out to be a stuck in a cave mission. You need more friends your own age. I’m definitely going to have to introduce you to the playgroup crew if you ever end up planet side. Of course since the group is Starfleet, there’s probably a greater chance that you might run into them on their next mission.

 

So, the anniversary of Zach’s death kind of sucked. Next year I’m flying to a different planet with a different calendar so I can just skip it. I miss the old days where you could just fly to Australia and avoid that day. Totally not possible with modern shuttles.

 

The day started out good at the park. It’s always a good day when my baby is smiling. Winona was also great. She completely understands what I’m going through in a way very few others did. That woman even figured out a way for us not to participate in the moment of silence for the Vulcan genocide.

 

 But then it kind of all unraveled, once we got home. My former in-laws are kind of assholes who spoke to the media and painted me as some heartless bastard. Email file attached. Don’t look at the comments. Just don’t. Sue broke a PADD before calling Shawn to deal with it.

 

Also, it’s a good thing she called Shawn because they threatened to try to take custody of baby K again despite losing the fight last time. I think they’re going to try to keep me from taking her with me to come see you. They are just horrible people. However, Sue is giving me Shawn. I’ve been informed that he is a legal pit bull. I also found out that he is your ex-boyfriend.

 

Apparently, after nearly dying on a mission a while back, Shawn decided to get the hell out of Starfleet legal. I totally don’t blame him. I am also glad to have a legal pit bull on my side just in case. He did get that paper to post a sort of apology for the defamation.

 

I’m scared of Zach’s parents even though I shouldn’t be. I mean my name is on the birth certificate and even though she’s genetically Zach daughter, she’s always been mine. I’m the one who raised her and they’re just being irrational. Or maybe they just want to punish me for being alive when their son isn’t. I don’t know. Although honestly they never actually liked me. Mostly because they really wanted a daughter in law.

 

I don’t think I ever told you how messy things got right after Zach died. They were trying to take my daughter away from me before I even had time to spread my husband’s ashes, but their plan didn’t work. They lost last time because Zach’s sister took my side and I’m sure she will do it again. I can’t help but worry though. Especially because said sister is on a mission on the other side of the quadrant right now. Maybe the new judge will see things differently.

 

Even though I’m cautiously optimistic about actually making this trip without the in-laws trying to ruin it, I am packing. That child needs way too much clothing for three weeks. Of course, half of what I’m bringing is toys because we will be spending at least two of those weeks on the ship. But it’s going to be worth it to see you. I already have lined up babysitting services for when we will be on base at the same time. We will have alone time.

 

However, it’s not going to be all vacation for me. For some reason your baby’s grandmother has decided that I’m going to look over the medical facilities on Yorktown because she wants a second opinion to make sure everything is set up adequately. A civilian opinion. I don’t get it, but I am barely having to pay for any of this trip. Therefore, I’m going to do what she asked. Maybe me being there to inspect the facilities is how I’m on this trip. Maybe this got approved because I’m there as some sort of consultant. I’m not going to question your daughter’s grandmother. I already like her more than my daughter’s grandmother.

 

Anyway, if I don’t get to write you again before we leave for Yorktown just know that I love you and miss you. Even though your family seems awful at times, they are so much better than Zach’s. I only love his sister. She’s the best. Everyone else, not so much. They were totally the black sheep of their families.

 

XXXX

From: SuluHG2260

To: Benjamin_2254

Subject: Congratulate me on surviving another May 2

Time arrived: 5/16/2260 05:39:01

 

It makes total sense that anybody you fell in love with was the good one. You have excellent taste. I’m sorry that they’re being absolutely horrible to you. Shawn is good at what he does. He has eviscerated many an asshole in the court room. I’m sure he’s just as vicious now that he’s a civilian.

 

 We kind of fell apart because he’s so intense. It’s hard to date someone who is going over legal textbooks at every hour the day, including when you’re on a date and trying to watch a movie together.

 

Also do not be worried about the ex-boyfriend. We were not that serious, just a normal Academy hook up, that happened at the funeral of our mutual ex-boyfriend. Yes, we met at a funeral and you always make bad decisions at funerals. It’s a very emotional place.

 

You’re the more committed relationship. If it wasn’t serious between us, I totally would have broken things off before leaving planet for five years. Instead I’m getting really good at the art of letter writing. But I’m really happy I’ll get to see you soon.

 

I think they did get you to Yorktown by saying that you’re a consultant and because Chen is the way she is, you’re going to have to do some actual consulting. Also, most of the doctors on Yorktown are supposed to be civilians, so your advice would be useful. It’s not totally a Starfleet installation, but also a diplomatic post, once it’s fully populated. I think it’s supposed to be nearly 300,000 people. But there’s only going to be a small fraction of that because again it’s still coming together. Actually I don’t think this is even a real shore leave more like a working vacation. Possibly, for both of us. I think I’m supposed to help set up the hydroponic farm section of Yorktown.

 

Yes, I realize I need more friends that are adults. I have Nyota and Jim now, but they’re also ridiculously busy. Jim is convinced he has more work now that he’s first officer than when he was captain. Thanks to Pavel’s interesting dating choices, I am making a few new friends. I like Sanchez. I question the good sense in her having sex with a 19-year-old, but well, we all have our coping mechanisms.

 

Although, I just think that it’s sex right now. However, I’m kind of surprised that it lasted beyond the initial hook up at all, but they’ve had lunch a few times, and we’ve hung out. Honestly, 50% of all Starfleet relationships are hook ups, the other 50% are Jim and Spock and Leonard and Nyota. Somewhere in there, there’s the percentage of people in long-term relationships that are light years away from each other. We are totally in that category.

 

Did I mention that I’m so looking forward to us actually getting to spend time with each other without small children around? Because really, I miss you so much. I’m going to have to get Liz the shoe basket.

 

Do you know if the forms making Liz and Kevin the official guardians of my child made it to Earth? I sent them back a while ago, but we are in the middle of deep space and everything takes forever to get back to Earth.

 

You know if the custody thing wasn’t already so precarious with six parents, I would totally lobby for you to get a job on a Star base. Then we could actually see each other more often. It’s so much easier to get to a Star base a couple of times a year than Earth. I’m pretty sure I’m not going to see Earth again before the end of the five year mission unless there is a funeral or Jim violates the Prime Directive. I really want to avoid that, even if it means missing out on seeing you.

 

You probably will be leaving soon, so this might be my last email for a while. Or at least the last one that might get you before you leave so bring chocolate, alcohol, and supplies for private time. And don’t worry about your former in-laws. Things will work out. I know it.

Love you.

 

To be continued


	45. Day 88: Adventures in babysitting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all wonderful.

From: Number_one_Pike

To: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

 

Time arrived: 05/19/2260 00:00:01

Subject: I’m glad I never had to supervise the under 20.

 

Why am I not even that surprised? Oh yeah, because of the amount of cadet shacking up with professors back when I was a student. I’m glad you’re back safe. Of course, the 19-year-old hooks up with somebody when stuck in a cave. Again, not surprised.

 

At least he’s over 18 now, so not your problem. Maybe he’s making up for that year where he was in space, but technically younger than the Federation age of consent. It is kind of weird that you can serve in Starfleet on behalf of the Federation, but you’re not allowed to get laid. If we think you’re emotionally mature enough for one, then he probably should be emotionally mature enough for the other.

 

Jim, you know you’re never going to get stuck in the cave with your significant other because that’s just the way the universe works. It’s cruel that way. We really should have better protocols regarding gravity storms because it seems like everyone will get stuck in a cave at least once in their Starfleet career. Maybe even more than once. Hey, at least you had a deck of cards.   

 

I haven’t got a transfer request yet, so maybe your therapist is a miracle worker, or the lag time is worse than we thought. Have you made it to the Star base yet? Everybody wants your prisoner dropped off especially me. That court-martial is going to be fun. Glad I am not your enemy.

 

It’s going to be mostly easy stuff until Yorktown at least. Mostly transporting things to Yorktown. Along with some dignitaries and ambassadors that are being relocated to Yorktown. Good luck.

 

Okay, I should probably tell you that you are picking up a few dignitaries from a planet that are a bit more amorous than Vulcans or humans for that matter. They’ve sexually harassed the last team that picked them up. Just be careful. I don’t want to find out if Chen will cover up your husband choking a dignitary to death for touching his husband without express consent.

 

Your new teacher will be on Yorktown waiting for you. It works out great because she’ll get to travel with her best friend there in time to see her off on the Hamilton. I’m still surprised Ms. Gutierrez agreed to do this despite everything Sue most likely told her.

 

I’m sorry I’m not coming to Yorktown with the others, but I’m sure our paths will cross eventually. I’m not sure how much longer Chen is going to keep me on Earth. I will probably get an off-planet assignment as Chen is sure that those on Earth won’t try to poison her to take over her position. A lot of Marcus’ cronies have been locked up, but some remain. It’s going to take a while to get everything resolved, but I think we will get there.

Xx

 

From: Elizabeth_Chen

 

To: SulxuHG2260

 

Time arrived: 5/19/2260 00:00:01

 

Subject: Greetings from your new child caregiver

 

Hey since I am going to probably be the one writing Desi‘s updates after my sister leaves next month, I thought maybe I should get a head start on writing you.

 

We got the forms two days before your letter got here. I guess the system prioritizes legal forms. We did get your letter and then we got Jim’s letter as well as your other letter. Although by that point we kind of knew. The Enterprise rumor mill is quick and vicious.

 

So, it was Pav who was the one who had cave sex for like five days straight? I know it wasn’t Jim because Spock wasn’t with him and I’m pretty sure the only person they would be in a poly relationship with is Nyota and she’s dating Leonard right now. Maybe in a different time line, but not this one.

 

Your daughter was a sweetie pie at Princess Land. I have so many pictures. Yes, Mulan was her favorite. She also loves Ariel and of course Jasmine. Jasmine may have been her favorite. It’s the blue. She loves blue. Or at least that shade of blue. I kind of had to buy her three of those headbands.

 

Also, we may have had to chase around your boyfriend’s kid because she is fast for someone who just mastered the art of walking last month and chatty, very chatty. Then again, so is Desi. Mama is a perennial favorite. Also, Susu. I think she’s trying to say her last name or maybe my sister’s first name. It could be either because they kind of sound alike.

 

Your boyfriend managed to bond with my boyfriend’s mom. They are both members of the Starfleet widows’ club. It was good for him to spend time with someone who is a more seasoned member even though Winona has made a lot of mistakes. Winona told him that he had to put his emotional well-being and the emotional well-being of his daughter first and not let others hurt him, especially the in-laws. I think it was something that he needed to hear.

Oh, if you haven’t heard from Ben recently, please write because his in-laws pulled some shady stuff that day and are doing more awful things. Shawn is working on it, and maybe he will have it all settled in a couple of days, but Ben can kind of use your support. God, they are just awful.

 

I put in my notice at work and I only have one more week of work before I’m going to have to pay full price for all my study food, but I think it’s better for me to be available all summer. I’m sad, but I can afford it especially because I’m going to get child support payments while babysitting. Although, if it’s a year, it’s not really babysitting. I guess we’ll call it temporary parenthood. I never thought I would become a parent this early, but it’s happening and I prefer it this way. No stretch marks and I don’t have to worry about mom killing Kevin because of contraceptive failure.

 

Anyway, I have finals to study for, so I’ll cut this short. I’ll try to send some videos or something else before we leave. Only a few more weeks. Anyway, good luck and I hope nobody gets stranded on planets again.

 

PS: Sue questions why you’re still friends with the 19-year-old. She also wants me to remind you to write your daughter. She would write, but she’s trying to write her final and she is really pissed off about having to grade on the flight to Yorktown.

 

PSS: Tell Jim that Kevin is pissed. He’ll obviously know why.

Xxx

From: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

To: Number_one_Pike

Time arrived: 05/19/2260 00:12:51

Subject: Re: I’m glad I never had to supervise them under 20.

 

Margarita really is a miracle worker and I’m not losing a competent doctor. Really don’t even think about taking my therapist away again. I understand why I can’t work with Dr. Suarez anymore. But I’m going to be furious forever if Margarita ever gets transferred. We need her.

 

I’m sad that you’re not going to be able to come, but I understand. Someone must be on Earth to keep everything from going to hell.

I’m glad that you might be getting a different assignment soon. I think you might be happier there than stuck in bureaucracy all the time. At the same time, I’m a little worried. Someone must be.

 

I am happy with the information about our new teacher. I’m also happy she hasn’t been scared off yet especially because she’s a friend of Sue and has probably heard a lot of crazy stories about what happens on Enterprise, mostly revolving around how my helmsmen got her best friend pregnant. I am also shocked she said yes.

 

Since you’re not going to be here for the day after baby D’s birthday, how are you planning to spend that day? And yes, I’m referring to it that way because it’s easier to deal with if I think of it in terms of something good. I’m trying to divorce it from all the negative connotations instead of what happened with my actual birthday. Worked wholly with eight double parties this year on January 5. It works great that me and my husband have our birthdays two days apart. I’m just worried about you being alone and possibly having to do a memorial for the San Francisco attacks. That would just kind of suck. And I say that as somebody who spent most of their birthdays at Kelvin memorials. My childhood was all kinds of screwed up, but I’m better now.

 

Thanks for the warning. Unfortunately, Spock’s ass was pinched twice. Nobody was nerve pinched, but it was a near thing. I can’t wait to get them off my ship. Just two more days. Thank God.

 

Speaking of getting evil people off the ship, the prisoner has been safely dropped off two days ago. We’re all happy he’s gone. Bonus points for being able to replenish the chocolate supply. Spock is going to need it to survive the sexual harassment ambassadors on board.

 

 Anyway, write back soon. Maybe I’ll call when I’m on Yorktown. I will call. I must do something other than attend small children’s birthday parties. Also, Winona’s going to be there, so I’m going to need a built-in excuse to get away in case it gets ugly. You know it will get ugly.

Xx

From: SulxuHG2260

 

To: Elizabeth_Chen

 

Time arrived: 5/19/2260 21:32:31

 

Subject: Re: Greetings from your new child caregiver

I got an email from Ben two days ago and yes, he really hates his in-laws, with good reason. I also saw the video file and I’m sorry that their son died, but God they’re awful. I can’t wait until they find out what I didn’t do on that planet. They are going to crucify me literally possibly.

 

Glad to know that Shawn is on it. Please keep me updated. If it really goes south, please convince your mom to let me get the news sooner rather than later. I know she can get transmissions here faster than normal.

 

You’re going to be taking care of our little girl, so we must make sure she gets to keep the lifestyle she is accustomed to. Also, it’s not like we have that much to spend things on when we’re on mission. Just chocolate bars and liquor. Maybe I went a little wild at the Star base a couple of days ago, but it was necessary. Your future brother-in-law kind of drives me nuts. I always assumed Vulcans were so emotionless. Now I work for one who kind of freaks out whenever his husband gets into trouble.

 

Considering what I went through with Spock while Jim was stuck on planet, I can only see Kevin being pissed. But everything is okay. The worst thing that happened on our current assignment was Spock ended up getting groped by a diplomat, and Jim couldn’t punch him due to diplomatic relations. Although they did make out in front of the guy. That’s also against Starfleet policy, but less likely to cause a diplomatic incident. Of course, they’re going to be here for two more days. So, it could get worse.

 

And you’re right, we are going to end up getting to know each other well over the next year. I may be a little irregular with these emails, but it is better for me to send them to you than to your mom. She scares me. I’m kind of surprised I didn’t end up in Delta Vega for getting your sister pregnant, but Jim and Spock sitting may be worse. Fingers crossed they don’t break the Prime Directive for each other again. Next little bit is for Desi. I figure I should just tack it onto this email instead of sending a separate one.

Xxxx

 

Hey sweetie bear,

 

I heard you had fun at Princess Land. You have good taste in princesses. Also, I heard you’re speaking a little. I can’t wait to hear for myself outside of the video file anyway. Although those were cute. You’re extra adorable. I can’t wait to hug and kiss you soon. We can have so much fun together. I know it’s going to be a sad time too because mommy will be going away for a while, but we’ll do what we can for it to be good.

 

Sorry you were born into a Starfleet family. I promise next time I’ll apply for something on a Star base or maybe just maybe, if things go good with the minors’ program, you might get to live with me on ship someday. Fingers crossed.

 

To be continued

 


	46. Day 91: Thank you for your Mother’s Day present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last set of messages. You are all fabulous.

From: W_Kirk_wellness_Hills

To: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

Subject: Re: Happy Mother’s Day

Time arrived: 5/22/2260 00:00:01

 

Thank you for your letter. I’m okay that it came late. Really, I’m just glad you’re talking to me this Mother’s Day after radio silence last year. I realize in hindsight I should not have freaked out so much about you getting married. I’m starting to like your husband. He’s growing on me.

 

I’m not happy for the reason why it came late, but if being stranded for five days is the worst thing that’s happening, I can deal with that. It wasn’t your fault. I’m aware that the most benign mission ever on paper can turn disastrous.

 

You’re aware you were not supposed to be born in space. You aren’t even supposed to be born for almost another three months when we were already safely black planet side. But on the way home we were attacked, and I became a single mom.

 

It could’ve been worse, I realize that now. At least your dad got to see you. Ben’s husband Zach didn’t get that much. Which is sad because she’s such a beautiful little girl. So full of life and happiness. Also, unlike me Ben has been dealing with his grief and moving forward. (He also has significantly better taste in follow-up relationships. I’m still so sorry about Frank.) I like that about him which might be why we are becoming friends. He needs somebody to talk to that really understands what he’s going through.

 

The guy needs a friend because Zach’s parents are just making it worse because they can’t let go. They blame him just like your dad’s parents blamed me for your dad dying. Like if I wasn’t pregnant, then maybe he wouldn’t have done what he did, and he would have been in that escape pod with us. Obviously, they didn’t know your dad. Yes, he was doing it for us because it’s amazing what a parent will do to keep their kids alive, but he was also doing it for everyone else on that ship. I know you get that now.

 

Although, even though they hate me, they never tried to take you and Sam away from me. I think that would have broken me completely if they did because they probably would’ve won. You and Sam were the only things keeping me from losing it entirely. I was such a mess, but as I said earlier, Ben has it more together than I do. I wish I could’ve been that way. But you can’t change the past. You can only move forward. At least that’s what my new therapist says.

 

I think I want to stay in San Francisco. I’m healthier here. I have more friends and I’m making lots of new ones including my fellow Starfleet with those club members, Ben. Kevin is here as well, at least for the next few years. By the way, he’s mad at you. So mad that he has not responded to your last two letters. You and Kevin are going to have to work that out when we get to Yorktown if he doesn’t write you before then.

 

Although, I think the number one reason why I need to stay in San Francisco is there are less things here that haunt me. Considering I went to school with your father in San Francisco, that says a lot of sad things about my mental state. I’m not just haunted by your father. I’m haunted by Frank and how my decision hurt you so badly. The fact that you’re happily married makes me feel so good because I didn’t ruin that for you due to my bad decisions.

 

I’m also haunted by Sam. I was never the mother that you and Sam needed me to be. I felt like maybe he went to Tarsus with me, not just because it was an excellent education opportunity, but because he didn’t trust me to be on my own. If he wasn’t there, then he would still be alive. There’s a lot of guilt there and I’m just now starting to work through it with the doctors here. For too long, I just stayed in the bottle and never really resolved it.

 

You’re not supposed to bury your children. You’re just not and I did, and I almost did the second time and I think that’s what pushed me over. But it also made me realize that I need help and I can’t keep falling back on old patterns. As we get closer to that day it gets harder to keep that resolve, but I’m going to. The alcohol doesn’t make things better, I realize that now. It just dulls things, but when you come out of the alcohol, everything is still there.

 

So yes, I’m selling the house. It’s necessary to freely move on from the past. Part of me wants to burn it to the ground. But I can’t destroy that last piece I have of Sam and George. It needs to live on, but I just can’t live there.

 

Here in San Francisco, I feel like I am rebuilding not only myself, but my relationships with you and Kevin. I’m looking forward to spending a few days with you on Yorktown. I know I didn’t exactly support your decision to join Starfleet, but in the long run, I realize it’s the best decision for you and you are becoming who you were always meant to be.

 

I also like spending time with Kevin and his girlfriend and their baby. Desi is adorable, and I think I can deal with pseudo-grandmother hood for a little while. You know until you and your husband give me a grandchild. You say you only want to be Uncle Jim, but I don’t believe you.

 

Of course, maybe I’ve completely thrown you off having kids. I don’t know. I wasn’t the best mom. The universe knows I made a lot of mistakes mostly related to my alcoholism, but I still love you. I’m just glad that you cared enough to remember Mother’s Day this year.

Anyway, I’ll see you soon. Love, mom

 

Xxx

From: MomOU

To: NyotaUM

Time arrived: 05/22/2260 00:00:01

Subject: Thank you for your Mother’s Day gift

 

Thank you for your Mother’s Day cookies. They were delicious. My assistant had several. I gave a lot of them to the office since I’m alone now and have no one to share my cookies with.

 

I’m kind of shocked that you sent anything. Especially for Mother’s Day. I wasn’t the best mom. I realize that now. I’m never going to be able to apologize enough for boarding school. In hindsight it was a bad choice. I’m trying to make up for that with my new granddaughter. I think you’ll do better than me. I know you’ll do better than me, which is I guess what every parent wishes for.

 

Rodriguez has been keeping me updated on your five-year mission. I’m glad things have mostly been running smoothly. I also heard you’re going to be on Yorktown soon. I hope it all goes well.

 

Please write me back whenever you have a chance.

Xxxx

From: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

To: W_Kirk_wellness_Hills

Subject: Re: Happy Mother’s Day

Time arrived: 5/22/2260 22:21:01

 

I’m glad my email was well received. It looks like messages are getting there sooner now. I’m also glad that our relationship is improving, especially after where it was last year. Some people are not as lucky. I have a friend who has been spending most of the day trying to figure out how to respond to her mom’s latest email. I think she’s on attempt number 25. In contrast, it only took two attempts and Spock having mercy on me and taking over typing duties. Such a good husband.

 

I am also happy that you’re making a real commitment to staying sober this time. Even though I know it’s difficult for you. I’m glad you’re really trying. The upcoming anniversaries are going to be hard for all of us, even me. I miss Chris a lot and you know the first anniversary is always the worst one. It doesn’t help that the anniversary of my near-death experience is going to be just a few days later. I’m going to be spending a lot of time with Margarita over the next few weeks. My poor therapist.

 

Although, I really do think she’s helping me move foreword and reconcile with a lot of my personal ghosts. I am only throwing up every other time I visit engineering. That’s progress, right?

 

Despite that, I like where I am right now. I don’t miss being Captain. Not as much as I thought I would. Honestly, it doesn’t feel that much different except I’m doing more administrative stuff and I’m working more directly with everybody. Maybe Spock and I are just really one unit and it doesn’t matter what role we have officially.

 

Anyway, I’ll tell you more about it when we get to Yorktown. We’re supposed to have dinner the first night at the shipyard view restaurant. It’s opening there or, so I’ve been told. I think we might be bringing the head chef. We may also have to charm a few diplomats. Yay Starfleet.

Xxxxxx

From: NyotaUM

To: MomOU

Time arrived: 05/22/2260 23:10:54

Subject: Thank you for your Mother’s Day gift

 

I’m glad you liked the cookie bouquet. Although it was Josephine’s idea to send them to you. She wanted to do something nice for you. She was originally planning to send them to me, but that wasn’t an option. Instead, she roped Jim into helping her make breakfast for me.  


Josephine is warming up to the idea of an actual grandmother. Leonard’s mom was gone long before she was born, and the judge went through trophy wives like water. Josephine usually avoided all of them.

 

I’ve been working with Margarita a lot trying to process all the changes that have happened in the last year. I’m also trying to make peace with the past. Dr. Margarita says that it’s dangerous to keep holding on to past pain. Over time it becomes a weight that will eventually drown us in the struggles of life. So, I’m working on it. Therapy is hard.

I hope all is well with you in San Francisco. I will try to write again when I have the chance.

To be continued


	47. Day 93: The rumor mill tells me everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all absolutely fabulous.

From: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

 

To: Kevin KR

 

Time arrived: 5/24/2260 00:00:01

Subject: the Starfleet rumor mill is faster than your letters

 

I got your letter and your other letter. I think you’re starting to make your way back toward civilization and they’re starting to get here sooner. I decided to wait a few days before I wrote because I was a little annoyed with you. Although I’m sure mom told you that. I know she wrote you a couple of days ago.

 

I already knew before I got the first letter because Sue told me what was going on. Thankfully by the time she got Sulu’s email about you being stuck on planet, her mom already received word that you guys were safe. Seriously, how does this sort of thing happen to you? If I found out about the tracking wedding ring before it helped Spock rescue you, I would be creeped out by it, but now I just think it’s your husband being prepared for all possibilities because you can’t keep yourself out of trouble.

 

By the way, there’s a rumor going around that you were fucking a surgeon, fungus expert, and somebody who may or may not be legal in the cave, the entire time. I’m pretty sure the rumor was based on what Pav actually did. You know they always screw up the truth. By the way, there’s a creepy version of the wedding ring story also going around. They’re making your husband sound like a stalker.

 

So does JoJo have one less Ashley to deal with? Is that getting better? I should write her too, but I’m exhausted from finals prep, the parenting crash course, and moving. I now have my young child CPR certification which is apparently completely different than the one they make you get freshman year.

 

Yes, Winona is making friends as well as reconnecting with old ones. She is best friends with Ben, Mister Sulu’s boyfriend and Sue’s new BFF. She’s hanging out with Nhi and Rodriguez a lot. She’s also really friendly with my girlfriend’s mom. I’ve known that they’ve known each other since Tarsus, but I didn’t know that they talk to each other. Brunch today was weird, but entertaining. I think they may be planning our wedding already. Which is weird because that is so not happening until we are at least both older than 25.

 

Actually, I think mom, Liz’s mom, Admiral Pike and Ben are going to form some sort of new Starfleet widow’s club. She kind of bonded with Ben at the amusement park and they’ve been hanging out ever since. She’s also providing him with strategies to deal with in-laws that are awful to him after their son dies. Apparently, she had a lot of experience with this. How bad were your grandparents to her when you were growing up?

 

Hey, I’m sorry I forgot to include pictures from Princess land last time, but here they are. If you’re mostly doing milk runs then you’re going to need something that will cheer you up. Babies cheer everyone up. Of course, if you’re doing mostly milk runs then you probably won’t be doing stupid stuff.  

 

Good news, we have to move into the new apartment. And yes officer housing is so much nicer than cadet housing. Bad news the apartment next-door to us is Liz’s mom. Now we’re not normally in the place where the head of Starfleet would live (except for Marcus who had his own mansion), but that’s because Chan really doesn’t want to pull that many strings. This just looks a little strange, but Liz is the permanent guardian of the daughter of a Lieutenant Commander and the first officer of the USS Hamilton, so I think people are letting it slide just a little bit. Besides, what’s the worst they’re going to do, gossip about us? If we don’t give them something to talk about, they’ll make it up anyway like your cave.

 

I’m looking forward to Yorktown even though I’m going to have to start packing soon. See, I should’ve put my stuff in suitcases, but I just threw everything into trash bags because I’m an idiot. I’m sure it can wait until after finals. Oh, did I let you know that I had to take everything within the first two days of finals week because on the third day we’re going to have to hop a shuttle to Yorktown. This is not going to be fun. I’m already working on my finals essays. Do you think I would get in trouble for including details about what really happened on Tarsus?

 

Anyway, this may be my last letter before Yorktown. I may only come up for food and quality time with Desi during the next two weeks. Seriously how did you do this while taking an accelerated class load?

 

 Xxxxxxx

From: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

 

To: Kevin KR

 

Time arrived: 5/24/2260 00:00:01

Subject: Re: The Starfleet rumor mill is faster than your letters

 

Bones. However, I was taking an accelerated class load, but not raising a small child. I feel like that’s probably worse. Only because I heard Desi likes to throw things. I assume that you’re going through a bit of a transition phase right now with Sue being around.

 

So by now you’ve probably got the official papers, especially if you’ve already moved into the new apartment. Congratulations on your one year old. I think you’ll do fine. It can’t be harder than multiple teenagers or Winona.

 

JoJo is doing great. I think the three cases of Oreo cookies have helped. I also think that she will understand if you don’t write to her for a while. Besides she’s getting ready for exams. Poor Starfleet kids. They have year-round school. But hey, JoJo will probably be done with the high school curriculum by the time she’s 15 and start the remote Starfleet training course. She’s leaning towards medical, but after hanging out with Shawn and Alexis last fall as well as quality time with the ship’s legal team, she’s starting to warm up to the law. Oh, the irony.

 

I’m not surprised that you were upset due to me getting stranded on a strange planet for a few days. Mom mentioned as much. I’m glad you calmed down before you wrote me. Actually, I’m glad that you wrote me before Yorktown. I thought we would’ve ended up having it out there. I’m sorry you were worried, but hey, I didn’t get a scratch on me. All my wounds were emotional. It was like being back at the Academy.

 

I am sorry you must listen to such ridiculous rumors, but thankfully you know they’re not true. We played a lot of cards because Spock believed in preparing for boredom. Or maybe my husband just knows me way too well.

 

Because of what happened, Spock bear has been extra clingy for the last two weeks. I have a feeling I probably won’t be going on an away mission by myself till at least December, possibly longer. If we did not have the bond. Spock probably would’ve had a total meltdown, which would have been just bad for everybody involved.  

 

You would think the milk runs would be boring, but no not really. Of course, this was because two different dignitaries tried to fuck my husband. One of which had really grabby hands. Maybe the ridiculous rumors are why they thought they had a chance. Don’t worry no diplomatic incidents happened.

 

OK one tiny incident happened, but it was resolved quickly. Spock almost nerve pinched somebody the second time it happened, but we handled it. You know, mostly by making out in front of the other people.

 

Yes JoJo is still going to have to deal with three Ashleys, but I think there was a breakthrough in therapy so maybe Ashley 3 will be less awful. One can hope. Fingers crossed that familial relationships stay well and Ashley doesn’t find out about her mother figure hooking up with a 19-year-old that she totally has a crush on. Seriously, he’s only 4 1/2 years older than her niece. That is all kinds of awkward. I am so glad mom never dated anyone my age.

 

Also, I just realized you’re older than Pavlov by a couple of weeks. That’s so weird especially with you still at the Academy and he’s been on my ship for two years. But in the long run, I think it’s better that you had the full Starfleet Academy experience and did things at a more normal speed. There hasn’t been a lot in your life that has been normal, so enjoy this bit of normalcy before you have to completely join the adult world. Oh wait, you’re raising a one-year-old, never mind.

 

Good news I have a teacher. She’s Sue’s friend, Gina Reyes. Have you met her? Is there something wrong or is she just being really benevolent? She had known what’s really going on this ship. Sulu tells his baby’s mama too much.

 

The grandparents were horrible to mom and to me for that matter. Sam was their favorite. So obviously, you understand why we were no longer on speaking terms with that side of the family after you came to live with us. My earliest memory is Nana making me cry as she cursed me on my birthday. She blames me for her son being dead. She actually told me that, more than once. So I hope that baby K never had to deal with that, no child should.

 

I’m okay if I don’t hear from you again because you might already be on your way here by the time this reaches you. If I don’t get a chance to speak with you again before then; happy studying, get good grades and we will definitely try to do some fun things while you’re here. You can tell me all the joys of taking care of small children. So is it easier or harder than Winona sitting? I’m still trying to decide. Although the picture of Desi going headfirst into a plate of French toast at your Mother’s Day brunch makes me think worse. Is she actually covered in blueberry syrup? I wonder if that stained the couch. I think I’m sticking with teenagers. Less messy.

 

They are starting to behave, themselves a little. Mostly. Nobody’s tried to break into engineering for alcohol since we were rescued from the planet. I take my victories where I can.

To be continued


	48. Day 95: Catching up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all absolutely wonderful

From: Kevin KR  
To: kitten_loverJJMU  
Time arrived: 5/26/2260 00:00:01  
Subject: Sorry, it’s been so long

Hey Jo Jo. 

Sorry I haven’t written for a while. I’m sure you know by now that I have joint custody of baby Sulu. She’s still adorable, but mobile. She’s an expert crawler and really starting to walk. Baby proofing the new apartment was necessary. In addition, finals prep and moving into my new apartment with Liz. I hate moving. Moving with an 11-month-old is the worst. I don’t know how she has so many toys. We packed like four boxes of just toys. It is probably because she spoiled, but adorable. 

The new apartment is nice, two bedrooms with all the amenities. Although Liz’s mom lives next door. She pops over a lot. Your new grandma also lives in the building. We ran into her in the elevator a lot. And we may have had to correct her on the fact that Nyota is your adopted mom, not your stepmom. The stepmom thing would be highly inaccurate anyway since they are not legally married yet. When are they going to make it legal? It’s like they’re married, except no marriage license or contract.

Final exams are final exams awful and soul crushing and I’m not even taking them for another week. All it been doing is studying and writing my term paper for my Starfleet history class which is mentally draining on its own. I probably should have explained to my professor why I shouldn’t write a paper on analyzing what went wrong during the Tarsus catastrophe, but my therapist says it’s better to confront the past, then run away from it. It was totally random anyway. It’s not like she would’ve known. The only people who now are people that I’ve told like you. 

The cuddle breaks with Desi have been helping but I’m still counting down the days until it’s all over with. Of course the last 24 hours are going to be the worst because I’m going to have to take all my exams within the first two days because of coming to see you and Jim. We’re taking Starfleet transport. So we have to leave when they tell us, and that means condensed finals. Although I wouldn’t be surprised if I slept the entire ride to Yorktown. I feel like I’m living on two hours of sleep a night. I’m so glad Desi is almost a toddler and sleeps through the night.

Despite that, I am looking forward to Yorktown. It’s supposed to be the future diplomatic hub the Federation. Almost every member state of the Federation and a few ally planets will also have embassies and a few will be opening while were up there. I’m excited. 

I’m also happy that we will be able to hang out in person. I miss our movie nights. Don’t worry, I’m bringing the good junk food. We have to do one while wearing Yorktown. I need a break from my brother and mom anyway. Those two can be intense. Also slightly annoyed with big Brothers weird reckless behavior. Although maybe that’s because were getting closer to the anniversary of when he died. Seriously. Now these messages are taking like days to get here and I got those suckers the next day. I have a lot of baggage. You’re aware.

It’s obvious I’m afraid of losing him. Did anybody tell you how I acted when my brother was getting married. I was kind of like Desi with for toys. You watch your entire family be killed in front of you and you end up with issues. It’s to be expected. You think that you’ve dealt with that fear and then you realize that you haven’t. There’s this old rock/hip-hop song that Jim used to play that said grief was something that you deal with over and over again. I think that was the title. But it’s true. Over time it will happen less often but it will still keep happening. I’m pretty resigned to the fact I’m probably never going to get out of therapy.

So how is life on the USS Enterprise, right now? Do you have to do finals? Sue’s friend Gina is going to be your new teacher next semester. She’s cool. She brings Desi the best toys. Sorry that there’s no breaks, but hey you’ll be out of high school sooner. That’s always a good thing.

Anyway, write back when you have a chance.

Xxxx  
From: kitten_loverJJMU   
To: Kevin KR   
Time sent: 5/26/2260 12:23:01  
Subject: Re: Sorry, it’s been so long

Don’t apologize. I understand. You’re still writing me more than any of my old friends. We been here for more than three months and still not one letter.

Yes, I have finals. I would think that junior high finals are not as bad as Starfleet finals, but I wonder about that. It’s definitely harder than what I had in Georgia. I think because our teacher is leaving she’s being extra hard on us. It’s like she’s punishing us for making her quit, which is not fair to me because I was actually good to her.  
I have to do three papers, one for English, one for history, and one for xeno-cultural studies. Uncle, Spock is helping me but I think talking about old Vulcan is probably just as hard as you writing about Tarsus. I’m trying to do as much of the research on my own as I can, but there’s a lot of stuff he knows that’s not in the books. 

I know that song. Uncle Jim gave me the whole album, the parts of the album that have survived to this day, anyway. Uncle Jim always complains about how much music was lost before first contact. His therapist gave it to him after Sam died. He said it helped him, so maybe it would help me. It did a little.

I’m still working through things. Mother’s Day went okay. Even though I sent mommy Nyota’s mom present without actually telling her first. Uncle Scotty helped. She wasn’t happy when she found out, but I want my mom to have a good relationship with her mom. At least she still around to fix things. Although after I explained that to mommy Nyota that she just hugged me and cried a lot.

I tried not to think about my biological mom, but it didn’t work. I don’t know how I’m going to deal with the anniversary. We are supposed to be back exploring by that point. I saw what the Ashley’s went through a couple of weeks ago and I’m worried. I’m always going to be dealing with it, right?

I’m looking forward to seeing you guys too. I’m starting to make friends with Ashley 2 and J, but it’s not the same. Also, sometimes I think there with me for the contraband snackfood. I should probably send a thank you email to my aunt for the vast quantity of orioles. The real things are always better than the replicated version. Jeremy is still an asshole. Everybody is hoping that his mom gets transferred but Uncles Jim and Spock can’t do that without a good reason, and they have yet to find one. 

I don’t think mom Nyota and dad will ever going to get married. Mom Nyota says that they’re both committed to me and that’s more important than a marriage license. Although I would be okay with the wedding. I want to be a flower girl. I’m still mad other mom wouldn’t let me go to your brother’s wedding. I’m still mad at her for a lot of things. She’s dead. Why am I still mad? I should focus my anger on the aunt that didn’t do anything but I’m not sure if that’s any better. I probably should go talk to Margarita. Or work in my therapy Journal. I’m on book number two now.

Anyway, I need to stop this letter so I can actually eat lunch before I have to be back in class. We are doing a final review for the other courses that I have to take tests for. I just try to remind myself that I’m going to be done early. That’s the only thing that helps me get through some days.  
To be continued


	49. Day 99: Now On Our Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last set of emails. You are all absolutely lovely.

 

 

From: Mommy_Susan

To: SuluHG2260

Time arrived: 5/31/2260 00:00:01

Subject: We will be there soon.

 

I have a feeling that by the time you read this, I may be halfway to Yorktown or reading it over your shoulder. Being a lifelong Starfleet Brat, neither scenario surprises me. But right now, I am three days out from leaving, and typing this email out after unsuccessfully trying to sleep on my sister’s couch in her new Starfleet apartment. I’m pretty sure this place is nicer than where we lived when I was a kid. Of course, none of my parents were ever higher than a captain. Mom has really come up in the Starfleet world.

 

And this is not even the apartment she is entitled to have as the head of Starfleet. It’s just a regular admiral’s apartment. Pike is just down the hall and Rodriguez is two floors down. Nyota’s mom is also a floor below. I may have been coerced into bringing some gifts for her daughter and grandchild. I think Liz and Kevin may have got the adoption point across to her. Although maybe it was mom. Anyone who doesn’t think Liz is mom’s baby girl can seriously get fucked.

 

Good news, mom is not totally freaking out about Liz and Kevin sharing a room without a wedding ring or marriage contract. It’s progress. Although she is kind of driving us crazy with preparing for me going back into space and being Desi’s new mommy.

 

Yes, I am freaking out about leaving my child behind for a year. Why am I doing this? I’m sure all the same thoughts were going through your head last February. I pray that Gina will make the Starfleet minors on Enterprise program work so we can bring Desi with us at some point down the road. Fingers crossed. At the same time, I’m kind of sad that Gina won’t be around to help backup Liz, but she has Kevin. He’s not going anywhere, but well, his mom is… Yeah, I can’t think of a better word than problematic. We couldn’t have champagne at my Mother’s Day brunch because of her. She’s trying. But I’m worried that he might be distracted with her. Especially if she falls off the wagon.

 

So you should know Gina is lovely and I totally expect you to watch her back while she is on ship. Also I expect you to keep your teenage BFF away from her. I don’t know why you’re still friends with him either, but it’s probably the weird nature of Starfleet.

 

Also, maybe I have a different expectation of how a 19-year-old is supposed to act. Liz and Kevin are weird because of tragedy and growing up way too fast. Pav is probably a perfectly well-adjusted 19-year-old which totally explains why he went for the “oh my God, we’re going to die” sex. I really can’t say anything because I’ve done it too. Why do you think that emergency kits contain prophylactics? Everyone will get stranded on a planet at least once during their Starfleet career, especially in your command.

 

Okay boyfriend update, because the man is probably too busy at work and with legal proceedings to update you. His former in-laws are still awful people. I know their son died in Starfleet. I know their son died because of bad decisions and traps created by [redacted]. But that does not give them the right to take out their grief and frustration on their son’s widow. Ben does not deserve their shit. He’s the kindest, gentlest man I’ve ever met. He is a wonderful father. He loves baby K to pieces. Yes I said that during my deposition today or rather yesterday since it’s after midnight here now.

 

So good news, Ben and baby K will be going with us to Yorktown. Bad news, that when he gets back, there’s going to be another hearing or possibly arbitration. It depends on what the judge decides tomorrow. Although their bigotry is showing so Shawn thinks that it’s going to be done quickly, regardless. We shall see.

 

I have my going away party tomorrow. The first will be the traditional Starfleet teachers’ party with cookie cake and soda after I administer my final exam later this morning. Afterwards is the real party with vast amounts of alcohol and stories that I want to forget will happen at whatever bar they choose. And you know when alcohol is involved lips will get really loose, not that they actually need the liquor. So good news, everyone at work thinks my ex-boyfriend is an asshole and I got so lucky that you ended up being the father of my child. Yes, they all know about the three-way and excruciatingly embarrassing details.

 

Did I tell you that I had my ex-boyfriend’s sister in class? Yes, the one that ran my sister and Kevin Kirk out of the dorms. Yeah, I’m glad the semester is over with. Did I mention that on the last day of class, she told everybody how Desi got here? Barnett wants to suspend her for a semester, but mom thinks it would look bad. I think she’s going to flunk out of the Academy all on her own anyway. I’m glad I must leave for the Hamilton early, so I don’t have to grade her exam. Her writing is just that bad.

 

Anyway, I’m going to cut this short because I need to sleep. I have exams to give in the morning.

 

Anyway, if I don’t write to you before Yorktown, know that me and the baby miss you and love you to pieces and we’re excited to spend some time together.

 

PS: Yes, I’m bringing you more snacks and fencing equipment for the new Enterprise Junior fencing club. Actually Starfleet is paying for the extra fencing equipment because you’re keeping the kids docile. Mom is all for that. No one wants the Starfleet minors program to work more than her.

Xxx.

From: Mommy_Susan

To: SuluHG2260

Time arrived: 5/31/2260 06:21:01

Subject: Re: We will be there soon.

I’m also excited to see you, the boyfriend, and the kids. Yes, this did take forever to get here. We are currently making our way to Yorktown as we play diplomatic fairy. The ship is also now full of future Yorktown crewmembers. Some of us with private rooms are doubling up to make space. Sleeping on Scotty’s couch is not where I thought I would be, but it beats the alternative.

 

Allegedly, we are only a few days out from Yorktown and should get there the day before Desi’s b-day, but it’s probably going to take us longer than that. We have to pick up one more diplomatic team tomorrow and that probably will go badly.

 

I’m glad that Gina is coming. Okay, I’m glad we are just getting another teacher because I also want the program to work so we can live with Desi at some point in the future. It’s so hard to be away from her. But what we do in Starfleet is for the greater good. There wouldn’t be an Earth right now if it wasn’t for Jim. I wish there was still a Vulcan, but we tried. At least our actions allowed more to evacuate.

 

I just kind of want to hug my boyfriend really badly. I’m glad that the judge is going to let me do that. Although I wish they would’ve totally settled things before the trip, but I guess the judge is taking his time. I wrote Ben a few days ago, but I haven’t heard anything back. He’s probably just busy with the former in-laws and thankfully packing.

 

For the record, no one who graduated Starfleet Academy at 17 is well-adjusted. You won’t have to worry about Pav coming onto Gina because he has a girlfriend. They’re casual, and usually only hooking up when Ashley three is in fencing practice, but maybe there’s something there. Of course it could totally fall apart. Because again he’s 19 and Sanchez is 36. That’s a big age difference.

 

It’s highly probable this is just a physical relationship. Her niece has no clue what’s going on. That’s a bad sign. Now that I’m dating with children, I know that your children only know once it become something serious.

 

Thank your mom for sending more equipment for fencing and other activities. I think we’re making progress. All of the Ashleys are now joining in on the lessons. So it’s basically everybody but Jeremy. If things keep improving, when Gina gets here, we might get another four students for the pilot. I’m trying to decide if that’s good or bad thing. It probably depends on if they’re not like Jeremy. We shall see.

 

Yes, I’m excited to see everyone and to spend some time together. I’m just thankful that I’m not the missing the baby’s first birthday.

 

BTW, Jim has decided he is throwing the baby a birthday party and I can’t talk him out of it. Spock can’t either. I think this might be his way of dealing with his own birthday related trauma. I also think that he doesn’t want to associate Desi with the terrible things that happened to him as a child. I’m sure Kevin probably has stories. I’m just starting to realize how much baggage Jim has.

 

One last thing, could you be the most wonderful person in the universe and look in those packages that Nyota’s mom gave you to give to her and Josephine. Nyota has a really complicated relationship with her mom. They’ve emailed each other a couple of times since we’ve been here, but it’s tense. Josephine sent her mom a cookie bouquet on Nyota’s behalf for Mother’s Day because she wants the two to have a better relationship. Nyota wasn’t happy with that but appreciated the gesture in the end. Maybe that’s what’s triggering the presents.

 

I totally agree that there is probably a 50-50 chance that I will be reading this message over your shoulder, but all the same, give the babies a cuddle for me. Miss you all and I can’t wait until we get to spend some time together.

To be continued


	50. Day 101: Yorktown here we come

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all fabulous. We are getting closer and closer to Yorktown and Demora day.
> 
>  
> 
> I realized that I was accidentally using the day Jim died instead of the day Chris died when I was planning the dates for these chapters. Thankfully, I caught it in time and I took a big jump of a few days, in another chapter so I could correct things. So, baby Demora’s birthday is June 4, 2259 and Chris died on June 5, 2259. Jim died on June 9, 2259 and was revived shortly thereafter. I really should’ve made a chart beforehand.
> 
>  
> 
> Other continuity mistakes I’ve made that I’ve recently discovered such as including a June 31 and forgetting that I gave Sulu nieces. Now the children are his sister’s stepchildren that he still considers nieces unless that messes up something else I said. Also, Jim and Spock’s wedding anniversary is now June 30. This is what happens when you write a story for eight years.

 

 

 

From: Benjamin_2254

To: SuluHG2260

Subject: So good news, the judge took my side.

Time arrived: 6/02/2260 00:00:01

Hey, sweetie!

 

 I’m on my way to you. We are in the car making our way to Starfleet right now to board the ship that will take us there. This is the first time I’ve been on a Starfleet ship. Zach never took me, not even to show off where he would be stationed. I guess I will have to get used to it. Your daughter being the granddaughter of the head of Starfleet does have some perks. I’m nervous and happy. Happy because I’m going to get to see you soon and because the judge is letting the trip take place at all, but I am nervous because I really don’t like flying. I think I’m going to have to be drugged.

 

Unfortunately, the decision to let us come visit you is just a temporary reprieve. The unwelcome news is that I will still be battling them for custody when we get back. The judge wants us to try arbitration first. I don’t know how that’s going to work because they want complete control over my daughter’s life as well as mine.

 

I’m kind of jealous of how you and Sue can just work so seamlessly with each other. Even your families get along and are somewhat supportive of her decisions and choices. They’re not trying to make her feel like the bad guy.

 

Zach’s parents never liked me. I know I’ve told you this, but it feels like it’s gotten worse and I don’t think it’s just because I put my baby in Starfleet daycare. I’m willing to try arbitration, but I’m not sure what it’s going to accomplish. You can’t reason with people who don’t want to be reasoned with or compromise for that matter. 

 

I’m going to try not to think about it until July. So, I’m just going to enjoy these couple of weeks with the kids and later with you. There is no point over stressing about something that I can’t fix right now.      

 

I am really looking forward to seeing you soon. I have made babysitting arrangements for our first night together. Have I mentioned how much I absolutely adore your baby’s mom? Sue really was the best person ever for you to have accidentally got pregnant during a three-way.

xxxx

From: Number_one_Pike

 

To: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

 

Time arrived: 06/02/2260 00:00:01

 

Subject: I’m okay-ish

Don’t cry for me, James. I’m OK-ish.  I am sad that I’m not getting to see you for a while, but I do have plans. I will not wallow more than necessary. I must dedicate the Memorial with Chen. Then we’re doing a spa day. Yes, she is sad that she’s going to miss her granddaughter’s first birthday and seeing her daughter off to the Hamilton but it’s hard to get a day off when you oversee the organization.

 

I miss my husband. Chris was the love of my life. I don’t think I’m never not going to miss him, but at least we had some beautiful years together. I am always going to treasure what we had, not wallow in the regrets of what didn’t happen.

 

So yes, I’m sad. I’m going to try to think of all the good things like the silly emails he would send me when he was away. The way he hid chocolates everywhere. I’m not sure I have found all the hiding places. There would also be these little notes on post-its. Okay, I’m crying right now, but I’m processing.

 

Some days I’m sad and some days I’m mad. Some days I want to throw things and some days I forget that he’s not with me anymore. And I keep saying goodbye again and again and again. I can’t stay trapped in that grief. I must keep pushing forward, even if some days I am barely holding it together. I try to focus on the good because Chris was the type of person that would always see the good in people. He always knew you would do important things. He believed in you and he was right.

 

I think the best way to move forward is to honor Chris’s memory. To try to be that good that he saw in us every day. We must hold on to our good memories of Chris, even though I kind of sort of want to cry a lot somedays. Next year, I’m figuring out a way not to have to participate in any Starfleet sanctioned Memorial events. This is going to all be awful, but I’m a big damn girl. So, I will do what I must.

 

Don’t worry about me because again I’ll get through it. Focus on baby D’s party and spending time with your mom and brother.  (I really hope the fact that you’re getting closer to Yorktown means you will get this message sooner.) Winona is really looking forward to this visit. She misses you a lot. I think it will be good to see you in all your Starfleet co-captain glory.

 

She’s doing good here in San Francisco. Honestly, this is the best I’ve seen her in years. I think it helps that she is close to Kevin, but also away from the ghosts of Iowa. Here in San Francisco, I feel like she can focus on her own recovery and that’s been happening. Now she’s looking for other things to fill her days.

 

We’ve been talking a lot, especially with a certain anniversary coming up soon about starting an actual support group for Starfleet widows. We’ve been calling ourselves the Starfleet Widows Club for a while, but after some conversations that I’ve been having with Ben, Winona, and Chen, I feel like there needs to be an actual support group. Even though we’ve all become members of this club for several reasons, there’s still this sisterhood among us and other people need that as well.

 

No, Jim, I’m not going to try to come up with a gender-neutral term for that. Get over it. Those three understand more of what I’m feeling, then pretty much any of my other friends and I feel like other people need that as well. If I’m going to be a leader in this organization, I might as well do something useful. Maybe that’s what I’ll try to focus on over these next few days. It’s more productive than crying right?

 

I feel like I’m making it up as I go along, but I’ll find my own path.

 

Anyway, send me pictures of the party and of anything else fun you do. I expect a full report.

Xxxx

From: SuluHG2260

 

To: Benjamin_2254

 

Subject: Re: So good news, the judge took my side.

Time sent: 06/02/2260 05:45:01

Okay, we are going to be spending a lot of time just de-stressing you as well as celebrating. I wonder if I can arrange for a massage? I think the station is pretty bare-bones right now, but I will make sure you have a good day. Thank you for arranging for the babysitters ahead of time. We will take advantage of that at night, at least. I do want to spend some time with the girls, but you need me to.

 

I am still sorry about the in-laws. Is it mean for me to say I think you’re going to get an upgrade this time around? I’m confident you are, but that may not be saying much. I’m just sorry that you must deal with all of this because you shouldn’t need to. You guys should be mutually supporting each other. I’m sorry you don’t have that.

 

So, we are only about a day out from Yorktown with a ship full of stuff and way too many people. For all I know I could beat this letter, but since you’re on your way, maybe it won’t. You might already be there. I’m glad you’re coming, and I can’t wait to spend time with you.

 

Love you and just keep positive thoughts. Everything I’ve heard about Shawn has pointed to the fact that he is a legal pit bull. You are in good hands.

xxxx

From: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

 

To: Number_one_Pike

 

Time arrived: 06/02/2260 21:19:01

 

Subject: Re: I’m okay-ish

 

Okay now you have me digging for my collection for that song again. Honestly, I think we all are making it up as we go along. Grief is not linear. Margarita reiterated that point.

I think a spa day is a clever idea for you after the official Memorial dedication. Not such a great idea, but I think you’ll do better than mom ever did. Please just stay away from the complimentary champagne. That was always Winona’s undoing. That’s also how I ended up meeting Admiral Barnett’s wife as a baby before they were even together. She may have changed my diaper when Winona was way too wasted to do so.

 

I completely endorse the idea of the Starfleet’s widow club/support group. I think it’s a clever idea. If you get it off the ground, I will sponsor a chapter here, if I never become a member. Spock is mine forever and ever.

 

I’m also dreading the anniversary as we get closer. I never had a dad until Chris. Winona did her best, but she was already an alcoholic before Tarsus and then after losing Sam, I think Kevin is the only reason why she didn’t succumb to alcohol poisoning long ago. So, support is good and I’m glad you have Chen and mom and even Sulu’s boyfriend. You’re right. Other people need that to. So, go forth and sponsor an actual organization.

 

Okay, I am willing to acknowledge that maybe I am planning a birthday party for a one-year-old to totally distract myself from what that day really means as well as the fact only a few days later will be the only anniversary of my death. Yes, I am totally screwed up. I am very aware of that.

 

I almost died a year ago. That’s something that I’m still trying to process. There’s a lot of guilt tied up with the fact that I’m still here and other people I love are not. That’s something that I’m going to probably be processing for a long time. Margarita and Spock are trying to help me deal, but I’m still asking myself the questions. Why am I the one still here? Why wasn’t I on Tarsus? Why was Chris the target? Why was Admiral Marcus so hell bent on war with the Klingons? Why was I his target? Those questions I ask myself repeatedly and I don’t know the answer of why and I don’t think I’ll ever know the answer to why. Is there an answer? I’m not sure.

 

Margarita says self-care is important. This is probably why she’s arranged for me to have sessions while she’s technically on vacation. I have one the day after the birthday party and one on my survivor day. That’s how she wants me to think of it. She’s a good therapist. We need like three more.

 

Really between Vulcan and San Francisco, I think half my crew has PTSD. Okay, maybe more support groups. It’s an option. I’ll talk to snookums about it, but not during sex because apparently, I’m not supposed to talk about important things when one of us is in the other. Although, if we don’t talk about important things during sex, then we will never have sex because this job is exhausting and really a 24-hour affair. Being married to your boss is just hard. Although, being married to your subordinate was also hard, although technically that never happened because I was “demoted” before the wedding. This is also confusing.

 

Anyway, I know you’re going to get this after the party, but I promise I will send you pictures and video. I’m looking forward to spending time with my little niece. She’s so cute. Babies make everything less awkward. I hope so anyway.

To be continued


	51. Day 102: Welcome to Yorktown, please excuse the mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are absolutely lovely.
> 
> So a few notes before we get on to today’s conversation. We are now at Yorktown, at least some of our people are. Because of that, our storytelling format will adjust and we are going to be closer in style to the day zero prologue. Some of the chapters may even be longer than usual. We also are going to have back to back day chapters until we leave Yorktown. It’s so much easier to get quick responses when you’re at the same place.  
> Also remember this is day 102 and not 900 and something. So rest easy that some things will not come to pass, just yet, anyway. Will they come to pass, I will not tell.

Ling-ChenSX: OK I thought I would try Starfleet instant messaging you because I think you might be in range or will be soon. I heard Enterprise is supposed to be docking within the next two hours. Also, I’m sure you keep your PADD on you, mostly to look at baby videos during the dull moments.

Me: Actually an hour. I think Scotty did something in the engine room. Although maybe he just went in to get all those extra engineers out of his sanctuary. It’s too crowded.

Ling-ChenSX: I figured it would be.

Me: Is the Hamilton already there?

Ling-ChenSX: Yes, it arrived a couple of days ago. It arrived earlier than planned due to an incident with some rogue Klingons, but the repairs have been done and we should be leaving on schedule.

Me: Do I want to know?

Ling-ChenSX: No. It’s too classified for me to tell you anyway. My captain was glad that I am back. The person who substituted for me during the maternity leave is not. 

Me: How not happy?

Ling-ChenSX: He called me a slut in Mandarin. Apparently, I’m only getting the job that should be his permanently because my mom is in charge of Starfleet. Either that or I’m fucking the Captain.

Me: That’s absolute bullshit. You don’t even go by your mom’s last name professionally. You shouldn’t have to deal with jealous assholes. 

Ling-ChenSX: Jealous, insecure people are most of my acquaintances. Although, at least it’s better than when I was accused of getting where I am on my back.  
Me: Jim deals with the same rumors.

Ling-ChenSX: I’m not even surprised. Everybody settling in? 

Ling-ChenSX: Yes. We are all in the same building even though your boyfriend should be in civilian housing. But I guess since he’s your boyfriend, they probably realize that you guys could easily share a family room. It saves space especially because half of the apartments are still being furnished. I’m pretty sure they just replicated the couches in my room about five minutes before we got there. Actually, I think we passed it being brought up in the hallway. 

Me: That makes sense. They only finished the main construction, I think about four months ago. Maybe?

Ling-ChenSX: I think so. The place probably won’t be really complete for another year, but the more personnel they can move in, the faster things will go. The Hamilton dropped off a bunch of people too. 

Me: How is my boyfriend doing? Did he get sick on the flight here? I know he has a history of motion sickness and hates flying and that was before what happened to his first husband.

Ling-ChenSX: Your boyfriend is doing well and ridiculously excited to see you. You are one lucky boy. I think he brought handcuffs and toys.

Me: I hope your mom doesn’t read that.

Ling-ChenSX: If she reads that sentence, then she deserves whatever she gets. 

Me: Was the flight okay?

Ling-ChenSX: Good news, your boyfriend didn’t get motion sickness. Bad news, I think my sister got a stomach virus. Fingers crossed, the kids don’t catch it. She has been throwing up a lot. 

Me: You’re sure it’s not morning sickness?

Ling-ChenSX: Mom would kill Kevin and we would never find the body. However, your doctor boyfriend ran a scan, it’s definitely not baby sickness. We haven’t told Kevin that yet. I think I’m going to let him sweat it out for a few days.

Me: You are kind of cruel. 

 

Ling-ChenSX: Not cruel, practical. I didn’t realize that my last boyfriend was a complete asshole until the pregnancy tests came back positive. 

Ling-ChenSX: Has Kevin passed?

Ling-ChenSX: With flying colors. He brought her ginger ale and held her hair back as she threw up.

Me: Good. Speaking of good boyfriends, where is mine right now? Is he somewhere I can message him?

Ling-ChenSX: Unfortunately, no. Your boyfriend is currently looking over the set up for the pediatric clinic. Actually, I have both of the kids right now. We are walking around the pond or the fountain in the center of Yorktown. I don’t know what to call the thing. It is pretty. 

Me: Have the kids managed to dive headfirst into the water?  
Ling-ChenSX: Not yet. Although I’m sure it will happen before we leave.

Me: Probably

Me: Hey I have to go. We are coming out of warp so it’s time for me to park. If I keep texting you, Captain Spock is going to take my communicator away. 

Ling-ChenSX: Totally understandable.

Ling-ChenSX: I sent him a message to leave early so he can meet you at the arrivals area. I assume that you’re going to be on the last batch to leave the ship.  
Xxx  
Yes, he was one of the last people off the ship. He got to watch his captain and his other captain discreetly make out Vulcan style in the transporter room. Thankfully it didn’t make him sad, like usual because he would be seeing his boyfriend any minute. And yes, Sue did get him there. Both of the girls are with him along with Sue, dressed in her uniform. He guessed the maternity leave really is over. 

He quickly runs over. But baby D, who is now walking, ran over to him to wrap an arm around his leg. Or as much as a one-year-old can. He quickly scoops her in his arms and kissed her on the forehead. He feels like he’s going to cry, but he doesn’t because Ben is kissing him on the mouth. He’s pretty sure C was taking video of it. OK he knows she’s taking video of it

“As soon as you’re done feeling up your boyfriend’s tonsils, I expect a hug.” Sue said from beside the couple. “You guys can make out later or do other things when I take the babies to see my new ship this afternoon after my meeting with the Admiral.” At that moment Ben stopped kissing so he could hug Sue.

“I miss you too.

“But not as much is your boyfriend.” He said kissing her cheek.

“You are family too.”  
Xxxx 

Big Brother: OK as much as I absolutely enjoy getting sobbed on by mom and having my leg hugged for dear life, by my favorite baby niece, I was totally expecting you and the girlfriend to greet me.

Big Brother: Or at least be a buffer with mom. I think she may have crushed Spock. Do you know how hard it is to crush a Vulcan? He doesn’t even really bruise with rough sex. Yet my husband now has Mom shaped bruises.

Me: Don’t tell me stuff like that. Otherwise I’m going to be the one throwing up.

Big Brother: Throwing up? 

Me: Liz threw up on my shoes and we had to go change.

Big Brother: If you got her pregnant, we are all so fucked. Mom will kill you and the Admiral will use you know what to bring you back just so she can kill you herself. 

Me: Definitely not pregnant. I am on the shot, Liz is on the patch, and we usually use condoms just for extra precaution because neither one of us wants another kid besides baby D right now.

Big Brother: Are you sure?

Me: Yes. Ben is a pediatrician and he did a scan. No baby, just a stomach virus that’s lasting way too long. Due to a slightly compromised immune system because of her time on the planet of the damned and growing up in space, Liz picked up the virus running around the ship that took us here when none of the rest of us got it, including me. Although I was hoping she would get better by now.

Big Brother: I will see if Bones will make a house call. He has magical hypos.

Me: Good idea. Have him bring Josephine. We have presents from her grandmother and aunt.

Big Brother: Will do. You know, part of me wonders if this is just an excuse to avoid quality mom time.

Me: No, she’s really sick and I just spent a week with mom on the ship. Besides, Liz likes Mom. I’m just not sure how things will be with you, Mom, and the husband.

Big Brother: Okay so far. Nobody’s crying, and Spock did not have to nerve pinch her, so I think we can count this as a win. But it was only like 15 minutes before we turned her over to the Sulu family for lunch. Spock and I have a meeting with the commanders so we’re going to have to have a late lunch, after. This is a working stop for me and Spock pie.

Me: I understand. Sue has the same meeting.

Big Brother: That explains why mom already made plans to eat with the Sulus. 

Me: I think she is best friends with Ben now. Seriously have they become best friends?

Big Brother: Both of them lost their husbands to horribly disturbed Romulans.

Me: Same horribly disturbed Romulan.

Big Brother: Technically, you’re not supposed to know that. Dinner tonight?

Me: That works. Sue wants to spend as much time with the kids as possible before leaving on the Hamilton and I can’t subject small children to our family dinners.

Big Brother: That’s wise.

Me: Oh Liz wanted to tell you that she did bring all the stuff for tomorrow’s b-day celebration.

Big Brother: Including the enterprise Pinata?

Me: She brought 2. The kid’s version and made a bachelorette party version filled with condoms. 

Big Brother: I absolutely love your girlfriend. She’s like the best.

Me: She is mine. You have your Vulcan.

Big Brother: It’s possible. And now he’s glaring at me. I have to go. We will see you at dinner tonight. 

Me: We will be there. I will also make sure that most of the dishes contains chocolate because even though we can’t drink because it would trigger mom, I think it would help everyone if your husband is sufficiently tipsy.

Big Brother: Spock says thank you.  
To be continued.


	52. Day 103: B-Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all absolutely lovely. So a reminder that while we are at Yorktown there will probably be at least one chapter per day. There’s just a lot of stuff going on especially because Yorktown coincides with the one-year anniversary of the events of Star Trek Into Darkness in this universe. We have a lot of baggage to unpack.

 

 

From: mental_health_help_desk_Suarez

To: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

Subject: Just Checking in

Time arrived: 6/04/2260 00:00:01

 

OK, so if I calculated things correctly, you should be getting this letter on the day after baby Sulu’s first birthday also known as the day your father figure was killed. I thought you could use all the encouragement you can get today.

 

I know these anniversaries are rough especially the first one. As you know from way too much experience, the first one is always the worst. It’s part of the reason why I know I have to reach out today. And not just to you, but also to Nhi, so don’t worry she’s getting her own letter and possibly a chocolate bouquet. I feel like it’s my requirement as a fellow member of the widows club. I really wish they would deliver those to this planet.

 

I also understand things from your perspective. Not only have I lost a spouse, I have lost a parental substitute and mentor. I didn’t have the best family life. I didn’t even know that family could be somewhat functional until I got married and then I ended up inheriting a bunch of nieces, several of them who wanted to be therapist. I don’t get it either, but here we are.

 

Dr. Matteson believed in me when no one else did. She helped me stay in school when I felt like I couldn’t make it. She even made sure I wasn’t living on a Ramen diet. Even as a somewhat utopic society, we still have a little way to go when it comes to food security.  She even helped me get into Starfleet. I cried more when she died then when I lost my mom. I always promised myself I would pay it forward by being like her.

 

So just remember I’m always here for you. It may take me a few days or even a couple of weeks to respond, but I’m always going to be here. I think I told you before that you’re kind of like my kid. Which is totally why I can’t be your therapist anymore, but I’m happy to be one of your mom figures. I think you have a whole village of them.

 

PS: I better get some party pictures. I’ve heard baby Sulu is the cutest from Kevin. He writes, but forgets to send pictures.

Xxxx            

 

Hey McCoy-Uhura family.  

 

It’s so weird writing this on actual paper, but apparently cards are still a thing. Enjoy this care package. I thought you guys could use more goodies. Theoretically, you probably got my last care package less than a month ago, but you can never have enough chocolate unless you’re allergic to the stuff.

 

In addition to the chocolate, cookies and other edibles, I’ve included more art supplies as well as some entertainment chips, including the first 100 years of Marvel comics. I’ve been informed that streaming entertainment doesn’t always work when you’re deep in space. Therefore, entertainment chips are crucial. I also included supplies for arts and crafts such as real paint. The replicator stuff just isn’t the same.  

 

To update you on me, I am still not talking to dad. He has the new trophy wife to keep him warm. Actually, I am thinking of getting the hell out of Georgia. I stayed before to stay close to Jo Jo, but she is now millions of miles away in space. The new therapist thinks it’s a good idea. Yes, I am fully aware I’m kind of a hot mess, but the therapist you suggested is helping. Leonard, thank you for the recommendation.

 

Anyway, shoot me a message when you get a chance.

 

Xxxxx

From: LeonardUM

 

To: Legal Queen of Atlanta

 

Subject: Thank you for the update and the care package

 

Time sent: 6/04/2260 08:34:01

 

I’m sorry I didn’t send a thank you note when we got your last package. We were kind of in the middle of a diplomatic crisis. I really thought interplanetary incidents involving sexual misconduct wouldn’t happen once Spock was in charge. Obviously, I’m an idiot.

 

However, now that I am stuck on this snow globe hanging in the middle of nowhere, I have time to do stuff. I would’ve written yesterday, but I had to make sure that Jim’s brother didn’t accidentally knock up his girlfriend. No just the misfortune of catching some weird space virus on the shuttle here because space is a disease infested cesspool. The entire family would’ve been sick within 24 hours if I didn’t start sticking them with preventative hypos. That would have ruined tonight’s birthday party. Jo Jo is looking forward to it. I am there to make sure Jim doesn’t eat all the cake. He stress eats when he is depressed or under a lot of pressure and well tomorrow is going to be the one year anniversary of the death of his good dad. So I expect a lot of stress eating at today’s birthday party.

 

Jo Jo appreciates the arts and craft stuff. She’s glad you sent more with the shipment. She agrees real paint is better than replicated paint. And yes, streaming entertainment can be sketchy and at least under Marcus, they were cheap with what the ship had in the databanks. The new people are slowly improving things, but they have bigger problems to worry about beyond ship entertainment.

 

 I’m sure she’ll write you when she’s not busy hanging out with her baby best friend. It is just she thinks baby Sulu is the best baby in the world. I think this might be because your sister never let her play with dolls. Sure she had them in her room, but she wasn’t really allowed to play.

 

I think getting out of Georgia might be good for you. Your old man has his hands in too many pots, even though people are starting to see him for the monster that he truly is. Maybe a fresh start will do you good. I hated leaving Jo Jo behind, but I think going into Starfleet saved me. Not just financially, but emotionally. I think I would’ve drowned in the bottle otherwise. Jim’s experiences with his alcoholic mom helped me keep things in perspective.

 

I’m also happy to hear that you’re talking to somebody, especially with the anniversary fast approaching. I hope you’re able to find peace. We all have our ghosts. Some more than others.

Xx

From: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

To: mental_health_help_desk_Suarez

Subject: Re: Just Checking in

Time sent: 6/04/2260 10:15:54

Actually, your calculations were a little off. Your message arrived the day of baby Sulu’s birthday celebration. I think the fact that I am now on a space station means I’m getting emails a little earlier.

 

Right now I am trying to focus on baby D’s party. They’ve already totally fucked up the cake. It contains strawberries. That means I can’t eat the cake and I really wanted a slice of cake. Part of me thinks Bones did it on purpose, but I know he wouldn’t risk something like that. Thankfully Spock said he would get me a separate cake. At least I found out about the strawberries before I ate it. I hope the baby is not allergic. Bones would be so upset.

 

But everything else is going well. We were able to secure the venue and all the decorations have been replicated. We are doing a Disney princess theme with a focus on Mulan because that’s the baby’s favorite. Also, Spock only thinks I’m slightly crazy, but he understands how ridiculously important this is all to me. He is well aware of my birthday issues. Thanks, grandma.

 

I had dinner last night with Winona, Kevin, and Liz. I think my mom likes Kevin’s girlfriend better than my husband, but that’s probably because she has known Liz since Tarsus hell. That was a bonding experience. She’s pleasant enough around Spock, but less guarded than last time. Definitely, less openly hostile than before. It probably helps that Winona is really sober. Mom and Kevin have been telling me that for months, but I didn’t believe it until I saw it with my eyes. I’m actually glad that she’s making progress.

 

OK other updates: Yorktown is lovely even if it is still under partial construction. I kind of like the bustle of it. If I ever get tired of starship life, space station life maybe an option. Spock can do science and I can probably do some sort of managerial job. We can figure that out down the road.

 

Maybe I should work on my doctorate again. The teenagers are being less awful and Spock is better at doing captain paperwork than I was so maybe I’ll have time to work on my dissertation. It’s totally an option.

 

Yes, I’m dealing with my birthday blues, but in June apparently. Maybe I should refer to it as my daddy died blues since obviously it’s related to that. I’m sure it will get better tomorrow. Or worse. There’s always alcohol, but I am trying to set an example so mom doesn’t fall off the wagon. You know we are in the danger zone since the anniversary of my death is in five days. That’s going to be really hard to deal with.

 

I got to go. I will email again later. Apparently, Spock is having trouble putting up the pinata. It’s in the shape of Enterprise. The kids are going to love it.

 

PS: Pictures Attached. I will send birthday related ones later.  

 

 

To be continued.


	53. Day 104: Requiem for a Fallen Father Figure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all great and keep me happy in writing.
> 
> Today is a distressing day for Jim in a string of bad days.

 

 

Hey Chris:

It has been exactly 365 days since the grand fuck up conspiracy of the Federation that resulted in us losing you. I understand it really was a conspiracy to install certain people into the higher echelons of Starfleet. I'm still pissed off that I didn't see it. That I didn't see that a wolf was installed on my ship. I'm still angry about that.

Of course, nobody was planning on shore leave hookups and idiotic boyfriends accidentally picking up fertility lube resulting in babies Sulu keeping grandma from being there, but the universe works in mysterious ways sometimes. At least Chen is competent and not evil. Kevin says she makes the best cookies. I don't know when the Admiral has time to make cookies, but apparently, they're excellent. I was supposed to receive a container of them, but they ate them on the way here because Kevin has not worked through all his food issues.

Before I get into the self-flagellation portion of this letter, I should probably give you an update on how life is going. Things are good aboard the USS Enterprise. The worst thing that has happened in the last six months has been me having to watch Spock be sexually harassed by diplomats that we couldn't punch out. Although, I did write a scathing report about how we should value the cultures of others, but harassment should not count as a cultural value. I wonder how that is going to go over with the brass. I think Chen has got out most of the assholes, but you never know.

Although no death or almost death by allergic reaction, I did get stranded on a planet for five days, but that wasn't too horrible. We had food, a deck of cards, and I could at least talk to Spock through the bond. Good news, we can communicate with each other when we are physically miles and miles apart. This could come in handy during emergencies and I feel like we're going to have more. Yes, I had to listen to the sex sounds of my navigator and his special friend for a good portion of it, but it could've been worse.

Otherwise, things are good. I have the best husband in the world. I'm sad we didn't get stranded on a planet together for five days, but it's okay. Spock fed me breakfast in bed this morning. French toast and bacon and you know how he feels about me eating bacon. Yet he brought it to me. He's just the best. He even looks hot as hell in command gold. He is still the hottest walking sex and I am so glad I put a ring on it. 11 months and he is still here. Sometimes, I'm afraid this is all a dream.

I wonder how you would feel about my decision to take a step back and spend some time as Spock's first officer. Would you be disappointed in me? I hear lots of gossip and Spock hears more because Vulcan hearing is evil like that. A lot of people are talking shit about what happened. Apparently, I'm a reckless alcoholic just like mom and that's why I lost my job and the only reason why I'm still in Starfleet at all is because they feel sorry for my husband. So not much has changed since the rumors about me fucking my way into and through the Academy.

You know I don't give a fuck about them. Okay, I do, or at least Margarita says that I do, but not many fucks. I always cared about what you thought of me though. You were one of the few. Sometimes I wake up at night wondering if you would be disappointed in me for now being subordinate to my husband. I mean, you never took a step back so Nhi could have the reins, but I did. I never saw that as a step back because Spock and I are a team. We make decisions together. We plan together. That's what we're good at. It's just now, Spock has veto power. I felt it was necessary to give him that power after some of the spectacularly bad choices I made one year ago tomorrow.

According to Margarita, never make life altering choices when you're grieving. Apparently, that includes going after the guy who killed your father figure. It's very easy to fall into the villain trap when you're emotionally distraught. Margarita is wise.

She is one of the many great crew members that Spock and I managed together. We really do share one of the best crews in the galaxy. All smart and capable. Well most of them. We still have a gossip problem, but hey at least nobody has misused their medical privileges and drugged somebody with fertility medication because she is a jealous hateful person. Okay, we had a lot of wolfs in the henhouse last time around. This is how I learned the importance of vetting my own crew completely.

Our main team are the greatest. Bones has really whipped the med team into shape as well as weeded out some of the evil people. I think it helps that his daughter now lives with him and Nyota. She is balancing newfound parenthood and being chief communications officer. I like having Jo Jo on ship. I don't like some of the others on ship, mostly Jeremy, but they're growing on me. Except Jeremy he's awful.

Sulu is also stepping up. So, Starfleet doesn't completely trust us because they think we're more loyal to each other than Starfleet and that is true. So, some first officer functions have been transferred to him and he's doing them admirably. To make up for that fact, I may have planned his daughter's first birthday party yesterday. Partially, because I wanted to stay busy and distracted from today. The other part is to make up for having to be a real first officer. We can't be easy. OK, it's probably a small miracle that he hasn't put in transfer papers yet.

The party went great, except Liz accidentally got the adult piñata because some asshole mixed up the labels. Although, Jo Jo knows that there were condoms and penis suckers inside, the two babies don't. Thank the universe.

I guess I need to stop rambling and get to the hard part. I miss you. Yes, as I said things are good, but I feel like it would've been better if you were here. There are so many times I would have liked to ask you for advice about how to deal with being married to someone you work with or dealing with an emotionally suppressed spouse. I feel like you probably would've had good advice. But I can't and that breaks my heart. I've got through it with Spock, Suarez, your wife, and Dr. Margarita, but I still wish I had you.

I think there still a certain amount of survivor's guilt, anger, and frustration all tied into each other regarding your death that I am still trying to process. I wasn't a participant in the conspiracy, but I didn't see what was going on in my own ship. Maybe I was too unexperienced.

My guilt isn't just about you. Dr. Weston ended up with another child because of the Vengeance crashing into San Francisco, only a year after losing most of her extended family. Nyota most likely miscarried because I sent her into a fight with the Klingons because I couldn't process your death like a fucking adult and I went on a roaring rampage of rage.

Maybe she would've lost the baby anyway but I'm sure what happened didn't help things. She's been dealing with a lot over the last year. Even her parents got divorced, although they were never on the best terms. Things have improved with her and her mother slightly. Yes, Nyota now has Jo Jo but I think she still misses the baby and there is that pesky guilt again. I'm sure practically living at the hospital when Spock and I were in a coma did not help things. So yes, I'm going to blame myself. Margarita says this is what I do.

Rationally, I know you died because of the conspiracy. But inside I feel like it's my fault. I know Spock felt somewhat similar with Amanda. In his mind he believes that if he just got off the planet a little faster or if the transporter room equipment was just a little better than maybe Amanda would still be with us.

So, I played that game a lot today. If I wasn't so emotionally attached to Dr. Suarez, then evil Dr. Cruise would not have been assigned to our ship, then Spock and I totally would've lied about violating the prime directive and we would have gotten away with it without being planet side. Of course, the prevailing theory now is that a certain volcano went off because it was triggered with an outside chemical so that means that somebody was already violating the Prime Directive, but our violation was not evil. It was fixing a previous violation, maybe.

If I chose Dr. Margarita Cruz instead of the other Cruz, we probably wouldn't have been set up to fall. Maybe if I realized what was going on sooner, we could've stopped it from snowballing. Maybe if I pushed you down faster or did anything different that night, then you would still be alive.

But you can't change the past. At best you can create a whole brand-new timeline with the help of you know what. But somewhere in the multi-verse, the consequences of your choices will keep going forward. Also, the new timeline may end up worse. Although hey, I'm married to Spock early this time around.

I wish you were not dead. I wish this was a universe where you survived to see me walk down the aisle and you and the wife eventually gave me a bunch of siblings. I know she was on fertility treatments when you left us behind.

Some days, I'm sad and some days I'm angry. OK most of the time I'm angry. I am also regretful and furious. But that's okay because grief is not linear.

I can't keep focusing on those negative thoughts because that wouldn't honor your memory. I'm trying. I'm really trying to do that with everything I do. I don't know how, but I'm working on it.

OK, I must go because apparently one of the Ashleys just found out that her crush is sleeping with her guardian and getting violent. My job is just weird right now. I'll try to write you again. Maybe around your birthday.

To be continued


	54. Day 105: Figuring out where this will go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last letter. Jim definitely got a lot out. Now, it’s time for a bit of a reprieve, sort of, after the last very heavy chapter.
> 
> I’m sorry I didn’t update last week. I had family visiting and I thought I would have time later in the week to post the chapter but it didn’t work out. I should’ve mentioned it ahead of time, but I really thought I would get it up on Wednesday, at least, but it just didn’t happen.
> 
>  
> 
> Please note that the “me” in the first text message conversation is Sue. The “me” in the second section is Jim.

Baby’s daddy: So I think we may have just gotten engaged to be engaged. I’m not sure.

 

Me: If you are text messaging me at 2:13 AM instead of having engagement sex, I think the answer is no.

 

Baby’s daddy: Unless the conversation took place after sex. We still have refractory periods.

 

Me: Sweetie, I love you almost like a brother except not quite because we had sex, but it’s very late and I am going to have to board a starship in less than six hours and be perky, despite the fact my captain made me deal with his meetings with Perez just so he could get laid. I’m also going to smile at people that think I got my job because of my mom. Can we deal with your existential crisis in the morning?

 

Baby’s daddy: I also have to deal with people who think I got my job because of your mom and the fact that I’m fucking her daughter.

 

Me: Some people have no common sense. No one’s going to reward you for getting her daughter pregnant by accident.

 

Me: I want sleep, so please tell me why are you texting me in the middle of the night. Did he bring out a ring?

 

Baby’s daddy: We were talking about the custody situation and the fact that Zach’s parents hate me without even knowing about Vulcan.

 

Me: How did that become your post sex pillow talk?

 

Baby’s daddy: I have no idea. Did you know how much they hated me? They offered to drop the case if he would just break up with me. Asshole.

 

Me: Yes, because I was there. Ben didn’t want to tell you about how bad things were in an email.

 

Baby’s daddy: Don’t have much option with us. 

 

Me: And if we weren’t coming to see you in a couple of weeks, he would have emailed you, but it worked out.

 

Baby’s daddy: True, but I wish I would’ve known sooner. I hate what they’re doing.

 

Me: So how did the subject of marriage come up?

 

Baby’s daddy: I got angry and then Ben said that he understands why they are worried about me, but not why they hate me when they don’t know me because I could end up being the stepfather to their granddaughter, someday. I personally think that’s why they hate me.

 

Me: He does have a point. And so do you.

 

Baby’s daddy: Then I told Ben that if I am going to be her stepdad, or even adopted father someday than they are just going to have to get over it. I’m not going anywhere.  Just tell them to go get fucked. They don’t have any say whatsoever in who you decide to be with now.

 

Me: That’s sweet and you should know that Ben did defend you to Zach’s parents. He said you were the sweetest guy in the universe and an excellent father. I said something similar. I also told them it was none of their fucking business and just because Ben used to be married to their son doesn’t mean they get to dictate who Ben moves on to.

 

Baby’s daddy: Of course you did.

 

Me: Because you are the best. So what happened next?

 

Baby’s daddy: I asked Ben if he was open to getting remarried and he said yes.

 

Me: He said something similar at a practice interrogation. Except he said that he would be willing to marry you someday.

 

Baby’s daddy: Good to know. And this is why I’m texting you at way too early in the morning.

 

Me: Because the idea of getting married terrifies you?

 

Baby’s daddy: Yes and no. It’s not the idea that I’m afraid of, but the fact that I’m sure I would be bad at it. I’m not going to be home for at least the next 4 ½ years. I’m not going to be there for the day-to-day stuff. The only thing that’s keeping me connected at all are letters and video files. Is that enough?

 

Me: Yes, and I think Ben would agree with me. But the real question you need to ask yourself is, do you love Ben?

 

Baby’s daddy: Yes

 

Me: Do you love his daughter?

 

Baby’s daddy: Yes

 

Me: Does he love your daughter?

 

Baby’s daddy: I am going with yes, but I feel like you know the answer to that question better than I do.

 

Me: Yes, I believe so. He treats her like his own kid. I definitely feel more comfortable with leaving because I know he’s going to be there too, to provide some additional support. So I think this means that Baby D is going to be calling him daddy 2.

 

Baby’s daddy: What about Kevin?

 

Me: He is uncle Kev  

 

Baby’s daddy: That is kind of adorable. Video?

 

Me: It will be in your inbox. However, I’m sure over the next few days you will see it for yourself.

 

Baby’s daddy: Probably.       

 

Me: I think it’s obvious to me that you two are serious about one another. All the hugging and kissing has been an obvious indication of that.

 

Baby’s daddy: I’m pretty sure we scandalized the diplomat from a homophobic planet.

 

Me: Which is good. Don’t overthink it right now. Just go with the flow and if you guys do make it down the aisle, good. I would totally marry him if he was at least a Kinsey five. But he just has to be a six.

 

Baby’s daddy: That’s another thing that came up.

 

Me: Between rounds, I’m sure.

 

Baby’s daddy: Hey, don’t be mad I actually got laid.

 

Me: I am not mad, mostly because I have a Pleasure Seeker 9000 now. I’m done with people for the moment.

 

Baby’s daddy: I don’t blame you after the last boyfriend.

 

Me: You can’t see me, but I am yawning. We’ll talk more in the morning. I assume you will be there to see me off.

 

Baby’s daddy: Of course, I will.

Xxxxxx

 

Jim was having a good morning. That usually happens when he has a day off. Because unlike Spock, he actually can do a day off. Also unlike the anniversary of Amanda’s death, they could both be off together. It’s easier to deal with anything with a warm Spock wrapped around him. That was kind of how he woke up this morning and then promptly went back to sleep after seeing his Vulcan off to do Captain things.

He was to have a real break per therapist’s orders. In his dreamlike state kind of hoping that Spock got out of his morning meeting earlier to give him another wake-up call. Unfortunately, it was his communicator chirping that woke him up. He was hoping it was a message from Spock, but instead it was Liz.

 

Liz: OK I’m sure there’s like a 50-50 chance you’re either sleeping or having sex with your husband, but I thought I would check to see if you guys wanted to explore the station with us after we say goodbye to my sister this morning.

 

Liz: I want to distract the babies from the first day without Sue. The first day is always the worst. Besides I figured you can use some time out after yesterday.

 

Me: I’m up now.

 

Me: The day after your niece’s birthday is on my list of least favorite days right after my own birthday. I really don’t like birthdays being associated with death days. 

 

Liz: I’ll try not to have any of your future nieces or nephews on any day when anybody important died.

 

Me: Thank you ever so much. I think I’m free. Unless Spock needs me to go with him on any of his afternoon meetings.

 

Liz: I hope he doesn’t need you. Because despite being scanned by both Ben and Dr. McCoy, your mom still thinks I’m pregnant right now and not recovering from some nasty stomach virus

 

Me: Oh God.

 

Liz: This is why I need your help. I’m still recovering and I don’t have the energy to distract her, especially now that I’m going to have to be mommy full-time.

 

Me: But she likes you. You are like another one of her kids.  

 

Liz: Oh, she absolutely loves me, but she’s pissed off at your brother for being an idiot and worrying about me being able to finish Starfleet on time. She’s also being super maternal. Again, I’m not healthy enough to deal with her right now.

 

Me: I will text my hubby to see if he doesn’t need me this afternoon. Margarita wants me to spend as much time on actual leave as possible for the next few days for my mental health. She doesn’t want to actually put me on medical leave, but she will.

 

Liz: Thank you for trying. I really need you.

 

Me: Wait, what about her best friend Ben?

 

Liz: Probably going back to his sex marathon with the boyfriend, as soon as we’re done with breakfast. They just licked syrup off of each other’s fingers. Although they do have the kids in the evening and all day tomorrow.

 

Liz: Winona is currently being distracted by feeding her adopted grandkids, but I’m not sure how long it will last.

 

Me: Okay, I will just tell Spock that I’m coming with you guys. I will use the Margarita excuse.

 

Liz: Thank you.

 

To be continued.


	55. Day 106: Crushed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all fabulous. It’s been a while, but it is time for more diary entries from our favorite preteen.
> 
> There the ‘me’ in the text message section is Spock.

 

Excerpts from the diary of Josephine Jamie Uhura-McCoy: Yorktown edition

 

June 7, 2269

 

Dear Diary:

 

Yorktown is beautiful. The bathroom in our temporary housing was only half together, but it’s still beautiful. Apparently they forgot to install the sink, but they fixed it. Also we ended up having to put my bed together, but it’s together now. At least the people who have the room after us won’t have that problem. I guess this is what happens when you’re going to a station that’s still under construction.

 

Also, after being on a starship since February, it was nice to just run around on grass and see trees. Granted the grass and trees have just been planted. Yorktown is like one giant greenhouse, but it’s nice. I got to spend yesterday and today at the park with the babies. They’ve gotten so big. Demora is walking and saying words. I am Jo Jo and I’m OK with that. OK, I had to keep both kids from going into the water more than once because of holographic docks.

 

Demora is sad because she knows that her mom is gone, but it’s only for a little while. I don’t think she gets the difference yet. At least, she will get to talk to her mom every once in a while. She has her Aunt Liz and Uncle Kevin in the meantime. At least Liz seems a little bit more together than my aunt.

 

I probably need to write her. She did send more art supplies. I used them to make Demora a family portrait for her birthday present. Maybe I can send a painting instead. That feels less confrontational. I also feel like I can express myself better in art than in words. Even writing these diary entries sometimes can be difficult.

 

Uncle Jim and Uncle Spock are also sad right now. They’re trying not to act like they’re sad, but I can just tell. I know something happened last year about this time because Uncle Jim was in a coma for a week and dad looked on the verge of tears that one time mom let me talk to him. But I don’t know exactly what happened. The adults rarely tell me anything and the biological mom had lots of nanny filters up on my PADD at the time. I couldn’t look up anything she didn’t want me to. I always had to be perfect.

 

In a couple weeks, it will be a year since I’ve buried my mom after she wrapped her car around a tree so I don’t know why they feel this need to keep the truth from me. I’ve already been through too much.

 

It’s like they don’t think I know that mom Nyota doesn’t want to spend time around baby D. I know it’s been a year since her miscarriage, but nobody wants to talk about these things with me. I don’t know what to do about that. I should probably talk to Dr. Margarita. I have a session with her once we leave Yorktown. Unlike Uncle Jim, apparently, I’m healthy enough to go a week without therapy on vacation. I feel like that’s progress.

 

In other news, I met my new teacher Gina. She’s actually OK with us calling her Gina. That’s different, but she is planning to be with us for the next 4+ years. Hopefully, if Jeremy doesn’t scare her off. Although she does have a black belt in Brazilian jujitsu so I think Jeremy has met his match. I think Spock would look the other way if she used it on him. She said she’s willing to do classes on ship like Mr. Sulu. This could be fun. Ashley 2 and 3 are looking forward to it.

 

Things are less contentious with all the Ashleys now. We’re not best friends, but occasionally we do talk to one another usually after fencing practice. Although, Ashley 3 has been hanging out with me on Yorktown. I think it’s because she’s not on speaking terms with her aunt. I totally understand that.

 

Apparently she doesn’t like her new boyfriend that she found out about while walking in on them having sex. She refuses to tell me who. I’m just glad my parents are more discrete than that. Otherwise, I would have a whole other reason to see Dr Margarita.

 

Oh well I have to go. Apparently, we are supposed to have a tour of the science facility and then lunch. They’re supposed to be doing research on a nearby nebula. That seems like it would be cool.

Xxxxx

James: Please rescue me from my mom. I sincerely regret not being able to consume alcohol right now.

 

Me: I would if I was not in a meeting with various diplomatic representatives from various Federation members and allied nations. You were the one who decided to spend lunch with your mother instead of accompanying me.

 

James: And now that mom is talking about me dying last year, I completely regret that decision. Her talking about me dying is now triggering Kevin who is just starting to get over it. Liz looks like she wants to hurt all of us.

 

James: Poor Jo Jo is just trying to bury her head in one of the digital comic books that her aunt sent. Poor child. I’m just glad the Sulu kids are elsewhere with their dads. They are too young for this.

 

Me: I feel like it’s impossible to get over that day. I will never forget watching your last few moments.

 

James: Did you know that Kevin watched the surveillance footage of that? Who the hell let him watch that?

 

Me: Considering you were the one who passed your computer skills onto Kevin, I find it highly probable that you are responsible indirectly for him finding the security footage. I know Starfleet asked him to assist with an investigation because he was one of the few that can circumvent your encryption.

 

James: Because I gave him the key. Yes, I regret teaching him how to break into systems and that is why I’m not starting the Starfleet Junior Hacker Society like you requested.

 

James: Shit! Pavel just walked in with the girlfriend and they’re holding hands. Ashley three looks ready to stab them with a fork and Jo Jo just choked on her roll.

 

Me: So they are now open about their relationship?

 

James: Well after Ashley caught the two fucking, there was no point in hiding things. Although I am furious at whoever put them in the room next to ours.

 

Me: Because we are a married couple, we were placed in family quarters as opposed to the normal housing reserved for captains.

 

James: That explains the queen size bed. Not that I wouldn’t enjoy snuggling with you in a full bed, but you kick.

 

Me: I do not kick.

 

James: Yes, you do sweetie. OK speaking of kicking, Jo Jo looks like someone just kicked her puppy.  Maybe I should say kicked her puppy love. It’s never fun when your crush is with somebody else. That explains the almost choking earlier.

 

Me: Even if the probability of you getting together with that individual is 123.2 million to 1.

 

James: It’s a safety crush. You develop an affinity for a person you can’t have because you’re terrified of emotional intimacy. Of course with my last safety crush, it turns out the guy was totally available, except emotionally because of his mom’s death. Instead of telling me that, he pretended to be in a relationship with his best friend that he kind of slept with a couple of times.

 

Me: I have apologized for that transgression on multiple occasions.

 

James: You can apologize with a blowjob later. I’m going to take the kids for ice cream. Ice cream and hot fudge are necessary at a time like this.

 

Me: Of course. Although, I feel like you’re doing this as an excuse to avoid your mom.

 

James: You know me so well, sweetie. Love you.

 

 

Xxxx

Dear Diary:

 

Now I know Ashley was right not to tell me. I wish I didn’t know, but now I do. I can’t believe Pavel is dating Ashley‘s aunt and Ashley walked in on them having sex. I want to throw up. This is creepy.

 

This also totally explains why Ashley is mad because I would so be upset too if my mom, the other one, started dating someone only a few years older than me, if she was still alive. Then again I feel like grandpa is going to get to this point. I think the new step grandma is currently only 10 years older than me. I’m sure it will be over before I go back to Earth. That is my happy thought. Along with the ice cream, that stuff was good. It almost makes up for the fact my crush is sleeping with Ashley’s guardian.

To be continued.


	56. Day 108: Think of It as a Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You were all wonderful. 
> 
> Today is another sad day for Spock. It’s the one-year anniversary of Jim’s temporary death.

From: Number_one_Pike

 

To: Jim’s_cuddlebear

 

Time arrived: 06/09/2260 00:00:01

 

Subject: I just thought I would check in

 

I know I’ve been writing your husband a lot, but I feel like I need to write you as well especially because of what’s coming up. I hope this email gets to you before the anniversary, but you never know with the Starfleet email servers. Although, even if you get this afterwards, I’m sure it will still help.

 

Losing the love of your life is one of the hardest things in the world, and last year you had to watch. I’m sorry about that.  The only good thing was he came back to you. I wasn’t as lucky. But I’m not bitter about that.

 

I don’t begrudge you that either because I love Jim too. Even though he is less than 15 years younger than me, I do see him as the child that I always wanted to have, but never have enough time to. (I could still eventually. Chris was practical that way.) But Jim will always be my first born. So, I don’t think I could’ve dealt with losing both in a week. It would’ve destroyed me.

 

Oddly enough, Jim being in the hospital for that week actually gave me something I could focus my energy on outside of my grief. Especially, when I found out that my husband’s death was part of some great conspiracy to start war with the Klingons and install an asshole. Now that I am bitter about and I don’t think that’s ever going to go away.

 

Although the security footage of you beating the shit out of the person who killed both our husbands does ease it sometimes. At least his blood brought your’s back.

 

Again I’m grateful, but the damage has been done. The pain is still there and it doesn’t always go away. And mixed in with all of that is the fear that maybe next time you won’t be anywhere near as lucky. I know that feeling way too well. Do you have any idea how many times I almost lost Chris before I actually did? I’m not even sure. I stopped counting after 10.

 

You and I are the logical ones to their brash recklessness. We are the balance. We keep things logical and reasonable. It’s who we are. We’re kindred spirits, you and I. Nobody understands that just because we’re logical doesn’t mean we’re not afraid. It doesn’t mean that we’re still not trying to process. But we are.

However, we don’t need to do this alone. If you need someone to talk to you, you know that I will be here. You’re not alone. In any of it.

 

Xxx

Dear Spock Bear:

OK, by the fact that you held on to me for dear life and made it almost impossible for me to get up to the bathroom tells me that this is going to be a distressing day for both of us. Remember, I am still here and I’m glad I’m still here. And I’m sorry again that I brought up the fact that the file exists of that moment.

 

There are days when I feel guilty about the fact that I’m still here while others like Sam and Chris are gone. I wonder why I’m still here, but they are not. What makes me so special? It’s a process that repeats itself a lot. Margarita said that I shouldn’t let the guilt overwhelm me. I should revel in the happiness that I’m still around to have a life with you. That I should treasure this time.

 

And yes, I’m going to treasure every kiss and every minute I have with you. I’m happy that we got to have our life together. I’m looking forward to the wedding anniversary. I’m even treasuring the fact that I’ve lived long enough to have ridiculously uncomfortable dinners with my brother and his girlfriend as well as their temporary child and my mom. I’m very glad I lived long enough to see Liz and Kevin get their shit together. Part of me didn’t even think that was ever going to happen. They were like worse than us.

 

I’m even happy that I got to see mom totally freak out on Kevin because she was convinced he got Liz pregnant. Good news, she doesn’t believe that anymore. It only took Ben scanning her two more times. OK and the fact that Liz is over the virus and no longer throwing up is helping. Although, I think half the crew has got it because maybe Bones is right about Starfleet being a disease encrusted petri dish. I’m even happy that I’ve gotten to see the formation of Bones’ new little family. If I had died last year, I wouldn’t have any of that and that would’ve been horrible.

 

I know sometimes I feel like this is all a dream. That I never did make it out of the warp core. I know that is your biggest fear. It’s mine too. I know we both keep making Sulu do everything related to that part of engineering because we have issues. There’s a reason why I will probably be going to spend most of the day with Margarita in a mandated therapy session. Why do I have a feeling you have one too? It’s probably for the best. OK now I’m going to surprise you in the shower because you deserve shower fun time and at least this bathroom, we don’t have to share with Sulu.

 

Love always, your cuddle bunny.

Xxx

I hope to enjoy the fact that we are not sharing a bathroom with someone else and engage in various sexual activities together. I am starting to enjoy the concept of a water bath when you are involved. I am grateful that we have the time to explore such activities together.

 

I am trying to focus on the fact that you are still with me. I am grateful and hopeful that we will have a lifetime together. You are precious to me.

 

Despite it being illogical, I still have nightmares about the last year just being a dream. Which is why I need to leave in 6.8 minutes for my own session with Dr. Margarita. In your own session with her, I suggest that you discuss with her your irrational feelings and guilt related to your own survival. I have no regrets regarding your survival. I will always be grateful that you’re here.

 

Xxxxx

From: Jim’s_cuddlebear

 

To: Number_one_Pike

 

Time sent: 06/09/2260 22:43:32

 

Subject: Re: I just thought I would check in

 

I do realize how fortunate I am that James is still with us. The loss of my mother is something that I am still dealing with more than two years later. Losing James on top of that would have been cataclysmic. He was the one who helped me through it and without him, I don’t know if I would have survived. At least not without resorting to purging myself of all emotion. I doubt either Dr. Suarez or Dr. Margarita Cruz would see that as a practical coping mechanism.

 

Thank you for reaching out, even though you are still dealing with the anniversary of your husband’s loss. Even though we are logical, we still have trouble processing our emotions. It is all a work in progress. I’m grateful to have someone else to reach out to if needed. I am not necessarily coping adequately, but I’m functional. I’m hoping that now that the actual anniversary has passed, I don’t dream of James dying.

 

Since you took this moment to write to me on the anniversary of James death and resurrection, I feel as if I should pass some words of comfort to you. I melded with Chris as he passed. His last moments were spent thinking of you. If he was the love of your life, you were the love of his. He regretted dying because he would not get to create a family with you, but he wanted to find love and happiness again. He also had visions of you carrying a small child. That was his final thought. I know it is of small comfort to know this, but he really loved you.

 

I saw his regrets. I feel like the best way to honor the fact that James came back to me is to make sure I have none of my own. I am uncertain how to go about that, but I will try.

 

If you need someone to talk to, I am available as well.

 

To be continued.


	57. Day 110: Goodbye is only temporary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all absolutely fabulous.
> 
> The first entry on this day is a handwritten note that Sulu puts in his boyfriend’s luggage. Margarita may or may not have tossed a therapy journal at him at some point.  
> The second entry is a letter to Baby Sulu, also handwritten. This one may have been attached to her new Teddy bear. That kid went back to San Francisco with a suitcase full of new toys. Even Baby K went back with a few things.
> 
> The final entry is another handwritten letter from Josephine to her aunt.

 

So, if my plan works, you will find this letter when hopefully you start packing for the trip back tonight. It’s taped right inside your suitcase. If that doesn’t work then you’ll find the things when you unpack and are back on Earth. I hope it’s the former, and not the latter.

 

It has been wonderful spending this week with you and the kids. And not just because of the vast amounts of sex once we got the kids down for the night, although it was quite enjoyable. I like being with you and being able to talk to you every night. The letters have been great. Sometimes they are the only thing that got me through some days.

 

But space is lonely and sometimes you just want to talk to an actual person at the end of the day. Yes, I have friends, some of which are more mature than others, but it’s not the same as you. You get me in a way a lot of other people don’t. Watching Jim and Spock is stressful especially because they can plan things out in their heads without talking and sometimes, I want to throttle them both. But at the same time you get what I’m thinking without saying a word as well. So maybe I shouldn’t be that upset about it.

 

Waking up to your smile has been wonderful as well as waking up to other things. Definitely my favorite type of good morning. I don’t think we did this as much as when we were living on the same planet. Maybe absence does make the heart grow fonder or maybe we are trying to make up for being away from each other for 3 ½ months.

 

At the next meet up, we will probably be worse. I have no idea when that will be. But hey, my daughter’s grandma oversees Starfleet so she’s probably going to plan for her to see her parents occasionally. Don’t tell anybody, but Admiral Chan is a softy. She’s like a totally different person with Desi.

 

Great, I’m not even quite back on ship yet and I’m already thinking about next time. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job. I love what we’re trying to accomplish. I love the fact that we keep the universe safe and have done that literally a few times. At the same time, I feel like I’m missing so much. I show up here and Desi is walking and talking. Granted it’s just a few words, but more than when I left.  By the time I see her again she probably will be talking in sentences and universe willing, be potty trained.  

      

Yes I love all the pictures video files that you guys sent me. There may be a picture of Desi taped to my console. Also, I’ve been known to show off pictures during most lunch breaks. They help me get through days when Jim and Spock are being morons. But it’s just not quite the same as actually being there every day. I know I’m missing all the trivial things. I have 4 ½ years to go. Note to self, never take a five-year mission again, but we’re going to get through it through letters and videos and everything else.

 

I do love you. I love every moment we have together. I love just talking to you and being able to see your smile and your happiness. You deserve all the happiness in the world. I hope things get better with your husband’s parents. That’s how I’m going to refer to them. Just because Zack is gone doesn’t mean that he’s not your husband. He’s always going to be there and I’m OK with that. I had an interesting conversation with Jim’s mom about how you don’t stop loving that person, your heart just gets bigger. Although she did say I am 1000 times better than her ex-husband. Considering they don’t even say his name and from what Ashley 2 told me about her Google searches, I’m going to say that’s not hard. I aim to be 1 million times better.

 

Anyway, this is becoming very rambling and I am starting to get writer’s cramp. This is like the most writing I’ve done since first grade writing class. I really hate saying goodbye to you and the kids, but it’s not goodbye just goodbye for now.

 

So, to close this rambling thing I’ll just say things will get better regarding the custody situation. However even if they don’t, I will always be there for you even if I am light-years away. Love you and give all the kids a kiss good night for me. I’ll see you again soon.

Xx

Hi baby:

It has been absolutely wonderful getting to spend your first birthday with you. I’m still sad that I wasn’t there for when you were born, but I understand that your mom was scared because the person who almost could’ve been your daddy was not a very good person. Everybody says that you won in the daddy lottery and I am inclined to agree with them even though I wish I could be home with you more. Daddy is never doing a five-year mission again. Grandma can find somebody else to keep Jim and Spock from doing dumb stuff.

 

At least not if you can’t come with me. That unfortunately is dependent on the Ashleys keeping up their personal growth and somebody figuring out how to get Jeremy out of the program. Never be a Jeremy. Jeremy is a bad person that doesn’t know how to deal with his own pain and anger. He keeps skipping his sessions with Dr. Margarita. That woman has the patience of a saint.

 

So it was great getting to spend time with you and baby K. I think we all agree that baby K is your big sister. It may be a little early to ask that, but are you ok with that maybe being permanent. We are considering it, but you and K are important in making that type of decision. Plus, I’ve only been dating Ben for a little more than 10 months and 3 ½ of those have involved dating by correspondence. Although some of the older ones on ship have told me that’s when they really fell in love with their spouse.    

  

So my parting words of wisdom are be good for your aunt and uncle. I think nana Winona would be really upset if you totally turned them off of kids. She really wants grandbabies in 5 to 10 years and Uncle Jim and Uncle Spock are probably going to procrastinate. Send me lots of videos of you being cute. Also remember that even though mommy and daddy are really far away we love you to pieces. There is not a moment in the day where we don’t think about you. Love you baby and I can’t wait until I get to see you again.    

xxxx

Dear Auntie:

 

Thank you for the art supplies and all of the snacks. The chocolate covered Oreos are my favorite. It has made me somewhat popular with the Ashleys. Although I think it might be because Ashley 3 really needed a good chocolate covered Oreo. Her aunt/guardian is dating somebody who is just four years older than her and well, none of us are taking it well. I give it a week because Ashley is actively trying to break it up and I support her. Pavel is closer to us in age.

 

I know grandpa does it all the time, but it’s a little creepy how big the age gap is now. So how close in age is the new step grandma to me? How many years do you think it will be before she’s younger than me? I’m sure it will happen eventually, if he lives that long.

 

I asked Liz and Kevin to send you this package filled with a few paintings and other artwork that I’ve done. I thought you would like some of the family. I also did a couple drawings of Yorktown. It’s really pretty even if Dad refers to it as a snow globe stuck in space. Predictably, he hates it here. I like it even though the place is still half under construction.

 

I’m trying not to be angry at you. Margarita says it’s a work in progress. I’m still upset, but I have been talking to Uncle Jim a lot about how he eventually forgave his mom for missing the signs with his stepdad. He was also an abusive alcoholic, but worse. Like killed in prison because even prisoners hate pedophiles worse. Uncle Jim didn’t tell me that part, but Ashley 2 found out while doing a net search and told me. She says it’s one of the reasons why she trusts uncle Jim after what happened with her mom’s boyfriend. So I am well aware that it could’ve been a lot worse with mom. At least no one she dated did anything bad to me.

 

Jim said that sometimes the signs we think are obvious are not to those on the outside. It’s not that they weren’t looking, but they’re only obvious to them in hindsight. Sometimes, even if they do see the truth, adults can’t fix everything even if they want to. Margarita says wanting to is half the battle. So I’m trying to keep that in mind.

 

I also heard that you have a new doctor that you’re working with. I think that’s good. Working with Margarita has really helped. I’m still sad about what happened, but I’m working through it. It’s going to be one year next month.

 

Also I think it helps that I am not in Georgia any more. I really like it here. I thought I would miss my friends in Georgia, but the fact that none of them have written to me makes me not miss them that much. I have new friends, so it’s starting to get better. I’ll try to write again when I have a chance.

 

PS: Definitely leave Atlanta.    

To be continued


	58. Day 114: Why did I want to go back to work?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all absolutely fabulous. They’re going to be longer gaps between chapters to make up for the back to back chapters while everybody was in Yorktown. See nothing bad happened while they were there this time, except to Ashley 3. Nobody wants to find their crush sleeping with their mother figure.

From: Mommy_Susan

To: SuluHG2260

Time arrived: 6/15/2260 00:00:01

Subject: Back on the Hamilton and hating it

 

I am safely back on ship and slowly going out of my mind. I’m so ridiculously busy, my inbox is overflowing. I feel like my replacement did nothing while I was not here. Also I am dealing with processing 15 different cases of sexual harassment that were conveniently ignored while I was gone. I’m personally surprised none actually involved my temporary replacement. I’m already done with this assignment and its only been a couple of days. He keeps asking me to go out for coffee, after he insulted me and said that I took his job. Yes, I only had the job for a couple of months before maternity leave, but I was the first officer on ship first. I totally should’ve went to a different ship.

 

So how were your last few days on Yorktown? Did you manage to actually get engaged? Did the kids do cute things while I wasn’t there? I need happy moments to get me through the next nine months.

 

I thought academy life is tough. I think I prefer freshman right now, including the sister of my ex-boyfriend. I didn’t think such a thing as possible. But then again, the people talking smack about me weren’t those that I thought were friends when I was back at the Academy. Nobody really likes the head guy’s daughter. So I knew what I was getting into. Carol can attest to that as well.

 

It doesn’t matter. I am not here to make friends. Our first mission is a weapons nonproliferation Treaty with some planet near the Klingon neutral zone. I think I’m on the negotiating team because I actually do my job. I can just feel the headache coming on. Please tell me life on Enterprise is better?

Xxxx

From: SuluHG2260

To: Mommy_Susan

Time arrived: 6/15/2260 06:06:01

Subject: Back on the Enterprise and dealing with it

 

I am sorry you have to deal with that. Yes, Jim and Spock tend to get in trouble and do things like break the Prime Directive, but they really do know how to do their jobs. Together anyway. Apart I’m not so sure.

Look on the bright side, only a nine month tour. Just remember that when you actually consider calling your mom and asking for a different assignment. Also remember you don’t have to deal with watching your captain and his husband make out everywhere. They’re trying to be discrete by doing it Vulcan style, but still not that discrete. At least, Spock has totally put his foot down on shower sex and inviting other people to participate.

 

Okay, it must be awful for you to say that, considering you were dealing with freshmen and child induced sleep deprivation. I have a feeling that things will get better once you’re there for a couple of weeks. Everybody was talking about me the first few weeks on Enterprise, but it died down eventually or at the very least, they learned not to say stuff when I’m in listening distance. Also, I’m sure things will be better once you work through the backlog. Fingers crossed that you won’t be the one having to fill out a sexual harassment complaint regarding your former replacement because he keeps his hands to himself. Really, I’m just glad that all the inappropriate Starfleet behavior regarding Jim and Spock have been with each other. Even when they kind of hated each other. I’m sure the rumor mill told you about the bridge incident. Also, the Jim tomcat Kirk was the most convincing façade ever.

 

No rings yet, but I think it’s something we’re seriously thinking about. With two kids you can’t rush into these sorts of things. My sister told me horror stories about how my nieces reacted when she first started dating their dad and they were little bitty things just like Desi and K. She got bit twice and peed on. Maybe that’s why she was hesitant to take custody of another kid in addition to the in vitro. We love those babies to pieces, but it was an adjustment and I want to make sure that we do this right. If we are on a diplomatic mission on a planet where they won’t kill us on site and I end up going by a jeweler, I may look. Let’s just say for the moment, it’s a possibility.

 

We did have a good couple of days after you left. I have attached a video and pictures to help you get through the bad days. I may have watched the one of the babies looking at the nebula in absolute wonderment six times. They’re just so cute when they’re happy. They make everyone else happy. It’s infectious. I even had an early Father’s Day brunch since I would be back at work before the day showed up. I got something ceramic with baby D‘s handprints and a world’s best daddy T-shirt.

 

In other news, my teenage friend got a clue and broke up with the girlfriend. Thank the universe. I had a feeling that Ashley 3 was going to use her fencing skills on him if something didn’t happen. He said he did it because he realized that Ashley was uncomfortable, and he didn’t want to strain her relationship with her aunt. Being a kid of divorce, he understands things maybe a little too well.

 

Anyway, keep me abreast of the best gossip on the Hamilton that doesn’t revolve around you. I would do the same, but the best gossip on Enterprise is usually about Jim and Spock and it’s 99% wrong. They keep placing bets on when they’re going to get a divorce. I laugh every time because obviously the people making those bets don’t have to watch them make out all the time. Bright side, I’m going to win at least 5000 credits when they make it to their one year anniversary in a few days. Fingers crossed, nothing really bad happens on our next mission. We have a first contact, and you know how problematic those can be. Although usually less problematic than negotiating weapons nonproliferation agreements. Good luck.

 

Xxx

From: SuluHG2260

 

To: Benjamin_2254

 

Subject: Now resume a normal work schedule and I miss you

 

Time sent: 6/15/2260 06:06:01

 

Hey baby. I’m back to work. Two days back and we’re already on our way to the next mission. First contact. I am trying to decide how this will go. I have this feeling that I’m going to have to fly us out of there really fast. I’m kind of glad I’m not part of the main away team. It is a time to ease back into work.

 

 Anyway let me know when you get safely back to Earth. So fingers crossed that things work themselves out with Zack‘s parents.

Love you always.

Xxx          

From: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

To: Kevin KR; Elizabeth_Chen; W_Kirk_wellness_Hills

Time arrived: 6/15/2260 00:00:01

Subject: Thank You for the cookies

 

Hey mom, Kevin, and Liz:

I thought I would write all three of you at the same time since this is just a back on ship and all is well type of email. Also, I have like 600 emails that I need to read through because Margarita did sign to make sure I wouldn’t get work emails while I was on base.

 

Regardless, it was really great getting to spend time with all of you. Also I am thankful to my husband for doing a lot of the work stuff so I had more time. Not so thankful for the email thing, but I’m sure that’s because Margarita put me on sick leave for the week. My therapist doesn’t think I’m crazy, but would like to keep it that way. Apparently I need self-care and because I’m not that good at recognizing that Margarita and Spock have to arrange it for me. This does not surprise me.

 

Anyway, I hope you’re having a great flight back to San Francisco. Fingers crossed the ship is not crawling with viruses. I know nobody wants the stomach flu again. 

 

To be continued.


	59. Day 119: Waiting for my husband is hard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all fabulous.

From: Number_one_Pike

 

To: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

 

Time arrived: 06/20/2260 00:00:01

 

Subject: I survived my first Remembrance Day

 

Hi Jim.

Thank you for the cookie bouquet. It was delicious. It arrived a little late, but still appreciated. The perfect post spa day snack.

 

You’re right, the first remembrance ceremony is always the worst. Although, I think it helped that I managed to convince them to make it a joint memorial for those that were lost when the Vengeance crashed into San Francisco. Half the city is still under reconstruction and rent is getting almost as bad as it was back in the early 21st century. I think next year we’re going to do the ceremonies on that day. Of course, that would mean we’re doing it on the day you died, but your subsequent resurrection makes it an easier day to deal with.

 

Yes, I managed to avoid the copious amounts of alcohol at all San Francisco based remembrance events. I’m well aware of the pitfalls. I’ve seen pictures of Barnett changing your diaper and had to clean up after your mom on more than one occasion.

 

I’ve been thinking a lot about my next assignment and I’m considering taking the chief administrator position at Starfleet Academy in London. There’s something I want to do in my life that makes taking a planet side assignment more advantageous. I can’t spend all my time trying to chase down the people responsible for Chris dying. Maybe I must help with the rebuilding as well, which means working with the next generation. Barnett has things well in hand in San Francisco, but the London campus needs all the help it can get.

 

Also, while I was covered in cucumber slices, I did convince Chen to start a Starfleet widow’s club support group/employee affinity group. We’re going to start small with just HQ and one ship. Since you volunteered, you can start the group on Enterprise. I get to oversee the one at HQ for the moment at least. You know, unless I decide to go to London. Then I get to start one there too. London is starting to look better all the time.

 

Finally, thank you for sending party pictures. I really enjoyed Demora falling headfirst into her cake. Also, the look on Liz’s face when she realized that she got the bachelor party piñata was priceless. Although, I am going to talk to Starfleet legal about getting rid of that unlicensed product. It’s bad enough that there’s a Jim Kirk vibrator on the market.

 

I’m glad to hear that you got to take a few days off and that you’re working through everything. I am proud that you’re making progress even though I know it’s hard. I knew Margarita would be good for you. The good news is you have already gotten through some of the worst days of the year, so you’re home free until your birthday.

 

Also, your anniversary is coming up. Happy early anniversary. I assume that you’re going with the human wedding day.  I attached a gift card for the Red-Light District. It is one of the few places that will deliver to ships and well I’m sure you can find something to enjoy. Just don’t ever tell me what you do with the present.

 

PS: Nyota’s mom is in my office and would love to know if her grand-baby received the necklace making kit she sent up with Liz. Since Christine received a greetings from Yorktown digital postcard, she is concerned.

 

PSS: Please don’t ask why she knows that.

 Xxxx

From: Spock’s_cuddlebunny

 

To: Number_one_Pike

 

Time arrived: 06/20/2260 07:01:01

 

Subject: Re: I survived my first Remembrance Day

 

I just assumed that Christine came to visit you. I would ask how your family reunion went, but I just survived my own, thankfully with sanity intact.  You have my sympathies. Yes, I mentioned it to Nyota. She will write back when she has a chance because her family relationships are equally complicated.

 

It was good to have a break, but now it’s back to work. Of course, this mission has me waiting on board as Spock gives the universe is bigger than you think speech to a planet that just got warp capacity. Fingers crossed nobody gets shot. I hate waiting so much.

 

I wish the anniversaries of bad days were done for the year, but we still have the anniversary of Jo Jo’s mom wrapping her car around a tree as well as miscarriage day. I already have operation distraction up in place for both.

 

The Ashleys have even volunteered to help. They are good people. A little shallow, but if I was a teenage girl and went through some of the things they went through, I think I would find something as frivolous as makeup and fashion to focus on. I did. Remember my 20th century music obsession. The 21st-century as well. Post traumatic has started being played a lot. It’s the soundtrack to my life again, but hey, I think I’m towards the back of the album now.

 

You’re probably asking yourself why is that a difficult day for me? One, Jo Jo is my favorite niece. Don’t tell babies D and K. I love them, but they’re just in the cute early stage. Jo Jo can do cool stuff. When Jo Jo is hurt, I hurt.

 

Second, what happened to her mom was always my biggest fear growing up. Winona has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. Remember Barnett changing my diaper. She was a functional alcoholic, but an alcoholic nonetheless. Tarsus just made a bad problem worse. Right now, Winona is sober. Really sober and I am just happy about that, but in my mind, I still worry. I’m wondering how long it’s gonna last. It’s going to fall apart eventually, I just know it. Am I going to eventually get an emergency call from Earth telling me that Winona managed to wrap her own car around a tree? You know that she had a DUI a couple of years ago.

 

I vote for you going to Starfleet London. As much as I like the idea of you being close to Kevin and Mom, I feel like you need something a little different. So, I think you would be great at taking over the Academy. You can do a lot of good there. I know you spent this last year chasing down those responsible for what happened, but it’s time to take a step back and do other things, especially things that will make you happy.

 

I scheduled a meeting today to talk to Margarita about starting our chapter of the Starfleet Widow’s club. I also think we need to start a chapter of my parents died support group mostly for the minors.

 

The children are doing well. We had a little hiccup with Ashley 3, but it’s worked itself out. Of course, this means Pav is single again. I hope he waits at least a month before he’s getting randomly kicked out of various people‘s rooms because he said the wrong thing the morning after. I feel like I’m going to have to have that talk with him. I am not his parent, but sometimes it feels like I am. Spock and I have like 1000 kids.  

 

At least working with Margarita today would give me something to do other than hurry up and wait. I am stuck on ship as Spock and the away team do a first contact. It’s been four hours and all check ins have been made and nobody’s been shot at yet. Also, nobody has accidentally eaten something that causes anaphylaxis. If things go well today, we’ll probably be here for a week for the initial information exchange, but these first contacts usually don’t go well. Which is understandable. You just achieved warp and then you found out that you’re not alone. Some people like to shoot first and ask questions later. I’m hoping that the inhabitants of @&&) $ do better. I hate Spock getting shot at.       

 

PS: Thank you for the gift.

Now I know what to spend your gift card on because I need to know whether to sue or send a thank you card to whoever slapped my name on that product. I’m sure Spock will be mortified when I tell him.

Xxxxxx

From: NyotaUM

 

To: MomOU

 

Time arrived: 6/20/2260 21:07:31

 

Subject: Thank you for the gifts.

 

We got your presents. Josephine enjoyed the dolls as well as the jewelry making kit. She’s more into painting and drawing, but she’s always willing to try anything once and there’s only so many books you can read. Also, no preteen says no to more junk food. It’s a precious commodity on ship although Leonard is watching our intake. It’s easy to gain weight on ship because a lot of the stuff is very sedentary. You know that. 

 

We are doing OK. The break on Yorktown was good although I didn’t have that much of a break. I had to do a lot of work with the long-range communications team setting up everything in the sensor lab. I am really interested in learning more about the nebula research project. It seems like something I wouldn’t mind doing later on. Yorktown is going to have a lot of communications officers stationed there. If the minors’ program doesn’t work out, Yorktown could be an option. Kids are allowed there.

 

Josephine likes her new teacher even though classes just started back today. She has had more control over the kids then the last professor, even Jeremy who is a nightmare. That kid has been horrible to Jo Jo. I know he’s been bullying her, but she won’t acknowledge it. Thankfully, Ashley 2 likes me now and tells me everything.

 

We’re all praying that his mother gets transferred somewhere else like Delta Vega. Scotty says even he can’t get in trouble on the ice planet of the damned. We’re all worried about that kid completely torpedoing the whole program the longer he stays. Please convince your fellow admirals not to penalize everyone else for one idiot. I know Sulu would like to have his daughter near him at some point along with a lot of other parents on ship.

 

So, I’m sure you realize that we’re getting closer to its being one year since I lost the baby. I’m sure you did because I saw those data chips for various grief books. I have read a few of those already. Margarita is thorough at her job. I have a session on the 23rd as well as a personal day, but I’m trying not to think about it. I’m focusing on planning their one-year anniversary party with Sulu. We’re planning to throw it in the face of certain idiots on ship that they’ve made it a year. Hey if Jim can throw a crazy birthday party for a one-year-old so he doesn’t have to think about Chris’s death, then I can throw the best anniversary party ever. Besides, I may have won a little something from engineering. Liz brought me supplies. I’m also donating the champagne you sent us to the party.

 

We’re not drinking as much because its such a trigger for Josephine. We’re also getting closer to the one-year anniversary of her mom wrapping her car around a tree. That’s a mess. I’m not sure how that’s going to go. Marc fed me a lot of cookies and ice cream on the one-year anniversary of grandma dying. That’s how we really became best friends.

 

Thankfully, Liz brought us a bunch of the good chocolate chip cookies so at least we have that. I really like her. She is a good mentor for Josephine.

 

Anyway, I have to go, but I’ll try to write again soon.


	60. Day 122: Making Peace with What We Can’t Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. So today is the one-year anniversary of Nyota’s miscarriage in this universe. We have a lot of anniversaries related to bad events in the lives of our characters in the story. Such is life.
> 
> Warning: grab tissues

From: Number_one_Pike

To: Jim’s_cuddlebear

Time arrived: 06/23/2260 00:00:01

Subject: Re: I just thought I would check in

Thank you, Spock, for letting me know about my husband’s final thoughts. I don’t know if Jim shared it with you, but I was in the elevator coming up to join you guys when the attacks happened. I wanted to run in there and say my goodbyes to Chris, but Rodriguez wouldn’t let me go in there. She just knew that I couldn’t see him like that. Seeing him later that night completely cleaned up in Starfleet medical was bad enough. Seeing him so lifeless hurt my heart. Chris was always the most vibrant person in the room.

But knowing that Chris’s final thoughts were of me and he creating a family gives me peace. It also gives me the strength to move forward and move closer to making his final dreams a reality. I spent this last year working on fixing Starfleet to make sure that what happened to Chris doesn’t happen to anybody else. I think I stayed busy, so I don’t have to think about the loss, but eventually you do have to deal with it. 

So this year my goal is to really process things and start moving forward. I know what I want to do. Christine thinks I’m crazy, but even though we look the same age I have to remind her that I am the adult and get to make my own choices. Of course maybe she thinks I’m crazy to do what I’m planning to do because of my age, but I’m not that old. Or maybe she thinks I’m crazy because I’m planning to do it on my own. Okay, I’m wondering that too, but I feel like I need to do this. 

I’ve been thinking about it for a while, but you kind of gave me that last push I needed. So thank you for that. This also means I’m definitely taking the job in London. I was hoping to wait until I heard back from Jim about that, but I must make the decision faster than the Starfleet email system.

So how is everything going with you guys? Also, happy anniversary. I already sent Jim your anniversary present. Please keep him from telling me what you guys do with it. I definitely prefer not to know.  
Xxxx  
From: Jim’s_cuddlebear 

To: Number_one_Pike

Time arrived: 06/23/2260 06:15:01

Subject: Re: I just thought I would check in

I am glad I could provide you with some comfort as well as help you decide on a new course of action. Also I think London may be a good place for you and James agreed with me. Of course, you will probably already be aware of that since mother’s will most likely arrive before mine. Despite still being on Earth, it would be a change of scenery that may help with moving forward. 

I feel my dad has taken a similar path at first after Amanda‘s death. Considering the catastrophic destruction of old Vulcan, it made sense for him to focus on the needs of rebuilding. But now that things have become more settled, he has decided to become a foster parent again. We spoke while I was at Yorktown and he expects to have a child in his care within the next month. He considered having more genetic children, but at this time felt it was more advantageous to nurture the surviving children before creating more simply for the sake of the species. Not everybody agrees with him, but my father is used to that.

However, I don’t say this to discourage you from your decision. If you wish to have a child via the sperm saved from your deceased husband that is your decision to make and only your decision. However, James and I will support you in any way feasible. 

Thank you for the anniversary present. As requested, I will not tell you what James decided to purchase with the gift card. I am currently engaging in a first contact, that is thankfully going very well. However, we are both concerned with the red light district carrying products with our name and likeness attached. The existence of a sexual aid in the likeness of Vulcan genitalia bearing my name is offensive and I would like for it to cease. If Starfleet is not engaging in litigation against the company, I will secure my own legal counsel.

xxxx  
Dear baby:  
I thought I would be done with these therapy letters and journals after Dr. Margarita took over, but no. Apparently, she also finds this technique very useful and encourages everyone to keep writing in their journals.

Your big sister is on her third journal. I have no idea what she writes and I am completely banned from reading them. Jim said he would transfer me to another ship if I violate anybody’s privacy again and I think he means it. Although, I’m 99% sure she has a crush on Checkov without reading her innermost thoughts. She stares at him a little too much and was very unhappy when she found out he had a girlfriend. I would totally find this weird if it wasn’t for the fact that her grandfather just married someone younger than me. Okay and her dad is more than a decade older than me. I feel like a long conversation about age appropriateness and grooming will need to be had at some point in the future.

So today it’s been exactly one year since I found out that you existed only to find out you were already gone. I’m still sad about that. My heart still hurts. I’m not blaming myself anymore for what happened. I am blaming a certain ex Starfleet nurse who is still in prison for drugging me with fertility medication. But I’m dealing with it. 

Some days I imagine what it would have been like for you to be with me right now. We would totally be kicking it at Yorktown presently because even though Enterprise allows preteens and teenagers, babies would be a little too much. I recently spent a week with Sulu’s daughter and future stepdaughter at the space station. They are the cutest and they had so much fun together on the station. It seems like a good place to raise a baby and still be part of Starfleet. 

I had a dream last night about you playing with the two of them. Part of me wished that was real, but it just wasn’t meant to be and I accept that, but that doesn’t mean part of me isn’t hurt because it is.

However just because you’re not here doesn’t mean I’m not a mother because I am. I have Josephine and she is perfect. Again, I’m pretty sure she has a crush on a 19-year-old, but I can deal with that, especially because said 19-year-old knows that I would totally cut off his privates if he did anything inappropriate. However, I definitely prefer the 19-year-old over Jeremy again because the 19-year-old knows better. I seriously want his mom transferred to Delta Vega. 

I even had a Mother’s Day brunch this year. The pancakes were slightly burnt, but it was good. I also got presents.

I don’t care that much about biology. While on Yorktown, I observed Sulu treat his boyfriend’s daughter just like his own daughter. Kevin is equally doted on by Jim and Winona. Actually, Jim says it’s worse now that Winona is sober. I personally think it was because they were coming up on Jim’s death day, but I’m keeping those thoughts to myself.

That doesn’t mean I don’t miss you and I wish you were here. Because I do, but I’m just making peace with how things are. You can’t change the past. Not without red matter anyway and things just go badly in the interim. Last time that stuff was brought out, Vulcan was destroyed. Let’s not repeat that.

Anyway, hugs and kisses, love, mommy

To be continued

**Author's Note:**

> Please review. I really want to know what you’re thinking.


End file.
